Joke Collection Website - News headlines - The atmosphere looks beautiful from a distance, and the teeth are grinning when you look up close.

The atmosphere looks beautiful from a distance, and the teeth are grinning when you look up close.

1. Computers can indeed save time and improve work efficiency. For example, when playing card games, you don’t need to shuffle the cards at all.

2. Some people don’t even know their neighbors, but they are extremely concerned about whether there are aliens in the world.

3. Don’t wash it. If it weren’t for the mud, this old car would have fallen apart.

4. With you in my life, my days are full of infinite vitality; with you along the way, I am not afraid of lightning strikes; just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; without you, so good Who should be fed pig food?

5. I will build your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will make concessions to your willfulness; I am the one who loves and protects you. Let me be a professional pig farmer.

6. Get up, people who don’t want to sit down.

7. I will only fly first class unless they kick me out.

8. I missed countless friends last night, but after thinking about it, you were the coolest. I searched for you thousands of times in my dreams, and looked back indifferently. You were tied deep in someone’s donkey shed, cruel and cruel.

9. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life is exchanged for one passing by in this life. I used 10,000 looking back in the past life to exchange for meeting you in this life, just to ask you: Why and my family dog snatching bones.

10. To understand a person, you need to observe it from many angles. Just like you, he looks like a psycho from below, he looks like a 250 from the side, he looks like an idiot from 30 degrees, and he looks like an idiot from 60 degrees. The horns look like a pig's head. Look, I know a lot about you.

11. The most romantic thing I can think of is that you pretended to be a couple and went to rob. When we successfully robbed and absconded with the money, you were unfortunately arrested. You would rather die than be arrested and go to jail. , leaving me lonely and sad, spending the rest of my life like water.

12. I wish you a smooth journey, even if you get lost along the way; I wish you always smile, and you deserve to laugh to death; I wish you happiness every day, even if your legs are cramped; I wish you all the best, even if you encounter obstacles everywhere.

13. Tips for self-testing vital capacity: After farting, lower your head and inhale sharply, and then observe whether the people around you smell any peculiar smell. If so, you need to strengthen your training according to this method; if not, it proves that you are a superman!

14. Notice: Tomorrow morning, leaders will inspect the work. Colleagues, please dress uniformly as required. Men: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; women: swimsuit, trousers and leather shoes!

15. Maitreya Buddha said: "Smile when you open your mouth, laugh at the past and laugh at the present, smile at everything; a big belly can tolerate it, and it can accommodate the heaven and the earth, but what can it not tolerate for yourself." A big belly can accommodate, and it can accommodate the world. It's an intolerable thing, why don't we make our belly bigger?

16. That day, you stood on the balcony and enjoyed the mist of drizzle. Thinking of the bumpy life, your face got wet. A sour, bitter and salty taste. Is it rain or tears? You looked up at the sky and wow, whose mop is it? .

17. You have worked quietly in the film industry for many years, and only you know the bitterness of it best. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have been nominated for this year's Golden Bird Award: Best Animal Star

18. On this full moon night, Chang'e said to me: She is ready to go down. Looking for you, doing beauty treatments for you, and restoring you to your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop reading the text message, I’m asking you a question!

19. Wukong, you clean the glass; Sha Monk, you mop the floor; Bajie, the master understands your situation very well. After repeated consideration, he decided to give you a chance to perform - after you finish reading After this text message, I quickly went to clean the girls' toilet.

20. From a distance, the atmosphere looks beautiful, but from a close look, she grins.

21. Whenever I encounter difficulties, I will take out my wallet and look at my wife’s photo, and then Say to yourself: What is there to be afraid of? Don't be discouraged. Is there anything more difficult to deal with than her?

22. There is no rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast!

23. On a whim, I explained to my son what exchange rate is, but now he only accepts gold as lucky money.

24. Please breathe bravely and let us use our lungs to purify this polluted air.

25. Comrade police, if I am driving at a speed limit, what about you?

26. When making paper documents, each document must not exceed ten pages; if it cannot be compressed within ten pages, each document can be bound into one volume, two volumes, or three volumes... and so on. Please strictly comply with the implementation. If there is a document that the general manager cannot tear up next time, the department manager will be severely held accountable... It looks beautiful from a distance, but when you look up close, you want to call the police - Funny Talk

Turn around Later, Jing hugged Jing again. After letting go, they no longer had the tenderness of each other

How should I forget everything in the past and let them never come back.

Only when you hold your hand, you will know that your son is ugly, and your face will be filled with tears. If you don’t leave, I will leave.

Don’t cry in front of my grave, it will dirty the road of my reincarnation.

I cried and didn’t separate, but now I use a smile to let go

Don’t look back, I only love your back.

There may be several women in the world who don’t eat, but there is not even one woman who is not jealous.

The tongue lasts longer than the teeth, and the software lasts longer than the hardware.

Life is like a millstone that never stops turning, crushing hope bit by bit.

I allow you to enter my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in it.

There are only two things I don’t know in my life, that is, I can’t do this and I can’t do that!

I know that more than half of my efforts are useless, but I don't know which half.

If you want to make chopsticks in your next life, you won’t be lonely.

It’s strange, you breathed in so much courage, but all you spit out are sighs.

Freedom is not to rely on others for charity, but to be pursued by oneself.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

On a whim that day, I used your photo as my computer desktop. Holy shit, I actually got a computer virus!

Male R3n, if you love your female R3n, you should believe her

You are so good at pretending, how can I bear to expose you and how can I not bear to love you

You name it, if you don’t have a diploma, you’ll learn to be ugly, if you’re not smart, you’ll learn to be bald!

If you were a flower, even cows wouldn’t dare to shirk you.

If you can't tolerate me, it means either your mind is too narrow, or my personality is too great.

How I wish I could grow old together with you by accident.

It looks beautiful from a distance, but up close it makes you want to call the police.

I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

A woman's wardrobe is like a harem, with countless beauties but only a few to love.

Women tend to miss men day and night; men tend to miss women day and night.

Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are all different.

Human life is like shit. Sometimes you have worked very hard but all that comes out is just a fart.

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card

If I live in your world for one more day, I will not even be able to see my own shadow

I am deeply I have loved you so much that I have never regretted that you have left me far away

After I turned around, my tears kept flowing. Although my heart was very painful, I could only say that after separation, I would go far away. It was a humorous mood. Let’s talk: From a distance, it’s a beautiful sight, but up close, I want to call the police

You have a face that says “please scold me.”

Love is as pitiful as the money in a bank card, but loneliness and desire are like loans that keep flowing automatically.

How long a mouse can live depends on the cat's mood. QQ space mood talk recommendation.

You look very creative and live a very courageous life. Being ugly is not your intention, it is God getting angry.

My mother said that a prodigal son can never exchange gold for his return. Who will give me gold? I change.

A momentary impulse, a crisis for future generations!

I passed you by but you didn’t know it was me because I turned my head away.

You don’t even know Yao Ming, how can I play football with you? You are so funny.

The effects of force are mutual, except for the power of love.

We are all farsighted, blurring the happiness closest to us.

What should you do if you encounter a snake in the wild? Don't panic, hold up an umbrella with a warm smile and pretend to be Xu Xian

There must be a road in front of the mountain, and I can't stop even if there is a road.

Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you have to pretend to be soy sauce and don’t let others look down on you.

Everything is increasing in price, which means people are getting cheaper.

The night is long and there are many dreams. If you take off my clothes, I will take them off.

There are many tortoises in the shallow water, but there are big brothers everywhere.

If you don’t care about life and death, just do it if you don’t accept it.

The pigs are laughing, why are you still a bitter melon face

Face is an external thing, you can do it or not, money is a necessary thing, you have to have it.

There are more and more monsters in the world, and there are fewer and fewer Tang Monk.

Life is like showing a movie, maybe it will fail to buffer

It was that compulsory education that took over my youth.

A buddy’s online name is “Because my balls hurt, so” and when he went offline, the system prompted me: Your friend has gone offline because his balls hurt.

Not every man likes children, but they all like the process of making children.

I’m a skinny guy and I can count my ribs when I’m sad!

Thunder is a fashion, soil is a belief.

I never speak in human terms, I always speak in mythical terms.

Yes. You are so famous. You have made more than 100 movies, but now you are prohibited from broadcasting due to the anti-pornography campaign.

Dad said that handsome men lie, and mom said that unhandsome men also lie. Your dad is a good example.

Look at your ranking to know how many people are in your class.

People in the upper class always like to do some obscene things.

It looks beautiful from a distance, but up close it makes you want to call the police.

Now that I’m on a pirate ship, I want to be a successful pirate.

The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.

Behind every failed woman, there is always a troublesome man.

If Li Bai were alive today, it is estimated that more than half of his poems would not have been written at all, because he could not afford tickets to famous mountains and rivers.

Of the five words "I am very able to endure hardship", if I have achieved the first four, does it mean that I have reached 80% of the ability to endure hardship?

How many children have been harmed by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

I am a green onion. If anyone dips me in soybean paste while standing on the road, I will call him an ancestor.

There are no women who cannot marry a man, only men who cannot marry a woman.

Is it itchy? That's right. When the wound grows flesh, nerve endings also grow.

With your serious look, you seem to really understand people!

I feel so unfortunate to know you in such a big world.

Whenever it is midnight, it is a very tangled problem to call someone to get up and go to the toilet.

I will be there in 5 minutes. If not, please read the excerpt of the beautiful sentences in this text message again.

The white snow is like clothes, covering your beautiful face; my thoughts are like the sea. , blocking my way home.

Lady Capulet: What do you say? Do you like this gentleman? You can see him tonight in the middle of the banquet in our house. From the face of young Paris, you can read charming verses written with a beautiful pen; neat lines intertwined into a harmonious picture; if you want to explore this beautiful book The subtle interpretation of the mystery can be found in the corners of his eyes. This precious classic of love only lacks a cover that can complement it; just as a swimming fish needs living water, wonderful content also needs a wonderful appearance to accompany it. The treasure book that records the golden rule is locked in a lacquered gold cover, and its splendor and magnificence are visible to all mothers; if you make its cover, then everything he has will belong to you. Nurse: Not only that, we women will be rich if we have a man——Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet"

If time takes care of it, if time allows me, I will be in the white snow, under the bright sunshine. Down there, where the fragrance of plum blossoms overflows, I hold the slenderness of your pure jade, caress your soft and fragrant green hair, hold your enchanting hair in my hand, and kiss your beautiful fragrance. I, with love as the foundation and emotion as the pen, write about your love for several lifetimes. I, with you as my base and my pen, will engrave your fate in this life. Even in the sun, I would like to be a grass, by your roadside, looking up at your eyebrows; Even in the sun, I would like to be a butterfly, in your eyebrows, only you dance; Even in the sun, I would like to be a leaf, in your sight In late autumn, I caress your shoulders; even in the sun, I am willing to be a plum and smell your red makeup in front of your house. Even though the wind is roaring in the sun, I am willing to be by your side and kiss you the tranquility of Huating. Even though the sun is shining and the grass and trees are all frozen, I am willing to be by your side and support you with your clothes. On December 8, 20xx

Crown, I promise you a crown. I will use the most beautiful gems in the world and invite the best craftsmen to create a crown for my beloved wife. Look, I have already gained the world, and then I realize that the greatest use of the world is just to win you a shallow and reserved smile, just like the smile you gave me when I walked into Yunchang Palace in despair that day. generally. I will dance a sword for you and put beautiful flowers in your bun. I remember your waterfall-like black hair, as smooth as satin. I remember that you liked and I praised your Rouyi, it was delicate, exquisite and flawless. My beloved wife, you will be the most noble woman in the world. From now on, no one will dare to bully you again. I won't let you cry helplessly in that dark room again. ----Feng Nong's "Lonely Fragrance Does Not Admire Oneself"

Gui Li looks at each other, wearing white clothes like snow, and beautiful blue clothes. Wang Huqi has no thoughts and cannot hold hands with each other, and cannot stay with each other. For more than ten years, it has been filled with mist. The beautiful clear bamboo leaves my heart dry, and I will never forget it on the ice bed. Is there anything wrong? How do you know how to redeem yourself! Soul Eater blocked the southern territory and looked for a good solution, but was disappointed. When strong alcohol enters one's throat, it is supposed to relieve one's worries while drunkenly, but unexpectedly, when alcohol enters one's sad heart, it only adds to the pain. ----"Zhu Xian"

The gentle sound of the piano touches the heartstrings, and the beautiful mountains and rivers come into view.

You are in the south of the sky and I am in the north of the sea. We are facing each other from the end of the world. We cannot appreciate the beauty of the south of the Yangtze River and the Ice Palace of the North Sea. In the end, we are strangers to each other. You are wearing a Luo shirt and I am wearing a winter coat. It is difficult for us to describe each other. In the end, our longing turns to ashes. Ten years of life and death are boundless, but Prime Minister Bai has no boundaries. I send my thoughts to you from afar, and shed tears every step of the way.

It takes a lot of thought, but I will never forget it, Zhong Lingyu is a beautiful girl.

Heartbroken, worried and hesitant, the jade tree is in the wind and the handsome boy is beautiful.

When I was young, I liked someone and thought he was the best boy in the world. However, only time can tell whether he is really as good and beautiful as he imagined.

Is it a dream in deep sleep? A trace of sweetness emerges in my mind. That beautiful pear vortex of your long hair empties my loneliness.

Look, I have obtained the four countries. Only then did I realize that its greatest use is to win you a shallow reserved smile, just like the one you opened the bead curtain and gave me when I walked into Yunchang dejectedly. I will dance with the sword for you and put flowers in your bun. I remember your waterfall-like black hair, which felt as smooth as silk. I remember that you liked me and praised your fingers, which were as slender as warm jade and as beautiful as flawless. My wife, you will be the most noble woman in the world. From now on, no one will dare to bully you again. I won't let you cry helplessly in that dark cabin again. ----Feng Nong "Lonely Fragrance Don't Admire Yourself"

St. Mark's Cemetery: I walked around and looked to the other side. There was also a small open space with a slender tree growing there. The small, balanced and beautiful tree, like an elegant smile, blooms with red flowers on the tree in Vienna in October. I think that is Mozart's tomb. This tree seems to have grown directly from Mozart's heart. ----Chen Danyan's "The Ship Is Made"

In your eyes, there are spring, summer, autumn and winter, and vast seas and skies, but the world in my eyes is not as beautiful and lush as the mountains and rivers, because I only have you in my eyes.

False Feather was born in Fulong Mountain, between the clear streams, on the white rocks. It is one foot long, looks like a white feather, and has a beautiful appearance. Anyone who touches its leaves will turn into a white-feathered bird and soar into the sky. Although it is interesting, those who are born with no sense of direction should be careful, as they may not be able to achieve success. ----Shuangshu "Fulong Ji Fake Feather"

Why do you hate likes? I never think that likes and comments mean recognition or caring about someone’s performance. Maybe comments have some meaning. I remember I once said something, when likes become a habit, we still Is there anything worth saying. It is customary to click your thumb to indicate that you have read it. In fact, sometimes you just think you should click like to let the other person know that you are still his friend or netizen, but there are some things that are not meant for likes. People post some advertisements, talk about today's events, show affection, chicken soup, post pictures, show off delicious food, complain, etc., all of them are liked. I just want to ask what is so good about this. ? I'll post a black and white photo of you another day, with a sentence about something underneath, and you'll still like it? Some people post something not to let others know, but simply to express their feelings, and they don’t want anyone to judge them, but if they like it, it feels like being peeped in the shower. Those friends who update their updates frequently, one day when you blocked Kong

Yunlang, you are a country bumpkin who is the son of a tortoise and has no eyes for salt and salt. I, the majestic Lord of the Three Kingdoms, have taken a liking to you. Do you really think you are? Grandpa and grandma didn't burn hundreds of incense sticks? ! If I had the same temper as the princesses of all generations, you would have been raped and then killed long ago! You have never been willing to urinate and take pictures, but a girl like me, who is as beautiful as a flower, weak as a willow and supports the wind, has oily hair and pink face, and is very shy, has taken a fancy to you. You really think you have become an immortal. Hold the black pot to block your head, you have such a big face! I'm blind because I'm attracted to you, are you fucking blind too? Weak willow and Fufeng? Youtou noodle? Too shy? Several lower-level officials in the courtyard next door were suppressing their laughter. They winked at each other for a long time, and looked at the top of the throne. The handsome man still looked as usual. He smiled lightly while turning over the documents for review. His Highness's knowledge was improving. . ---- "Zhaoxi Old Grass" by Shuhai Cangsheng

Since the era of smartphones, we often see the same phenomenon in different places of everyone holding their mobile phones with their heads down. . Among these people, some are playing games, some are watching videos, and some are chatting and doing all kinds of naughty things. It’s been a long time since I quit Moments, and I used to be a frequent visitor. Later, I discovered that it was just a place to increase my presence. Every day, all kinds of delicious food and beautiful photos filled up the entire Moments.

Showing off delicious food, is it because others have never eaten it or can’t afford it? Do you think you are as beautiful as a fairy, or do you want to seduce? When you show affection, are you afraid that others will not know that you are happy or that other people's lives will be too miserable? It is natural for those who advertise to make money to support their families, but it should be done in moderation. If you see the same advertisements all day long, people who know how to buy them will have already bought them. Why force people to block you? Usually people who don't know how to restrain themselves on public platforms are either green tea bitches or scheming bitches. They think it's a proud existence, but in fact not many people care about your 24-hour reports!

I like to be alone, with a backpack, and a pen and notebook that I can write on. I like to walk through the desert and feel the sadness and desolation of the desert next door. I like to walk through the grassland and feel the beauty and vastness of the Saibei grassland. I also cross the mountains and rivers. , feel the stretch and depth of the mountains and rivers, see the ocean, feel the majesty and breadth of the sea, and then step into the water towns of Jiangnan and feel the emptiness and beauty, tranquility and indifference of Jiangnan. When we get close to these natures with our hearts, we will find that every plant, tree, mountain, water, temple and nunnery has its own life and soul. ----"I just want to give you peace of mind"

The green moss and the wine bag are fragrant, and the building is suspicious of the young man. Green Luo Shang, sleeves rolled up and exposed to the sun, wrapped in plain clothes recalling the vast rivers and lakes. The wind is beautiful, the white cherry blossoms are blooming, and the drink flows from the cup all over the world.

For girls, it doesn’t matter whether the shorts are good or not, beautiful legs are the most important.

Yesterday she stood erect on the branches of the years. The wind and frost eroded her beauty. The years faded away. Her face seemed to be lowered in a moment. A gust of wind moved past her yesterday's broken body, which quietly fell away, leaving behind a trail of stains of blood. A handful of today's soil, drinking tears, burying yesterday, and opening up the memory of yesterday. The silence for many days after death seems to be awakened by longing, so yesterday turns into the sail that is far away, one end is tied to the past, and the other is leading the future--- - Zhi Ailan

According to legend, Su Xiaoxiao was a famous Qiantang actress in the Southern Qi Dynasty. She was nineteen years old. She was exquisite, beautiful and charming. She met young Ruan Lang by chance and fell in love at first sight. Su Xiaoxiao wrote a poem to express her true love for Ruan Lang: "I ride on a chariot with oil-walled walls, and Lang rides on a green horse. How can we be united?" Under the Xiling pines and cypresses. However, they were obstructed by the Ruan family, and the lovers could never meet again. Xiaoxiao, however, no longer had any affection for others, and was depressed all day long. Soon he died of hemoptysis and was finally buried by the West Lake. Su Xiaoxiao's delicate figure hidden in the scenery of lakes and mountains is a dream hidden deep in the hearts of Chinese literati who do not want to wake up; that kind of philosophical transcendence has become a secret talisman in the hearts of Chinese literati. The beauty stained by a splash of blood became the embodiment of beauty that transcended the world. Therefore, many literati and poets composed poems in the past dynasties, which became a special cultural phenomenon.

Youth is a cold wound. I walked through my colorful time and stood at the intersection of my youth, looking at the future from a distance. Tomorrow is written on a piece of paper in front of the window, and the period splashed with black is filled with hope. A journey, a beautiful scenery in the garden, I am Polygonatum odoratum and you are plum blossoms, there are birds flying in the sky, there are people singing in the mountains, the moon turns red with shame, it is covered with silver in the middle of the night, knowledge keeps me company, the fragrance of books fades away in the morning, Listen to the whispering of insects at dusk. The composition of the class next door is titled Liao Ran, and the sound of reading penetrates the sunshine of the campus. The shooting action on the playground, the girls in the corridor blushed with embarrassment, the small notes conveyed shy love, the messages were quietly left on QQ, a 38 line was drawn on the desk, and chewing gum was quietly handed over. The beer in the dormitory was the most expensive treasure at that time. It was enough for buddies and brothers. You had a sip and I had a sip. Boys were not allowed to enter the female dormitory building. The head teacher said that love is just a word, and no one can bear too many responsibilities. At that time, I remember you with long hair, light and thick, no trace of it. I only remember who?

1. There is no need to regret moving forward. If it is beautiful, it is called wonderful. If it is bad, it is called an experience. Let your own nature be yours and let others make noises. 2. We live in an era where faces are valued. In fact, this has been the case since ancient times. 3. No one has the obligation to look through your sloppy and fat appearance to discover your excellent and beautiful inside. 4. I think that the so-called courage is to pursue someone you love and do something you like. 5. Numbers have weight and dreams can be dismantled (SMART principle) 6. A dream that is not laughed at is not worthy of being called a dream.

7. Pay for what you have boasted about. 8. Staying away from temptation is more effective than resisting temptation. 9. Emotional intelligence management first involves self-awareness. You must understand yourself and detect changes in your emotions at all times. When a certain bad emotion occurs, recognize the nature of the change, find a solution, and then carry out self-management and motivation. 10. Going from thin to fat is a kind of enjoyment, and going from fat to thin is a kind of practice, because it is present all the time----Liu Jiayong's "Fat Man's Breakout"

The locust trees are blooming again. It beats the snow, a tree blooms, and the jade stands like Tingting. The fairies like the locust flower the most. The clean breeze brings fragrance to the nose. The bright branches contain thorns that make people want to get close to them. I say that the chastity among the flowers is still the locust flower. I say that the gentleman among the flowers is the best. A first-class good woman who belongs to the Sophora japonica flower should be as beautiful as the Sophora japonica flower, soft yet thorny, quiet and elegant, yet smart, clear and beautiful, and even more dignified. A gentleman should fall in love with a flower and be chaste, naturally first-class

The beautiful Huangshan Mountain has a blue sky, and the Huangshan Mountain is beautiful. Tourists praise it endlessly, but Daizong is inferior to it. Looking up, thousands of huge rocks rise from the ground, and the strange and beautiful rocks appear ruggedly. The mountain is huge and the mountains rise and fall one after another. The bamboo forest looms when it is tall and luxuriant; the pine trees are lush and full of vitality; the peaks stand tall among the clouds; accompanied by the gems and stones, you can see the wonderland. There are various weather conditions, peaks and turns throughout the four seasons, and the scenery changes endlessly. In the fairyland, in the human world, you will have no regrets in this life!

The little master has always been beautiful and pretty. Recently, due to various things, I have been feeling unwell and I look a little haggard. The slave has been blessed by the rain and dew of his little master for many years, and every time he thinks about it, he feels melancholy. Coincidentally, the emperor's mother had just sent some of the finest spicy ingredients from various countries as a tribute, and the slave secretly thought that if the young master could use them, it would be great! I don’t know what to do with a little idea? ----Qiang "Fuck"

The person in the mirror is extremely beautiful, about seventeen or eighteen years old, with skin like gelatin that can be broken with a blow, and a face like the Mid-Autumn Moon. The color is like a spring dawn flower, a pair of pretty and shining starry eyes, a pair of pear blossoms that look like a smile but not a smile, the willow eyebrows are not traced but dark, and the soft lips are not rosy. ----Yanbo "It's Hard for an Emperor to Change His Carefree Body"

The boy missed the last bus, but achieved the best time of holding hands with Xiumei for the first time, which came inadvertently. ----"The Best Time"

The Lingfeng Mountains have amazing peaks, the dragons are rising, and the mountains and rivers are as beautiful as picturesque. Seeing you again in the heart of ice is the first wonder of joy.