Requesting funny and humorous text messages

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It has been a long time since Mo received your text message, and I feel very distressed

I thought about death and cut my veins with potato chips. Hit your head with tofu, jump over the building with a parachute

Hung yourself with noodles, but you will die

Just treat me to a meal, and forget it!

1. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that Taibai Venus told me a lot of secrets! It turns out that we were both gods five hundred years ago. I cried, I remembered it all! Xiaotian, I am Erlang! Do you still remember me, Xiaotian! How have you been these past few hundred years? 2. Don’t be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang! Don't pretend to me, I'm behind the Party Central Committee. If you don't believe me, you won't admit defeat. Bin Laden is my uncle. He bombed first and then poisoned you. If you still refuse to accept it, the household registration policeman is my aunt and will change your household registration to a pig! 3. I fucking love you so much, but you fucking ignore me; I fucking show you electricity, and you fucking pretend not to see it; I’m fucking ready to jump off the building, and you’re fucking willing to look back; You fucking changed your mind and I just fucking landed! 4. When shooting stars fall in love with the earth, they don’t hesitate to fall, just to be close to each other for that moment; when clouds fall in love with running water, they don’t hesitate to fall, just to relieve their lovesickness; when I think of you, I don’t hesitate to spend a dime, just to tell you in advance: little girl, Happy Children's Day! 5. You are dragging a pig shopping, looking very happy. I passed by and said with sympathy: "The quality of a person depends on who he is with." Before I finished speaking, I saw the pig abandoning you with disdain. 6. In Japanese, are you a pig? If you answer no, you will be criticized - dishonest! The next day, I asked you if you were a pig. Your answer was yes, and you were beaten - not modest! On the third day, I asked you if you were a pig, but you didn’t say anything, and you were flattened - even if you were a pig, you were dragged like this! ! ! 7. If you still have money left at the end of the month, please read this tongue twister to me: Level 1 Difficulty: Play nonsense to use money. Level 2 difficulty: The phone bill will evaporate. Level 3 Difficulty: Play nonsense and use up your phone bills! 8. College students = eat, sleep, and fall in love. Pigs = eat, sleep, and fall in love. Therefore, college students = pigs and fall in love. From the above, college students-fall in love = pigs, that is, college students who do not fall in love are pigs. 9. The heaven is affectionate, the earth is affectionate, and I am affectionate, waiting for you. I can't sleep alone and miss you: I love you, I miss you, I hope for you, I miss you, I wait for you = I can't live without you, the one I love is you---Xizhilang cici jelly! 10. God, bless me. Bless those who forget me, don’t contact me, don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, don’t miss me, don’t miss me, and drop their cell phones into the toilet. . Amen! By the way, rinse it with water! 11. It will rain in every city, just like I will miss you wherever I go. Missing is a kind of fruit, sweet and sour, abundant in the night, full of memories, thinking about you with an uncertain mood. I'll kill you~~~ 12. What's going on? I called your cell phone just now. After the ringtone rang, the prompt sounded: The user is eating grass, please do not disturb! I couldn’t believe it, so I called again and said: The user you called has been sent to the slaughterhouse, please share it later! Nothing happened to you? ! 13. The sky without you / is not blue / the days without you / upset / life without you / is really difficult / when can I really have you / my dearest. . . . . . Stop being beautiful, it’s not you, it’s the money! 14. If your ears are itchy, it means someone misses you; if your eyes are itchy, it means someone wants to see you; if your lips are itchy, it means someone wants to kiss you; if your body is itchy, it means someone wants to kiss you. . . . Stop thinking nonsense, it’s time to take a shower! ! ! 15. I saw you that day. You were sitting in the sun, feeling so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: "Keep your voice down, no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!" 16. Cupid's legend: One arrow piercing the heart means love at first sight, two arrows piercing the heart means consensual consent. , three arrows represent three lives of good fortune. . . I will fire thousands of arrows at you. . . Baby, just wait until you become a hedgehog! 17. Nisi Sijie’s mulberry mouth material is connected to Wo Diyin, Wo Sijie’s Sangzui west is exchanged for Ni Diyin, oil is inversely loaded with forest and all over Wojiu, and the reverse part is loaded with Wosen and all over Wojiu Nanguo, and Wotian Tian is left misty. The island is full of mulberry trees and is full of joy.

It’s so shameless! The nest method defeats Yinle! 18. Do you know? I dreamed of you again last night. We were leaning against each other by the river. You looked at me and I looked at you. Suddenly, you raised your head and said three words to me affectionately: "Woof, woof, woof!" 19. I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky was so blue and the sea water was so clear. You are so cute, you are swimming in the sea, and I am poking your back with the small branch on the shore: Oh, this little bastard is quite hard! 20. I am an onion, standing in the wind and rain. Who dares to use me for dipping? K His ancestors overcame difficulties and crossed the North. I drank water behind the toilet, ran over my legs on the train track, and even kissed a piglet. No matter what, I kissed you! 21. One day you win a prize and fly for free. Sad: Plane crash. Hi: There is a parachute. Sad: Can't open. Hi: There are haystacks on the ground. Sad: There is an iron fork on it. Hi: Didn't fall on the fork. Sadness: It didn’t even fall on the haystack. . . 22. Hey! Last night I dreamed of you swimming in the water. When I saw that I was in a hurry, I shouted to you to come up quickly. I didn’t expect that you ignored me and actually raised your head and glared at me: Why are you shouting? Have you never heard that dead pigs are not afraid of being scalded by boiling water? 23. Could it be that you are the dung ball rolled by the cockroach Xiaoqiang that was crushed by the little novice's imbecile pet dog Wangcai, who was adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was unparalleled in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts at Huashan Mountain? 24. Melatonin said that if you want to skip classes today, you can skip professional classes. Hui Renbao said that if he ran away, I would run away. Dabao said, did you escape today? Hao Di said that if everyone ran away, they would really run away. Colgate says our goal is that no one comes to class! 25. Tianjin version: "Ni Jie Si is chasing machi?" "Sang Fa Yuan Da Guan Si Qi!" "Four Yuan Gao is still Si Bei Gao?" "Yuan Gao!" "Yuan Gao is so awesome! "It's awesome! I've been caught by the wall!" 26. The three most popular words during the Iraq War: peace, war, and found. Read these three words together three times, and you will crack one. Historical mystery. 27. If autumn is gone, I will wait for you on the snow. If the world is gone, I will love you in heaven. If you are gone, I will miss you in tears. . . If I leave. . . . . . The feed is in the trough, don’t starve yourself! 28. Not every flower can represent love, but roses can. Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can. Not every pig can receive text messages, but you can! 29. I 10 can't stand it anymore. I miss you so much. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me. I will never let you down and let you stay by my side forever. I love you to the point that I will never let you down. If you don't care, I swear I will only raise one piglet for you! 30. Being ignored? Being bullied? No one loves you? It doesn't matter! Even if no one in this world loves you, cares about you, or values ??you! My door is still open for you! Chengdu Mental Hospital gives you a five-star home! 31. When I miss you, I can’t sleep alone. When I love you, I have a lot of thoughts. I am lonely in the days without you. I would like to turn into a lovesick bird and fly through thousands of mountains and rivers to fly to your head. A bunch of shit, yeah! 32. Missing is like chocolate, bitter! Sweet! I dare not miss you! I'm afraid I'll miss you! I dare not say that I miss you, for fear of missing you even more! Actually, I really, really miss you so much that I turned into a pig! 33. These may be the last few days I send you text messages. I am hesitating whether to tell you that I am going to Japan and the procedures have been completed. I won't forget you, really. I have bird flu, so I am being infected by the party. . . 34. When the devil is banging on the glass in front of your window, toads are getting into your bed, poisonous snakes are swaying above your head, earthworms are running between your toes, and centipedes have crawled into your nostrils, don’t be afraid! I'm riding a snail to save you! drive! drive! 35. Tang Monk and his disciples met a beautiful woman on their way to seek scriptures. Bajie saw it and decided to marry her. Wukong suspected that she was a goblin. Tang Seng said it didn’t matter. He sent a text message to test it. If he didn’t reply, she would be a goblin. If he replied, he would ask her to marry her. Bajie! 36. Our fate began thousands of years ago. In the autumn of that year, we played in the maple forest where the fallen leaves were like fire. You chased me. When you finally caught up with me, you bit me affectionately. At that time, My name is Lu Dongbin.

37. I have always been an unknown knight in the world, until one day I met you, the most mysterious person in the legend, and I actually called you by your name. From then on, I also had a well-known name in the world: The Pig Man! 38. For the calculation question, choose a number from 1 to 8 as A, add 3 and subtract 2 from A to get B, multiply B by 9 to get C; add C's units digit and tens digit to get D, multiply D by 50 to get E, and subtract 200 from E. If you get F, F implies your life, which is very effective! 39. I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing voice is very sweet, and your sentimental expression moved me. I almost vowed to love you for ten thousand years, but I didn't dare, because you sang to a donkey: I will become you when I grow up! 40. It is said that wishing on a shooting star is very effective. I waited for it every day. That day I finally saw a shooting star. Before it fell, I closed my eyes and made a wish, hoping that you would become smarter from an idiot. I opened my eyes and was surprised to find that the shooting star followed the same path. Fly back! 41. On a full-moon night, on the top of Huashan Mountain, a person is alone, looking like a god? The long hair is flowing, the gaze is far-reaching, and he is holding an object, pointing directly at the sky! Slowly retract and slowly stretch. After three rounds, raise your head and shout: "China Unicom, no signal!" 42. If I had one candy, I would give it to you because I want you to be happy; if I had two Let’s just have one candy each. I want us to be happy together. If I have three candies, I will give you two, because I hope you have more cavities than me! 43. The intermittent rain arouses my endless thoughts~~To put it bluntly, I just miss you! When the weather is nice and sunny, I will take you to the green grassland. But I made an agreement with you in advance: you are only allowed to eat grass and not dig the ground! 44. It’s New Year’s Day and I don’t have anything to give you. I’ll give you all the change in my pocket in exchange for steel bangs. If someone bullies you, hit them with steel bangs to let them know how powerful we rich people are. Don’t forget it. After smashing it and picking it up again, we still have to live!

If you feel sad, please call me! If you want to talk about love, please press 1, if you want to talk about work, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5, if you want to ask me to eat, please say so, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

Money can buy a house but not a home, it can buy marriage but not love, it can buy a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain. Put your money Give it to me, let me bear the pain alone!

I give you 12 zodiac animals, wishing you to be as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, and as naughty as a monkey. Beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog, and looks like a pig!

You keep farting loudly in the office, and your colleagues can’t help but ask you if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked you what you were doing. You replied that I had set it to vibrate!

Legend has it that you were so ruthless that you lay down across four seats in the theater. When someone asked you to get up, you just grunted and didn’t move. The security guard came and said: My friend is ruthless enough. On the road? You gritted your teeth and said, "I fell down from the aisle upstairs!"

Dear user, at this time we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the cause of Palestinian national liberation. For this reason, the Palestinian autonomous government has decided to award you the lofty title: this in the name of the entire Arab world. Shalebacki!

I miss you, miss you, find you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water and look at you all day long - are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Look, little boy. Stun you!

Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan of candied haws, they After crying, the farmer found them two pieces worth 7 yuan each.

A beautiful woman was following her night shift and was followed by a man of color. The beauty was very scared and was passing by a cemetery. The man was about to attack. The beauty walked to a grave and said, "Dad, open the door. I'm back." ". The frightened man ran away wildly. The beauty laughed proudly for her cleverness, but before her laughter ended, a sinister voice came from the tomb and said, "My dear daughter, why did you forget to bring your key again?" The beauty was so frightened that she ran away screaming. .

At this time, a tomb robber crawled out of the grave and said, "It will affect my work and scare you to death." Suddenly I found an old man in front of the tombstone, carving the tombstone with a chisel in his hand, and asked curiously: "What are you doing?" The old man said angrily: "These unscrupulous descendants have engraved the wrong tombstone on me, so I have to change it myself." When the tomb robbers heard this, they were so frightened that they ran away. Looking at the back of the tomb robber, the old man sneered: "You will be scared to death if you compete with me for business." Accidentally, the chisel fell on the ground. The old man was about to bend down to pick it up when he saw a hand sticking out from the grass, and at the same time there was a cold voice: "Ah, you dare to change my house number randomly." The old man was so frightened that he rolled and crawled away. A scavenger crawled out from the grass, picked up the chisel on the ground, and sighed: "These days, it takes so much effort to pick up a piece of scrap metal."