Don’t talk about IQ, talk about emotional intelligence

With the rapid development of society, the crisis of the middle class has arisen. Everyone is reading more and learning more. As the saying goes, people who love learning must have many shining points, but it would be a pity if these shining points cannot be displayed. Many times you are sincere, but what you always get is "NO" from others. You need to find out the reason. Speaking with emotional intelligence will help you get the "YES" you deserve.

Perhaps you will find in life that some boys are particularly popular with girls. Most of the reason is that they understand human nature. Just like making products, you must understand human nature and know how to communicate to make others feel comfortable and natural. Get a positive answer from others. This is called emotional intelligence.

1. What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional Quotient usually refers to emotional quotient, or EQ for short. It mainly refers to a person’s qualities in terms of mood, emotion, will, and tolerance of frustration, including the Leadership Quotient (LQ). Generally speaking, there is no obvious innate difference in emotional intelligence between people, and it is more closely related to acquired cultivation.

At its simplest level, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and communicate with others. People with high emotional intelligence are very good at talking and make you feel so comfortable that you won't think of rejecting them.

For example:

When inviting the person they like on a date, many people will often say:

"Are you free this Saturday?"

But what’s the result? It's hard to predict.

Of course, if two people are in love, then there is no problem, otherwise it is hard to say whether they can get "YES".

In fact, as long as you change the wording, you can overcome this obstacle and get a different surprise.

What do you think should be said?

"That famous Western restaurant can only reserve seats for this Friday or Saturday. When are you free?"

When you say this, the other party will A day will be selected, like "Well, Saturday is free." In fact, it doesn’t matter which day you choose. As long as the other party makes a choice, your date will be successful and your purpose will be achieved.

This is just a scenario, and it may feel a bit like a routine, but you can try to use this technique with a healthy attitude to have the date you want. Of course, different scenarios require different speaking skills. Just like making products, the correct posture must be placed in the usage scenario.

2. How to cultivate emotional intelligence?

1. Do what the other person likes

The so-called do what the other person likes is to figure out the other person’s heart, just like making a product, understand the real needs of the user’s heart, and touch the other person’s G-spot , and the other party will be happy to accept the request if it is made in the form of "catching up to his liking".

In the movie "Happy Flight" there was a clever wording that made people nod in approval. In this film, Haruka Ayase plays a new stewardess of an airline. During the meal distribution scene, since most passengers gave priority to beef, a large number of fish pieces were left over.

Just when the new stewardess was facing a major crisis, the experienced senior said: "Distribute equally as usual! Watch carefully." Then showed superb wording skills:

" The aircraft serves white fish sautéed with high-quality herbs, mineral-rich natural rock salt and coarse black pepper, as well as ordinary beef.”

Since there are inevitably elements of performance in the movie, seniors. Passengers like flight attendants do think fish tastes better. Later, when the senior flight attendants asked the passengers about their choices, the vast majority of the passengers took the initiative to choose fish. But if you say this at the time:

"Sorry, there are only fish left."

The passenger will definitely feel that he is not respected and is like eating leftovers, and there will be no I was in the mood to eat, but it aroused the disgust in the passengers.

2. Be a warning to others

In some museums or public places, you may notice signs like this:

"Please do not touch objects." ! ”

However, there are still many people who touch us in life. Why? Human nature has a rebellious mentality. He doesn't like to be ordered by others. The more he is not allowed to do something, the more his desires will be aroused. The side also reflects that the above statement has no deterrent effect.

You might as well try writing like this:

"It is coated with medicine, please do not touch it!"

I believe no one will see this sentence again He touched it, because he already had the idea in his subconscious mind that as long as he touched it, it would be detrimental to him. This was to warn him of evil. This breakthrough has a strong deterrent effect and can persuade those who are difficult to convince, but it is not applicable to many scenarios and needs to be used with caution.

3. Freedom of choice

This is the same as the example we gave earlier. The key is to give two suitable options. No matter which one the other party chooses, you can achieve it. Purpose.

Let’s make an appointment with a girl. Most girls don’t like to be questioned, such as:

“Are you hungry?”, “Are you thirsty?” ? "...

When you ask this question, girls need to think about it. Everyone's personality is different, which will bring a certain degree of mental pressure. Therefore, when chasing a girl, you must arrange everything in advance to show that you are attentive and make others feel comfortable. You can say this:

"Do you want pizza or burgers?", "Do you want mango pudding or matcha-flavored milk tea?"...

In the final analysis, such words give If the other party has a feeling of free choice and the feeling of being oppressed is relatively reduced, then success will become a matter of course.

4. Desire for recognition

The recognition here is the "esteem need" in Maslow's need theory, which means that a person can respond to the expectations of others ".

At work, some people always like to leave some of their own things to others for help. Over time, they will become dependent and they will take everything for granted. This is what I used to do I have said that you should not be a good person in the workplace. If you face such an encounter, I will teach you a way to ask for help tactfully. If you are asked for help again, you can say this:

"I think XX things, more It's suitable for you to complete, and your results will definitely be better than mine! "

After many such tactful rejections, I believe he will never look for you again. This will not only help maintain unity, but also help the other party to a certain extent.

5. You have to do it

One of the seven deadly sins describing human nature is "greed", which means that everyone has an innate sense of self-superiority and likes to be praised and valued.

The most common thing is that at a class reunion, the organizer in the group sends an invitation:

"Let's get together this weekend. It's been a long time!"

Those who responded A lot, but the final result is,

"If you have something to do tonight, you can have fun!", "Next time, work overtime!" ”

This is nothing. In fact, we all know that not many people are really troubled, but I feel that it doesn’t matter whether I go or not, and my status is insignificant.

In this situation In this scenario, it is not appropriate to use "freedom of choice" because this is about group psychology. The only way to solve this problem is one-on-one notification. This is the same as sending red envelopes in WeChat groups during festivals. No matter how big or small the amount is, there will be nothing afterwards. People will remember you, but it’s different if you send a small red envelope to one-to-one...

When giving one-to-one notifications, you also have to pay attention to your words. Template:

"The weekend class reunion will only be fun if you are here XX!" ”

In this way, the other party will feel respected, their sense of self-superiority will be doubled, and the probability of a successful invitation will be greatly increased.

6. Teamwork

Teamwork is also a type of group psychology. Some people like to get together. The more people there are, the more they want to blend in. This also involves respect and recognition. For example, if the company wants to organize a social event, you notify your colleague Xiao Hei:

"Xiao Hei, go ahead and make preparations for this week's social event. ”

The feeling of being ordered arises spontaneously, and he feels that he is not respected and taken seriously. Xiao Hei must be reluctant. Even if he agrees on the surface, this will not be a pleasant conversation.

"Xiao Hei, let's go prepare for this week's social activities together!"

Add "together", so the problem is easily solved. In fact, you can think about it in another way, if You are Xiaohei, what does it feel like, you must be happy to accept it.

7. Thank you

There is no explanation for this. When asking others to do things, always say "thank you" on your lips. This is an essential virtue for a wise person.

But sometimes, with our closest friends or family, we tend to overlook this, perhaps because it feels too familiar.

"Pour me a cup of hot water, thank you!", "Please close the door, thank you!"...

So for everyone, always be grateful. Thanks and make life more enjoyable.

3. Summary

Emotional intelligence is not entirely a talent. It can be cultivated. Again, the same sentence applies: Most people’s efforts are not enough, and they are not there yet. When competing for talent. No matter what the situation is, remember your words and make the other person feel free of oppression, respected, and recognized. That is enough.

I am an Internet product manager. I usually like to read some psychology books and make friends. I hope that independent thinking and free spirit will always be by your side.