Who can give me a batch of classic jokes! ! ! I give you high scores! ! !

1 Once upon a time, there was a rich man who always wanted to be better than others no matter what he did. One year, the rich man’s wife and the wife of his eldest worker each gave birth to a son. The eldest worker named his son a son. Named 'Butt', the rich man named his son 'Face'. Soon, the rich man's son died, and the rich man was very sad. He wanted to ask the long-term worker's 'butt' to be his 'face.' The long-term worker disagreed and said, "No, I'm just such a 'butt'. What will I do if you use it as your face?" The rich man said: "I am your boss, you must obey me, your 'ass' will be my 'face', that's it."

2 At two o'clock in the morning, the traffic policeman was hiding in the dark and mumbling something. :

Secret law enforcement is fun, a new fashion among European and American counterparts,

Headquarters backs and courageously punishes unruly people until they meet the King of Hell!

My brother had to work for half the night before he did the work. He was tired and hungry. He remembered that he didn’t have enough money for gas, so he sighed and sang:

I am busy pulling the cart under the stars and the moon. His whole body was sick and his heart was desolate.

I can’t afford to live in a hospital or buy a house, and I feel heartbroken when I think of the traffic police.

Suddenly, the traffic policeman jumped out from behind the tree and stopped me.

Traffic police: (pointing to my brother’s face) If you turn around on the double yellow line and drive against the traffic with high beams on, you will be fined 800 and deducted 12 points!

Brother: (horrified) Why don’t you get punished if a police car passes in front of you?

Traffic police: I am performing official duties!

Brother: (Confused) How did you tell that he was on official duty?

Traffic police: (impatiently) This is a state secret!

Brother: (cautiously) Why aren’t you punished when there is a military vehicle behind you?

Traffic police: (in a gruff voice) Are you responsible for delaying other people’s military affairs?

Brother: (Muttering softly) What military affairs are there in the middle of the night, and there is no war?

Traffic police: Where does all this nonsense come from! Bring me your driver's license, driving license, arbitrary license, and random collection of licenses!

Brother: Look, another Audi passed by.

Traffic police: Are you fucking annoyed? Didn't you see whose car that was? Can I afford it?

My brother: Audi is running behind me!

Traffic policeman: (rolling eyes) Are you the one who wants to kill me? Do you believe it would take a lot of money to stop him?

My brother: (wiping the drool off his face) But you just let a few cars go!

Traffic police: One is the neighbor of my third aunt’s sixth wife, one is the sister-in-law of my captain’s seventh aunt’s eighth aunt, and there is a cute little girl who looks like Zhang Ziyi (gulp), you How should I be punished?

Brother: (Wiping tears) Even if there are too many cars, why are you punishing me to death?

Traffic policeman: (coldly) How can you be so incomprehensible? How can you complete the task without punishing you? How to implement commission? How to achieve a well-off life?

Brother: (Reluctantly) I think you should focus on education...

Traffic Police: (Contemptuous) How much is education worth? Did you teach us what to eat? To tell you the truth, we specially opened an opening on the double yellow line and set up a trap. The cat will wait for you to take the bait when it gets behind the tree.

My brother: (feeling dizzy) Then I have been working for you from dawn to dusk for ten days. Do you still have any conscience?

Traffic Police: (Speaking earnestly) Just admit it. Who told you to be a poor driver?

Brother: (Standing unsteadily, holding on to the car with both hands) I have an old man and a young man, and I haven’t had dinner yet. If this continues, I will either die from exhaustion or you will punish me to death!

Traffic policeman: (Realized by conscience) Brother, this is your fate. You will die early and be reborn early. In your next life, you will be an official or have relatives and friends with the official. Then I will eat the heart of a bear and the courage of a leopard. I don’t dare to punish you!

My brother: (spit out a mouthful of blood) You are so cruel! Can't we get a discount and a smaller penalty?

Traffic police: Once it is raw, it will be cooked twice. You can serve me some food later, and it will be cheaper for you next time.

You should take the ticket first...

Suddenly lightning flashed across the night sky, Brother De screamed and vomited blood and fell to the ground. Two lines of hot tears flowed down his pale cheeks. Brother De looked at blankly. Yuanfang sang: I picked up a penny on...the side of the road...and handed it to...the police uncle...in his hand. The uncle took the money and nodded to me. I said happily: Uncle...goodbye! After singing this, brother smiled and closed his eyes...

Traffic policeman: (lying on brother and crying) Brother, you can't die. You pay the fine first and then die. ?

My brother slowly opened his eyes again and said with all his strength: "It's not easy for me to die. If I don't reply, I will look for you tonight!!"

3 A traffic policeman stopped her "Otto" at an intersection, saluted and asked her to show her driver's license.

"Why is this?" she asked frankly.

"You violated traffic rules."

"Who told you?"

"I saw it with my own eyes. Show me your ID. I'm waiting. ."

"Do you think I don't have a driver's license?"

"I don't think so."

"But how can I hand over the certificate? What about someone you don’t know at all?”

“I am a traffic policeman, I have the right to do this.”

“But how do I know you are a traffic policeman?”

"Didn't you see the uniform I'm wearing?"

"What does the uniform mean? Uniforms can be faked. I remember 10 years ago, my friend Coco met a soldier..."

"Please don't tell me stories, I'm waiting for your ID."

"This is not a story, it's the past. I just want to prove that uniforms are not always trustworthy ”

“Okay, I can let you see my work permit.”

“This is okay, let me see it. ” >

“But the photo doesn’t look like you? "

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm not wearing a hat. "

"Really? Take off your hat and let me see. Also, stand up straight and don't frown. Yes, it's a bit like that. Are the photos old? "

"Seven years ago..." "It can be seen. You looked handsome then. ”

“Okay, please return the certificate to me.” ”

“What are you anxious about?” As long as the documents are not forged, nothing will happen. "

"But I'm not free, I'm on duty. ”

“Do you think I have a lot of free time?” I'm going to the market soon, and on the way I have to find a seamstress, I have to visit my sick aunt, and I have to call my husband..."

"I beg you, please give me my certificate quickly. ! Look how many cars you have blocked behind you. "

"How can you blame me? You know, it's not me that's stopping you, it's you that's stopping me. "

"Okay, okay, I was wrong. I just beg you to return the certificate to me quickly and drive away. "

"That's right! Give you the certificate. Don't cause traffic jams anymore. ”

4 Zhang San is a well-known miser in the town. One day, his relatives came to his house as a guest. Just as a cooked beef seller came outside, his relatives said to Zhang San: "Buy me a pound of beef, I'll just eat tofu at your house. "Zhang San felt sorry and had to go out to buy beef. After a while, he heard the sound of bargaining outside. "Is three yuan a pound okay? " "no! "Is five yuan a pound okay?" "No!" ! ! ! "Seven yuan a pound is enough." "No, no, not even a hundred yuan!" Zhang San came back and said to his relatives: "For some reason, he just refused to sell it to me." ” His relatives had no choice but to consider themselves unlucky.

In the evening his wife scolded him: "Are you stupid? Three yuan a pound is not enough, but seven yuan?" Zhang San said: "No, I gave him a brick in exchange!"

5 Billy walked into a tavern and just sat down when he suddenly saw an angry young man tied to a pillar. He asked the boss:

"Hey, what's going on?"

"He was drunk and causing trouble." The boss replied.

Billy picked up the glass and thought about it, and felt it made sense, and said:

"Boss, please prepare another rope."

6 Friends His younger brother Xiao Huang is less than 20 years old and loves sports. Although he has always dreamed of becoming a sports star, he has always remained unknown. After the Olympics, he saw Olympic champions being surrounded by sports fans asking for autographs wherever they went. He was very envious. Recently, he started practicing his signatures in private and trying to perfect his calligraphy.

Last night, Xiao Huang went to a restaurant for dinner. Just as he was enjoying the meal, his cell phone rang. Because the restaurant was too noisy, Xiao Huang jumped over a chair like Liu Xiang while answering the phone, and then ran out quickly.

This action attracted the attention of a young waitress. She quickly picked up a pen and a notebook and chased him out. Seeing that Xiao Huang was answering the phone, he shyly stood aside with a pen and paper in hand, but hesitated to speak.

When Xiao Huang saw this, he was immediately elated and quickly hung up the phone. I thought to myself that I could finally become addicted to being a celebrity.

Quickly, he took the pen and signed his name in the book. He patted the waitress on the shoulder and said, "Thank you for supporting me. Sooner or later, I will be like you." Liu Xiang is just as famous!”

7 On the weekend, I took an air-conditioned bus to Dongdan for business. The conductor was a young and beautiful girl, and her service was very attentive. She reminded passengers to protect their belongings from time to time. You get on the bus at the front door, get off at the back door, and constantly provide passengers with directions. The most important thing is that she always kept smiling, and I saw many people in the car looking at her with satisfaction.

When we drove to Xidan, a group of foreigners came up. The conductor introduced the bus route, Beijing Tiananmen, Wangfujing and other tourist attractions to the group of foreign friends in very fluent English. His standard and fluent spoken English immediately conquered all the passengers in the car. I think he also conquered the foreigners at the same time, right?

The foreigners looked at each other, and then said to the conductor in very standard Mandarin: "I'm sorry, can you please speak Mandarin? We can't understand the dialect you speak!"

8 Once, a painter met a famous critic in a cafe, who had criticized a recent work of the painter unceremoniously.

The painter said to the critic: "To criticize a painting fairly, the critic himself must know how to draw."

"My dear artist," the critic replied Said: "I have never laid an egg in my life, but please believe me, I can taste the taste of scrambled eggs better than any hen."

9 Several friends arrived Traveling in the countryside, they encountered heavy fog at dusk. After wandering around for several hours, they found a farmhouse where they could ask for directions.

A large dog was tied up in the farmhouse and the travelers were afraid to enter. After waiting for a long time, they finally saw lights coming on from the windows facing the street. They threw pebbles at the windows to lure out the owners of the household. Soon, a girl opened the window, leaned out and whispered:

"Is it Hans? You came too early, my parents haven't fallen asleep yet."

10 John Not liking the cat at home, he drove twenty minutes and abandoned the cat on the side of the road, but when he got home, the cat came back.

The next day, he drove forty minutes to get rid of the cat, but when he returned home, the cat was still at home.

On the third day, he drove further and deliberately made many turns to confuse the cat about the direction home, and then abandoned the cat.

A few hours later, John called his wife: "Is the cat back?" The wife told him: "It's back, and you?"

"I'm lost and can't come back!"

11 A pair of old maids live together strictly. They never talk to a man for more than a minute, and they never sit in the chair where a man sits, even if it is a bitch they raise. One step to the door.

Later one of them got married, and during their honeymoon, the other spinster was worried about her companion at home, wondering what kind of problems would happen on their wedding night. As a result, a week later, she received a thank you card from her wedding partner that read: "Start taking your dog for a walk tomorrow! It will benefit both you and him a lot."

12 The plane took off Time delayed again and again, and more than 200 passengers waited at the airport for a full twenty-four hours. Finally, the passengers were finally informed that they could board the plane.

While passing through airport security, a passenger shouted: "Why do we need to look for weapons on us? If anyone had one, he would have shot him long ago."

13 The wife asked her husband sleepily: "Is it already very late when you came back? I seemed to hear the wall clock striking two o'clock."

"The wall clock struck two o'clock, Honey," the husband replied, "it was supposed to hit ten times, but in order not to wake you up, I turned the pointer over."

14 American astronauts and Soviet astronauts at the same time. Landed on the moon. Soviet cosmonauts declared that the moon belonged to the Soviet regime, and American astronauts received orders from Houston: Do not conflict with the Soviets. As a result, American astronauts watched helplessly as the Soviets painted the entire moon red and then drove away. At this time, they received an instruction from Houston: write COCA COLA in white on it!

15 A man came to a tavern in a small town in Texas, USA, and ordered a glass of wine to drink by himself. At this time, George W. Bush appeared on the TV, and the man shouted: "This is the biggest horse's butt I have ever seen." A customer stood up from the corner, walked up to him and slapped him in the face.

After a while, George W. Bush’s wife appeared on the screen, and this person shouted: This horse’s ass is not small. "All the guests stood up and gave him a slap in the face.

"Oh my god, this must be George W. Bush's hometown. ”

“ No, this is Ma’s hometown. "A guest replied.

16 Lenin was about to die and asked his successor Stalin to be summoned to the Kremlin as soon as possible. He had a few words to leave before his death.

"I'll tell you the truth. , I still have a hidden worry, Stalin. "

"Say it, dear Ilyich. "Stalin listened attentively.

"That is, will people follow you? I wonder if you have thought about it? ”

“They will definitely follow me. Stalin emphasized, "Definitely!" "

" I hope so. Lenin said, "I'm just worried, what will you do if they don't go with you?" ”

“No problem! Stalin replied: "Then they have to follow you!" ”

17 One day, little John came home and asked his father: “What is politics?”

The father said: "It's not easy to explain clearly. Let me use an analogy." In our family, I make money and am part of the capitalist class. Your mother is in charge of financial power and she is the cabinet. We take care of all your expenses, you are the public. Nannies are working class people. And your little brother, we call him Prospect. "

Little John said: "I don't quite understand.

"Go and experience it."

At night, the baby wet the bed, and little John wanted to ask his mother to change the diaper. He opened the door of his parents' bedroom and saw his mother sleeping alone on the bed. He didn't want to wake her up, so he closed the door and went out. Then he wanted to call the nanny, but saw his father and the nanny sleeping together, and he didn't wake them up.

The next day, little John said to his father: "I understand what politics is."

The father said: "Oh? Then you can repeat what I said yesterday.

"

Little John said: "When the capitalist class and the working class collude, the cabinet is asleep, the people turn a blind eye, and the future is filthy. ”

18 If there is a parking lot with 100 parking spaces.

Americans can park 80 cars------Americans have bigger cars.

You can park 100 cars for Germans-----Germans are the most disciplined.

You can park 120 cars for Japanese-----Japanese cars are small.

If it is given to Taiwanese, only 2 cars can be parked - one at each of the two exits

19 An American historian and a Russian historian discuss who. Leadership for the First Half of the Twentieth Century

“I vote for Mr. Hoover,” Americans say, “for trying to teach us Americans to stop drinking! ”

“That’s nothing special! The Russian continued, "I choose Stalin. He tried to teach us Russians not to eat." "

20 Stalin, Zhang Xiaofu and Brezhnev took the train out. As they were going, the train suddenly stopped.

Stalin stuck his head out of the window and roared: " Shoot the train driver! "But the train still didn't move.

Then Zhang Xiaofu said: "Restore the reputation of the train driver! "The train still hasn't moved.

Brezhnev said: "Comrades, why not close the curtains, sit on your seat and shake your body to make it look like the train is still moving! ”

Gorbachev came: “Comrades, go down and push the cart!” ”

In the investigation of the bribery case on 21, the suspect bank president, corporate legal person and congressman were summoned to the hall, and the court used the “lie detector” unprecedentedly.

Corporate legal person First of all, he confessed: "My boss paid a bribe of five million yuan. . . "

"Beep! "The lie detector made a sound.

The corporate legal person immediately changed his story: "It's nine million yuan.

The bank president then confessed: "I only took one million out of the nine million yuan, and the rest was used as bank income." . . "

"Beep! Beep! "The polygraph made another sound.

The bank president immediately changed his story: "I told you the opposite. ”

The congressman began to confess: “In fact. . . "

"Beep! Beep! Beep! ”

On the weekend of 22, my wife was making facial masks in the house, and suddenly she heard the neighbor downstairs shouting: “Xiaomei, Xiaomei, you have a guest at home!” "

When my wife heard this, she hurriedly hid in the bedroom and said to her 4-year-old son: "Peipei, go to the living room and help mom greet the guests. How can mom be seen like this? "

The sensible son hurriedly opened the door and came out, saying to the visiting guest: "My mother will be out in a moment." "

"What is your mother doing hiding in the house? "The guest asked.

The innocent Peipei replied very readily: "My mother is doing something shameful. ”

23 A student participated in an impromptu speech and the topic he got was “My Sister.” And his opening remarks immediately attracted everyone:

I My sister was "earth-shattering" when she spoke, "overjoyed" when she saw food, "overwhelmingly happy" when she looked for things, "earth-shaking" when she was heartbroken, "crying out over heaven and earth" when she borrowed money from me, "begging for heaven and earth", and now she is finally married, which is really "thank God." "

The school is going to hold a parent-teacher meeting on 24. Xiao Ming failed the exam and was afraid that his father would beat him. After thinking hard, he quickly made a placard and went to the labor market. The sign read: "Recruiting temporary father to open parent meeting" Yes, price negotiable! ”

25 Jack saw a very beautiful Persian cat and asked: “Mom, is this cat a husband or a wife?” "

Mom hesitated awkwardly. Jack said: "Mom, I know, this cat is the husband. "

"Why? "

"Just now I twisted it hard, and it didn't move at all. It just lowered its head and said nothing.

”

26 One day, my wife was not at home for dinner, and my 7-year-old daughter sat in my wife’s seat, pretending to be her mother. I couldn’t help laughing when I looked at her demeanor and behavior. My son was very upset that she regarded herself as his mother. Unconvinced.

He said rudely: "Do you think you are a mother today? Do you know what 99 times 5 is? "

The daughter replied calmly and without hesitation: "Son, I don't have time. Ask your father. ”

27-year-old Dandan accidentally broke the handle of the wardrobe. No matter how her father asked her, she always said it was not her, so his father asked in a different way: “Dandan, I know this is not you.” It's dry, but I want to know how you got it off? "

"I twisted it gently and it came off. It really wasn't me. "

28 The five-year-old son was writing something on the table. His mother asked: "Son, what are you doing? ”

“I wrote a letter to grandma. "

"You haven't learned to write yet, how can you write a letter? ”

“It doesn’t matter, grandma can’t read anyway. ”

29 Yan and Fangfang are friends in the same kindergarten. Yanyan: “Fangfang, my mother said that I can find a girl I like to get married in the future. I like you very much. Can you marry me?” Give it to me? Fangfang: "I don't think I can." "

Yanyan: "Why~~~~? We are so good.

Fang: "Because we are not a family. My mother married my father and my grandmother married my grandfather. In your family, your mother married your father and your grandmother married your grandfather!" ”

Yanyan: “Oh! ! I understand

30 One day, Weiwei and her mother went to buy appliances. Weiwei saw a sign and asked her mother what it said? Mom said: "This is a 'national inspection-free product'." Weiwei wrote it down.

One day, the uncle who was checking the household registration came to check the household registration. The uncle joked to Weiwei: "Do you have a household registration?" Weiwei smiled and said: "I am a national inspection-free product."

31 In the Song Dynasty, there was a man named Li Tingyan who liked to flatter and flatter his boss, so he wrote a poem dedicated to his boss. This poem was long and smelly. He thought hard about the antithesis of the verses. After pondering it for many times, he finally dedicated it to the poem with trepidation when he thought that the meaning of the poem was exhausted. After the boss read the poem, he said to him with infinite emotion: "Your life is so unfortunate, and it really makes people sympathize." The boss asked him about his misfortune again, and he quickly knelt down and apologized: "The words in my poem "My brother died in Saibei" is indeed true. I can't write the next sentence. In order to make the parallelism neat, I had to let my living brother be the scapegoat and let him die temporarily in Saibei. I made it up to deceive the master. Yes, he deserves to be punished by death. Please forgive me."

33 When a northerner goes to the south, a southerner invites him to eat bamboo shoots. He asked: "What is this?" The southerner replied: "It is a bamboo shoot. When it grows, it becomes bamboo." When the man returned home, he thought that since the bamboo mat was made of bamboo, it could also be eaten, so he took the bamboo mat from the bed. He came to cook, but couldn't cook it properly. He was annoyed, so he told his wife: "Southern people are so naughty, they specialize in teasing others!"

34 There was a young monk who took a root in the middle of the night. The long bamboo pole ran into the yard, waving and beating it against the night sky, causing a lot of trouble. Finally, the old monk was alarmed. The old monk shouted and asked: "What are you doing if you don't sleep in the middle of the night?" The young monk frightened and mustered up the courage to answer: "Master, I want the stars in the sky, but no matter how hard I try, they are always there. I can't beat him..." When the old monk heard this, he became furious and yelled, "You're such a big fool, you don't even know such a simple question. You're so stupid that you can't beat me in such a place... You don't know how. Climb to the roof."

35 Yu Ji from Nanchen has been smart since childhood.

One day, someone joked to him: "Since your surname is Yu, you must not be smart!"

Yu Ji said: "Sir, you don't even know the word "Yu" and the word "Stupid". If you can't tell the difference clearly, how can you say you are not stupid?"

36 One day, the wives of the county magistrate, the academic officer, and the battalion officer were chatting at the table. The county magistrate’s wife said: “My master is called Wen Linlang.

The wife of the academic officer said: "My master is called Xiu Zhilang." "The camp officer's wife said, "My master calls us a weasel. "When the second wife of the county magistrate and the academic officer asked why he was called so, the battalion officer's wife laughed triumphantly and said: "On weekdays, I often see the master coming back from private visits to the countryside with a lot of live chickens. The common people call him a weasel. "

37 There was a family whose son was working outside, and only his father and his daughter-in-law were at home. One day, the son sent a letter back. After receiving the letter, the daughter-in-law, who was illiterate, went to find her father-in-law to read the letter. At that time, the father-in-law was taking a bath in the pond. The daughter-in-law took the letter and hurriedly urged him to come up and read it by the pond. The father-in-law had to cover his lower body with his hands and come ashore. The daughter-in-law took the letter and he read it. Because she was nervous, she couldn't read it smoothly. When the daughter-in-law saw this, she said: "Dad, let me cover it for you." Come and read it."

38 A young man went to the hospital and saw a female nurse wearing a tight mini skirt, which was very sexy. The young man said: If you pull up the skirt higher, I will give it to you. You get one hundred yuan. The female nurse pulled up the skirt one inch and got one hundred yuan. The young man said again: If you pull up the skirt higher, I will give you another hundred yuan. Repeat this three or four times, and finally, The female nurse said softly: This is too troublesome. Why don't you give me five hundred yuan and I will show you the place where a woman gives birth. The young man readily agreed and hurriedly handed the female nurse five hundred yuan. Then she walked out the door. , pointing to the opposite side and said: That's it! I saw a big signboard with three big characters "Obstetrics and Gynecology"

39 Once upon a time there was a scholar named "Xipo", who always boasted of Su Shi. It was a severe drought, and the Taishou set up an incense table to pray for rain, and ordered him to write a poem to remember this grand occasion. The scholar wrote: "The Taishou prays for rain, and all the people are grateful. Last night I opened the window and looked at the moon. "The eunuch was furious and sent him to Yunyang. His uncle gave him away. After the farewell, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he gave him a poem: "Assigned to Yunyang, seeing my uncle is like seeing my mother. Everyone burst into tears, "Three lines". When he arrived at the palace, the official liked his poem, named his wife as the title, and asked him to recite the poem. The scholar said: "The rings of her rings are ringing, and my wife comes out of the back hall." Three-inch small golden lotus, measured horizontally. The official was annoyed and made him laugh at himself. The scholar sighed: "The ancients were called Dongpo, but today I am called Xipo." If two people are compared, they are much worse.

40 Once upon a time, there was a couple who were usually very frugal. One day, when the husband was lighting a lamp, he accidentally dropped a match, and then they immediately used up the match. A box of matches found the match that fell on the ground. The wife stood up and said to her husband: "Husband, if we are so frugal, our lives will definitely become rich!" "

41 A businessman and his friends were invited to a professor's house for dinner. During the dinner, a guest asked him if he liked Shakespeare. He replied: "Yes, but I prefer whiskey." "Everyone was dumbfounded.

On the way home, his friend said: "You are so stupid, why did you bring whiskey? Everyone knows that Shakespeare is not wine. But a cheese. ”

42 In his later years, Beinhard loved peace and quiet and lived mostly in a high-rise apartment in Paris, but admirers continued to visit. One day, an elderly admirer came to visit. Beinhardt. He finally climbed up the tall building and panted to Beinhardt's residence. After he recovered a little strength, he asked: "Madam, why do you live so high? "Oh, dear friend," Beinhard told him cheerfully, "this is the only way I can still make men's hearts beat fast." "

43 Mrs. Green worked in the store until midnight before returning home. Just when she was about to go to bed, she received a call from the police, telling her that the store door was not locked.

She hurriedly drove to the store and locked the door. When she got home, she thought she could finally have a good sleep. Unexpectedly, just as she went to bed, the phone rang again. When Mrs. Green picked up the phone, it was still the same. A police officer.

"Mrs. Green, I'm sorry you locked me in the store. "The policeman said.

44 After Jenny came back from school, he asked his mother about his family background.

Jenny: "Mom, where was I born? "

Mom: "London. "

Jenny: "Mom, where were you born? "

Mom: "I was born in Paris, France. "

Jenny: "Where's dad. "

Mom: "Your father was born in Rome.

"

Jenny: "How strange! We were born in three different places, how could we be together later? ”

45 At the wedding, the pastor asked the groom: “Are you willing to marry Jenny?” "The groom didn't answer. The pastor quickly said in the groom's ear: "I do." After hearing this, the groom said: "I do too."

46 A woman gave birth to a son seven months into her pregnancy. Her husband was worried. He was not raised well. Once, a friend said: "It doesn't matter, my grandfather was also born at seven months old."

The husband asked: "Has your grandfather been raised well?" ”

47 Once upon a time, there was a man who was suffering from constipation and didn’t know it yet. Once he went to the toilet to poop. ? ”

48 After the plane took off, the captain spoke to the crowd, but after finishing speaking, he forgot to turn off the microphone. He said to the pilot: “I have to go to the toilet.” "A flight attendant heard this and wanted to run to tell the captain, but she fell to the ground. An old man said: "Don't worry, honey, the captain said he has to go first."

49 Monkey Collective in the Zoo The prison was broken, and the police sent out a large number of police to search. Before the monkey could be caught, the phones rang. Each phone call was basically the same, saying that there were more red lights on the street than before.

50 A teacher ran a red light. , was caught by the police, the teacher said: "I still have to go to class." The traffic police said: "Are you a teacher? Thank God, I have been waiting for 20 years for you to go back and write "I will never run a red light again" 100 times!