I urgently need a Chinese funny script for the drama "Jing Ke Stabbed the King of Qin"

(At dawn, Jing Ke went to the Golden Hall with a large roll of maps. Reporter Qin, reporter Wu and reporter Yang followed closely. The civil and military officials stood still with water, and the mechanical police lined up on both sides. The king of Qin yawned greatly. Zhao Gao gave the order: Take the valve! )

Reporter Qin: What the hell? Someone needs to get up early in the morning. I haven't brushed my teeth yet!

Reporter Dance: According to my experience, we are going to assassinate. After walking for so many days, when did Jing Ke treat us to morning tea?

Reporter Yang: Bring money! I lost money last night, and you said you would pay it back this morning.

Reporter Qin: I can't retreat. There is not even a bubble machine in this hall. How do I wash my card?

Reporter Dance: Since I can't afford the money, I have to continue playing cards. The handicap has been opened, and I bet Jing Ke fails!

Reporter Yang: Don't worry, the dealer must adjust before stabbing. Do you want to win money? Just ask Jing Ke himself. Anyway, Sohu people are doing live broadcasts in it. Let's play cards first, then copy the manuscript online and change it later.

(Jing Ke walks to the front of the main hall and suddenly finds that there is no reporter behind him. Suddenly, he lost confidence and ran back angrily. )

Jing Ke: You didn't call me if you were short of one. What an ingrate!

Zhao Gao: Good morning, friends! Welcome to the world of the king of Qin. Now our king is carrying out the super cause of unifying China and combining six into one, referred to as the Super League! Please help a money field if you have money, but not a crematorium if you have no money. Hey, who is this stranger? Fairy? Monster? thank you

Jing Ke: I came from Yan State to assassinate Jing Ke.

Zhao Gao: I didn't tell you not to answer, the man down there!

Jing Ke: Those are my three assistants. They are fighting the landlord.

Zhao Gao: I didn't tell you not to answer, the man next to the landlord!

Audience A: I'm a fan of Jing Ke. I heard that the king of Qin finally agreed to talk to the assassin today, and he also came to support the Warriors on behalf of the fans. This is our slogan, Luke-!

(Audience A shows a shirt of the Yan Army and writes a few lines in black: Resolutely support Jing Ke's stabbing Qin! ! ! The king of Qin is cruel. Class is over now! ! ! )

Jing Ke: Don't worry, don't worry, take your time. Everyone has a share. Brother in the back, please show that guy! Take two steps, come up and take two steps!

Audience b, audience c, audience d, etc. Under the banner of "rebellion is justified, Qin is not guilty")

Audience A, B, C and D (singing): I live in the Second Ring Road. I didn't recruit anyone, and I didn't provoke anyone ...

Jing Ke: Everyone laughed! These are the Naga people in our village. Please come out today. No other meaning, just to give Jing Ke a support and export. The king of Qin is really outrageous! Each of you represents1100,000 people, which is 4 million!

(Reporter Qin Wuyang rushed up and scanned it with a camera, a video camera and a recording pen. )

Zhao Gao: According to the data of last year's census, there are only 6.5438+0.3 million people in our country.

Jing Ke (slamming Zhao Gao on the head): I didn't tell you not to answer randomly. What's wrong with millions more? Parents will be born sooner or later if they work hard!

(The walls on both sides of the Golden Throne Hall have been plastered with slogans: "If you shoot one, I will shoot one, and you will be criticized for going on strike casually." "God gives everyone the right to brag at will", "Penalty points and fines ruin everything", "One person gets a red card and the whole team is honored" and "Kick, pick and blow hard")

Jing Ke: Qin Wuyang, the atmosphere in this room is very strange! I have an ominous feeling.

Reporter Qin Wuyang: Nonsense! Think with your heel and you will understand that this is the territory of the king of Qin!

Jing Ke: I am Kao! I took you there!

(Above Gao Xuedian, the king of Qin was in a daze, Zhao Gao was turning over the books, and Jing Ke hurried in. )

Zhao Gao: Your Majesty, look out! Yan's assassin has come to the front with a dagger! !

Qin Wang: Xie Te! Are you an assassin without a dagger? Jing Ke, what are you good at besides assassination?

Jing Ke: Go back to the king and dance!

Qin Wang: Come on, let's dance a song and get to know each other. The relationship between the King of Qin and Jing Ke goes back to ancient times, like running water ringing day and night, singing a song or two!

Reporter Qin Wuyang (booing): Don't jump! We came all the way to Xianyang to see how Jing Ke stabbed the king of Qin to death!

Jing Ke: Shette! Only when the map is poor can you see it with a dagger. Now the king of Qin doesn't want to look at the map. what can I do?

(Taizi Dan is holding a nail clipper with a dragon crescent moon blade, humming "Overture to Beat the Tiger Up the Mountain", and his nose and mouth are bleeding. )

Audience A: I am Kao! Come and watch the fairy fight!

Prince Taizi Dan (hugging the king of Qin): I'm just here to pull my leg. Be quiet! Jing Ke, why don't you do it?

Audience B: Off center! Prince Dan, what's your motivation? Revolution is also qualified!

Jing Ke: The map is too long and the dagger is too tight to pull out.

Audience C: Don't stab if you don't want to. There is something wrong with your character. What are you pretending to do?

Zhao Gao: Jing Ke! The king of Qin has given you enough face, at least you are also a member of the Standing Committee!

Audience D: Please get out of the way in front, or you will be covered in blood!

Robocop: Jing Ke, are you going to kill me or not? Kill or not? Kill or not?

(Taizi Dan picks up Jing Ke's fallen atlas and spreads it out for the audience. It says "The Emperor will come to my house by turns next year". )

Taizidan: Mom's revolution in Jing Ke was not complete, so I let him go with a gun for nothing. Look at me! There is a 13 gear here, and the pressure is terrible!

King Qin: Jing Ke stabbed Qin, which is both a bad thing and a good thing! Prince Taizi Dan's attitude is also positive.

Robocop: Your Majesty, look out! He is not holding a map, but a dagger!

Qin Wang: Play with me to spell the rules? Sample! Have you forgotten where I come from?

Zhao Gao (standing in front of Taizi Dan): How to kill a chicken with an ox knife! One person, Lao Zhao, is enough to resist the hordes of six countries.

(Zhao Gao holds a hardcover document in one hand, one is the Constitution of the International Thorn Federation, and the other is "Dare", which knocks down the 13 documents in the hands of Prince Taizi Dan. )

Qin Wang: OK, OK, stop it. Reporter Qin Wuyang is still waiting outside to hear the results. Go back and write a critical letter of more than 2,000 words.

Show me, Sanchao!

Reporter Qin: It turns out that they have settled out of court. Really boring!

Reporter's dance: the arm can't twist the thigh, and it can't stab anyone anyway.