What are Zhou Libo's classic jokes?

Classic lines 1. Thank you! I feel very honored that so many of you came to see me today ... 2. The stock of Allah (us) not only plays with people, but also plays with birds. Even the bird was killed by you. Why did Allah play with a bird? ! 3. Every time Allah can see Premier Wen at the old farmer's house on TV, he always picks the dirtiest person to shake hands (and then Zhou Libo makes Premier Wen's statement): "Allah is late!" Everyone thinks they are stock gods, and even the aunt who sells onions in the small market says, "I have news!" " "5. The most disabled (poor) are those sparrows. The big screen in front of the securities company has never been red, but it has always been a bright green forehead. Sparrows don't understand. They thought that * * * Green Forest Park had arrived, and Zhong Yan Greenland had arrived. They only rushed to the big screen! Fight for one and die, fight for one and die. 6. Who is Sarkozy? 7. Later, I went to observe the Lantern Festival mold. It turned out that they vomited after drinking half a mouthful, and some vomited so badly that they didn't even have foam! Basically, they are hesitant all afternoon, and a cup of black coffee can drink cappuccino. 8. collapse, collapse is to collapse into pieces! 9. A person must have a legal concept and know how to protect himself. Of course, if you know the law, you won't break the law, which is a waste. 10. The worst thing is the cramp dance (similar to cramp). Three or four hundred people jump together, and it seems that they can't find the toilet. 1 1. Do you remember to cut girls' swimsuits? It's like ... more than 600 Venetian knots. Later, a skirt was added, like a turtle's skirt. 12. Friends! Help! Big friends! Marlboro, in the pocket! 13. (Maglev) A lot of money,100 billion, solved the traffic problem of 30 kilometers. 14. at this time, malt extract should not be too strange! I went to my classmate's house and his mother made me a cup of malt extract. It was amazing! At that time, I gave the children malt extract! But I picked it up and looked at it. I'm dying. How can I get the opposite picture? Just put a few fucking (malted milk essence)! She thinks it's chicken essence! Also inserted a chopstick to call me: adjust a tune, adjust a tune! It was still a little confusing (turbid), very clear (very clear)! ! /kloc-at the beginning of 0/5.08, the prime minister said: 2008 will be the most difficult year. Nothing happened before the Prime Minister said this. As soon as the Prime Minister's voice fell, everything happened. Do you take the train, cheat, celebrate the New Year, snowstorm, sit at home, earthquake? 16. Liu Huan for so many years, I have never found his neck. 17. set fire to our Daxinganling mountains. 18. Chris Lee answered a puzzling question. I didn't believe Mulan joined the army at first. How could Mulan join the army without being discovered? . Later, I met Chris Lee, and I finally knew, oh! Facts have proved that it is technically feasible! 19. Chris Lee-boys and girls are the same! 20. Remember that marriage is a set meal to eat together, and marriage is money, so we should go together. 2 1. (Speaking of classmate's father) Bai Bai (uncle): Little funny, do you want to hear a white battle story? Want to hear how Bai Bai (uncle) became a monitor? Libo: Bai Bai (Uncle), I want to hear it! Bai Bai (Uncle): At that time, I was a soldier in the sharp knife class of Allah (us). Allah's sharp knife class is always the first to fight. The enemy lost a shell, and everyone next to me fell, but I didn't. Li Bo: Then what? Bai Bai (Uncle): Then I became the monitor. Libo: ... Bai (uncle): platoon leader, this is really old (poor)! I was chasing the enemy in Fujian with our sharp knife squad and sharp knife platoon. Alachong was in the front, the enemy fought while retreating, and the people next to him fell one by one. When I rushed to the end, I was left alone. At this time. Six enemies fled to a temple in front and locked the door. Only then did I see that swearing was wrong. Where is my gun? I only had two grenades on me, so I pulled the lid off, took the lead, kicked the door open and shouted, I'm not alive! Li Bo: Then what? Bai Bai (Uncle): Then I became a platoon leader ... Libo: ....................................................................................................................................................... Bai Bai (Uncle): This is really sad! At that time, I went to war with Allah's sharp knife platoon, and Allah occupied a commanding height. Allah is connected with the sharp knife, as long as we wait for the general attack, as long as Allah does not let the flag fall. A burst of crazy shooting, the flag fell and the comrades picked it up. With a bang, his comrade-in-arms fell down and one rushed up to help him up. At last, I saw that I was the only one left. I think I am going to die this time. But I died gloriously for the revolution! I left my comrades in arms for nothing! So I rushed up to raise the flag and shouted, "Comrades! I am ready to die! " The enemy surrendered as a result. 22. Not once in a thousand years, but Zhou Libo. You think I'm a turtle! To be friends with a person, we should not only accept his advantages, but also like his shortcomings. This is called-lack of happiness (fool). 24. Bowing for so long is not for clapping. Actually, I mainly want people to check my head. 25. Now our stock market in China has become an accident. 26. The combination of two unfavorable factors makes us laugh and cry. 27. If you spend 380 yuan in Maggie to see Zhou Libo and you don't laugh, you can take Zhou Libo to the hospital. 28. Think about it, this 380 yuan is useless at home. You can see at most, hey, this is counterfeit money! This is the beginning of HD! 29. Gymnasium, you think it's a spittoon jar! 30. Big stage! You think I'm blind! 3 1. This belongs to colored Zi Ling (hint) and colored flattery. 32. Yu-Ching Fei, I did the math for him. Every time I have a good concert in Shanghai, I run away the next day. He didn't spend money in Shanghai, which is not good for our GDP in Shanghai! 33. Yu-Ching Fei is my favorite actor. He sings beautifully and has a good temperament. This man is terrible. 34. Think about it, a man, standing on the stage, is sissy, but not bad (annoying). This is absolutely difficult! You must tolerate my ignorance like your leader. I'm not saying that a leader must be ignorant. The basis of ignorance is leadership. This sentence is wrong! How can a leader be ignorant? If a leader is stupid, he is called great wisdom! 37.30 years, Saddam can become a faded sentence. 38. Retail investors may also be losers. 39. The red guy (boy) can be a model (big brother); Mold can also turn into a red guy. This is the so-called red model. 40. Guan: Do you think he looks like a welder in these glasses? Zhou: Would you please stop flirting with me? 4 1. I am very careful. I found that in swimming pools, especially female compatriots, the angle of these swimming trunks averaged 20 degrees for five years. 42. The (trademark) is gone. It's from Shanghai. No matter how heavy the accent is, as long as there is this thing (trademark), Bazi (bumpkin). 43. Uncle, you know wow, this is called radiator! 44. I pinch off the two sharp ends of the fritters, and my mother will pinch me again (my mother will pinch me again). 45. This feeling is like you ran to Hendry, Nanjing Road, and you said, Master, help me get three Rolexes. 46. I was beaten by my mother for eating. 47. If you want to be beautiful, you must mix as far away as possible. 48. If my face is a half-breed, at most it is a half-breed of Vietnam helping Cambodia. 49. This son is standing here, and this father must not be a fuel-efficient lamp! 50. Children always feel guilty when they make mistakes, and shit is always behind the door before dawn. When an apple fell on Newton's head, he became a great scientist. If it is shot put, what do you think? Newton may be dead. 52. Now in this restaurant, I learned how to put shredded radish under beef. Learned from me in the' 70s. I took apart all the alarm clocks I bought at home and put them back, but I didn't go. 54. Later, my mother's technology was innovated. She hit me with two slippers, one pretending to act. 55. Fight me like a zebra. 56. (Imitating a female classmate) Hey, Zhou Libo, did your mother buy new slippers again? How did you know? Your pattern today is different from yesterday. Your design today is straight, and yesterday's is S-shaped. 57. Happiness and happiness are two different things. 58. I don't know who came up with a sentence: Ah, don't let the children lose at the starting line! Bah! If children in this country have lost their innocence, then the future of this country must be unimaginative. 60. I was driving once, and a child of 12 was on the phone, calling the radio station and asking for a song for his mother. Aunt, I want to order a song for my mother. What song do you want to give your mother? I want to give my mother a song by Aunt XXX, called "Why is it difficult for women to be women". 6 1. Now you ask Li Ka-shing to solve this linear equation, and he promises not to solve it, let alone a quadratic equation. 62. Think about it, where did the former monitor study committee go? Tickets are being sold at the door. 63. For example, closing the house is 100 square meters, which is 50 square meters. Since it was sent to the statistics bureau, Zhou Libo has inexplicably become 75 square meters. 64. (Speaking of night parks) You have to escape after 6 o'clock. Why? Because the defense team came out and the flashlight shone on you, the defense team in the early 1980 s was a dirty embryo. 65. (On Moscow National Ballet's visit to China) I found a strange phenomenon. Almost everyone has a telescope, and the first row also has a high-powered telescope. 66. I can't do that. It's ugly. Wow, it's huge. I brought a tube ... 67. I stood on the back of the chair and looked at it. It's small, but look at Hasan Qing (very clear). Without losing elegance ... 68. Without Comrade Xiaoping, there would be no us. Maybe we're still fighting cocks. 69. Later, before leaving office, he (Deng Xiaoping) was worried that they would close the door again, so he took off the door cover to get our position today. 70. I have a friend who has 42 TV sets at home ... He repairs TV sets. 7 1. (Speaking of 79, there was a TV at home. ) I borrowed a red armband from my aunt next door in the evening and put it on my hand. Then I took a ruler and sat in the back. I sat in the front row yesterday. Do you still want to sit today? Sit in the third row! 72. It's over, and it's wrong if it's over. This is called fault. 73. I am most hungry to watch TV series. I am really hungry. I am always hungry. If a close-up happens to be pushed up in my face, oh, I'm hungry. I am really hungry. My nostrils are like two bowls of rice. The scariest thing is watching TV series. It's really scary. If a close-up happens to be pushed up and into the face, oh, it's really scary. Really, two nostrils are like two bowls of rice. How scary! This is the world of Marlboro. (Cantonese) 75. Nongwa Yaogang, the mulberry of American Red Presbyterian Association. Don't say that Americans really know how to do business. ) 76. The advertisement has come in. I show it to you every day, but I can't buy it. 77. (Speaking of piling molds) At this time, a new industry appeared in Shanghai, which has been called piling molds until now. 78. It seems that all the piling molds in Shanghai are taught by one teacher. They are all dressed the same. Maybe they are drinking Pujiang water together. 79. How can it be fun? What do you mean? ) 80. Never forget romance after marriage. Men will send 999 roses before marriage, and don't just snore after marriage. Don't forget to give your wife a beautiful rose on Valentine's Day. You know, for women, the spiritual value of roses is much higher than that of towering trees, 8 1. A wife trusting her husband is also a sign of self-confidence! If the management is not good, the foundation of marriage is trust! A marriage without trust becomes a shackle ~ a shackle ~ which will be shattered sooner or later! 82. Everyone likes money, but money doesn't necessarily like everyone. 83. Children have their own future. Don't impose our future on them, or they will have no future. 84. (After singing) Thank you for your tolerant applause. I am confident to abolish Yu-Ching Fei now. 85. I'm hungry. I'll go up and touch the Iraqi boat right away. Hey, Mao Lao reads me. I was very naughty when I was a child. I immediately went up and touched his hand. Yo, it's hairy. Because foreigners are eager for perfume, now they know that they wear perfume because they have body odor. 87. Are we becoming more and more tolerant of the public mentality? At least now we also admit that Chris Lee is a woman! 88. There is a text called Mulan Joining the Army. I killed her then. I don't believe Mulan will join the army without being discovered! It's impossible! I didn't know it until I met Chris Lee. Oh! This is technically feasible! 89. The last time I opened it from my computer, I saw a poster of Chris Lee. It was always beautiful and hungry. The little girl was always hungry in the sun! The following is a slogan of the family planning commission, called: boys and girls are treated equally. 90. Children's Song: Comrades, catch Lao Yi (catch him)! Speculation sells salt water tablets (cheap summer products in the old days)! Comrades, catch Lao Yi! Speculation sells Latin America. No (toad)! Now: speculation is called intermediary. 9 1. For example, Xiaogang Feng, can his face be called face? 92. Xiaogang Feng, his face, if I meet him in an alley at 9: 30 in the evening, Xiaogang Feng will just walk by, and I don't want him to do that. I just gave him my wallet. 93. I used to be a lone ranger who was always hungry. Now I'm called Sa? Now it's called logistics. 94. How can there be experts in the stock market? There can be no experts in the stock market! The stock market has only losers and winners. 95. Now we are the world! 96. Everyone stopped at the bar, and the faces of the two experts were deeply locked. 97. There is no concept of divorce in the mountains, and it is thought that being born is a fritters pie. 98. (Talking about stocks and divorce) Forget it. Everyone is trapped. Let's live together. 99. It used to be called a pickpocket for a long time, but now it's called Lamy. Because I think rabbis are tough. 100. (Talking about my classmate's father) Countless injuries, one here and one there, are all on me like mahjong tiles. 10 1. I have seen her own (Han Hong), and her front teeth are still separated. Look carefully, yo, small tongue can see it! 102. People in the cultural and artistic circles, I have come to a conclusion that people with ugly faces are generally strong. 103. Is Zhang Yimou ugly? Absolutely hungry! The beauty of Nong belongs to the problem category of Nong! 104. Zhang Yimou's face is as hungry as a kitchen knife! And it is an unopened kitchen knife! 105. Stand still until your second shoe is thrown. 106. Premier Wen handled it in a Confucian way. He went around the Tour de France, or he died if he didn't go in. 107. Then why didn't your president go to see bin Laden? 108. Are you eating tofu from China? 109. If you dare to meet Osama bin Laden, Premier Wen promised that you have nothing to say, thinking that you want to be four role models (you are a hero). 1 10. Bin Laden has every reason to believe that you Sarkozy is the barb released by George W. Bush. 1 1 1. Later, I learned that models were hungry when they were cut, hungry when they were cut, and sleepy when they were tall. (I learned later that models can't be found casually. If they can't find it well, their brains will be broken when they wake up! ) 1 12. If the China stock market before 2006-07 10 was a science fiction film, it was omnipotent. So it became a thriller from 2007 to 2008. 1 13. Now the China stock market basically belongs to, the boss goes in and the beggar comes out. 1 14. Only people can enter the coffin and come out. 1 15. The doctor goes in and the idiot comes out. 1 16. Yang Baiwan goes in and Yang Bailao comes out. 1 17. You want to get rich when you go in, but you want to go crazy when you come out. 1 18. Go in with two guns and come out with your hands up. Hand over all your guns and stop killing. 1 19. I want to go in like Buffett and get skinned. 120. Well-off families go in and five guarantees come out. 12 1. 122. Men go in and eunuchs come out. 123. Rushed in and skinned Zhou. 124. If you don't lift the toilet, it will cause incontinence. 125. Be tolerant of artists. 126. Did you ask Liu Huan to take the collar to the armory? ! 127. Have you ever seen a 6-year-old child get sexually transmitted diseases? If there is, it was also passed on to him by adults. 128. They were unable to make us clear, so they tried to confuse us. 129. Don't be surprised by the ups and downs. Look at the flowers before the court and make profits and losses at will. If you can do this in the stock market, you are basically not alone. 130. Northerners don't like us Shanghainese very much. Strangely, we didn't offend them. 13 1. 87% of our financial revenue in Shanghai has been turned over to the state treasury. 132. Say that Shanghai is a bad person, you should check the three generations. Who hasn't eaten our Shanghai white rabbit toffee for the last three generations? ! I never thought that people who wear our really cool shirts in Shanghai are better than those in Shanghai. 133. And we Shanghainese commit iniquity. If you look up three generations, none of them are from Shanghai! 134. Dude, you know what? Where did the hooligans in China come from? Dude, I'm telling you, China is a gangster in Shanghai: Du, Huang,. 135. You are from the northeast, too. You are a bandit. 136. Dude, you know what? Rogues don't hit people, and those who hit people are not hooligans. 137. We Shanghai hooligans don't like anyone, just saying: it's a group of spies (get rid of him). 138. In a word: it is a special group. What you are doing is from the northeast! 139. Ah, Miss Li is very distinctive and beautiful. This face is by far the roundest in the world. 140. For example, the compass goes around the tip of her nose to make sure it doesn't go out or come in. 14 1. 142. Last time I saw Teacher Jiang on CCTV: "Where is the Peach Blossom Garden ..." A suit was still 1996. 143. freak, this peach blossom of his has been in bloom for nearly 30 years, how can he cut off Xie's hunger (how can he not thank)? Either Iraq is a plastic flower. 144. If a person wants to be happy all his life, you must be a good person. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, you should be an official, because you have to worry about the country and the people for the rest of your life! If you want to be happy, you should dream! If you want a happy family, you should do housework. If you want to make a group of people happy, you should be the host. If you want to make 600 people happy at the same time, you should come and see the Shanghai clown Zhou Libo! 145. People can never compete with animals. & gt& gt written interview record 1. People often ask my mother for my photos. Why? Ward off evil spirits! Moderator: You are an actor with a training background. We are curious. Why did they recruit you when you applied for the comic book group? According to the aesthetic standards of normal people, your appearance and figure do not meet the general standards of actor recruitment. Moderator: I am afraid that you will be angry. Zhou Libo: I know my appearance very well. People often ask my mother for my photos. Why? In fact, I have said it very well now, and I couldn't stand it when I was a child. After studying hard for ten years, the cold window will explode in three days. Zhou Libo: Yes, such as the Shanghai hotline. Why did I say Shanghai hotline? Because I know what you like to hear. Haha, I mainly look at the news records of portal websites. I'll talk about the college entrance examination in these two days. I would say that the college entrance examination is cruel, and the college entrance examination passed down from the imperial examination system is cruel, but cruel and reasonable. Today is the last day, right? Moderator: Yes, I don't know if I can speak your mind. Ten years' cold window is bitter, but it will burst in three days. But it can't be said that it is unreasonable. Children in the mountains depend on this wave. In fact, everyone has found such a problem, but such a big country has to turn around slowly. We believe that the tomorrow of education is cruel and the day after tomorrow is brilliant. Will you go the day after tomorrow? The so-called unhappiness means changing the status quo and making yourself unhappy. Zhou Libo: Most people are not satisfied with the status quo, so he will be unhappy. He wants to change the status quo, but he has no ability to change it. Not everyone can change the status quo. As long as he changes himself, he will be happy. The so-called unhappy happiness is to change the status quo and make yourself unhappy. Moderator: There is only one thing, but there are many ways to look at things. Zhou Libo: Yes, it's too profound. 4. Shenhua Blue Devils fans shouted "Naituan Special" Moderator: I learned from you. Now netizens have special posts for recording Bobo. Zhou Libo: Hong Men Post or Hero Post? Moderator: Hero post. What do you think is the most popular? Zhou Libo: It should be a "special performance of Nyquist Group". They said that Shenhua 1000 people said "Naituante" together. In the Super League, I'm afraid they don't understand and say "get him out of here". 5. Yao Ming's Height Liu Xiang's Speed Bobo's "Governor" Moderator: Now someone asks, you are another national hero who won glory for Shanghai after Yao Ming and Liu Xiang. Zhou Libo: Please use the word nationality carefully. Moderator: What do you think? Zhou Libo: My height is Yao Ming, my speed is Liu Xiang, and I am the "Governor". "Governor" is not a derogatory term. I am willing to be the "governor" for everyone. 6. Guan-he is the old man behind me. Compere: On many occasions, you say Guan is your eldest brother in art and life. What's your friendship? Zhou Libo: Friendship has reached the point where he is here. I have no feeling now. My left hand holds my right hand, just like family. Compere: Is he the man behind you? Zhou Libo: He is the old man behind me. Guan has passed menopause. Compere: Will he be there every time you perform? Zhou Libo: Yes, he is on the sidelines. There is a lamp in front of me. He would tell me to hurry up and slow down. What is missing? Compere: Are you nervous when he is away? Zhou Libo: I'm not nervous when he's not here today, but I'm uncomfortable without him, because he will tell me what's wrong. I am like a bomber, and he navigates like a radar. Compere: Have you ever thought about performing on the same stage? Zhou Libo: Not likely. I will insist on Shanghai style to clear my mouth, and Shanghai style to clear my mouth is to play alone. 7. Kidnapping TV. Interesting fake TV. Zhou Libo: Not likely. I will insist on Shanghai style to clear my mouth, and Shanghai style to clear my mouth is to play alone. I sometimes see netizens have such a question. What does Bobo think of the traditional antics in Shanghai? I think the funny situation in Shanghai is still not optimistic, although everyone is working hard. For example, the relationship between TV and funny, originally in Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai funny summit forum, I said a word, funny was kidnapped by TV. Funnily ripped off the TV. That's the relationship. Very ambiguous. I think comedians should go to the theater to call the audience back. Because the whole society and audience are stereoscopic, don't go anywhere. Compere: Are you a little exclusive of TV? Zhou Libo: Well, this is very interesting. Moderator: What do you think of the top ten comedians in Shanghai? They don't comment much. They are a little jealous of you. Zhou Libo: Silent jealousy and silent appreciation are still difficult to judge. I think we are still very United. Every time I perform successfully, everyone will congratulate me. Some people say why not join the top ten comedians? I will ask what is the attraction of the game? I want to prove myself, but I don't think I want to prove myself, so I don't participate or comment. Moderator: You don't need to prove it. Your performance on the stage has proved this. Zhou Libo: Really? You sound like a judge. Moderator: Will you give advice to your peers? Zhou Libo: Of course, I have good relations with Mao Mengda and Wang Rugang. 8. The box office is under great pressure. Compere: Are these performances stressful for you? Zhou Libo: No, tickets are pressure. Now we don't have tickets for 45 games, and I don't have tickets at the end of July. Tickets for August are running out. If my friends want them, I will be embarrassed. Moderator: In order to buy you a ticket for March, I booked it for June 5438+ 10. Zhou Libo: Yes, you must buy tickets in advance. Host: You don't want to stay? Zhou Libo: Yes, no ticket delivery, no group purchase and no booking. There will be free tickets for group buying. You bought 200 tickets, but not everyone wants to see them. If you give it to others, others will not give it to others. Take a look at the 380 and give it to 200 yuan, the scalper. The scalper told us the information. They earned more than 654.38 million yuan last month. Some people can raise the price, but I said number 9. Stephen Chow is a little possessed. Moderator: What do you think of Stephen Chow? He is a comedian. Zhou Libo: Stephen Chow, I like him very much. He's been a little possessed since kung fu. Today, you see that I am a normal Zhou Libo. If you see me hanging a dozen garlic heads, you will think that I am abnormal and useless. 10. The Shanghai hotline is a model!