Any funny jokes? Thank you, God, please help me.

Version 11. Short funny jokes 1 There was a man who looked like an onion and he cried while walking 2 Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead. What are the names of the living? :Call for help 3 What are you afraid of with cloth and paper? Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of just in case 4 There was a fat man. He jumped from a tall building and ended up as a dead fat man 5 Teacher: How to reduce white pollution. Student: Make the lunch box blue 6 One day, a buck ran faster and faster, and it turned into a high-speed buck. 7 Miss: Business is not easy to do now. Boss: Why. Miss: Bird flu 8 Which one is the least harmful, tiger skin, elephant skin, or lion skin? Good answer: Elephant skin. Because of the eraser (bad) 9 Question: What kind of animal is it with 3 heads and one foot? Answer: A monster with 3 heads and one foot 10 Marshmallow: So tired. I feel like my whole body has softened 11 One day, the little yellow duck was hit by a car while crossing the road and screamed "Quack". From then on, it turned into a small cucumber. 12 Xiao Ming: Akang, the shark ate the mung beans, what did it become? Akang: I don't know. Xiao Ming: Stupid. Mung Bean Paste (Mung Bean Shark) 13 The elephant asked the camel: Why does your breast grow on the back? The camel: Stay away, I don’t talk to the thing with the penis on the face. The elephant looked at the snake and said: That’s better than the penis on the face. The strength of the penis. 14 How to make the drink bigger by reciting the Great Compassion Mantra 2. Short joke 1 Two dung beetles discussed the lottery. A said: If I want to win the jackpot, I will buy all the toilets within a radius of 50 miles and eat every day. The second person said: You are so vulgar! If I win the big prize, I will keep a living person and eat fresh food every day. One day, there was a mother-in-law who was sitting in a car and she didn’t know the road. The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This Which driver is it? This is my butt 3. Once upon a time, there was a man fishing. He caught a squid and begged him: Please let me go. Don’t roast me to eat. The man said: Okay, then I will ask you a few questions. Question, the squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test, and then the man grilled the squid 4 A: What was that man doing? B: He was shaking. A: Why was he shaking? B: He was cold. A: Oh, It turns out that shivering means you won’t be cold. 5 A sausage felt very cold when it was locked in the refrigerator. Then he looked at the other sausage next to him and said: Look, you are frozen like this. Your whole body is covered with ice. The sausage said: Sorry, I am. Popsicle 6 There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time, one sausage shook, wow! It's so cold. The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage? 7 Xiao Ming got a haircut, and the next day When he arrived at school, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed and said: Xiao Ming, your hair is like a kite. Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside and cried. As he cried, he flew up. 8 One day, Xiao Mei and Her boyfriend was out driving for a ride and was about to run out of gas, so he went to refuel. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away. Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her: I'm going to pick up the hat. Please help me refuel. Her boyfriend just ran away not far away when he heard Xiaomei shouted behind him: Come on! Come on. 9 One day a girl went to a fortune teller to see that she had a tattoo, and said, "Your boyfriend is called Xiaoliang." I saw the girl with angry eyes and said: This is hate 10 An orangutan passed by the woods and accidentally picked up the excrement of a gibbon. The kind-hearted orangutan cleaned up the excrement of the ape. Soon they fell in love. When someone asked how you got together, the orangutan replied: It was ape excrement (fate) 11 MM is looking for a university I got lost and met a gentle professor MM: Excuse me, how can I go to xx University to teach? Only by studying hard can I do it. 12 The polar bear and the penguin played together and the penguin pulled out all the fur on his body. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear :It's so cold. After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out all the hair on his body and turned to the penguin and said: It's really cold. 13 The ant went to the desert. Why did it leave no footprints but only a line? Answer: Because it rides a bicycle. Ant He came home from the desert. He didn’t notify anyone, but his family knew he was back. Why? Answer: I saw his bicycle parked downstairs 14. In music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven. Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: Do you understand? Music? Xiaohua: Yes. Xiaoming: Do you know what the teacher is playing? Xiaohua: Piano 15 A pair of corns fell in love. So they decided to get married. On the wedding day, the corns couldn’t find his wife. The corns asked Popcorn: Have you seen our corn? Popcorn: Honey, she is wearing a wedding dress. 16 The little penguin asked his grandma one day: Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?

Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again: "Dad, daddy, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin, what's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?" 17 The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: You farted. The section chief said: I didn’t fart. The reason why the section chief was dismissed from the post of director shortly after was: You can’t bear the big fart. , What's the Use of You 18 A woman met a robber and trembled and said: I am from X school. I just graduated and haven't found a job. I really don't have any money. After hearing this, the robber cried bitterly, "Sister, I am also from X school. You Take your student ID card. The person who robbed you in front of you is still from X school. Don’t worry, I will never rob one of your own!" 19 The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle answered: Yes. The host: Give an example of the eagle crying: That year, I fell asleep, and the cat climbed up the tree. Then there was an owl. 20 There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal problem. He came to the hospital for treatment and said to the doctor: I eat whatever I eat, I eat watermelon, I eat watermelon, and I eat cucumber, the cucumber doctor After thinking about it, I said to him: I think you can only eat shit. 21 The African cannibal chief was sick, and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. Then what kind of vegetable did he eat? 3. Longer joke (but very funny) 1 A blind man A beggar was begging on the street wearing sunglasses. A drunkard came over and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred yuan and walked for a while. When the drunkard turned around, he saw the blind man distinguishing the authenticity of the hundred-dollar bill. The drunkard came over. He took the money back and said: You fucking don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me. The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said: Brother, I'm here to look at it for my friend. He is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute. "Oh, "That's it." So the drunkard threw down the money and staggered away again. 2 One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits. She announced: Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together and eat them together after washing. They all ran to pick fruits. When the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: Xiaohua, what did you pick? Xiaohua: I am washing apples, because I picked apples. Teacher: Xiaomei, where are you? Xiaomei: I am washing them. Tomatoes. Because I picked tomatoes. Teacher: Children are great! What about you, A Ming? A Ming: I was washing my cloth shoes because I stepped in poop 3. The expedition team went to Antarctica to visit 100 penguins. When they saw the penguins 1, they asked "Penguins" , what do you usually do? Penguin 1: eat, sleep, play beans. See Penguin 2 and ask: Penguin, what do you usually do? Penguin 2: eat, sleep, play beans... See Penguin 99 asked again: Penguin, what do you usually do? Penguin 99: Eating, sleeping, hunting Doudou. When the 100th bird was there, the inspector said: You usually eat, sleep and play Doudou. Penguin 100 said: No, eating and sleeping are investigated. The reporter said: Why don't you hit Doudou? Penguin 100 said: Because, because, because I am Doudou. 4 Someone had just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to catch his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new love. He became more and more angry and wanted to humiliate them, so he was very polite. He said hello and said to his girlfriend Xinhuan with disdain: Hey, you don’t mind my used goods. Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said: Every inch on the outside is old, but everything on the inside is brand new. 5 There is There is a penguin. His home is very far away from the polar bear's home. If you had to walk, it would take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home and was going to go find the polar bear to play with. But he went out halfway. Then he found that he forgot to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door still had to be locked. So the penguin walked home again and locked the door. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to get to the polar bear. Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you. After the polar bear opened the door, he said: Let's go to your house to play. 6 Conversation between two college students A: You are from Xinjiang B: YES A: Wow .It’s so far away. A: Has Xinjiang been liberated? B: No, we all carry guns when we go to class. A: It turns out you can speak Chinese. B: Well, I just learned it on the train when I came here. A: Do you still eat raw meat? B :Our boss invented flint wood to make fire, and we had barbecue. A: Next time I travel to Lhasa, I will stay at your house. B: No problem, but my home is a little far from Lhasa. A: How did you come to school? B: Riding a donkey After arriving in Beijing, take a plane. A: It must take a long time to arrive. B: I'm used to it. Just leave half a year in advance. A: Why don't you ride a horse? B: In Xinjiang, riding a horse is a job for the poor, like what we got in the exam. Riders of camels and donkeys. But there are no such people in Xinjiang

There is a college entrance examination, and the test is an archery competition. Put up a sign one kilometer away, write "Tsinghua" and put "Beijing University" next to it. Then a person has three chances. The first time I shot at Tsinghua University, the second time at Peking University, I failed. Finally, for insurance, I shot the nearest sign, which is this school. A: Do you use RMB there? B: No, I have never heard of this before I was admitted to college. A: Then you don’t buy anything? B: Let’s see. Why did others go there with sheep on their backs, and the sheep were used as money? A: The Chinese New Year is coming soon, is it allowed to set off firecrackers in Xinjiang? B: Who is going to set off firecrackers? We all throw grenades and lay landmines for fun! The news is a big celebration 7 The little white rabbit is jumping Jumped to the bakery and asked: Boss, are there a hundred buns? Boss: I'm sorry, there are not that many. "That's it." The little white rabbit left dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and said, "Boss." , are there a hundred buns?" Boss: I'm sorry, there are still not. "That's it." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly. On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery. "Boss, there are a hundred buns." Bread?" The boss said happily: Yes, yes, there are a hundred buns today. The little white rabbit took out the money: Great, I will buy two. 8 The hunter rode on horseback and took the hunting dogs to hunt. They wandered in the woods for a day. There was no prey left, and it was getting dark. He was unwilling to stop riding and kept riding around in the forest. The horse suddenly said: You don't even let me rest, you want to tire me to death! The hunter was startled when he heard this, and immediately rolled off the horse. The hunting dog ran away. When he ran to a big tree to pant, the dog patted his chest and said to him: It scared me to death. The horse can actually talk. The hunter was frightened to death on the spot. C!rcus genuine. The person who plagiarized the answer had an anal fissure and his whole family died. The original poster doesn’t have enough. I still have some. Add Q and I’ll pass them on to you