Jokes about COVID-19

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1. Today’s status: normal breathing, normal body temperature, normal diet, mental disorder, abnormal weight.

2. I used to be afraid of seeing ghosts when I went out at night, but now I am afraid of seeing people when I go out during the day.

3. The nucleic acid and antibody tests are normal, thank you all. But I was indeed sick. Apart from not having a fever, I felt uncomfortable everywhere.

4. The initial period of the epidemic: this year’s Spring Festival plan: stay still on the first day of the first lunar month; stay still on the second day of the lunar month; not move at all on the third lunar month; stay still on the fourth lunar month; still not move on the fifth lunar month; stay still on the sixth lunar month; Seven continues to be motionless; when will he be able to move? Move only when Zhong Nanshan says to move!

5. The Wuhan duck neck downstairs in the community finally admitted that it was fake, not from Wuhan, but a local duck.

6. In the past, sleeping was called a lazy person, but now sleeping is called a contribution. When one person sleeps, the whole family is glorious; when the whole family sleeps, they serve the country with loyalty. Nowadays, getting out of bed means traveling around the country, living in the living room means traveling within the province, entering the kitchen, bathroom, and balcony means traveling domestically, and having to apply for a visa when leaving the village is already traveling abroad!

7. I never expected that the investment would fail. A pair of pajamas lasted through the entire Spring Festival.

8. Although we have never met, you must be safe.

9. Now is the time when thieves have a headache. There is no one on the street to steal, and there are people in every house to steal.

10. The only pride this year is body temperature.

11. The recent ongoing epidemic and all the unknowns are always reminding us that things are impermanent, so we must cherish them, take the road ahead, and cherish the people in front of us.

12. After staying at home for more than ten days since the first day of the Lunar New Year, I feel that the symptoms of new pneumonia have basically appeared: I have been sleeping for more than ten days and my whole body is weak. I browse Moments and watch Tencent videos and TV every day, and my eyes basically feel dry and tingling. After supervising the child, he yelled for more than ten days and his throat was sore.

13. Everyone’s plan is to wait for the epidemic to end.

14. Three things to do this year: 1. Keep your green code; 2. Keep this job; 3. Keep this little life.

15. Human beings have always put animals in cages. During the Spring Festival this year, animals successfully put more than a billion people in cages. Heaven's way of reincarnation, be kind to all living beings.

16. Today’s standard of happiness: nucleic acid is cloudy, health is green, wallet is bulging, face is smiling, I hope we all have it.

17. During the Chinese New Year this year, those who can come out to meet are all life and death friends, those who can come out to play cards are desperadoes, and those who can come out for a date are definitely true love.

18. Love to eat game, Henan’s regulation slogan: Eat game from the seventh day of the lunar month to the seventh day of the first lunar month.

19. Someone just asked me out in advance to celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 14th, but I blocked him. In extraordinary times, you can lie to my feelings, but it is impossible to lie to my life!

20. The seven-day statutory holiday has been postponed to work after the Lantern Festival. The people of Hubei have solved the dream of the people.

21. Please open WeChat Sports, identify the top 10 people, and then stay away from them!

22. The loudspeaker message of other people’s experiences: Please date me. The loudspeaker I experienced shouted: Come down and do nucleic acid.

23. From now on, we will no longer dislike the huge crowds of people, because that is the only way for the country to live in peace and harmony.

24. I would rather gain some fat than float outside. Growing fat is a sign of wealth, but floating around is a disaster.

25. Maslow did not expect that today's needs theory would become so arbitrary.

26. Important notice: The new coronavirus has been around longer than any of your relationships.

27. In the best years, I did not encounter love, only the epidemic.

28. If I have done something wrong, please punish me, but not by doing nationwide nucleic acid testing in the early morning.

29. When I was a child, I always asked my parents where I came from. Now on the street, everyone asks you where you come from and where you are going.

30. If you don’t visit us during the New Year this year, those who come will be your enemies. Don’t open the door when your enemies come.

31. When we meet again, let’s bask in the sun and take photos together.

32. People all over the country have started the confinement mode. Who would have thought that one day, eating, sleeping, eating, and lying at home all day long would actually contribute to the government and the country.

33. Viruses can be isolated but warmth cannot.

34. A group of philosophers have appeared at the gate of the community these days, repeating the three ultimate questions of philosophy: Who are you? Where are you from Where are you going? Finally, I'll shoot you deeply in the head to see if you're hot-headed.

35. Outlook after the victory over the epidemic: After the epidemic, there will be three groups of people: a group of fat people; a group of pregnant people; a group of depressed people; which group will you be? I am not responsible for those who are pregnant, and I am not responsible for those who are depressed. I am only responsible for those who are fat.