Family Pai: Link ancestors and get more blessings.

let's talk about how to live the inner strength. Adding cards is to increase our inner strength. So how to increase it?

let me give you an example. You see a young girl with a child. That may be before you study, it is easy for you to make moral judgments, right and wrong judgments. You think he must be frivolous, you may say in your heart, he may be involved in other people's marriages. In order for this man to get a divorce and stay with him, he can have a baby with this man. But ... Is it possible that this child was left by the girl's sister and brother-in-law who died in a car accident? Or is it possible that it was this woman who had been violated and had a child, but she thought the child was innocent, so she was born?

For example, you see a person with AIDS. In the past, you might think, oh, this person must have misbehaved. But is it possible that he was selling blood in an informal place to save the sick children at home? Or is it possible that he was a doctor and accidentally got infected while saving a patient?

When we always look at everything in life with a critical eye, when we don't know anyone or anything at all, we make wild speculations and make moral judgments casually. Then our world will be full of pain and narrowness. Because once we have such a ruler in our hearts, we can't escape ourselves. It's impossible to make us more powerful.

what does that power come from? I think strength comes from a deep vision. Strength comes from understanding and compassion. We talked about seeing before. Learning the arrangement of family system is to help us to let go of some inherent prejudices and beliefs that can't empower us. Look at everything in life from a broader and deeper perspective.

There is a phenomenon that you must know today, and that is network sprayer. Well, Luo Xiang once said something that I especially liked. He said that the less knowledge a person has. The more I have a strange courage. There is also a strange grass. Because the poorer the truth is, the more absolute what you believe. Because you have never heard the opposite view.

arrogance is the nature of ignorance and argumentative. People often turn arguments of opinions into verbal attacks, and even turn verbal attacks into physical conflicts. So when you meet an online stall, keep using some slogan words. In fact, there is no need to argue with him, because you are a defender, and you don't need to change.

slogan thinking is the most convenient. Because slogan thinking does not need to think. A person with standardized thinking, he is actually poisoned. He has been bewitched, and he has lost the ability to think independently. So don't argue with them. Don't argue with them. Then why are there so many internet sprays?

Because the current network is anonymous, people can spread malice at will, without self-control and bearing any consequences.

You may have heard that there is a very famous prison experiment in psychology. He was led by American psychologist Philip zimbardo in 1973. What is this experiment?

Because it's called a mock prison, most of them are Jin. He screened 24 people who are mentally normal and healthy.

ordinary college students. Give them a random number, and the lottery will be divided into a prisoner group and a guard group. You can also understand it as a pre-group What about participating in this experiment? Everyone can get 15 dollars a day. This was quite a lot at that time.

Because the experiment simulates the real prison environment, those students who are drawn to play prisoners will be handcuffed and blindfolded and escorted by police cars to a simulated prison in the basement of Stanford University.

Then how will they be searched, stripped naked, forcibly cleaned and disinfected, put on ball clothes, put on shackles on their feet, and put a nylon stockings on their heads?

I don't know about nylon. Speaking of which, do you have a very impressive impression? It is that in many TV shows, banks are robbed, or in some TV shows that simulate prisons, prisoners need to set this up or those who rob banks pay less.

So this experiment may be heard here, and you already think it's true. It's more than that.

All prisoners also need to press their fingerprints, and they no longer have names. They are all answered by account number. Those who draw lots to this guard group, that is, those who are Yuzhu, have much more freedom. They didn't even receive training on how to do early warning. The experimenter just equipped them with police uniforms, whistles, batons and sunglasses.

And tell them that you can do anything to maintain order and law in the prison when you are on duty.

besides, be prepared for emergencies. I don't know if you can imagine yourself. What it would be like to participate in this experiment. If you are a prisoner. Or you are an early warning. What kind of state will you have? Will your attitude and behavior change greatly because of your different roles?

well, most people may say no, it's just a simulated situation. I'm still me. How can I change, right?

zimbardo, before the experiment started. I didn't expect anything particularly amazing to happen. He was only interested in the prisoner's performance. So everyone thinks it's interesting to be an early warning. So before the draw, he had a tendency to ask everyone, and all the subjects basically applied to be prisoners. Because they just want to experience the feeling of being a prisoner.

But with the progress of the experiment, the focus of the researchers shifted from prisoners to prison guards. How did this happen?

the experiment begins. It appeared on the first night, and we didn't expect it at all. Well, the so-called early warning of the guards, they blew up the bed in the middle of the night to make the prisoners get up and line up. In this way, they want to verify whether their authority has been established in the hearts of prisoners and volunteers.

besides, when they punish prisoners, they will make them do push-ups. You know, this is actually a kind of punishment that is quite common in prisons and real prisons. So in this mock prison, these prison guards sometimes ride on prisoners in order to increase the punishment.

Ah, of course the prisoners didn't want to. They started protesting the next morning.

they just opened the small partition of the prison and blocked the prison door with beds to prevent the early warning officers from coming in. After seeing the warning of shift change, I was very angry and thought that it must be the guard in the previous round. The prison guards were too kind to the prisoners. Therefore, they picked up the fire extinguisher and began to spray the prisoners, and pulled out the clothes of the prisoners.

They also found out the prisoners who took the lead in making trouble and gave them gold coins.

Then intimidate other prisoners in this way. Then, as time went on, Yutu became even worse. Not only did they torture the prisoners by canceling dinner, during this period, there was a prisoner who was on the verge of mental breakdown and the experimenter had to release him.

Then the students who guarded later were the early warnings. I overheard the rumor that the prisoner didn't escape.

from then on, they were even harsher on his prisoner. They are often not allowed to rest, they have to do all kinds of menial work, and they are even forced to clean the toilet by hand, and even imitate animals for mating. Sometimes they don't let the players go to the toilet, so the prisoner can only use the bucket in the hut and can't clean it on time, that is, all kinds of unpleasant smells are filled in the ball room.

Later, other prisoners had a nervous breakdown.

at this time, the professor suggested that, uh, they could be released on bail. But all the prisoners have regarded the experiment as true at this time, so they don't know how to resist. They become very depressed and feel like prisoners. And you know it only took a few days for all this to happen.

only five days. In just five days, a person without any training can change from a normal person to a demon.

And an ordinary person who hasn't committed any crime can become a recommended prisoner who is trampled by others at will. The role of environment and role is much greater than we expected. By the sixth day of this time.

Professor zimbardo feels that this experiment can't continue, and if it continues, it will seriously violate ethics.

so he stopped the experiment. An experiment in just a few days. It can make us lose our rational judgment and blindly obey the role imposed on us by the environment. Have you ever thought about our parents?

our ancestors. How difficult it is for them to be a misfit in their environment. Many people blame their parents for preferring sons to daughters, while women blame their fathers for being indifferent and violent, and blame their mothers for not giving them freedom and encouragement.

Have we ever thought about our parents and the environment in which they grew up?

what have they experienced? Filled with their views and beliefs about life. Have you ever thought that the freedom and peace we have today are all due to our ancestors, who experienced cruelty, exploitation, oppression and hardship, and gained it for us bit by bit through their unremitting efforts?

The prison experiment tells us more than that.

Professor zimbardo found that women wearing white coats and hoods in the laboratory, and subjects wearing ordinary clothes and identification cards with their names would lay the foundation for the victims for a longer time. Earlier, psychologists in the United States also found that in a dark environment, students who wear no makeup will attack their parents more fiercely than students who are highly recognizable in spacious classrooms.

It is precisely because of this anonymous link brought by the Internet that all the storms come more violently.

I don't know if after listening to this experiment, you can better understand the poem that Hellinger wrote to Hitler that we shared with you in the first lesson. History is not the fault of one person. History is made by all people together. Everything can happen because of fate and human nature. And what is the purpose of adding cards?

is to help us see human feelings more. Seeing human nature is for us to criticize and oppose. We said it from the beginning. These 28-day courses are arranged so that we can understand the system of our people and our families and its operating rules.

let our love flow better. Only by seeing can we understand, and after understanding can we choose what kind of life we want to live. Don't be afraid of pain. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. You know, we humans can get it. Constant evolution also comes from all the difficulties and challenges. Looking back now, all the great growth in my own life came from the great blow that life gave me. Sometimes we don't know how powerful we are without those blows.

It's really that sentence. Without suffering and wind and rain, we can't see the color. All the past, all the experiences of our ancestors and ourselves, are ultimately for the growth of our human beings. In order to serve life. I've been, and I've been, in pain.

before learning to add cards, I once pinned my hopes on psychology. I studied the rural ping therapy first, and felt that the fundamental problem had not been solved, so he followed the teacher's suggestion and began to study psychoanalysis systematically. Then I was disappointed in psychoanalysis and began to study Satya family therapy and some expressive art therapy. I have also worked as a teaching assistant and translator for many years, and you offer many courses yourself. And I see some masters who ask everyone to worship them without feeling as if they don't belong here. I should seek more healing, and find a more peaceful and humble listed god. It hurts, knowing that I have really learned a lot and seen a lot. I even live with some teachers, translate for them and take care of them in my life. That's after a lot of study and a lot of disillusionment.

I found that what really touched me was not some kind of therapy at all, but some superb consulting technology. But goodness. It is a kind of sobriety. It is a broad perspective, an acceptance of human nature and ourselves. This goodness I am talking about is not blind altruism. It's that we are willing to feel others' feelings and try to stand in others' position. Willing to add more compassion to our love. We can learn many ways. But what really changes us is ourselves. It is our inner decision for growth. Too often, we put theories and methods before people. And people, and we, are the root.

I remember when I was in my twenties, I just graduated from college. One day I suddenly decided to give my mother a call. For many reasons, I didn't grow up with my mother. When I was on the phone, my mother was working the night shift in the office.

I didn't say anything else. I'll tell him.

mom. I think you are a good mother. Hear this sentence. My parents cried on the other end of the phone. So my mother and I made up. I saw all the efforts he made to live and everything he wanted. I saw that even though I hated him, he was always there waiting for me.

suddenly, I put it down. I feel a deep love. So today I want to say. What cures us is not any psychological way, or even adding cards. What heals us is life itself, that we are grateful for everything we have, and that we are grateful that we are alive. What questions us is that one day, maybe you suddenly want to see other people's difficulties. Willing to see the greater force, willing to see fate, willing to put down the blame. Admit that we are the same. You and I, he and he are essentially the same in the end. Everyone will see it and emphasize their own difficulties. Everyone tries to make the best choice for himself under limited conditions. Everyone wants to have the most and the best.

everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Everyone is on the road he needs to go.