Funny inspirational quotes

Introduction: Quotes are new entries generated by celebrities’ words, netizens’ comments, and social events that have certain dissemination power. Below is a collection of funny and inspirational quotes that I have collected. You are welcome to refer to them. A funny and inspirational quote

1. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who is full and has nothing to do.

2. Don’t blow—it’s easy to get dusty. Don’t pretend—it’s easy to get hurt. Don’t be cute—it’s easy to get soaked.

3. Staying up late is because you don’t have the courage to end the day; staying in bed is because you don’t have the courage to start the day.

4. If someone asks you to borrow money every three days, you will feel tired; if you ask someone to borrow money every three days, you will feel tired.

5. Eating is what I want, and losing weight is what I want. I can’t have both, so I’m done with it.

6. No matter how awesome the If You Are the One female guest is, she can only put out one man's lamp, but the aunt downstairs in the dormitory can put out the entire floor.

7. Husband, don’t be cool with me, don’t be jealous of me, you have to give in when we quarrel, and you have to hold on when you get beaten.

8. When you don’t have a girlfriend, you are a hunting dog, when you find your target, you are a lapdog, when you get it, you are a wolfdog, and when you lose it, you are a dead dog.

9. One person lives forever, two people are full of tenderness, three people miss each other day and night, and four people share the same bed but have different dreams.

10. Zhou Bapi, fifty-one, came to steal the chicken in the middle of the night. We were playing a game and caught Zhou Bapi.

11. Those who do the work, those who watch, and those who watch give opinions to the people who do it. It is not enough to give opinions, but to hide in the dark and make false accusations.

12. Today’s phenomenon: there are many beauties when you open a magazine, there are many TV ads when you turn on them, there are many clichés when you pick up a newspaper, and there are many signatures when you read an article.

13. Going back on my word is my style, betraying others and leaving relatives is my current situation, and living a long life is my result.

14. In the dead of night, I often ask myself whether I was right or wrong when I decided to come to Earth.

15. Everyone knows that wrangling is good, it takes no effort and no effort. After three and five years, all the problems disappeared.

16. Standards for a good wife: Cheating means being cute, being strict means hoping for a successful husband, not spending money means being thrifty, and spending money means being tasteful.

17. Praise those who treat deer as horses, promote those who flatter horses, punish those who treat cattle as horses, and punish those who work alone.

18. Friends around me, please become famous quickly so that my memoirs can sell well.

19. When you have money, it is said that money is earned. When you have no money, you say money is saved.

20. Brother is just a game, but you are obsessed with it. It’s not that I’m obsessed with legends, it’s just that legends are so beautiful.

21. Everyone in the world knows that "pour" is a good thing. As long as you can make a lot of money, you don't have to worry about moral conscience.

22. The little mouse went up to the lampstand, stole the oil to eat, but couldn't get down. Meow meow meow, the cat came, and rolled down with its chirping.

23. The four big earners: grassroots police stations, township tax offices, bank credit units, and bare buttocks on stage.

24. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have human thoughts. If a pig had the mind of a human, it wouldn't be a pig - it would be Bajie.

25. Some men are as smart as the weather and changeable. Some women are as stupid as weather forecasters, unable to tell when the weather is changing.

26. Get together on the Internet and fall in love on the Internet. Sweet words entangled! Chirp Wai Wai Wai Wai Wai confusing! By the way, friends, find out the gender first.

27. When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me.

28. I always feel that if the bed is laid out too neatly, it will feel a bit like spending your old age peacefully. Well, it's still messy and more energetic.

29. When interacting with others, listen more and talk less. This is why God gave us one mouth and two ears.

30. Rain is ticking, clouds are flowing, songs are free, love is heartfelt, love is crazy, the sky is eternal, and you are unforgettable.

31. If my boss doesn’t give me a raise next month, I will resign. Before resigning, I will give him two more Chinese coins and beat him to death.

32. I will have a period right after graduation; I will have a wife one year after graduation; I will regret having a wife later; I will have a second wife later; and I will regret having a second wife most of all.

33. For your lover, choose someone who is as gentle as water and as sweet as honey; for your colleague, choose someone who works hard and has no temper; for your friend, choose someone who has a pig-headed, dog-brained and runny nose.

34. If you are sentimental, you will grow old easily; if you are sentimental, you will die early! If you don’t want to grow old or die early, it would be best to chat with me.

35. The sufferings of a romantic man: telling lies behind his wife’s back, telling jokes when meeting his mistress, telling nonsense when meeting a young lady, and talking nonsense with friends.

36. Top instructions: Wash your hands before eating and after going to the toilet; wash your hands after returning from a trip; wash your hands after riding in a car; wash your hands after touching this place.

37. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman.

38. Four ideals: blow up the Himalayas, walk around the solar system, tile the Great Wall, and vow to turn my wife into a fairy.

39. There are four major weirdos in today’s society: cats don’t catch mice, women don’t like to breastfeed, people become prisoners of computers, and pets replace parents.

40. We can avoid everyone, but we cannot avoid a fly. It's often the little things in life that make us unhappy.

41. Xiaobai is so white that he pricks up his ears. When he hears the beep of his mobile phone, he puts down the carrots and vegetables and replies to the message quickly.

42. Such strenuous exercise as going out on the streets is not suitable for me. My great wish is to sit in front of the computer and compete in meditation on Sundays.

43. If love lasts for a long time, how can it be like pig and pork? In heaven, I would like to be a winged bird, and on earth, I would like to be a pig with tail; especially if the taste is like a pig's head.

44. If a woman is a book, many women only have pages: a car is drawn on one page, a house is drawn on one page, and money is drawn on one page.

45. In order to cooperate with the completion of China’s family planning work this year, I have decided not to have contact with friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

46. Being funny must be thorough, and destruction must be powerful. Getting into trouble is a patent, pretending to be good is a unique skill, teasing people depends on talent, and being bullied depends on fate. In short, I will never rest.

47. Hello, hello, you eat straw, have more hair and less meat, like to bathe in rice soup, and say that your skin care effect is very good. You are really a rare living treasure.

48. Don’t look at me thin, but I am full of muscles; don’t look at me dark, my face is full of brilliance; my head can be broken, but my hair style should never be messy; blood can flow, and my leather shoes must be oiled.

49. At dawn, I carried Zhou Hua arrows, climbed over Nicholas Tse Peak, came to Zhou Xingchi, picked an Liu De flower, picked up a Zhang Baizhi, made friends with Jacky Cheung, and ate a Zheng Zhong chicken.

50. Love at first sight! Goodbye infatuation! Trouble all day long! Want to win your heart! Take great pains! It’s exciting to think about it! It’s hard for you! Don’t know how to be intimate! So cruel! Makes me sad.

51. You are very cute, but pitiful and unloved; you are very annoying, and you will never tire of being loved; you are very "smart", and you are the first to flush the toilet; you are very temperamental, and have the nature to make people angry. .

52. Everything is inferior, only power is high; there is never an ugly man, as long as there is money. You are tall, handsome, and so lovable that sooner or later you will be put into a sack and thrown into the sea.

53. There are always a few pictures of Grandpa Mao every month. His face changes from red to green, from green to yellow, then to blue, then to purple, then to blue, and finally leaves me. .

54. You are so handsome, your hair is like a ball of kelp, you wear a sack, and you have a shoelace tied around your waist, and you are always mischievous! Do you think you are the most handsome in the world? In fact, he is the second generation of neurotics.

55. I treat you like a jewel, and you treat me like salted fish and water plants. I'm crazy about you, you tell me I'm crazy about you. My love for you is as deep as the ocean, but you are trying to hurt me.

56. If you do the dinosaur thing well, it’s called Qing Wu Fei Yang; if you do the daze thing well, it’s called cool; if you do the cheating thing well, it’s called cool.

57. A man’s life belongs to the country, his income belongs to his wife, his property belongs to his children, his achievements belong to his leader, his body belongs to his lover, and only his shortcomings and mistakes are his own. .

58. What is irony? The irony is that even if you are willing to be someone else's toilet paper, they still think your paper is soft and stains your fingers, and your paper is hard and scratches your buttocks.

59. A good man’s hair falls backward; a bad man’s hair lies forward. A woman who has a good life wears less clothes; a woman who has a bad life wears less clothes than an old lady.

60. A little pig is amazing. He wakes up at eight o'clock every morning, does not eat or take medicine, and only eats with his small mouth. You think the little pig is stupid or not, he is still giggling next to him.

61. I love you, pretty girl, just like a mouse loves rice. Eat you, swallow you, put you inside me. I'll bite you to bits, chew you to bits, and we'll be together forever.

62. I’ll bend your waist, bend your legs, break your spine, and give you fractures, hit you in the head and cover your butt, give you a microphone, and make you walk against the wall while spitting blood.

63. If being handsome is a crime, then I have committed a heinous crime. If being stylish is a mistake, then I've made it again and again. It's so miserable to be a human being.

64. Mahjong style Most people are working, a small number of people are eating and drinking, most people are practicing qigong, a small number of people are busy telling fortunes, and many people are fighting "square city".

65. Beauty, beauty, I love you. I will write a love song for you. The title is "I miss you so much" and the content is all about missing you. If you want to ask me what I miss you, I swear I will catch you.

66. Don’t be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang; don’t pretend to be with me, I am behind the Party Central Committee; if you don’t believe it, you are not convinced, Bin Laden is my uncle, bombing first and then poisoning, both Americans and Americans have to accept it.

67. In Beijing, we talk about winning and losing; in Shanghai, we talk about winning and losing with petty bourgeoisie; in Guangzhou, we talk about winning and losing with food; in Dalian, we talk about winning and losing with football; in Shenzhen, we talk about winning and losing based on speed.

68. When the husband is away, the wife tells him: drink less liquor and don’t gamble; don’t pick wild flowers on the roadside; cherish your feelings and care for your wife; only in this way can your husband be called cute.

69. All day long, eyes are dull, three meals are skipped, limbs are weak, grains cannot be distinguished, relatives are not recognized, seven orifices are blocked, majestic from all directions, sedentary for a long time, very useless.

70. Things used by celebrities are called cultural relics, and things used by ordinary people are called waste. Celebrities who drink too much are called drunkards, and ordinary people who drink too much are called drunkards.