Funny little joke

1. I remember when I was in high school, I saw a good friend buy a big cake outside the school gate. You know, when I was in high school, I was often hungry because I used too much brain. I immediately ran up and punched him, and then I bit him into a big cake. And I swear it's not enough. You didn't take me to buy one when you bought the cake. And I didn't swallow a bite. I looked up and found it. ! !

I remember that when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall, holding a pie with a missing mouth. Sometimes you can't help beating yourself up when you think about it! ! ! !

One day, my cousin and I went to catch a bus and finally got one, but there were so many people on the bus that the front door couldn't squeeze in. We had to swipe our cards at the front door and get on the bus from the back door, but there were too many people on the bus to squeeze in the back door.

So, the driver's big brother discussed with us: I'll start the car first, drive slowly, and you run behind the car. My cousin and I wondered: What road is this? But I have no choice but to run behind the car. Seeing that the car had been driving for about ten meters, the car suddenly braked, and the passengers in the car couldn't hold their bodies and fell to the front of the car. The back door suddenly gave way to a big space. At this time, the driver's big brother proudly called us: get on the bus, get on the bus. ......

When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow plates!" "

14: In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

4. Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly: Let's die together! My brain was too hot. ......

When I was in high school, there was a buddy in my class, 198 1 year old, but he was very old. ......

Here is what happened when he took the bus:

In sophomore year, this guy went to school by bus. Because of the long journey, when he was bored, a 35-year-old man next door asked him to chat. The man opened his mouth and said, "Brother, where are you going?"

This guy may have been treated like this many times, and he is not very surprised. His answer was quite calm: "Three Middle Schools". The man's second sentence: "Oh, went to see the children?" It's hard for children to go to school ... "

The buddy's face twitched and he didn't say a word.

The third sentence: "Big Brother, how old is your child?" That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence: "Senior One"

At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at his buddy in surprise for ten seconds, and then said, "Brother, you got married very late!" " "

6. When I was in college, I danced a horrible group dance, which required violent actions such as falling down quickly and lifting my legs high. Everyone can't practice for a few days. They are all green, and some leg muscles are still strained. I was seriously injured.

In the afternoon, I went to class. On the third floor, I couldn't lift a leg at all, so I went up hard and simply sent that leg up. Walking, I heard a girl at the back say to her boyfriend, "Schools in big cities are more formal. In our hometown, people with polio can't go to school at all. "

I feel dizzy ...

7. On the bus, I heard someone calling the radio station to order songs. A man called in and said, I'm a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home. I want to spend the New Year in Beijing. I want to order a song.

The host asked him: Who do you want to order songs for?

At that time, I thought it was unnecessary to ask. It must be my parents and distant relatives. Who knows, he replied: I want to order a Jordan chan song "You are malicious" and give it to all the staff and all the ticket sellers at Beijing Railway Station!

8. I was really proud of my visit to the countryside yesterday!

The two of us were watching the crops grow on the way in the field that day, and we saw a group of foreigners gesticulating around a local farmer from a distance. Out of curiosity, I quietly walked not far behind them to hear what they said.

Those foreigners (probably Americans), while turning over a pamphlet similar to an English-Chinese dictionary, read in very nonstandard Chinese: I, how did I get there, the periphery. .....

I think, oh, I think I'm asking for directions. I wonder what our peasant brothers will say when they see foreigners.

The peasant brothers looked blank. I thought to myself, alas, eldest brother's comprehension ability is too low.

When foreigners see that he doesn't understand, they are even more anxious: me, everyone, go, go, want. .....

The farmer's brother still looks blank. ...

Foreigners are more anxious and start stamping their feet and sweating. ...

At this time, this 50-year-old farmer said something to this group of dancing Americans, which made me feel that I gained the most from going to the countryside this time: Can you speak English?

9. I was drinking with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him.

10. When I was in college, the head teacher asked the Sports Commission to check whether all the girls in the class were here. He said to the Sports Commission (a lecherous boy): Go and tidy up the girls in the class. The sports committee member was flattered and asked in a low voice, "Kiss first … which one?"? The teacher thought for a moment and said, of course, according to the student number.

1 1. The IQ of cheating men is second only to Einstein.

12. Every time I miss a girl, I drop a tear, and the Amazon River appears!

13. Don't challenge my blacklist with your trembling voice and video.

14. What do you like about me? Can't I change it?

15. Please don't be lazy with me, because I am lazy with you.

16. A new student comes to a class.

One day, the teacher asked him: How old are you?

Student: Excuse me, is the teacher asking where I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want to know my age last year or this year?

Teacher: nonsense, it must be this year's pull.

Student: Oh, do you want me to tell you now or after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want me to speak loudly or quietly?

Teacher: Shit, are you going to say it or not? Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I ask?

Student: Oh, I can't answer that?

Teacher: Sweat to death ...

"Come on, come on, classmates, our topic today is to repeat antonyms. The teacher said, you pick it up, ok!

Teacher: It's a beautiful day today.

Student: The weather will be terrible tomorrow.

Teacher: I ate fish head yesterday.

Student: You ate the glans penis today.

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I was wrong.

Student: I'm right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I am a genius.

Teacher: You stand up.

Student: Let me sit down for you.

Teacher: The teacher told you to stand up. Did you hear that?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, and I heard him!

Teacher: Do you dare not listen to your teacher?

Student: I dare not listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know I haven't said anything now.

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: That teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: Are you no big or small?

Student: I am young and old.

Teacher: You are too young to learn well.

Student: You can't learn well when you are old.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop it.

Student: I will continue for you.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you. Can you stop?

Student: I'm not afraid of you. Go ahead, okay?

Teacher: This is the end of antonym practice.

Student: The synonym practice begins now.

Teacher: Are you finished?

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are ill-bred.

Student: I am educated.

Teacher: Do you look like an educated person?

Student: Don't I look like an uneducated person?

Teacher: I am very depressed.

Student: Happy.

Teacher: I am very angry with you.

Student: You will be angry with me.

Teacher: Can you stop talking?

Student: May I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I won't take this class. I'll go.

Student: I will stop. I have to take this course. I will do it.