How to make children less picky eaters and eat faster

Mom asked: Teacher, my child is now 8 years old. He has never developed a good habit of eating since he was a child. Now he is picky about eating and plays while eating, especially in the morning. He wastes a long time eating, or If he can't finish eating, he has to go to school or be late. We ask him not to be late, so we ask him to eat quickly. But I don’t know how to change this situation, how not to be picky about food, how to eat quickly, please give me some advice, thank you!

Xiaoba’s answer: Hello, I would like to invite you to think about three questions together:

1. Whose wish is it for a child to eat quickly if he is not picky about food?

Assuming that the goal of "not being picky eaters and eating quickly" is achieved, what difference do you think it will make to your children? In other words, from your child's perspective, what good does it do to him to not be picky and eat quickly?

Please note that the question here is for the child, not for you.

In other words, suppose you are your child and we ask you to change from "picky eater, eating and playing" to "not picky eater, eating quickly", would you be willing? How will this change benefit you? What happened, or did your parents do something different from before, that made it possible for you to make this change?

2. How do children develop the habit of being picky about eating and playing while eating?

You said that the child has not developed good eating habits since he was a child. So how did the child develop the current eating habits? What are the possible reasons?

Xiaoba will list a few:

? So far, children are allowed to be picky about food and play while eating. It is also allowed to leave the dining table to play while eating. Yes, when he was younger, there would be people at home chasing him to feed him to make sure he wouldn't go hungry.

? Parents disapprove of their children being picky eaters and playing while eating. When they do this, the parents tell their children over and over again, "Don't be picky eaters" and "Don't eat and play at the same time", but they only say so verbally. , and few concrete actions were taken to stop his behavior.

? Parents themselves are picky eaters, or parents themselves like to look at their mobile phones while eating.

? Parents are not picky eaters, they pay attention to meals, and they do not feed their children. Children are born with this and develop it on their own.

Please also list the reasons. Then look at which of these reasons you can make adjustments and how.

3. What is the child's own attitude towards being late?

If the child feels that being late does not matter and "just be late, it doesn't matter anyway", he may not have the motivation to eat quickly. . Then, we can find ways to make the children not want to be late, or we can not use "lateness" as a consideration.

If a child doesn’t want to be late, and adults are always anxious, always urging him, and always pulling him out at the last minute, and the result is that he is basically never late, then for him , now the state of eating every morning can be maintained. He knows that it doesn't matter no matter how slow he eats, his parents will support him and ensure that he will not be late. So, what specific behavioral changes will you make next to make your children realize, "If I continue like this, I will really be late?"

Finally, what Xiaoba wants to say is that in our eyes, a certain "problem" or a certain "behavior that needs to be changed" in a child is often not just formed by the child himself, but in the family system. Formed, if you want to change a certain "problem", you don't just focus on the child and ask the child to change, but to see what other people in the family system can do differently from the past to bring about changes in the child. .

For further reading, click on the title below to see:

What should I do if my child is dawdling?

What should I do if my child doesn’t eat well?

Building partnerships with children, young people and their carers

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