Why do I always see others?

After going out for four days, I felt like I was completely transformed. It has been 30 years since I felt like myself again, a different self, and I discovered that change can really happen.

Usually, I am a person who walks with a book in my arms, as if only books can save me. However, I have an epiphany now: Fortunately, I left the book and went to truly experience life. Otherwise, a lot of time is wasted with little effect.

This is the first time in so many years that I have spent money so happily. It's quite a sum.

30 years old, rebirth.

Joy rises from the bottom of my heart.

Slowly getting used to this state, and then copying it every day, persisting for a month, half a year, one year, five years, ten years, my personality and destiny have really changed.

Let me tell you a little bit about my growth and changes.

Generally speaking, I used to be a person without self. What does it mean to be without self? For example, I care about other people’s evaluations and impressions of me. I am easily irritated by others, and it is also easy for me to irritate others and make others disgusted. I have no boundaries of my own, and it is easy to trample on other people’s boundaries, leading to a painful and painful life. Twist.

Let me first talk about my working relationship and colleague relationship. In my first year of work, that is, in 2015, I was not happy to go to work, but full of complaints. I felt that I was being overqualified and thought, how could someone with an annual salary of 1 million deign to do this? Such a low-level little job. These leaders are arrogant, stingy, and really useless, so from the bottom of my heart I don't respect them, but I still treat them respectfully when we meet because I want to maintain a good image. The fact is that whatever impression you have of the leader will be the same impression the leader has of you. This feeling can be conveyed without communication.

My attitude toward ordinary colleagues has improved a lot, but deep down I still despise them. I earn a monthly salary of 5,000, but I am still proud of myself and think of myself as aloof.

So, on the surface, we are polite, harmonious, and safe, but in fact, we are divided, twisted, and painful on the inside.

When someone points out something bad about me, I don’t accept it. I will rebound. If you say I am A, then I must confront you and show -A. As a result, both myself and the other party will suffer. .

This is also the reason why I always want to resign. I can't handle these inner dramas. I want to escape to a comfortable, safe and quiet corner, silently "be myself" and silently endure loneliness. I feel that I don’t need these social relationships, I can fully meet my own needs.

Be perverted, be lonely.

But I dare not completely let go of these relationships and bravely be "lonely", because there is no place where I can enjoy "loneliness" and I have nowhere to escape.

Now, I know that people are social products, people can only be nourished in relationships, and low-level loneliness is a disease.

Escape is not the solution to the problem, facing it head on is.

Why do I easily look down on the people around me? Because my eyes are always looking upward and I cannot see the advantages of the people around me.

Why do I always look upward? Because I have learned to focus on excellence since I was a child. Because I have an excellent brother, my parents can only see him. I thought that only if I am as good and smart as my brother, my parents can see me.

So I only have my brother in my eyes. I will imitate whatever my brother does. Others have nothing to do with me.

When I was a child, when I talked about my brother, I was very happy and cheerful, as if my friends and I were inferior races, and only my brother was superior and worthy of respect.

I work so hard just to be seen and praised by my parents.

But the truth is that no matter how hard I try, my parents can’t see me, and even if they can, they won’t praise me happily.

As I grew up, I got better and better, and my parents seemed a little relieved. This kind of relief only appeared when my brother was down and out. My brother didn't meet my parents' expectations, so my mother turned her attention to me, and I felt a little sense of accomplishment.

However, I have formed the habit of looking upward. Only when I look upward can I feel that I am valuable. So over the years, when I see outstanding people, I will find ways to pounce on them. It seems that as long as I get close to excellence, I will automatically become excellent. Teacher Cong said that this is a typical example of "the fox pretending to be the tiger's power".

Now, I know the source of the disease and how to adjust it.

I am good, but my mother can't see it, doesn't mean everyone can't see it. I don’t need to become an older brother to be seen.

Moreover, if I look down on the people around me, it is not because they are not good, but because I am blind. You really underestimate others. What an insult to others!

There is also a subtle psychology. When I despise others, it is actually to protect my own narcissism. It seems that as long as I despise you, I will be perfect. No, if you don't work hard, why do you think of yourself like this? You are simply narcissistic.

So, on the one hand, I don’t need to focus on excellence. This excellence is subjectively classified by me. When I was a child, I thought that "the one who studies well is excellent, and the one who studies poorly is garbage." Recently, this For a few years, I have had an obsession, "Those who have money are excellent, and those who have no money are rubbish." Therefore, it is very risky for me to write like this now, and everyone will know who I have despised. Therefore, I married a husband who is good at studying and highly educated, and at the same time he is obsessed with rich people.

In fact, excellence does not mean studying well or being rich. All living beings are equal. It’s just that everyone is good at different fields and varieties. There is no distinction between good and bad.

On the other hand, I shouldn’t look down on others. Everyone has their own shining points. Everyone is worthy of our relationship, love, warmth, giving, and nourishing others. nourished, because no one can survive alone.

In addition, see your own abilities realistically, give up your narcissism, and do something down-to-earth. Excellence is not something you imagine, it is made bit by bit.

Having a sense of reverence for authority is also based on this psychological logic. In my mind, I automatically classify authority into the ranks of excellence. Then, when facing authority, I will feel unequal, timid, and think Behave well and let others see me and praise me. In fact, there is no authority, they are just ordinary people. They also have the worries you have, and they also have the fears you have.

Today, when I came to the office to work and walked on the road, I felt so refreshed all over my body that I felt energetic even when I walked up the stairs. I met Sister Song in the office. I used to dislike Sister Song and wanted to hide when I saw her because she once accused me in front of me.

Today, I don’t feel like I hate her at all. I sit next to her and type without being disturbed at all. She also chatted with me a lot, which was very comfortable.

This is perhaps the most important aspect of my character that needs to be improved. In the last session, the teacher gave me a stack of oh cards and asked me to pick one at will. The picture I drew is like this: A row of birds of various shapes stood on a rope. The teacher said, what did you think of when you saw this card? What quality do you most want to bring back?

To be honest, when I saw this picture, I was shocked and felt that I was being pulled away. Yes, I know that the quality I want to bring back is: the spirit of unity and cooperation.

Each of us is different, with different shapes and characteristics, but we can stand on the same line in parallel, side by side, rather than you and me. , life and death, we can be seen by each other, warm each other, and help each other. Not only people of the same kind can become good friends, the world is harmonious but different, and inclusive.

Parenting inspiration: See your children truly, no matter whether what the children do is in line with the parents’ wishes. Respect real children and see real children. All things are equal in the world.