Reading Notes of Fan Deng Book Club 1. Raising girls

Explain the significance of raising a daughter in the author's words: when your daughter grows up, you can see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the strength and quality she now has. When you leave, an excellent woman will continue to live, and she will pass on everything you taught her to her descendants!

Jinghua Du Jie

The following content is the essence of Fan Deng's reading club's interpretation of Raising Girls for the reference of book lovers. Welcome to share. It shall not be used for commercial purposes without permission.

catalogue

Guide: Girls are early and wise.

First, the five stages of girls' growth

Second, danger and help: crossing five dangerous areas

Three. Girls and their parents

Conclusion: Kathy's story

Upper guide bearing

Guide: Girls are early and wise.

Girls develop faster than boys, especially in terms of brain ability. As early as in the mother's womb, their bodies began to secrete estrogen. When they were born, they developed several weeks earlier than boys. In speaking and writing, girls can also lead boys by 6~ 12 months. In kindergarten, girls are not as anxious and separated as boys. In development, girls enter puberty two years earlier than boys, and when boys are still ignorant, girls are already little ladies; Boys' brains develop well around the age of 20, while girls' brains take two or three years.

At the beginning, the author introduces the story of Kathy and Genevieve, two girls aged 17. They were good friends in primary school, but they parted ways when they grew up. Kathy is one of those fashionable and cold girls. The reason is that she 14 years old attended a friend's birthday party and they were all drunk. A handsome senior boy she likes seduced her into having sex, but the boy didn't love her at all and laughed at her with others.

Since then, she has changed from an independent girl to an angry, cold and hot girl on campus. She started flirting with boys and then abandoned them. /kloc-When she was 0/7 years old, she had already had sex with 7 boys. Kathy's parents are busy with their work. They asked their children to be independent and knew nothing about their daughters until Kathy became addicted to alcohol and her grades were in a mess.

On the other hand, Genevieve has a mother who is very close to her. They talk about everything. She 15 years old made a boyfriend Justin. Justin has had sexual experience with other girls, so he especially wants to do the same with Genevieve, but Genevieve doesn't want to. She revealed her confusion to her mother. Instead of being angry or reprimanded, her mother helped her explore her own needs, feelings and their dates. When Justin later asked her to get back together, she explicitly refused. She has grown up.

About Kathy's last story, whether she will come out of psychological counseling, we will finally reveal.

First, the five stages of girls' growth

Different from the three stages of boys, the author divides the growth of girls into five stages:

The first stage: from birth to 2 years old-sense of security, whether I am loved or not, whether I am safe.

The second stage: 2 -5 years old-exploring whether the world is interesting and happy.

The third stage: 5 years old-10 years old-contact with people, can you get along well with people?

The fourth stage: 10 years old-14 years old-know your heart, find yourself and find true happiness.

The fifth stage: 14 years old-18 years old-stepping into the adult world, can I be responsible for myself?

1. Stage 1: I want to be safe (from birth to 2 years old)

Early life is the period when the brain grows fastest. It is love, smiling, singing and all kinds of interesting interactions that help their brains grow. The researchers recorded the interaction process between mother and baby with high-speed camera and found that there was a tacit echo between mother and baby. These conversations can help children to confirm their mother's love for her, which will help her to detect the feelings of others and learn to feel in adulthood.

But if the mother's reaction is delayed a little, the baby will go crazy and cry violently. At this time, my mother responded with her unique voice, such as "What's the matter, oh dear, baby", and she soon calmed down. After being comforted for thousands of times, her brain gradually formed a channel from stress to relaxation, which is also the channel she will use in the future.

We all know the importance of interpersonal communication, but in fact the key period is 6 to 12 months. Babies attach great importance to who the people around them are, and girls are more sensitive to social relations than boys. Babies can't comfort themselves, so they are easily upset, whine and cry. Caregivers need to help them calm down, pick them up, comfort her and help him relax. Later, she will learn to comfort herself. You know, if the mother is emotional during pregnancy, the impact on the baby is very bad.

Babies need to be calm and calm, but they also need to be accompanied by excitement and happiness, such as hide-and-seek games. Dad will throw the children high into the air and chase after them. Studies have shown that children who grow up playing games with their fathers are much more resistant to stress than children who only play gentle games.

It is very important to play with children. Playing can stimulate their brain potential. People who love to play are good at innovation, and children who grow up in a happy state are not timid, dull and full of vitality. The author hates all kinds of early education projects in this period. Don't give her children to some strangers, remember that what she really needs is you!

2. The second stage: learning and exploration stage (2 to 5 years old)

At this stage, the focus of girls is exploration. You should know that both art and sports ability begin at the stage of 1~5 years old. Studies show that parents and children speak in different ways. For boys, we may add more concepts such as numbers and space, while for girls, we emphasize feeling and beauty. In other words, we inadvertently began to instill rational feelings in boys and emphasize perceptual experiences in girls. In fact, you can talk more about numbers and building blocks with your daughter, which is of great benefit to cultivating their digital space ability.

There is no need to buy fashionable toys consisting of batteries and flashlights for children. In fact, those things are useless, and they are of little help to cultivate children's hands-on and exploration ability. If children's toys and dolls pile up into mountains, there is no way to start. Prepare some toys for children, put them in a convenient box and change them frequently. For girls, some waste paper, colored pens, crayons, pigments, used greeting cards and stickers are a very creative toy library.

Please remember that nature is the most important thing. Electronic products are far less important to them than three-dimensional nature. If learning piano and other learning activities start too early, it will damage her intelligence. Children need their own time, daydreaming and free space, so as to develop their imagination. Turn off the TV so that the children can think and talk to themselves. Since we have too many only children, we can let our children set up a playmate group in the community.

There is no doubt that girls love beauty more than boys, but some mothers dress girls up too beautifully. All kinds of beautiful pleated skirts, beautiful headdresses and beautiful shoes will only bind children's hands and feet to explore. On the contrary, those convenient and strong clothes will make her play with water, mud and painting unscrupulously. Don't buy toys for your daughter that emphasize appearance and wearing. Girls will also like rockets, castles, trucks and farms.

Teach girls discipline and rules gently but firmly, and help them deal with their feelings, especially when they are in strong emotions. These can refer to another book of Fan Deng Reading APP: "How to Cultivate Children's Social Ability"

3. Stage 3: Get along with people (5 years old-10 years old)

Judging from the development process, the baby will not be too interested in the cute baby like her, because mom and dad are more fun; Children under the age of 3 can get along well together in less than a few minutes. But after four or five years old, girls can play fantasy and pretend games together-for example, playing house all the time. These games are the basis of cultivating creativity, and we learn how to communicate with people by playing them.

Friends are as important to girls as oxygen. Boys of the same age had a fight with their friends, and they may go out to play again an hour later, but it is not so easy for girls to go out after they are uncomfortable. She needs her parents to care for her and comfort her. You are her social leader, but in most cases, you don't have to intervene at all. When she asks for help, just help her analyze it and give her some advice.

In making friends, the author gives seven suggestions: being friendly, sharing, empathizing, controlling aggression, apologizing, understanding emotions and knowing who can be trusted. Moreover, mother is a role model for girls in society. If you often lose control with your husband in front of your children, she is either completely different from you or exactly the same, then it is very stupid to do that.

In the mother-infant relationship, if there is no safe connection, then your child will have this problem when he grows up, and the boy will escape or distrust his mother; But girls are the opposite. When mothers are depressed, alienated and angry, she will get closer to her mother and try to help and comfort her. These girls are also more willing to be with people who are anxious and depressed when making friends, because these people have the shadow of their mother and she wants to help them.

4. The fourth stage: discover the heart (10 years old-14 years old)

In the senior grade of primary school, girls are very adult, sensitive and mature. You think you can finally relax, but please note that girls at this stage need more attention and companionship, more teaching, more explanations, more inquiries and more meaningful activities, instead of pushing her out to grow up alone and bear all kinds of pressures.

We often say that education is not to fill a bucket of water, but to light a fire. Peter Benson, a top American adolescent expert, has a very useful spark theory. He thinks that all teenagers and children have some kind of enthusiasm. He divided the flame into three categories: talent (such as writing and drawing) and personality (courage and empathy), and they can get great happiness from undertaking a certain task (such as protecting nature). The task of parents is to find and strengthen the spark in their children, which can make them behave happier in school.

Finding the soul to stay in the children's hearts and help them distinguish right from wrong is what Wang Yangming said. Against your conscience, you will hate yourself if others don't tell you. The soul is creative, it is the true self, and children need to discover it, admit it and get along with it. In the search for the soul, just as boys need a male parent as an example, girls also need an older woman as an example, so that she can know how to be a powerful and connotative woman, such as a teacher, a coach of some favorite projects, and aunts. Their hearts should be warm and calm, not boring, and appreciate and support your daughter. We hope that members can find such a spiritual role model for their daughters, and we also hope that mothers can play such a role for their nieces and nieces, such as communicating with them frequently, attending their concerts and sports meetings, inviting them to your home for the night, understanding their difficulties and troubles, helping them communicate better with their parents and letting you know your daughter better.

5. Stage 5: Preparing for adulthood (14 years old-18 years old)

/kloc-a 0/4-year-old girl, she is already very tall, has passed puberty and is very smart. How's it going? Can she let go? Or treat her as a friend completely, so that adults will be much more relaxed. But remember, the answer is no. Think about Kathy's example. You can't blame the children. Their prefrontal cortex control center has not been "completed". When she feels stressed and nervous, the "amygdala" of her brain, the center of impulse and emotional response, will immediately control her. Therefore, at this time, they still need parents, not friends. You need to stipulate that she must be at home at night, no drinking, and always know where she is and who she is with. Maybe this is a bit old-fashioned and unpopular, but this is exactly what responsible parents should do.

Children at this stage should learn to be self-reliant, clear-minded, emotionally strong, handle the relationship with others and do things with a purpose, but this process is very difficult. In one case, 14-year-old Marilla crossed the road with her classmates one day after school and was seriously injured by a big truck. 1 person died and 5 people were seriously injured. After many operations, she can basically live like a normal person, but she suffers from severe traumatic stress disorder. She is very afraid of approaching roads and cars. Her parents found her a stress counselor and slowly established them. On this day, the psychologist thought it was time to talk about the core issues. She asked Marilla who was responsible for the accident. Marilla certainly thinks that the idiot driver ran the red light. At this time, the counselor asked her if she had observed the passing cars at the green light. This suddenly woke Marilla. She realized that she trusted sidewalks and traffic lights too much. She talked and laughed with her classmates and didn't observe the surrounding environment at all. She realized her responsibility. Marilla was successfully cured. She was no longer afraid of roads and cars. This class is called "growing up". Although it is too cruel, tell the girls to be responsible for themselves and stay awake and alert, so as to protect themselves.

I hope each of our parents will tell their children about this case!