The monologue of a 40-year-old single and unmarried gay——I still love life

What I wrote before:

Not long ago, someone commented on one of my articles and left a link to the post. Through that post, I learned that the other party was a 40-year-old middle-aged gay man. After communicating with them, and then collecting and organizing them, I came up with this tweet. The following content is about the author's work, life, family, love and attitude towards the future. The text is plain and simple, with no twists and turns in the storyline. It shows and records the most authentic life and state of mind of a middle-aged single comrade.

The full text is as follows:

The Spring Festival of 2020 is very unforgettable. Traffic control, being bored at home, eating and sleeping, and eating after sleeping. I thought people would go crazy if this continued, so I decided to do something. Finally I wrote this article on a whim. As for the purpose, I treat it as a tree hole, hoping to be able to express some of my innermost thoughts.

Personal introduction

I am a 40-year-old middle-aged uncle. Male gender, male sexual orientation.

Obtained a postgraduate degree after graduating from university and working. Now I work in a state-owned enterprise, engaged in technical management.

He is of average appearance, a standard southerner, not tall and not fat.

Works and lives in a fourth-tier city in Hubei Province.

Own a car and a house, have a stable job, be financially independent, and live alone.

I should never leave this city again in this life.

Has come out to his parents. If a 40-year-old person does not get married, he must give an explanation to his parents.

Other people, whether they are colleagues or friends, do not know my sexual orientation.

So to this day, there are still enthusiastic people who want to introduce me to people. Of course, I will handle these things skillfully.

Single and unmarried.

Because I like men, I will not harm women, and therefore I have no plans to get married. Unless one day same-sex marriage becomes legal in China and I find the right person.

It is probably difficult.

Both are difficult.

Work experience

In fact, the majors in the university are not completely corresponding.

But people always have to bow to society. They must first have a stable job before they can talk about professional matters.

Fortunately, I entered a state-owned enterprise with stable work and good benefits. Unfortunately, this state-owned enterprise did not give me a position in this major, or it did not give me the opportunity to engage in work in this major. .

Then I changed careers.

During this process, in order to adapt to the new job, I went to graduate school again.

Because my position is a technical one, and I am not a very versatile person with a particularly high emotional intelligence, I just take the technical route with peace of mind.

No progress in position. But I ask myself to be leading and professional in business. Currently he has obtained the title of senior engineer.

In my spare time, I will also take some professional certificate examinations. Passing the certificates can also bring me extra income to make up for the economic losses caused by my position.

As we get older, learning becomes more and more strenuous, but we cannot relax. I had to continue studying last year and this year, which was also very distressing.

Emotional Experience

I am a relatively late self-awareness and slow person. I only understood my true sexual orientation after I was 30 years old.

I had a girlfriend when I was studying.

After confirming my sexual orientation through online forums such as QQ, I initially experienced panic, guilt, regret, and even looked down upon myself. Finally, I was sure that I had done nothing wrong. But I am a minority and different from ordinary people, and in order to protect myself, I may not disclose my sexual orientation to society or friends for the rest of my life. At the same time, I also made up my mind not to get married.

I am who I am, fireworks with different colors.

It took about 5 years to get to know myself, and a few more years to accept myself.

I am indeed the kind of person who is a bit of a hindsight.

By the way, I am an Aquarius. Aquarius man.

When something happens, I feel a little hesitant and procrastinate, and I need to think about it for a long time.

But once you have made up your mind, you will not regret it easily.

Strictly speaking, I have only had one boyfriend. But I had emotional entanglements with two men.

The first one was the first time I really got to know a gay man in life, who was younger than me. When two people are together, they are completely exploring each other and adapting to each other. But this relationship lasted very short, and he decided to leave the city where I was not long after. When I'm with a person, I often want to know about him and see him regularly, even if it's just to watch a movie, have a meal, or take a walk together.

The two of us can remain anonymous, but we must be able to have regular contact. In fact, I have also reflected on whether I am a bit clingy.

When he left, he proposed a long-distance relationship. I thought about it for more than a month and finally chose to refuse. I can't accept a long-distance relationship,

After all, there is more than 20 hours of driving between the two of us.

My real boyfriend is my ex-boyfriend. I have known him for more than two years and been together for more than half a year. The reason for the subsequent breakup was due to differences in outlook.

I proposed a breakup.

I am a person who has clear plans for the future.

I don’t get married because I think it is immoral to marry a woman if I don’t like her. Likewise, I don’t approve of physical marriage. I feel compelled to allow my future partner to be with me without moral pressure, I am single and so is he.

My two emotional entanglements were both single.

Being single is my basic requirement for my partner.

Because I may not have a family or children in my life, so since I understood my sexual orientation, I have started to make plans for my life, especially my old life, such as going to work and working hard, Keep yourself with a certain amount of savings and exercise.

Fortunately, my company is a relatively stable company with good profits and good benefits after retirement. Regardless of whether I live alone or have my own partner, I can completely take care of my own future pension and reimburse medical expenses when I get sick. I have planned everything.

As for my ex-boyfriend, who is the same age as me, he has no plans in this regard. He is the kind of person who wants to live the most unrestrained day in his life every day. His idea is correct, but we just can't get along.

Let’s put it this way, I have plans every year. I have to travel 2 to 3 times every year. I have clear plans for what kind of progress I want to make at work every year. He is the kind of person who lives one day at a time and has no obvious plans for work or finances.

In fact, no one is right or wrong, it’s just that after being together for a long time, we will be very tired, and we will finally break up peacefully.

The most fearful thing about relationships is giving up.

Two emotional experiences told me that firstly, it is not necessary to have a long-distance relationship, and secondly, it is important to have similar outlooks.

I also had sex during my lonely, empty and cold single days. If it's a one-night stand, I don't care whether he is single, whether our three views are consistent, whether his plans for the future match mine, I only care about his appearance and body.

It’s been half a year since my last relationship ended.

Still single.

Views on love

I think our gay views on love are actually largely the same as those of heterosexuals. But our road may be harder and more tortuous.

Be brave when you are young. You can keep trying to get along with others. It doesn’t matter if you fail, just start over.

But at my age, I will be more cautious about a relationship.

It may be that the older you get, the more precious your feelings become and cannot be squandered easily, or that you don’t have much courage to start over.

It may also be because your attitude towards feelings has changed. When you are young, you may care about whether the relationship is sweet or romantic. You are easily tempted by small details, and you also have high requirements for small details.

Now I will pay more attention to the future of a relationship, its direction, its purpose, its plan, and what direction it can achieve. Under this premise, I will take the initiative to stop losses for those emotions that have no possibility of going on.

No matter how painful it is, I know very well that it is a tragedy anyway, and the long-term pain is not as good as the short-term pain.

Let’s talk about what kind of two people can last long.

First, both parties must be financially independent.

Second, each other’s personalities are independent, which means they have mature personalities.

Third, the three views are similar. Two people can communicate easily and have the same views on some things, or even if they have different views, they can reach common understanding through communication.

One thing to note here is that differences in views do not mean who is right or wrong. Maybe both parties are very good people, very good people. Just because everyone has their own way of life and philosophy of life. When I say the sea is so beautiful, your first reaction is that many people have drowned there. With so many small examples brought together, how much happiness can the two of them have left together?

Fourth, each other must have a bright spot to attract each other. The shining points that I personally pay more attention to are the aspects of personality. Of course, it would also be good if there is something attractive in terms of money or work ability. However, the facial features and body attract the shortest time, burn quickly, and turn to ash very quickly.

In fact, there are many, many more, but the first four alone can filter out many, many people.

When society cannot openly accept it, and when gay marriage cannot be legal, we now have no legal guarantee. But I think we should at least have each other in our hearts, understand and care for each other, and be able to be together often.

In fact, love really comes into being in the little things in daily life, the daily necessities of life.

Hobbies

1. Games. When I was young, I liked role-playing games, and now I prefer strategy games. I have been obsessed with Werewolf in the past few years.

2. Read. I mainly read light novels, mainly short stories or novellas. Prefers to read suspenseful mystery novels.

3. Film and television. I have membership cards at three nearby movie theaters. If it is not too cold or too hot, I will go to the movies once a week. Of course, I also watch a lot of movies at home, tending to be horror, suspense, and science fiction. TV series are mainly British and American dramas.

4. Food. After turning 35, I suddenly enlightened and learned how to make delicious food by myself. Of course, this is inseparable from the help of the almighty Du Niang. I am a foodie. If I eat a dish I like in a restaurant, I will definitely find out how to make it and then go home to experiment. From the very beginning when I didn’t know anything, to what I have done now and can win the praise of my colleagues, I still feel a sense of accomplishment.

5. Study. The reason why I ranked it last is because if it is not necessary, I really don’t want to study anymore, but we live in an era of increasing technological development. My professional skills will be introduced every year. New laws and regulations, various scientific research The results will continue to be new. At this time, if you want to not fall behind and stay ahead in your profession, you must continue to learn. So in the past two years, I have been taking a professionally difficult certificate. Learning is something that makes me very painful, but it is also something that I cannot avoid.

6. Fitness. I am not a muscular man, and I have never been to the gym, but I want to have a healthier body, so I insist on walking for an hour every day and do some cycling activities on weekends.

7. Party. Basically there is a gathering with colleagues and friends every half month. They are generally made in AA format. I prefer to have gatherings outdoors, such as spring outings and autumn outings. Of course, if a new restaurant opens somewhere, it would be nice for everyone to go and taste the food together. What we eat is actually not that important. What is important is seeing those old friends who are all doing well.

About parents and coming out

I personally feel that coming out is a decision, not just a result.

Everyone must have their own reasons when they decide to come out.

On the one hand, my parents gave me birth and raised me, and they have not married since they were 40 years old. They will continuously introduce me to partners. And I have decided not to marry for life, so I am destined to let down their good intentions.

On the other hand, they are old and I don’t want to make up any excuses to deceive them.

When I decided to stay single for the rest of my life, I was already preparing the groundwork for my coming out.

I will only tell the truth to my parents because they have the right to know the truth.

How long have I been laying the groundwork? More than 5 years.

I think most parents actually really love us. Although it will be difficult for them if we don't get married, the most important thing is that they want us to be well. In their minds, getting married, having children, and having a stable family is a basic way to live a good life.

Over the past five years, I have been slowly letting them accept the reality that I can live well alone.

Although I have reached the age of forty and am single, I have not degenerated, lived in debauchery, made friends with bad friends, been unwilling to make progress, and have not made myself look shabby or haggard.

The premise is that you are a financially independent person, a self-disciplined person, and a person with a plan for life.

Of course, if a person can live a good life, they still cannot be reassured.

Because everyone has to face a reality: aging. What will you do when you get old? Without the company of your children and family, you will feel lonely, and sometimes your life will be inconvenient.

This problem is more difficult.

I saw this passage on the Internet:

I asked my mother if it was okay not to get married. My mother only said: "If there are fireworks outside and the smell of food in the neighbors is overflowing, the street will be full of people." As long as the family is traveling hand in hand, you can hold back your tears."

I admit that this passage touched me.

I am not as strong as I imagined. I may cry, but I will hide in a corner and cry silently by myself, or cry in my heart.

Everyone is vulnerable sometimes.

So I really didn’t have any good solution for my parents to accept that I would be alone all my life, but their kindness finally helped me solve this problem.

I said that I don’t love women. If I marry a woman just for children or to have a nominal family, this woman will not be happy. This is unfair to her.

My parents were silent, accepting the idea. You cannot pass your problems on to others. You have no right or qualification to hurt others.

Because my parents were kind, they were forced to accept the fact that I was single.

At the same time, I feel guilty myself.

There are three types of unfilial piety, the greatest of which is not having offspring.

So, I have to work hard to earn money to fully prepare for my retirement; I have to have a plan for my life and start working on it now; I have to work hard to find a suitable partner. , hoping to find a like-minded boyfriend, and then show it to them openly and tell them that although I am not married, I do have a partner.

In fact, my parents still cannot accept my coming out, but they have accepted this reality.

This is an eternal secret and an eternal knot between the three of us.

For a while, I really wanted to find a boyfriend as soon as possible, and I was even so eager that I was a little hungry.

Because my parents are getting older day by day, their health is getting worse and worse.

Unfortunately it has never been successful.

For some things, you really have to do your best and obey fate.

About the future

I am in good health. The company organizes physical examinations every year, and I also do a comprehensive examination. All indexes are normal.

The job is stable, recognized by the leadership in the business, and there is no problem in working steadily until retirement.

The income is not high, but it is not bad in our fourth-tier city. I have a car, a house and a deposit. My biggest personal expenses are traveling and eating. As I said just now, I am a foodie. There is absolutely no problem with being self-sufficient, and your life will not be worse than that of an average family, only better.

Both parents have retirement wages, so there is no financial pressure to support them. Of course filial piety is a must.

I mentioned my short-term goal before. Last year, I applied for the highest-level professional certificate, studied for a year, and passed part of the exam. I will continue to work hard this year and strive to pass all the remaining exams this year.

The long-term plan is for one person or two people to keep a peaceful mind and good health.

Face your life calmly and calmly.

Because it is a fourth-tier city, the chance of finding a suitable partner is not high, and there are even fewer people around my age who are still single. At the same time, I also hope that the other party will be financially independent and have an independent personality. We can have similar views and move forward hand in hand. Just think about it and you will know how difficult it is.

In addition, I also hope that the distance between him and me will not exceed two hours' drive.

I know that the ideal life I want is not easy, it can even be said to be difficult, but it is difficult to live it.

I hope to get to know some people of the same kind and make friends, even if they never meet, just be each other's tree holes, chat with each other, and talk about what's on the mind. You can have no boyfriend, but it would be too miserable to have no similar friends.

Attitude towards life

Love it. Do your best to love it.

Nine times out of ten things in this world are not as expected.

More often than not, we love life, but we may just live plainly.

But one thing is for sure, as long as we love life, we will not regret it when we look back on the past.

If you could say something to your 20-year-old self, what would you say?

Cherish every day of your life now, because every day is beautiful.