English humorous stories

Peter (male name)

doze off

leave

During ...

his

teacher

be

Chat

Peter dozed off while the teacher was lecturing.

Teacher:

Peter. Speak to

We,

what

this

largest

exist

this

The world?

Teacher: Peter! Tell me, what is the biggest in the world?

Peter:

Well,

Good ... eyelids. ....

Peter:

Uh ... uh ... eyelids ...

Teacher:

What? Eyelids?

Teacher: What? Eyelids?

Peter:

Yes,

sir

because

be like

fast

be like

I

close

my

Eyes,

this

eyelid

involve

all

about

this

The world.

Peter: Yes, sir. Because when I close my eyes, my eyelids cover everything in the world.

evening

one

night

exist

this

crazy

shelter/shield (sb from)

one

resident

Shouted loudly,

"I

be

Napoleon! "

another

one

Say,

"How can?

do

you

Do you know? "

this

first

resident

Say,

"god

tell about

Me! "

only

Then,

a

sound

from

another

room

Shouted loudly,

"I

do

No! "

Mental hospital

One night, in an insane asylum, a patient said, "I am Napoleon!" " "Another said," how do you know? The first man said, "God told me!" " After a while, a voice came from another room: "I didn't say that!" " "

② English humorous stories

Propose to Bernard Shaw

Once, a beautiful and dissolute sasha jackson wrote to propose to Bernard Shaw. She said that she didn't mind Bernard Shaw's age and ugliness because he was a genius. If they can combine the beauty of women with the talent of great men, it will be very harmonious. "With your wisdom and my appearance, our children must be perfect."

Bernard Shaw replied in a letter that her imagination is rich. "But what if the children inherit my appearance and your wisdom?"

Propose to Bernard Shaw

A beautiful and romantic English actress once wrote to propose to Bernard Shaw. She said that because he was a genius, she didn't think Bernard Shaw was old and ugly. If we can combine the beauty of a girl with the genius of superman, how harmonious it would be. "Our descendants have your wisdom and my beauty, and they must be perfect."

Bernard Shaw wrote back to her, saying that her imagination was very rich. "But what if the baby looks like me and is as smart as you?"

③ English humorous stories

Tommy: Johnny, how is your little brother? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

Tom: Johnny, how is your little brother?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He's hurt.

Tom: That's too bad. What happened?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: Monkeys can have fleas, but fleas cannot have monkeys.

What's the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may directly think that they are a big one and a small one. But besides, monkeys can have fleas, but fleas can't have monkeys. Is this an interesting answer?

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I have to charge you $25 for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for tooth extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loudly that all the other four patients were scared out of the office.

exorbitant price

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I have to charge $25 for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: twenty-five dollars! But I know it only costs five dollars to pull out a tooth?

Dentist: Yes. But your son shouted so loudly that he scared away four patients.

④ English humorous stories are about 50 words (with translation)

Q: Why don't elephants use computers?

Why doesn't the elephant play computer?

He's afraid of rats!

He's afraid of rats!

Mouse and mouse are both mice in English.

Mouse [horse? S] rat; Rats; coward

A very anxious patient walked into the doctor's office for help.

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday. "

"Oh, don't worry! What you have to remember is not to talk for the next few days. " The doctor said.

An anxious patient went to the doctor's office for help.

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday. "

"Oh, don't worry. You must remember not to smoke for the next few days. " The doctor said.

A man was hit by a taxi in the street.

He was taken to the hospital.

His wife stood by his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is very ill."

"I'm afraid he's dead." The doctor said,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said, "I'm not dead. I am still alive. "

"Be quiet," said the wife. "The doctor knows better than you!"

A man was knocked down by a taxi in the street and was taken to the hospital.

His wife stood in front of his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is badly hurt."

The doctor said, "I'm afraid he's dead."

Hearing the doctor's words, the man turned his head and said, "I'm not dead, I'm still alive."

The wife said, "Be quiet, the doctor knows more than you."

4. A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

God said, "a penny."

Then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "One second",

Then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?"

God said "right away".

A man walks into a church and talks with God.

He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?"

God replied, "A penny."

The man asked again, "What about a million years?"

God said, "One second."

Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?"

God replied, "Right away."

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

Tom: Johnny, how is your little brother?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He's hurt.

Tom: That's too bad. What happened?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

6. Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

⑤ English humorous stories

Delicious!

A Hollywood filmmaker decided to give his mother a birthday present, which was better than anything his brothers gave her. He heard about a magical bird, which can speak five languages and sing ten famous operas. He bought the bird at once and sent it to his mother. It cost him 50 thousand dollars.

The day after her birthday, he called his mother. "Mom, what do you think of this bird?" He asked eagerly. His mother replied, "Great!"

It is said that a man spent a lot of money to buy a bird and gave it to his mother. After a while, the son asked him how the bird was, and his mother said, "It's delicious!" " "

Hehe ~ ~

There are not enough words to add yourself.

⑥ English humorous stories

speak

clock

A talking clock

During ...

arrogantly

perform

leave

his

new

flat

arrive

Friends,

a

university

student

Lead the way; lead

this

way

Go into ...

this

Deng.

"What?

be

this

big

brass

gong

and

hammer

For what? "

one

about

his

friend

Asked.

"that?

be

this

speak

Clock, "

this

man

Replied.

"What happened?

it

Work? "

"Look,"

this

man

say

and

go on

arrive

give

this

gong

One; one

ear

break?into?pieces

pound

along with

this

Hammer.

Suddenly,

someone

scream

from

this

other

One side, one side

about

this

Walls,

"Knock at the door.

it

Turn it off,

you

Idiot!

it is

o

... o ' clock

exist

this

Good morning! "

A student showed his friend around his new apartment and was very proud. "What's that big gong and hammer for?" One of his friends asked him. "That thing is amazing. This is a talking clock, "the student replied. "How does this clock work?" His friend asked. "Look, don't blink." The student stepped forward, picked up a gong and a hammer, and knocked deafening. Suddenly, they heard someone calling from the other side next door, "Stop knocking, you * * *! It's two in the morning! "

References:

///s？ wd = % BC % C3 % C4 % cf % d 1% ef % b8 % f 1 & amp； cl=3

⑦ English humorous stories

Once, a hunter went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down accidentally. He rolled his eyes and seemed to have stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and called the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly, "First of all, you should make sure that he is dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What should I do next?"

Two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them accidentally fell down and his eyes turned white, as if he had stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly, "The first step is to make sure that your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then heard the hunter ask, "What's the second step?"

8 English humorous stories (not too long)

nail

or

Fly?

One; one

old

sir

whose

sight

be

fail

come

arrive

stay

exist

a

hotel

room

along with

a

bottle

about

wine

exist

each

Hands.

exist

this

wall

over there

be

a

fly

which

he

take

for

a

Nails.

therefore

this

moment

he

hang

they

Open,

this

bottle

fall

cracked

and

this

wine

spill over

all

exceed

this

the floor

while

a

waitress

find

what

have

It happened,

she

expression

deep

sympathize with

for

he

and

determined

arrive

do

he

a

Yes.

therefore

this

then

(early) morning

while

he

be

be away from home

take

a

go on foot

exist

this

roof

Garden,

she

Hammered

a

nail

Precisely

where

this

fly

have

I stayed.

at present

this

old

man

enter

be

Room.

this

*** ell

about

this

spill over

wine

remind

he

about

this

An accident.

while

he

look

up

exist

this

Walls,

he

find

this

fly

be

over there

Here we go again!

male

go for a walk

arrive

it

carefully

adiponitrile

insult

it

along with

all

his

Strength.

exist

aural comprehension

a

loudly

Cry,

this

merciful

waitress

rushed

inch

arrive

hiccup

great

Surprise,

this

Poor; poor

old

man

be

over there

Sitting

exist

this

Floor,

his

Teeth (plural of tooth)

Gripped

and

his

correct

hand

It's bleeding!

Nails or flies?

An old gentleman whose eyesight is failing has checked into a hotel room. He has a bottle of wine in each hand. There is a fly on the wall. He mistook it for a nail. He hung two bottles, and the bottles fell and broke, and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what had happened, she felt sorry for him and decided to help him.

So, when he went for a walk in the garden on the roof the next morning, she nailed a nail where the fly stopped.

Speaking of which, the old man returned to the room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of that. He looked up at the wall and the fly stopped there again! He approached gently and applauded as hard as he could. Hearing a loud cry, the kind waitress rushed into the room. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand was bleeding.