Inner dialogue

The highest ability of girls is the ability to seek inward.

Everyone who seeks inward has been hysterical and deeply seeking outward.

The first is affection. I hope parents can realize the trauma they suffered when they were young, and those late encouragement, support, care and applause can make up for it when they grow up. Let the heart with no way to return, because of the warmth of the family, no longer fear the cold and bleak future of the long night.

I just found out that while I poured my fantasies into my parents, they also had high hopes for me. They also hope that I can save their ruined and desolate life and hope that I can reverse the fate of this family. The wounds on their bodies were always open and they were dripping blood.

Then there is love. I hope someone can understand the defensive heart under the bluff and help me break through the layers of fog and find the direction of my heart. I hope someone will give me patience, care, security and ownership. I hope to be like a plant, absorbing sunshine and rain in love. I hope that broken heart will become flat and iron. Only to find that they are just people, not gods.

Perhaps they were born in poverty, and the fear and shame of poverty whipped them all the time. They were used to forbearance and silence, and riveted their strength to go up. Perhaps walking in the bustling and crowded streets, lamenting that I have nothing but youth. Maybe it was swept over, scolded by the leader, clenched his fist, and finally had to go to the bathroom to wash his face. Maybe they often think, if only they could find a backer.

Finally, friendship, depressed mood, called a friend in the early morning, hoping to get understanding, only to find that no one answered there. Even if you answer, you will only say a few words, and secretly complain that you are noisy. After all, they also have their own troubles and are constantly defeated by cruel life.

After experiencing and seeing all this clearly, I finally no longer desire to be saved by others, because I know I can only save myself. In countless dark nights, in confusion and hardship, do something silently, learn to love yourself and heal yourself. Keep telling yourself to wait, be patient, hide your strength, and believe in the power of time. Finally, I am willing to embark on this lonely but wonderful life journey.