Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - After two years of full-time life, I am completely different, anxious, uneasy and inferior. What should I do?
After two years of full-time life, I am completely different, anxious, uneasy and inferior. What should I do?
Don't listen to people, relatives and friends around you deliberately give you a hard time. The old rural ladies around me can't stand the appearance that their daughter-in-law doesn't go to work and seems to enjoy it. It's time to make mistakes, mainly because they must respect themselves. I didn't go to work, so I have been working part-time, and I can earn as much pocket money as I do at work while accompanying my children.
1. Because you won't regret taking your children to work, because we have done our mother's duty and always accompanied our children to grow up, and they feel safe enough. We didn't let the children become left-behind children, and the children were very satisfied.
2. Because a good job gives up bringing children to the elderly or nannies, 80% of parents will regret not accompanying their children in the future, and this regret is hard to make up.
You can enrich yourself to get a certificate when you are not at work, which is an extra guarantee for you to enter the workplace.
4. Now that the network is developed, there are too many things that can be done from the media, such as making small videos and doing part-time coupons.
The above is just my full-time experience for two years, which doesn't mean everyone does.
My full-time working hours are longer than yours. From my pregnancy until my baby finally went to kindergarten, I didn't work for more than four years. Experienced the same anxiety, anxiety and inferiority, and finally came out.
I don't know what your specific situation is, but tell me how I got out.
First of all, when I gave birth to my first child, there was no help from the elderly, and almost everything was just me and my husband. Because his income is higher than mine, I am full-time. The change of body shape and the drastic change of hormone level during pregnancy made me more sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I wonder why I am alive, but I have no income. Watching my husband go out early and come back late every day is very uneasy and anxious.
So I started surfing the internet and thought I should do some part-time work or something.
However, it is difficult. I don't know what to do part-time, and the online novels are so good-looking, and the TV dramas and movies are so wonderful, so I brush the dramas and unconsciously waste a lot of time. I regret when I think about it, and I waste my time in regret. In short, it is a vicious circle.
Fortunately, my husband does not dislike it. He always encourages me, saying that being a stay-at-home mother is also great and hard.
However, sometimes I am too lazy to do housework, and I really don't want to clean up. In a few days, my house will be like a pigsty.
At this time, although my husband didn't say anything, he just cleaned the house silently, but I still felt a silent condemnation.
Therefore, I made up my mind again and again that I must make money by myself, even if it is less.
Later, I became addicted to stock trading.
Of course, I am still relatively restrained in stock trading. Only invest a small amount of money that has no impact on life.
Then, it is quilt cover, cutting meat, and earning a little occasionally. Just like a gambler, he especially wants to invest a lot of money to win over.
Fortunately, I set the bank card to transfer at most once 1000, so it will be very troublesome if I want to transfer it in. With this trouble as a buffer, rationality will come back. It will tell me: "Never take the money necessary for life to stock market, and never borrow money to stock market". Hold the bottom line and control my losses.
However, it did not succeed. Originally, my mood was all kinds of ups and downs during pregnancy, and the highly exciting thing of stock trading made my mood more volatile and unstable.
I don't think this can go on.
So, I began to look for books on psychology and wanted to know how to control my emotions.
During that time, I chewed five books on psychology, two of which were voluminous. I also took notes, and I feel that I have grown a lot and my mentality has matured.
However, this thing seems to be of little help to stock trading.
So I joined a group of stock friends and met a key person, which changed my later life track.
He suggested that I take CPA exam, so that I can learn to read financial reports and avoid those companies with particularly high risks, so as not to step on thunder.
I spent five years and passed six majors. With the birth of the child, my time has become particularly short. I often get up to study after my children fall asleep and make countless notes. In fact, in retrospect, I wanted to give up countless times, but I learned not to be hard on myself, to calculate as much as I can, to learn bit by bit, to pass if I can, and to fail at least once. In this imperfect state of mind, I finally passed the exam. I also experienced giving birth to a second child in the middle. I took the exam several times a year, but I couldn't take the exam because of confinement, so I gave up the exam that year. Now, I haven't seen the stock market for a long time. I still have what I bought earlier, but the exam has helped me find my favorite job. A little careless.
After Dabao went to kindergarten, I found a new job. After Erbao was born, I didn't feel so melodramatic for the first time, but insisted on working. No matter how difficult it is, you can find a solution.
When you are outside the trivial things in life, set yourself a long-term goal and work towards it, and you will have a sense of direction. Don't think too much at this time, just take action and do it. A sense of direction will lead you to overcome anxiety, anxiety and inferiority. So you need to find a general direction of struggle according to your own specialties or hobbies, and then start to do it. Action is the best medicine.
I think every stay-at-home mother has had such confusion and anxiety. Indeed, because of the arrival of children, women's bodies and lifestyles have changed.
Pregnant in October, from morning sickness to one figure a week, I completely gained another self, and comforted myself that it was all for the children. From my fair lady to a woman, I endured stretch marks, pigmentation and spots on my face, and I couldn't sleep with leg cramps in the middle of the night. More elderly women need to get up in the middle of the night to get oxygen. Finally, either get a knife or endure the pain of ruin and complete the final unloading. All these experiences change you unconsciously.
It is said that the baby brain has been in China for three years, and many people may have experienced it. Out of society, I don't know what is happening outside. The topics discussed by people around us are always related to children. I forgot to charge myself and forget that I have other identities.
As a matter of fact, I don't think Ma Bao can give up himself in two years of taking care of the children. After I gave birth to the baby, I was still young at that time and felt like I didn't want anything. I just eat and sleep with my children all day, completely lying in a corpse. I didn't give my children early education, nor did I charge myself to enrich myself. There are some behaviors similar to postpartum depression in the later period, and I regret it now. Later, when the child was less than one year old, I came out to work. I was nervous at first, and everything was careful. Like a lamb at the mercy of others, I always do what my colleagues say, for fear of doing something wrong.
I want to overcome this anxiety and anxiety and feel inferior. Then you have to make up your mind, make a plan for yourself and eliminate it bit by bit. You need such a process to find yourself again.
The first is to lose weight. Slim back to your original self and find some self-confidence. This is something you can decide. Of course, if you maintain a very good weight, you don't need it. You can go to the gym to enhance your immunity. Personally, I think that after giving birth, your immunity will decline. Losing weight is a hard job. My appetite increased during pregnancy. Now you need to restrain yourself if you want to reduce capacity. Weight at birth 140 kg, weight after giving birth 126. Baby 10 month, 1 13. I choose breastfeeding. Still don't lose weight when breastfeeding. /kloc-Go to work after 0/0 months, and feed until 2 years old. I didn't deliberately lose weight. Private companies are sometimes very busy, so my weight has dropped to about 96- 100. It has been stable since then. No matter whether you eat less or exercise, you can't see the appearance of 90 pounds before giving birth, so you give up. At least there's not much difference.
In addition to taking care of children, find yourself something else, even if it is studying, even if it is reading a professional qualification certificate, sign up for a training class, learn Taobao shop operation and new media operation, so as to lay a foundation for entering the society in the future, have a skill, stay with you, and not worry about re-entering the rivers and lakes.
If you have a specialty in an industry, but you don't touch it for a long time, then I think the problem is even less serious. While taking care of the children, it is also good to communicate with former colleagues and friends frequently for further study. Remember that you don't like to learn anything, even if you don't achieve the desired results later, the learning process will strengthen your belief in doing things in the future and determine your attitude.
The harder you work, the luckier you are. Come on, you will meet a better self!
There are two ways to choose a full-time life: one is active full-time and the other is passive full-time.
Taking the initiative to leave work requires several factors.
Such women generally have high academic qualifications, positions and incomes, and their families are superior. Even if only one person works, the quality of life will not be affected. Another possibility is that even if she resigns, the financial power of the whole family is in her own hands. In short, mentally and materially, both hands are hard and have enough sense of security. This kind of woman chooses full-time because she wants to grow up with her children.
The important thing is that she is knowledgeable and willing to learn, explore and redefine her life. Keep the house in order and educate the child well, she will find her self-worth again in her family and education, and she will be very happy.
However, there are exceptions. For example, in the TV series "Chinese Divorce" starring Chen and Jiang, Chen went to a private hospital as the vice president, and Jiang chose to resign in order to take better care of her children and her husband. However, she gave up her job as a primary school teacher and put all her thoughts on checking posts and tracking her husband after she left work, regardless of her children's education. She told people everywhere that she would be awarded this title from the beginning, not just for her husband. ...
Obviously, as played by Jiang in Chinese Divorce, full-time is wishful thinking, but it is really full-time and can't cope with the unexpected situation in marriage.
If marriage can't make you discover or find your self-worth, go to work early. If you have a job, money and someone to talk to, you will feel more comfortable.
Passive full-time, solve 5 problems.
Compared with most families, because there is no old man to look after the children and the salary is not high, they can only choose to take care of the children themselves. Because this process itself is very passive, if family members, husbands, in-laws and closest relatives still make irresponsible remarks, they will often say, "It is not good to bring a child at home.
This kind of full-time, no anxiety, safety and happiness! Of course, this is also related to self-emotional management. There are the following methods for reference:
1, a woman's full-time choice is not respected, appreciated and recognized by her family or husband, and she must find a way to work or make money as soon as possible.
2. Even if there is no job opportunity at present, try to transfer the financial power at home to yourself or convert it into financial management. Don't let your husband put the money away, it will increase your sense of security.
3. When the children are older, attend early education or trusteeship, you can choose some part-time jobs that don't delay sending them to school. One can earn some living expenses, and the other is not out of touch with society.
If your job can continue before full-time, you might as well choose to work from home. Or find some part-time jobs that can work from home, and you can find value yourself without affecting your children. I have a friend who used to be a picture book. After being a full-time mother, she often buys picture books for her children. She also accompanied the children to read. Now she has turned sharing picture books into her part-time job. There are also many mothers, because they often buy things for their children, turning sharing maternity products into articles and turning them into their own small businesses.
5. Let's talk about emotional management.
First, I want to give myself and my family a psychological hint that I am the hostess of this family, not the nanny of the whole family. I have no responsibility to undertake all the housework, and I have the right to control the work of this family.
Second, what are the causes of anxiety, anxiety and inferiority? Is it because "the familiar sense of security has turned into fear?" I am afraid that I will do nothing, and this comfort will be gone? In short, don't immerse yourself in emotions, think more about the essential problems behind them and how to solve them.
How to decide to continue full-time?
Some time ago, I wrote an article about how to decide whether to have a full-time job after giving birth. Just think about children who are happy to be accompanied when they are young, but when they grow up, they complain that their mothers are real housewives, with no education, no money and no world. If you can accept the worst future, you can be a full-time mother with peace of mind. If you are afraid that your children will be disappointed in themselves when they grow up, then find a job and learn some majors.
In fact, you can have both. Some netizens said before that, in the words of psychologist Li Meijin, children must be accompanied by their mothers when they are 0-6 years old. I think: children's education is afraid that listening to the wind is rain. Yes, Professor Li said that it is important for mothers to accompany their children in childhood, but he didn't say that parents do nothing but stay at home to accompany their children.
Companionship is also valid or invalid. Invalid companionship, parents stay at home, throw cartoons at their children, play iPad, parents are playing mobile phones, and they are also called accompanying their children after a day. Effective companionship is to find out what children like and are good at, guide them to study more, communicate with them more, tell them what kindergarten can't say, how to behave, how to play with children and so on.
As individuals, people should be responsible for themselves first, and then for their families. For example, Austrian psychologist alfred adler expounded the relationship between family and children in Inferiority and Transcendence:
Therefore, it is not the mother's experience that determines the child's behavior, but the conclusion she draws from the experience.
I like what Jiang's mother said in Chinese Divorce: Being a professional woman has its failures, and being a housewife has its successes. The key is not to do things, but to be a man. Neighbor Xiao Li said: A stay-at-home wife is also very successful and can become the core of a family.
In short, don't immerse yourself in the established objective facts, change what can be changed. Premises of an ideal full-time job: strong heart, skills to solve major problems, sufficient or stable asset support, recognition and gratitude from family members, and continuation of self-worth.
Please refer to the above criteria whether you have full-time support tasks or not.
I hope my answer can help you. What do you think of netizens?
It is especially good that you can find a solution to the problem. I hope you can find the most suitable way from everyone's answers and gradually change the status quo.
Is it necessary to live full-time or do I have a choice?
If you must be full-time, please communicate with your family. After all, if you agree, you will get more affirmation and support.
In this case, you actually need to accept this state. Only by not rejecting or resisting and accepting from the heart can we play a better state in this state. After all, when we are fighting or enjoying a state, the energy excited is different.
Is your anxiety insecure? Please think more about whether you need financial security or emotional security. The sense of security comes from external relatives and from one's own strong heart.
Bless your learning ability and earning ability, make your heart stronger and resist a large part of anxiety. After all, when you are confident, the range of choices and horizons will be broader.
If the full-time job is only for a period of time, please analyze how long it will last. When you have clear time, take this stage seriously as a job. After all, sometimes we have to give in to reality.
Inferiority is the deepest experience that others can't see themselves. Please don't underestimate yourself, always staring at your dissatisfaction. Try to do what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed. No one is perfect, everyone's life has their own disappointments, and everyone has weaknesses that cannot be overcome.
Today you hate is tomorrow that people who died yesterday never dreamed of. Cherish the present time, whether full-time or on-the-job, and let yourself live up to it. Please encourage yourself, come on!
Two years of full-time life has made me anxious and inferior. This kind of development can't go on, but there is always so much helplessness in life that people can't change it.
If you have children and are forced to stay at home full time, this situation is really difficult to deal with. There is no one at home to help you, and it is a problem to go anywhere. This situation can only be tolerated for the time being. You can't change it until the child is older and sent to kindergarten. In the meantime, you can only try to adjust your mood, try to have a good mood and be an emotionally stable mother.
If the economic conditions at home are ok, there is no need to be anxious. Usually, you can take your baby out for a walk, don't always stay at home, socialize with people, especially your baby mother, and see how others live, so you won't be so anxious.
You can't relax and study to improve yourself, you can't stay at home all your life, and you still have to enter the society. Make full use of your spare time to get a certificate or something, and you will be more confident to go out and find a job.
You are anxious because you are worried about your future life. In fact, whether you take care of your baby at home or earn money outside, you are making contributions to your family, communicate with your husband more, and ask him to help you get rid of tedious housework if necessary, so as not to eventually develop into depression. This is the most serious consequence.
Exactly the same [in tears] [in tears]
Repeat the same housework every day and teach the children.
After a long time, I will always be confused about myself. No self, no social interaction, only around children, husbands and housework.
As the children grow up, they don't know who to talk to about all kinds of problems. Although my husband can understand, he can't personally understand this feeling. I feel my life is coming to an end. What can you do when the child is old?
However, you should adjust your mentality and relax.
I have only one chance to grow up with my child, and now I am with him every day, even very tired. But children go to college, work and get married. How many times can they see each other a year? Cherish your present life and be happy.
I have been working full-time for two years, and my mentality has been slowly adjusted since you started.
Find something to do. I start sending videos now, not for money, just to find something to do, but also to learn something and improve myself.
Come on!
People still have things to do, whether it's work or something else. If people are too idle, they will be wasted.
Continue to feel inferior and anxious. Your pain limit has not been reached. When you get there, you won't ask what to do, but why. Only when you have enough pain will you learn from it. Where is the source of pain? Find the source and you will find the solution.
Anxiety, anxiety and inferiority are the anxieties and confusions that every stay-at-home mother has had. After a long time, she disciplined her children to repeat the same housework every day, losing her social life and self. Walking around the house every day, every mother can feel this feeling.
With the growth of age, we should also adjust our mentality. Think about it, there is only one chance to accompany your child to grow up. When your child goes to college, we don't see it several times a year. So we should cherish the time with our children, be happy, learn something and find something to do. Now I just use the lens to record the dribs and drabs of life. Life is full now. Come on, girls!
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