Speaking depends on the object, that is, the knowledge level and mood of the speaker.

1. Look at the identity of the object and judge the situation before you speak.

No matter in which country or era, people's sense of status and rank is very strong. The other person's identity and status are different, so should your tone of voice, way of speaking and way of doing things. If you don't understand this and treat everyone equally, you are likely to be regarded as no big or small, no respect and no foundation by the other party. Especially when the other person is a person with a higher status than you, he will think that you are uneducated and don't know the rules, so you don't like to listen to you, don't want to help you, or deliberately embarrass you, which may hinder your way of doing things and hinder your work.

Smart people know how to speak and act according to each other's identity and status, which is also the embodiment of their own ability and personal cultivation. What we usually call "so-and-so can do things" is largely embodied in the wisdom of "telling what people see". Such people not only value his leadership, but also don't hate his colleague, so it is easier for them to do things.

Let's take a look at the following example:

Zhu Yuanzhang, the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty, worked as a cowherd when he was a teenager and made some poor friends. After he proclaimed himself emperor, two poor friends came to see him, because their words were different and their fate was different.

The first man was introduced into the palace. As soon as he sat down, he gestured and said, "Long live your Excellency! Do you remember the emperor? Once upon a time, you and I herded cattle for that rich man. One day, I cooked the stolen green beans in a crock in the Luhuadang. Everyone scrambled to eat them before they were cooked. You broke the jar, spilled green beans and soup all over the floor. You just grabbed the beans from the ground and accidentally put the blade of grass in your mouth and got stuck in your throat. It was my idea to let you swallow the green leaves first and then the grass leaves stuck in your throat. "

Zhu Yuanzhang listened to his story and laughed and cried in front of all the officials. In order to maintain his dignity, he lowered his face and snapped, "What a madman!"

The unlucky guy who jumped out on his high horse told another old friend of Zhu Yuanzhang, the former cowherd. The cowherd giggled and said, "Look, I'm going to make a fortune."

So he swaggered into the palace, bowed down at the sight of Zhu Yuanzhang, and then recalled the old days: "Remember the emperor? When I was with you, I rode a green cow to sweep Luzhou House and broke pots and pans. Marshal Tang is at large, but you caught General Dou, and Hon Hai stood in the throat. Fortunately, General Cai repelled him. We won the battle completely. "

Zhu Yuanzhang was well aware of the war boasted by his old friends, but he made the scandal subtle and beautiful, with a light on his face, and he was excited to think of the scene when everyone was hungry and cold. He immediately appointed this old friend as the general manager of the body guard.

For the same thing, one is to say it directly and the result is thrown out; A euphemism turns out to be a big official. The text is different, the effect will be very different. In this case, Zhu Yuanzhang's position is no longer a cowherd. If he doesn't judge the situation, he will not only have nowhere to turn for help, but also may cause great disaster.

2. Look at the cultural quality of the object, and the goal is clear to succeed.

Many people know that when doing business, it is impossible to succeed without the help of others. Since you want something from others, you will inevitably feel inferior in front of others, and you have to look at their faces and please them. Sometimes things can't be done, and it's lucky to touch a soft nail. If you hit a hard nail, you will be bruised, even bruised, and that will be serious.

Burning incense in the temple depends on God, and doing things and talking depends on people. A man should advance and retreat freely and talk calmly. Words are always spoken to others. Oral expression must depend on the object you are looking for, and be restricted by the object's identity, occupation, experience, cultural accomplishment, personality, situation and mood. If you shoot without looking at the target, play the piano without looking at the audience, and talk aimlessly, you will definitely not have a good result.

Let's see how Mr. Chen does things. What's the result?

Mr. Chen's son wants to do business and needs Mr. Fu's help, so Mr. Chen wants to get through the relationship for his son.

One day, Mr. Chen and his wife went to a department store to buy summer clothes. They happened to meet Mr. Fu's family of three who were also buying summer clothes. Mr. Chen saw the opportunity, so he went to talk to Mr. Fu. Mr. Chen, an ancient prose teacher, is a kind-hearted and upright elder.

He went to say hello to Mr. Fu. When he saw Mrs. Fu buying clothes for her 16-year-old daughter, he didn't know whether to buy tight clothes or loose ones. Teacher Chen volunteered to express her opinion: "Mrs. Fu loves her daughter so much that your daughter has reached the age of ruin. I think it's better to buy loose ones ... "

Before Mr. Chen finished, Mrs. Fu's face turned livid and she began to scold, "You bad old man, don't talk nonsense!" " Don't say broken melon there! None of your business! "

Hearing the word "broken melon" mentioned by Mr. Chen, Mr. Fu also rushed up and beat Mr. Chen. Fortunately, the people present reacted quickly, and Mr. Chen avoided a beating. Mr. Chen is ashamed of this and can only talk about business to help.

It turns out that neither Mr. Fu nor Mrs. Fu is very literate. They understand "broken melon" as the meaning of "rags", "rags", "broken shoes" and "broken cans and broken falls", and the interpretation in Ci Hai is: "Twenty-eight characters according to the calendar means sixteen years old. Poetry is mostly used by women. "

From this point of view, Mr. Chen said that there was nothing wrong with Mr. Chen's daughter's "year of broken melon" However, when the word "broken" comes out, the other party thinks it is an insult to her daughter. Not good, not good, not good. It is understandable that they are angry.

It is teacher Chen's "playing the piano without looking at the audience and speaking without looking at the object" that has caused this situation. If the old man talks about "beautiful sunshine girl", "innocent girl" and "baby daughter", and chooses what the other person can understand and hear comfortably, then he can really speak, and what he wants to do for his son can be successfully completed.

Let's look at an example like this:

Confucius took several of his students out to give lectures and visit, and the journey was very hard.

On this day, Confucius and his party came to a village. They are resting in the shade, ready to eat some dry food and drink some water. Unexpectedly, Confucius' horse broke free from the reins and ran to the field to eat other people's wheat seedlings. A farmer stepped forward, grabbed the drill and buckled his horse.

Zi Gong is one of Confucius' most proud students and has always been eloquent. Relying on his eloquence, he volunteered to persuade the farmer and strive for reconciliation. But he talks like a book, and he talks endlessly, telling one truth after another. Although he had tried his best, the farmer just wouldn't listen.

There is a new student who has just followed Confucius for a long time. His knowledge and talent are far less than Zi Gong's. Seeing the stalemate between Zigong and the farmer, he said to Confucius, "Teacher, please let me try."

So he walked up to the farmer and smiled and said to him, "You are not farming in the distant East China Sea, and we are not farming in the distant West Sea. We are close, not far away. How can my horse not eat your crops? " Besides, maybe one day your cows will eat my crops, don't you think? We should understand each other. "

When the farmer heard this, he felt very reasonable, and the meaning of blame was relieved, so he returned the horse to Confucius. Several farmers nearby also talked to each other and said, "It's not like that man just now."

From this point of view, you must look at the object and the occasion, otherwise you will be eloquent again, and it will be a waste of breath if others don't buy your account.

To talk about the object, we must first understand the object, especially the people who meet for the first time. We must first understand the situation through conversation, so that we can have a clear goal and put the words in each other's hearts.

So, when you meet a stranger, don't say anything in a hurry, listen to the other person first.

If the other person is polite, you should also be gentle, amiable and modest;

If the other person speaks straight and won't beat around the bush, you should also be honest with each other and say whatever comes to mind;

If the other person is depressed and doesn't like to talk or listen, you should talk less or not at all.

In a word, we should talk on the basis of mutual understanding in order to get the best communication effect. When talking to different people, we should adopt different ways of talking.