How to treat the rural mother-in-law reprimanding her daughter-in-law: "When I was pregnant, I did everything in the field. Why are you so melodramatic?"

Getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also a part of interpersonal communication. There is a concept in interpersonal psychology called "empathy". It means that when you get along with others, you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel their feelings and feelings at that time. If we can put ourselves in each other's shoes, the contradictions between people will be reduced.

However, we find that there are many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in real life, or that mother-in-law only looks at the relationship with daughter-in-law from her own perspective; Daughter-in-law considers the problem from her own point of view. The feelings between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, like two parallel lines, have no intersection, so naturally they cannot understand each other empathetically. In this case, it is very difficult to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

There are so many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law Many times, it is because the mother-in-law is holding a shelf and telling her daughter-in-law all kinds of "big truths" as an experienced person. It is good for a mother-in-law to teach her daughter-in-law. However, many mothers-in-law lack empathy and feel that they have suffered a lot when they are other people's daughters-in-law. Now, as a mother-in-law, I can't hide my daughter-in-law's life better than myself. So I will arrange something I think is reasonable for my daughter-in-law regardless of her feelings.

In fact, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are all women. As a woman, why embarrass a woman? But in real life, some opinionated mother-in-law don't understand this truth. Not only do they have no such understanding of their daughter-in-law, but they also feel that this is their duty as a daughter-in-law.

From the perspective of empathy, there is no so-called obligation in interpersonal communication. The simple truth is that you are good to me and I am good to you. If we can put ourselves in the other's shoes, get along with each other with feelings and treat others with feelings, then interpersonal relationships will not be so difficult.

02

Zhang Na, a city girl, has a strong personality. She doesn't have a big girl's temper, and her working ability is good. Fiona Fang comes from the countryside. With his hard work in the city for many years, he works in a foreign company with a very good salary. Before I got married, I used my savings to buy a house in the city.

When both of them were busy with their respective jobs, although the house was renovated, they never lived in it.

After more than three years of marriage, Fiona Fang's family urged them to have children as soon as possible. Working in Zhang Na, overtime and business trips are commonplace. The pressure of work, coupled with the fact that she is not easy to get pregnant, has kept Zhang Na from having children.

Later, Zhang Na persuaded Fiona Fang to change to a more leisure job, rested for half a year, and finally got pregnant. This made her mother-in-law in her rural hometown very happy. She made some phone calls and asked Fiona Fang to send Zhang Na back to her rural hometown to raise her children.

At first, Zhang Na didn't like it very much, because she didn't live with her mother-in-law and worried that they would be difficult to get along with.

But Fiona Fang comforted Zhang Na and said, "No, you will get along very well. You see, my mother likes you so much. She hasn't mentioned a word about you since you married into our family, has she? Now that you are pregnant, she will treat you as a treasure and will not wronged you. "

Zhang Na thinks Fiona Fang's words are very reasonable, and her mother-in-law has a good impression on herself, so there should be no conflict. Now that I finally have a baby, I want to take good care of the baby. So Zhang Na quit his job in the city and went back to her mother-in-law in the country to raise her children.

03

When Zhang Na just started to go back, her mother-in-law really took care of Zhang Na and cooked earth eggs for Zhang Na every day to make up for her health. This makes Zhang Na feel very warm.

However, within a few days of the "good day", her mother-in-law began to arrange things for Zhang Na. Mother-in-law said to Zhang Na, "Grandma, your father and I have to work in the fields every day. We can't cook for you when we come back. Do whatever you want in the future, and don't starve yourself. "

Zhang Na thinks it's really hard for her parents-in-law to work in the fields every day. Besides, I have nothing to do every day. It has been three months since the crisis, so it should be no problem to cook for myself, so I promised my mother-in-law.

But my mother-in-law's family cooks with local traditional stoves. Where can it be in Zhang Na? Therefore, she cooks with the only gas stove in the house every day.

Less than half a month later, the gas at home burned out, and Zhang Na asked her mother-in-law to make gas. Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law pulled her face down on the spot and said, "We don't need gas for cooking at home. How convenient it is to use a counter! It is a waste of money to leave so much firewood. This can of gas is also a burden of millet money for me! I have a bad heart and met a daughter-in-law who can't keep her home! "

Zhang Na didn't expect her mother-in-law to get angry with a can of gasoline. A can of gasoline is not a few dollars. Besides, she uses gas because she can't cook at the counter. Now that she is pregnant, her mother-in-law not only doesn't understand her, but blames her. This made her feel very uncomfortable.

Later, my mother-in-law reluctantly filled a can of gas. But her mother-in-law said to Zhang Na, "I'll cook later. You can't cook at the counter, and we don't blame you. "

Hearing her mother-in-law's words, Zhang Na knew that her mother-in-law was afraid that she would run out of gas soon, so she had to say that she cooked for herself. But at last someone cooked for himself, and Zhang Na didn't say much.

04

Mother-in-law didn't let Zhang Na cook, but she didn't let Zhang Na idle either. Mother-in-law asked Zhang Na to wash the dishes. Zhang Na thought about washing the dishes herself, helped her in-laws to share some housework, and washing the dishes was not very tiring, so she agreed.

That day coincided with a big holiday at home, and three tables of relatives came at home. After dinner, most relatives went home, leaving a few female relatives to chat with their mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law looked at a table of leftovers and chopsticks and said to Zhang Na, "Put away the dishes and wash them!"

When Zhang Na saw so many bowls and chopsticks for the first time, his heart began to hesitate. At that time, Zhang Na had been pregnant for more than 8 months, so it was not as convenient to move. Afraid of touching the baby in her belly, she said to her mother-in-law, "Mom, I'm a little tired today and don't want to wash the dishes."

As soon as the voice fell, several female relatives began to discuss in a low voice: "Is it bad to say that her daughter-in-law is many?" How can a person who doesn't even wash dishes be better? There is not a woman in our village who never works. How can she be so melodramatic? She deserves to be the big lady in the city! "

The words of others made her mother-in-law suddenly feel embarrassed, so she said, "When I was pregnant, I did all the housework in the field. I didn't ask you to cook and wash clothes at ordinary times. How can washing a bowl be so melodramatic? Wash the bowl quickly! "

Zhang Na didn't listen to her mother-in-law, regardless of people's eyes, and went upstairs alone.

Actually, washing a bowl doesn't matter much. Mother-in-law said she would wash herself if she was kind. But it's really hard for a mother-in-law to reason with her when she is a daughter-in-law.

Later, Zhang Na couldn't stand her mother-in-law's behavior, so she went back to her mother's house before giving birth, and even had a confinement.

Zhang Na is willing to go back to her mother-in-law's house to have a baby, but she also wants to take this opportunity to cultivate her feelings with her mother-in-law. Unexpectedly, Zhang Na couldn't accept her mother-in-law's way of doing things, so she had to choose a way away from her mother-in-law.

She can't change the traditional ideas of the older generation and adapt them to herself. It is better to keep your distance, so as to avoid the relationship between the two people being stiff and even more difficult to get along with.

05

Zhang Na's mother-in-law has a big problem, that is, she lacks empathy. It is understandable that rural mothers-in-law are used to living frugally. However, Zhang Na, her daughter-in-law, is haggle over every ounce about the use of gas, which is really a bit incomprehensible. Besides, Zhang Na was pregnant at that time, so there is nothing wrong with cooking with gas. But she didn't consider this, but from the perspective of money, which really put the cart before the horse.

In addition, Zhang Na's mother-in-law was also at fault for letting Zhang Na wash three tables of vegetables. In the past, due to various restrictions, women had to do some heavy housework. However, now that life is better, a mother-in-law who knows how to be considerate of her pregnant daughter-in-law will not let her daughter-in-law wash so many dishes and chopsticks.

In fact, Zhang Na has always been considerate of her mother-in-law, so when her mother-in-law asked her to cook and wash dishes, she accepted. At that time, Zhang Na couldn't do many things that ordinary people did because of special reasons of pregnancy. But her mother-in-law doesn't understand her, thinking that she doesn't even do such a small thing as washing dishes. It's really melodramatic.

Washing dishes or chopsticks has nothing to do with the size of the matter or whether it is melodramatic, but from this matter, we can see a person's quality. For the sake of your so-called face, take your previous experience as a reason, and then force others to do things they don't want to do. Instead of being ungrateful, others will be disgusted with this moral kidnapping.

If Zhang Na's mother-in-law can put herself in others' shoes, she will take good care of her. Zhang Na may not choose to run away from her mother-in-law, and their relationship will get better and better.

Whether you get along with your mother-in-law or others, you should keep a sense of empathy and learn to put yourself in others' shoes. The more you understand the difficulties of others, the easier it is to win their goodwill and respect.