Discussion on family background: parents' evil VS all virtues, filial piety first.

Family of origin refers to the parents' family, and the son or daughter has not formed a new family, generally referring to family of origin. People in China often say that "every family has its own problems". The theory of modern marriage and family therapy is to interpret this difficult classic, in which the concept of family origin is a very effective angle.

However, with the widespread spread of this theory, an extreme thought of "both parents are evil" gradually began to appear, especially in the impact on the traditional concept of "filial piety comes first" in China traditional culture, and there were signs that everything was injured because of family background.

@ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫, this concept often appears in the WeChat group, so let me pay attention. Baidu looked at it and found it very useful, which can explain the root of family conflicts.

Psychological research has long proved that a person's childhood experience, especially his family background, plays a decisive role in his personality, behavior and psychology, which will have a long-term and far-reaching impact and even determine his happiness throughout his life. In fact, our subconscious behaviors and habits all come from childhood experiences. Just as physicists suggest that it is impossible to travel back in time, all childhood injuries can only be traced back, but it is almost impossible to completely eliminate them. Of course, the original ecological family theory may give some relief.

I think family of origin's theory does not conflict with the traditional concept of "filial piety first", and the society is progressing and developing. The concept of "filial piety first" comes from traditional culture and should be advocated, but the original ecological family theory is to inherit and develop, harmonious society and keep pace with the times.

@ Lee? To some extent, I know it from the book of China female psychologist Zhang Defen. I think it is still useful. In our family, children still have to honor their parents.

It is true that being born in a family plays an important role in children's growth, but this does not mean that children who grow up in negative energy families will become their own natural parents in the future, which depends on our self-awareness awakening the day after tomorrow. Self-growth is more important.

I don't think the theory of family background conflicts with the traditional concept of "filial piety first". See how you split in two. Filial piety comes first, from Wang Yongbin's "Night Talk Around the Furnace". Filial piety is an act advocated by China traditional culture, which means that children's behavior should not go against the wishes of parents, family elders and ancestors, and it is a manifestation of stable ethical relations. The so-called "filial piety comes first" shows that the Chinese nation attaches great importance to filial piety. This is a kind of positive energy.

Filial piety is the first of all virtues: filial piety should not be foolish, and should not go against the wishes of parents, elders and ancestors, but it must be on the correct premise, not blindly obedient.

@ Monologue? After learning about Native House and analyzing myself, I also found the imprint of Native House. The theory of origin family is useful. After all, parents are originals and children are copies. Without the original, there is no copy. Of course, it is up to you whether you want to be completely copied or not.

"I am such a child, and you taught me so, so it is your fault that I made a mistake." This seems to be a kind of accusation, with words of resentment, but the child also told the truth. It's all parents' fault. Why is it all parents' fault? Because there is no emphasis on family education.

Family education is the largest part of the three major education systems. Family education environment is also a part of family background. Parents seem to love their children very much, but do they "accept" their children when they grow up? Both parents said yes, but did you really "accept"? It is the child's casual "non-acceptance" that will leave a psychological shadow, leave a mark of growth, tie the child to the heart like a rope, and make the child unable to understand his parents.

When we grow up, we will use these ropes to deal with people and adapt to society. There is always a casual sentence, a casual thing, and a casual action that touches the pain point. Maybe sometimes you don't even know why. These are the ropes that accompany us. Some people may get rid of these ropes when they grow up, don't want to be bound by baggage, and begin to understand. They believe that they will get better and better and create their own rose garden. Some people have been confused, that's how I grew up, that's how I am.

I don't think the theory of family background conflicts with "filial piety comes first in all virtues". Family aura is maintained by family members, and the family is full of unfilial aura. How useful is the foreign magnetic field to you? In the family, righteousness attracts righteousness. Are you afraid that this traditional virtue of "filial piety comes first" will not be passed down?

@ JAVA? Since I studied psychology and came into contact with the concept of family background, I can finally understand the root of the contradiction between myself and my parents and finally find the root of my annoying shortcomings. For your own problems, because you know the source, you can finally start to solve them in a targeted way; As for the problem of parents, because I know the source, I know I can't change it, but I have an understanding after all. They don't love me, they just don't know how to love. More importantly, I have found the root of the problem. When I have my own family and children in the future, I will be careful not to repeat the mistakes of my parents and let the damage stop in my generation.

As for whether it conflicts with the concept of "filial piety first", I don't think so. First of all, let's talk about "Zhu Dexiao comes first". In fact, this view is outdated. We do pursue filial piety, but modern people have learned not to be stupid. The theory of origin family is to help us see the essence of the problem clearly and provide solutions to it. In terms of effect, it is to promote family harmony and better serve "filial piety".

The extreme idea that "parents are evil" exists. I think it is because we are exposed to this theory and see through the problem, but our parents are still ignorant and even treat us in that way, which will lead to the intensification of contradictions. I tried to analyze our problems for my mother (chatting peacefully on a sunny afternoon, of course), and she finally realized that she had handled many problems improperly. After that, she began to be willing to contact new knowledge and learn more, and our family relationship was more harmonious than before.

The author Xun Kun said: There is a saying in China: A dragon gives birth to a dragon, a phoenix gives birth to a phoenix, and a child born of a mouse can make holes. This sentence is similar to the increasingly popular theory of family origin in the West.

I have bought books, watched videos, read relevant materials and studied the theory of the origin family, because in fact, I have a deep brand of the origin family. After research, I think Origin and Fate have a very good effect on self-psychotherapy, but at the same time, I also found a problem, that is, some people will fall into the other extreme, that is, all their misfortunes and failures are attributed to the factors of Origin and Fate, so as to escape with peace of mind.

So, I asked the last question: Do you think the theory of birth conflicts with the traditional concept of "filial piety first"? Why? Some clues can also be seen from the answers of group friends. Below, I would like to talk about some of my own superficial views on the views of group friends:

First of all, there is a misunderstanding that "filial piety comes first". The filial piety of all virtues does not make fools. It has long been said that "there is a pro, and the advice makes it more, beaming and softly; Do not enter the remonstrance, please remonstrate, cry with you, and have no complaints.

This may mean that your parents. As a child, you should learn to give advice. If you fail once, you have to do it twice; if you fail twice, you have to do it three times. However, you should pay attention to the ways and means, as well as your tone and attitude.

Secondly, many people like to say, "If my parents are right, I will be filial.". The word "right" is really subtle, so I just want to ask what is the standard for judging right and wrong? Who will decide? As the old saying goes, the public says that the public is right, and the woman says that the woman is right. You think you are right from your own standpoint, and your parents also think you are right from their own standpoint. So who is right and who is wrong at this time?

First of all, my personal view of this sentence is that the person who said this sentence is shirking responsibility, which is too extreme. Let's analyze it. You said parents were wrong? Because their family education is wrong, where did their parents' mistakes come from? According to the theory of family origin, his parents' fault comes from the grandparents of the previous generation, so parents can push the responsibility up like you. If it is deduced in this way, it is not anyone's fault, but the fault of the person who was born at the beginning.

Secondly, you can realize your mistakes now because your parents gave you opportunities to learn and grow, which is right. Then when you grow up, you can't understand the limitations of your parents' original growth environment, and thank them for giving us the opportunity to learn from the harm of being born in a family. It's that you judge right and wrong and put the blame on them. This in itself is a shirking behavior.

Finally, put yourself in others' shoes. Now you learn and grow in your own way, and give your children the best family education you think (which your parents can't do), but your children will still tell you so in the future, so do you think he is right? This is all your fault?

I personally agree with this classmate's answer. The only way for each of us in life is to move from our own family to another family (the next generation), from participants to leaders, and from the affected to the influencers. How to prevent the transmission of errors in this process requires our thinking and efforts.

Although family of origin's theory points out the harm that parents may bring to their children, we should not criticize and criticize the kindness of parents after they come back. Because they have exhausted half their energy and given their children the best treatment they know.

Parents used to be children in the family, and many inappropriate practices were just instinctively passed down from generation to generation in the family system. Parents who hurt people are often injured children. After seeing the whole family system clearly, let's understand and get closer to our parents who had a hard childhood.

No matter what kind of parents (after all, most of our parents are not as bad as we thought), we are grateful for their biological kindness and respect their dignity as parents, which is fair. Learning the theory of family origin is not to grasp the mistakes of parents as a handle to pay for past mistakes and present difficulties, but to get rid of those bad influences completely.

Forgiving our parents and reaching a settlement with them does not mean that we agree with what our parents may have done wrong, but that we are truly liberated from our parents' shadows and start a new life that truly belongs to us.

Yu Lao's Poetry Writing Research Association —— Xun Yi (Xun Ying read the second sound)