How to deal with others with an empty cup mentality!

The No. 1 Charity Plan

In interpersonal interactions, when you see an opportunity to help others, you should immediately pounce on it, like a hungry squirrel pounces on the last person on earth. A pine nut. Because favors are wealth, one of the most basic purposes of interpersonal relationships is to form favors and gain popularity.

Only by loving affection as much as you love money can you have both sides. Asking for help is passive, but if someone owes you a favor, it will be easy to ask others for help, and sometimes you don't even have to ask yourself. Being such a successful person is mostly related to being good at making friends and being charitable. The art of benevolence is the most basic strategy and means in the study of human relationships, and it is the most reliable and effective technique for developing and utilizing interpersonal resources.

When helping others, you must master the following basic essentials:

1. When giving favors, do not be too explicit or too specific, so as not to make the other person feel embarrassed and lose face. There is no glory in the world; give others the help you have already done, and don’t show it around.

2. Don’t give too much kindness at one time, so as not to burden the other party with repaying the debt, or even break off the relationship with you because it is shameful to accept it.

3. As a leader, you should cultivate the emotional dependence of your subordinates on you and make them willing to work for you.

4. When giving benefits to others, you should also pay attention to choosing the target. Like a wolf who cannot feed enough, if you help him, he may be bitten in return.

Plan 2: Detour

Those traveling far away will naturally find a way to go around it, or use their brains to find another way. When this approach is applied to the human world, it means going in circles to achieve the goal. In other words, don’t follow a straight line but follow a curve.

Some things cannot be said directly, so they have to be said in a roundabout way; some people are not easy to approach, so it is indispensable to clear the way over the mountains and build bridges when encountering the water; if you can’t figure out what medicine the other person is selling, you have to ask for directions and feel the way To find out the details; sometimes in order to make the other party reduce their hostility and relax their vigilance, we will go around in circles, or even use the roundabout tactic of "talking about it from left to right" to trap them.

Many people in life are "straightforward" and "one-minded". They "will never look back until they hit the south wall" and ten bulls can't pull them back. Such people should learn some detours to make their brains have more grooves, their intestines have more twists and turns, and their nerves have more endings.

In a nutshell: going around a few circles can help you get benefits in human relationships.

The 3rd excuse plan

When people do things, they always have to be justified, have an explanation to explain, and find an excuse to explain, as if everything is justified. Got the whereabouts. Sometimes people are so enamored with reasons that they ignore them.

The so-called excuse is actually "not making sense", so when making excuses, you have to put on a straight face and look like "you can be strong only if you make sense", in order to succeed. And rushing to defend before the time comes will only arouse people's suspicion and vigilance.

The 4th Strategy: Side-by-side Strategy

Being good at listening to the undertones and conveying the hidden meanings is the most subtle art of manipulating interpersonal relationships when dealing with people. Most sophisticated people are good at adding subtle hints and double entendres to their words. Smart people don't need to say too many blunt words to let you know clearly in your heart: "Smart" villains are used to making insinuations, criticizing others, and using the thorns in their words to ruin your reputation. Regardless of whether the speaker is deliberately hiding something, the listener must understand his true intentions in order to respond appropriately.

If your brain is unclear and your ears are not working properly, you will definitely be in trouble. Hiding words and making insinuations are "games" played by smart people and cannot be played by stupid people. Not only does one have a bad mind, but it is also a common occurrence to be the butt of jokes. Hiding words and making insinuations is actually a kind of detour, but it emphasizes both detour strategies and implicit techniques. It is more active and subtle than detours. It is a superb interpersonal skill of "catching the dart cleverly and then throwing it back secretly". It is a mysterious skill that can only be mastered by those who are resourceful and intelligent.

Plan 5: Reward Plan

In life, "fame" is the most important thing. For the sake of face, people can "make a fool of themselves". If you hurt someone's face, they will become enemies with you and seek revenge; if you give someone face, the flower of friendship will bloom.

Anyone who ignores the issue of face will never be able to live up to his reputation. If he doesn't respect others, he will give you a good face.

Giving people face is a special skill for leaders. It does not mean that the boss is not qualified to "reward" others' face. Once you have qualifications, you don't need to flatter or please. You only need to show a little bit, and you will be flattered and rarely fail. We should emphasize that those who give face should not be too close to others. Closeness breeds contempt, makes people lose their mystery, and their shortcomings will become obvious. The most difficult thing about giving people face is to find a delicate balance between dignity and closeness. This is the so-called "if you are far away, you will not be close, and if you are close, you will be disrespectful."

The 6th Compliment Plan

The practice of wearing high hats is often ridiculed, mainly because: firstly, it is indeed very effortless to make high hats, and you can produce tens of thousands of items a day; secondly, people People like it and flock to it; thirdly, it’s because of the vulgar taste and disgusting shoddy “flattering” everywhere.

In fact, there are three, six or nine different types of compliments. The high-grade products are called "praise", "praise", "approval", "praise", etc., while the inferior products are derogated as "please", "flattery", "flattery", "flattery and invitation to favor".

There are several main standards for good compliments: 1. Whether it is true or false, it is easy to believe; 2. It is invisible, calm and makes people unaware; 3. The smell is fragrant and pleasant, and it is far away from nodding and bowing; 4. Innovative, not cliche; 5. Appropriate size, moderate portion, and just what you want.

It can be seen that wearing a high hat seems simple, but in fact it is the most difficult. The distinction between high and low lies in taste, and the mystery lies in the heart. If you want to get rid of the annoying cheapness and vulgarity without raising the cost too much, it cannot be accomplished without good production technology. So be careful and treat it with all your strength, otherwise it is very easy to be self-defeating.

The 7th Strategy of Provoking Generals

Provoking Generals Technique mainly uses various hidden means to make the other party enter an excited state (anger, shame, dissatisfaction, happiness), leading to emotional loss of control and then unconsciousness Being manipulated into doing what you want him to do. After all, people are emotional animals. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, we must find ways to mobilize the power of emotion to stimulate people's enthusiasm and mobilize their enthusiasm and energy.

"Inciting generals" is a good strategy. Generally speaking, there are the following types of provoking techniques: 1. Using a high hat to catch a duck; 2. Deliberately belittling and arousing the desire to win; 3. Blowing the beard and staring, knocking the table and nodding the nose to make people angry; 4. Being cold or cold, or Pretend not to believe and make people reveal the truth. In the confrontation, one is to see who is calmer in terms of endurance and patience; the other is to see who can act more seamlessly, making the other party unaware of his true intentions.

The 8th Strategy: Gold-adding Strategy

In today's fiercely competitive interpersonal relationships, if you don't know how to "arrange your merits" for yourself, even if you really have something in your belly, it will be in vain. You must work hard, and you must be able to put gold on your face.

The core techniques of gilding are as follows: 1. You don’t shine very often, but you can always show off your fresh talents, making people think you are a rare treasure. 2. If you put powder on your face, you will often look for opportunities to show off your skills seemingly inadvertently, or dare to say something shocking. 3. Since the things you can’t get are the best, you should live in seclusion, remain mysterious, don’t grant requests casually, and keep others “appetiteful”. 4. Discover your own characteristics. As the saying goes, "If you don't care about wealth, you must have taste." Make good use of your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

The 9th strategy of covering up shame

People wear clothes to protect themselves from the wind and cold, to gain beauty, and to cover their shame. In life, everyone will have privacy that they are ashamed to reveal. Therefore, being good at covering up shame is indispensable.

People say that family ugliness should not be publicized, and no one wants to expose their unspeakable secrets to others, making them the butt of laughter. However, unless you do nothing, people will not know it. Therefore, the purpose of concealment is to keep the secret as much as possible, and secondly, to minimize the negative consequences after the scandal is exposed.

Don’t rejoice too much when others make a fool of yourself, otherwise you will make enemies and be looked down upon by everyone. If you can take the initiative to smooth things over for others and cover up scandals, you will be able to receive favors smoothly.

The world is unpredictable and privacy will never be leaked. Everyone has a day when they make a fool of themselves.

First of all, you must stay calm. Don't rush around, make things worse, knock over the bottle and spill the oil. Secondly, we must learn to take advantage of the situation and never block it. There is no three hundred taels of silver here. Third, you can "look around and talk about others" to distract people's attention and avoid their sharp edges. Don't let a small excuse be used to lead to a bigger scandal, which will cause your opponent to ruin your reputation.

Don’t hide your face because you are ugly.

Plan No. 10: Praise

The word "peng" reveals our subordinate identity and status. We are the "stars" of those subordinates, "juniors", "waiters", people seeking help, etc., so we have the idea and need to "hold the moon". We "praise" the great "Mother-in-law Moon" and try our best to maintain her face and dignity, because we are inferior to others, we have everything we need from others, and we dare not offend or want to take the initiative to please. Therefore, we must not "take credit for ourselves"; we cannot just play chess without distinguishing between opponents; we must keep our eyes open without changing our color; we must even say good things but not bad things, report good news but not bad news, or take the blame for others.

In a word, you should be in awe of "Tai Sui Sui", do what he likes, and don't touch his "soil". To put it bluntly, "Tai Sui" are bosses and boss-like people. Prospective boss. As "little stars", we must not only "hold the moon", but also the "big stars". You will know whether you have reached the "field" by seeing whether the faces of the "Taisui" are bright.

The 11th strategy of borrowing light

Borrowing light has a long history. China has many cunning strategies related to it since ancient times, such as the fox pretending to be the tiger's power, climbing the dragon to attach the phoenix, killing someone with a borrowed knife, using a banner to make a tiger skin, etc. . If we pay a little attention, we will find that traditionally the art of borrowing light is not highly valued and is looked down upon by gentlemen. It is true that villains are used to cheating, deceiving others, and taking advantage of others' power, but this is not their own fault. As long as the motivation is pure, using various external forces to improve one's reputation and performance is one of the ways to be recognized by society. We must not make unreasonable accusations and dismiss them as useless.

Many people have a misunderstanding. It seems that borrowing light means borrowing someone’s power. In fact, this is a one-sided misunderstanding. Borrowing power and celebrities for one's own use is just a common form of borrowing light. In fact, all people, things, things, and relationships that can add glory to what we do for others are within the scope of borrowing light, such as ancestors, clothes, place of origin, intelligence, speech, etc. , to name a few.

The 12th Strategy of Rounding Up

To be popular is actually to be well versed in the art of rounding in interpersonal communication. If you are more tactful when you need to be "round", you can get a pass for a smooth life in complex human relationships. This skill in life is to be good at four situations, and its functions can be summarized in sixteen words: mediate disputes, resolve conflicts, avoid embarrassment, and break deadlocks.

From a proactive perspective, it is someone who takes the initiative to smooth things over for others when he or she behaves badly. When someone else is in trouble, they take the initiative to rescue themselves and find a way for them to get off the stage.

From a passive perspective, when you make a mistake, you must be good at making excuses and justifying yourself; if you unfortunately fall into a social deadlock, you can make changes and break the ice; when you are likely to be unhappy with others, be more It is indispensable to make peace and "thin the mud", so that the other party can lose less face and maintain dignity, thereby settling things, and even turning bad things into good things.

If you want to be a person with perfect merits and virtues and have good popularity resources, without the technical support of round-up, it is likely to be a "tofu project", an illusion that can only be talked about but cannot be achieved. Most of them are like soap bubbles that "pop as soon as they pop".

The 13th Strategy of Giving in

How to make progress in order to make progress in interpersonal relationships? Take high jump as an example. If you retreat further, you can jump higher. Temporarily tolerating losses in interpersonal relationships can lead to long-term benefits. The key is to cater to the other party's needs in a discreet manner, that is, to put the other party's interests first while paving the way for your own interests. When asking someone for help, you can first make your request very high. If the result is just right, the other person will feel guilty for not helping you a lot, and will be more likely to agree to your smaller request. Or you can do it step by step, starting with asking him to do small things and transitioning to helping him with big things. . Because he already has a good impression and dependence on you and has developed the habit of saying yes to you. Going high first and then low can create the illusion that you are giving in in stride; starting from small to large will prevent the other party from detecting your true intention of "getting an inch first and then advancing further".

Daily communication is mostly non-confrontational. We must remember the ancient saying that "when two tigers fight, one of them will be injured", and do not add fuel to the fire and lead to the tragedy of "burning down the big house". Don't let people take a step below you. If you are reasonable and able to give in, people will not only admit that you are right, but also praise your magnanimity, making you reach the perfection that everyone expects.

The 14th self-deprecating plan

How to use humor as a "lubricant"? Humor has always been called a language art that only smart people can master, and self-deprecation is also called the highest state of humor. It can be seen from this that those who can laugh at themselves must be the wisest among wise and the master among masters. Self-deprecation is a technique that people who lack self-confidence dare not use because it requires you to scold yourself. That is to say, one should "make fun of" one's own mistakes, shortcomings and even physical defects. Instead of covering up or avoiding the ugly and shameful parts, one should amplify, exaggerate and analyze them, and then cleverly extend them, justify them, and get a smile.

It is impossible to achieve this without an open-minded, optimistic, detached and playful attitude and mind. It is conceivable that people who are self-righteous, calculating, and sarcastic are difficult to compare to. Laughing at yourself doesn't hurt anyone, it's the safest thing to do. You can use it to liven up the conversation and eliminate tension; to find a way out of embarrassment and save face; to gain human touch in public situations; to insinuate under special circumstances and prick the unreasonable villain.

The 15th Color Observation Strategy

How to accurately figure out the psychology of others? Observing words and emotions is the basic skill for controlling all human relationships. Not being able to observe words and emotions is equivalent to turning the tiller without knowing the direction of the wind. It is impossible to talk about world affairs, and it may even capsize in a small storm.

Although intuition is sensitive, it can easily be deceived by others. Knowing how to reason and judge is the top skill pursued by observing words and emotions. Words can reveal a person's character, expressions and eyes can allow us to peer into other people's hearts, and clothing, sitting postures, and gestures can betray their owners without even realizing it.

Speech can tell you a person's status, character, quality and even reveal his inner emotions. Therefore, being good at listening to the undertones is the key to "perceiving words".

If looking at color is like looking at the weather, then looking at a person's face should be like "looking at the clouds to know the weather", which requires profound knowledge, because not everyone can be happy or angry at all times and on all occasions. Color, on the contrary, "smiling on the face and crying in the heart."

"Wink color" is the most important thing to pay attention to in "face color". It can tell us the truth most involuntarily. People's sitting posture and clothing also help us to see people in detail, and then identify others as a whole, and have a clear understanding of their inner intentions.

The 16th double-sided plan

How to sing "red and white face" in a special relationship? To be able to act according to circumstances in the human world, and to be firm or soft, requires more than hundreds or even thousands of faces. It requires good actors who are accustomed to adapting to the situation to play roles with huge differences. How can the face-changing skill stop at two or three?

In interpersonal interactions, negotiations, and official business, you must know how to protect yourself before you can take the initiative and win. Being blindly "soft" and having a pink face is tantamount to bullying others. Always being tough with a black face or cheating with a white face will intensify the confrontation, make you defensive at every turn, and end up with enemies all over the world. A skilled manipulator, using red and black, red and white together, pursuing the ingenious effect of both soft and hard tactics.

You can "talk about stand-up comedy", and you can be red-faced and pale-faced for a while, making people unpredictable and unpredictable. Dressing up as a reckless man with a black face can destroy your opponent's prestige, and dressing up as a good guy with a red face can help others gain a happy ending.

You can "play a double act", say "cross talk", and sing in harmony to make your opponent feel like they are in a fog. The white-faced person puts pressure on the opponent and poses a threat, and then the red-faced person comes out to achieve satisfactory results. This kind of matching effect is different from that of two people meeting each other.

We cannot use the tricks of duplicitous villains, but we must not know them.

The 17th intimidation strategy

How to take advantage of human weaknesses to control others? Everyone knows that "the bold will be starved to death, and the timid will be starved to death." But most people can't stand fear and overcome timidity. This is the psychological basis for intimidation to work.

Intimidation is often used to establish a psychological advantage for oneself at the beginning of a contest. It can also be used to alert the enemy and draw out the opponent's weaknesses.

To frighten people, you must find ways to be more courageous than ordinary people and be more aggressive than your opponents. Taking a confrontation as an example, there are several ways to make it easier for people to generate courage: 1. Find reasons to despise the opponent; 2. Speak loudly to create momentum; 3. Use your eyes as a sword to force your opponent; 4. Put your body in a position to win. posture; 5. Standing with backlight.

There are several common tactics of intimidation that must be known:

1. Making good use of the "sword of law" to suppress people is an important method in contemporary legal society that is different from the past.

2. Adding the word "fear" in compliments and compliments often works, but sometimes it is necessary.

3. Preemptively strike first, seize the advantage, strike first to be stronger, and strive to create opportunities to win.

4. Make yourself more determined by being plain and low-key. This is a more sophisticated approach.

5. Respond to evil words with silence, create terror with silence, and ignore your opponents. This is intimidation at its best.

In addition, it should be emphasized that intimidation is a difficult technique to master. If you don’t know the depth of your opponent, it can easily lead to self-defeating, so the risk is very high.

Insight Strategy No. 18

How to prevent "dangerous relationships"? Many people are not good at measuring and evaluating their friends. In times of crisis, they often choose the wrong shelter and are betrayed or even insulted. Use the three touchstones of adversity, official position, and interests to measure the hearts of friends, and there are rarely inaccurate examples. Of course, this method is expensive, time-consuming, and has the disadvantage of being passive.

Relying on cleverness and sophistication to actively infer people's hearts does not cost much in reality, but it is a common and difficult technology to master. This method is suspected of making false claims, and errors often occur depending on each person's situation.

Using pressure to infer that people’s hearts are unique. It relies on frontal bombardment to destroy the opponent's psychological defense, and is a frontal offensive type. Reducing the pressure and letting his guard down may also reveal his true colors. This method is suitable for powerful manipulators.

Contrary to speculation and counter-intention is a very clever attack technique from behind. Then you must choose the right target to avoid the negative consequences of the assumption, that is, "use the heart of a villain to judge the belly of a gentleman."

A flamboyant opponent may not be sinister. What is difficult to deal with is a treacherous person with a weak appearance, because he can easily cause us to be plotted due to negligence. Although weak people may not be aware of it, they should be more careful.

The 19th Strategy

How to lead him by the nose? Many daily necessities and utensils in life are equipped with handles for easy use. In the study of human relationships, finding and creating handles is mainly used to control others so that they can be used by me and at my disposal.

Everyone has weaknesses, and if these weaknesses are exploited, they can be used as leverage. Those with an impatient personality can use provocation, and even their tastes and preferences can be used as keys to open the door to their desires. As long as you use something that he likes or is taboo to seduce or attack him, he will definitely take the bait and give you a handle. Other people's privacy such as scandals, bribery, crimes, etc. can also be subject to me. It is also often used in negotiations, campaigns, and disputes, and is extremely effective.

In addition, some excuses appear randomly, such as slips of the tongue during debates, which should be caught in time and pursued vigorously. If the opponent's handle is difficult to find or there are no loopholes, you can also use creativity to create or dig out handles and then install them on him.

We should learn from this: it is dangerous for friends to reveal the truth, because no one can guarantee whether they will turn against each other in the future. Therefore, when dealing with people and making friends, you should know how to be reserved and have a strong mind, so as to avoid the pitiful end of being controlled by others and being controlled by others.

The 20th Deception Strategy

How to gain the upper hand in a competitive relationship? The essence of deception is to hide one's purpose and intention so that the other party cannot discover it and become careless; or to use a false pretense so that the other party cannot recognize it and believe it to be true. Then, we will have the conditions and opportunity to complete the original plan calmly.

For the opponent, blinding means covering his eyes, or confusing or misleading his sight.

The main methods are:

1. Confusing the target with false recognition: Make the false target appear serious and make the enemy believe it to be true, and then we will attack in the east and in the west.

2. Blindfold: Make a lot of moves to make it difficult for the enemy to distinguish between true and false, making them tired of suspicion and coping, or turning a blind eye and relaxing their vigilance.

In addition, covering up our weaknesses is also the function of deception.

The twelve tactics in (Sun Tzu's Art of War) summarize the main methods of deception, which can be divided into three categories according to principles: 1. Disguising one's own strength on the outside to deceive the enemy; 2. Misleading Enemy, causing it to fall into chaos; third, facing a strong enemy, avoid the real situation and turn to the weak in order to plot against it.

What should be particularly emphasized is that there are good intentions and bad intentions in deception, and there is nothing wrong with using a knife with good intentions. At the same time, only after you understand the art of deception can you see through and deal with treacherous deceivers, and you should not be dismissive of them because they are often criticized.

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