Tell me about those who have been taught badly.

There is a child whom I have known for almost four years. In my heart, children are kind by nature and have always been lovely. He is quiet, shy and polite. He has a pair of skillful hands, a delicate heart, keen perception and super understanding, so he can always stack origami works with movies on the Internet.

But in the last year, I saw him in my eyes, and his nature has changed. He will directly release negative emotions to his classmates, rudely interrupt when adults speak, directly contradict the teacher in class, and directly provoke disputes with "casual" touch between limbs.

Originally, I really thought that the change of children was entirely caused by the negligence and neglect of the new tutor. Later, I found out that he was actually a child who was badly taught by his mother. I was badly taught by my mother ... what a heavy word, even when I wrote it, I felt heavy. Because I believe that no mother would want to teach her children badly.

Teacher Cai Yingqing wrote a book "Mom is the First Teacher". But ... mother is the first teacher of children. Because of this kind of cognition and responsibility, we always keep learning, constantly turning over books, constantly accepting new knowledge, afraid of missing the beauty of children and misunderstanding the kindness of children.

Therefore, we began to try to overthrow the original educational framework, only hoping to give children a broader space for growth; Therefore, we began to accumulate the opinions of experts from all sides, to collect the main points of each parent-child lecture, and to develop new educational concepts with or without. Then he disliked stereotyped writing in institutional education, criticized the school rules that framed children, and even turned to the media to dismiss incompetent teachers; It's just possible that the most unsuitable teacher for children ... is it the mother herself?

That day, the scissors in the child's hand were waved more than once, and even almost poked his classmates' eyes, which made them break up with him, but he told his mother that his classmates had maliciously excluded him, and her mother firmly believed it. Then, the child began to walk freely between classes, but his mother thought the child was right, but the teacher framed the child's right to free activities.

Then, children don't do homework and don't cooperate with school homework, because mothers don't need to take teachers' rules seriously when they want children; The child wrote disrespectful words to the teacher and conveyed them to the principal. The mother believed the child beautifully: "This is definitely not written by my child! 」

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I often tell my friends around me to trust my children as much as possible, because there are really no bad children in this world, and children's lies are sometimes because they are afraid of being punished; Children's deviation is sometimes actually a kind of help; Children's bad behavior is just a message that they want to be seen.

But if you don't really understand and participate in children's daily life at school, then excessive trust only gives children enough chips to lie; If we don't face up to the deviation of children outside the eyes, then blind development is not freedom but sin; If you don't think deeply about your child's mentality under all bad behaviors, then you don't satisfy your child's desire to be seen, and as a mother, you feel too good about your upbringing.

The school rules are completely regarded as dirt by this mother. Because my mother thinks that this is the highest level that people who want to know about "learning" know, it is to respect children's choice of obeying rules and human rights, and it is the real freedom to get rid of the institutional education framework. But don't forget that the so-called freedom needs its legitimacy, the so-called freedom needs its legitimacy, and the so-called freedom should be based on the premise of not interfering with the freedom of others? She used the big hat of freedom to detain other children's right to listen quietly, covering up the fact that children destroyed school rules and self-interpersonal relationships; Then use the word "frame" to blur all the irregular behaviors of children and eliminate the necessity of the existence of overhead rules.

The child asked me, why can this child be so ignorant of school rules and ignore the dignity of teachers? I told my child with a heavy heart: "Because .. he was badly taught by the adults around him, and then ... Ma Ma must say that adults are really not all sensible people. The difference between adults and children is sometimes only appearance and age, and they may not be more sensible than children. But whether children are sensible or not, adults have the ability to protect children. The only difference is that you children are protected by good abilities … or bad abilities … "

We can collide with the system, and I also agree to challenge authority; But you can't walk into the library and accuse the librarian of depriving you of the freedom to speak loudly; We can adapt to development, and I am also in favor of eliminating the framework; But you can't do whatever you want by shouting freedom, and you can't break the moral code by stepping on the framework.