Beware of those who worry too much.

People who are too defensive, in fact, many times, we often have this situation, even if the other party may really show some love to us from an objective point of view, but because their defensive heart is too heavy, it leads to bad results. Let's look at those who are too defensive.

A person who is too defensive 1 A person who is too defensive shows that he is not safe enough.

A sense of security is a feeling and a kind of psychology; It is the feeling brought by the performance from one side to the other; It is a reassuring, comfortable, reliable and trustworthy behavior.

Whether a sense of security can be generated comes from many factors, both subjective and objective. Here we mainly talk about subjective aspects. To make the other person feel safe, you must first make the other person believe in yourself.

It's not easy to make the other person believe in himself. You must be able to show it in your manners, such as: keep your word, do what you say, and don't promise if you can't do it; Always TAlk to TA, talk about your thoughts, and always greet and care about ta's life.

Don't ignore TA no matter how busy you are, and often give TA some surprises; Don't be too kind to others, talk and do things the same; Willing to get rid of their bad habits for TA.

Living somewhere else is safe inside.

Our insecurity stems from our sense of security from childhood. The elders always tell us what kind of work safety, what kind of male safety and what kind of way of doing things is safe, so we go in these directions and find that it backfires.

In fact, we were wrong from the beginning, focusing on "external" rather than "internal" and focusing on phenomena rather than consciousness. Others can't give you a sense of security, so you must bring some.

The real sense of security can only come from one place, and that is your heart. People with a sense of security may not necessarily possess the most stable resources in society, but they must possess such talents-"I don't care what I have, I don't care what I lack, I'm not afraid of losing, and I don't pursue strong twist." I feel that everything is my own, and it doesn't matter if I am nothing. It's enough to get it, but not afraid to lose it. "

People who are too defensive 2 What are the characteristics of people who are very defensive?

1, likes to hide himself with lies.

People who are very defensive are more accustomed to keeping their thoughts in their hearts and are afraid to tell others. Especially when there is a conflict of interest between you, he will make up some lies to achieve his goal.

2. Always judge others by yourself, no one trusts them.

What kind of person you are, it is easy to think of others as that kind of person; If you are always calculating others, you will think that others may also calculate yourself. A very scheming person often can't be trusted by anyone, even those close to him are equally wary.

3, selfish desires, used to care about

People who are very defensive are often very scheming. Once there is a dispute of interest between them, they will be aggressive and refuse to let each other go. Everyone's personality is different, just like some people are born with selfish desires and don't know how to pay for others. Once there is a dispute of interest between them, they will be aggressive and refuse to let each other go.

4, the heart is relatively closed.

The more such people are always wary of others, the more they value their own interests. In order not to harm their own interests, they know how to calculate and have a strong desire for control. This kind of people usually set up their own small groups around them, and then realize their own interests by using others.

People who are too defensive are too defensive to believe. How can this situation be saved?

I. Overview of basic issues:

Stage: I broke up with my boyfriend because of a quarrel and got engaged. My boyfriend broke up with her after all. Although the students can't let go, they feel that her boyfriend is not worth saving.

Overall situation:

I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year, and both of them are engaged. That day, he asked me how much money I had to put in our card, and I got angry.

I don't think he loves me at all. I told him that I wanted to buy a house for my mother, so I have no money recently. As a result, he said I didn't work hard for our family. I am very wronged. We had a fight and he broke up.

I'm really sorry. For him, I helped him a lot, helping him deal with things in the company and life, but I don't think he understands me at all.

Once we quarreled, he sent me WeChat and voice jokes, and his attitude was not good at all. I was very angry. I don't think he wants to apologize to me at all.

Later, I found out that a file he received was related to work and had a password, so he didn't let me know. He treats me like an outsider, so he doesn't love me.

Second, the situation analysis

1, problems to be solved:

(1) The heart of preparedness is heavy, and the heart of gain and loss is heavy.

(2) I am not sure whether to save my predecessor.

2. Key analysis:

In fact, her situation is not uncommon. Many people will weigh the pros and cons rigidly in love. He pays, I pay, he takes back, I take back, but the standard of judgment is subjective, not objective.

For example, the tone of a boy may be bad because of something; Another example is a file with a password. In fact, my boyfriend only locked it because he was afraid of leaking secrets, not for him.

However, these things made students feel excluded, so they developed a defensive mentality and gave the money to their families.

Third, the solution:

1, correct inner trauma

Too much defense stems from students' inner insecurity, so if you want to learn to trust others, you must first believe in yourself, your ability and your charm, so that she can gradually become confident and give herself some sense of security.

2. Drop your guard

Although we had a quarrel, the feelings are still there, but both sides feel that the other side has not paid enough.

So I ask my students to slowly put down their guard after building their self-confidence, and think about what they want to do first, not what the other party has given them.

Step 3 communicate with each other

When she became happy and confident, she apologized to each other and didn't expect anything more. She just left silently, and the other party began to reflect on themselves, and gradually began to take the initiative to contact students, slowly opening their hearts.

Later, with the exchange and interaction between the two people, their feelings gradually deepened, and now they have begun a life of love.