Reasoning with children, blowing your beard and glaring? What's the secret of communicating with children?

Many mothers say that children are too young to listen to reason and will only get angry.

In fact, it is also skillful to reason with children.

Let's talk about the most effective but slightly complicated method, and finally talk about two simple methods.

When children do something wrong, we can do this:

1, objective description

Baby, mom saw you knock over the bowl.

This is an objective description. Describe it.

If you shouted first, why did you knock over the bowl again? What happened?

This is not an objective description, because you are already angry.

2, * * *

Do you feel scared, wronged and sad when the bowl is knocked over? Are you hurt?

Tell the child's mentality and emotions. This expression is to tell the child that mom knows you. * * * Love is to create a good atmosphere. Often children feel their mother's understanding, and most of the hanging hearts are willing to listen to you.

This is a crucial step.

Whether the bowl is important or the safety of the child is important, the answer is self-evident, but emotionally, it is estimated that it will roar away. This bowl is more important than the child at once.

Step 3 share

My mother used to knock over bowls when she was a child. She was particularly scared at that time.

Sharing this depends on the situation, not necessarily every time. As long as the previous relationship is good, the purpose of sharing is to further tell the children that mothers will make mistakes, which further shows that the feelings of mothers and children are the same.

If the child is still frightened after discovering the love, we can take the initiative to share that we have done this before, which is to tell the child that it is normal to make mistakes in this matter.

4. Analyze the reasons and put forward the hope.

When we find that the child's mood has stabilized, we can raise hope.

Baby, mom thought, did we just eat and play and accidentally knock the bowl off? What can we do to ensure that the bowl won't break at the next meal?

This is an open communication, allowing children to think for themselves and think for themselves. No matter what the child puts forward, we encourage him: good, what else?

Pay attention here, don't laugh, don't criticize, no matter what ideas, children are also catering to what we want to do.

Attention, encouragement and support can make children believe that they can come up with good solutions, and self-confidence is also built up bit by bit on such small things.

The other is to analyze the reasons together:

Baby, you'll knock the bowl over. Don't you hold the bowl with both hands? The bowl is too big. Let's try again and see how to hold it.

In this way, it is better to study what to do with children.

This approach is to personally demonstrate to children how to turn mistakes into learning opportunities.

Many times, finding the cause of the error and making targeted changes can solve the problem.

This practice is to let children learn to analyze and solve problems through examples.

Seeing this, some mothers may see the big picture, and there are so many steps, where can they remember!

In fact, the above seems complicated because we have made a detailed analysis, and we can completely remember these four steps:

One is to talk about things, the other is to talk about feelings, the third is to share their feelings, and the fourth is to find reasons.

If the action that two people can do is still too difficult, then there are two ways that everyone can do.

1, hug

For children, the mother's embrace is magical, and children can feel safe by touching their mother's body. And this kind of hug makes the child subconsciously think of the warm feeling in his mother's stomach.

What needs to be noted here is how to comfort the child but cry louder and louder after picking up the child.

We can take the child away from the scene, change to a quieter environment and pat the child on the back with our hands. More importantly, don't let your emotions be brought up by children.

You know, when we are with children, either we influence them or they influence us in turn. Only when our emotions are stable can we calm our children down with our stable emotions.

2. Reasonable

Reasoning with children in your usual way. Many mothers say that it is useless to reason for themselves, and children don't listen, so they have to stare at each other with anger before giving up.

But in the process of reasoning, what is reflected is a kind of respect for children (will you reason with him if you don't respect him? ), patience and communication attitude.

This way, even if the children can't understand what you are saying, these smart little guys can feel your attitude and emotions.

Again, as long as you are stable, it will affect your children. It doesn't always work, but it still works.

Many parents subconsciously think it is useless to reason. When they are ready to reason with their children, they have entered a "fighting state" in their emotions and mentality. It may be exaggerated to say that you blow your beard and stare, but your face is covered with black lines and anger. Children are more afraid than surprised. They won't understand what you are saying.

Another reason why reasoning doesn't work is that many parents don't talk to their children. The most common thing is to say a few threatening words: "If you don't listen, I won't hit you!" "How stupid! I have taught it so many times! "

This is unreasonable, this is intimidation, and children often receive the strongest part of our emotions.

A major feature of emotions is shielding.

After listening to your words, the last thing I remember is the word "hit", and I forgot the rest.

So, if you want your children to understand your truth, do you need fewer guns?

Of course, you said that this kind of scolding and intimidation is very effective and the children are suppressed, but this kind of practice can't solve the problem, so we still do less.

Finally, many parents are used to their "mask positioning", such as strict father, who can only keep a straight face forever, and a loving mother can only speak slowly.

These are all preconceptions.

In the face of children, we should be "changeable stars" and have all kinds of faces, which can be gentle or tiger mother and cat father. We can be children's friends without preventing us from being children's life mentors.

Only by changing the strain and fighting with the baby can we get the upper hand.

The above are some methods and rules for communicating with children. I hope they will help you. If you want to improve, you can also join my circle and practice with your parents.

I am Ting Da, the father of my 8-year-old daughter, the creator of the field of quality parenting, a family education tutor, a post-70 s uncle, and a thoughtful parenting education expert. Welcome to pay attention, forward, like and comment. More questions about parenting education can be communicated with me. Make parenting easier and education more effective.