Classic lines of funny sketches

Zhao Benshan appeared, followed by Tian Wa and Liu)

Zhao Benshan: Hurry up, you two. In a short while, the old man from "Avenue of Stars" will come to our Lianhua Township Cultural Station. He will join me in person.

Meet in an important place and choose the literary and artistic backbone of our village. I thought you two were ok, so I recommended you two to him.

Have confidence?

Tian Heliu: No!

Zhao Benshan: You can have this. Be confident, okay? As the saying goes, self-confidence is a successful grandmother, you know? Have confidence?

Tian Heliu: (lowering his voice) Yes.

Zhao Benshan: I said you two have swine flu. What is the reason? You have faded. Lianhua Township Cultural Station, here we are, my son Zhao Tiezhu.

I work here. He went to the meeting today. Let me handle it, not the treatment, but the reception of the old bi. Come on in.

(Zhao Benshan sits down, Tian Wa takes the cup, and Liu pours tea for Zhao Benshan)

Tian Wa: Grandpa, why didn't you say that Mr. Bi hasn't come yet? You can't fool us.

Liu: Yes, do you think Mr. Bi will be robbed halfway?

Zhao Benshan: Go on, go on, be quiet. Old Bi asked him to come. He told me on the phone just now that he was going to our place by car.

I am in a hurry. Wait a minute. However, before he comes, I have something to talk to you two.

What happened to Liu? Go ahead, grandpa. Last year, your granddaughter Ya Dan went to the Avenue of Stars. She was very angry. Everyone knows that this is your work.

Old. You will always be the idol of the old ladies in our village.

Zhao Benshan: Come on, what idol. The object of vomiting. If, um, if, you two were chosen by Grandpa Bi.

Yes, I'm on the right track. I'm angry. How are you two going to show me? Everyone knows that Grandpa Bi and I are.

Kinship, right? For my sake, he made it clear that he would clean up instead of taking you both away.

Liu: Grandpa, if I succeed, I swear (raise my hand) I will thank you very, very much. Thanks for saving my life.

Yes, yes, a blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise. Thank CCTV and Tieling TV for giving me this chance to come back to life?

Zhao Benshan: Come on, why not thank wc? If you say it, don't say it What about you?

Tian Wa: Grandpa, if I get angry, you are my God, Jesus or something, and you are my reborn uncle. no

Yes, you are my clairvoyance, no, it's a journey of a thousand miles.

Zhao Benshan: I'm still an ox and a horse. It's called Bole. All right, you guys go home. (standing up to go). You two are still on the Avenue of Stars. Go home and get on the kang. You can go as far as you want.

Tian Wa: Grandpa, are you not satisfied with what we said? Then how do you say thank you?

Liu: Grandpa, as long as you can lead us to the right path, kill and set fire, no, go through fire and water.

Zhao Benshan: Don't talk about that. Be practical.

Tian Wa: What's practical? You don't mean you don't want us to give you anything, do you But what can we give you?

Liu: Yes, yes, Grandpa, our living standard has improved. What can I give you if we want to eat and drink? Besides, your home.

There's nothing wrong with school.

Zhao Benshan: Yes, nothing is bad except money. I recommend you two for free, with an agency fee.

Tian Wa: Agency fee. You want money, don't you? We have no money.

Liu: Yes, we have no money now. Grandpa, for the sake of Lord Amen, have mercy and help us both.

Zhao Benshan: I don't want your money. I want it from Grandpa Bi. The key is relatives. I'm sorry if I ask for it.

Tian Wa: Grandpa, do you want us to have it? Uncle, are you going to use us?

Zhao Benshan: I tell you, young man, don't be afraid of being used. I'm afraid I'm useless So, when Lao Bi comes, you two will

You can cry with strength

Tian Heliu: Cry? Why are you crying?

Zhao Benshan: You two will show your skills to Grandpa Bi later. When I finished, when I said my acceptance speech,

I began to cry, crying that your family has no money and can't leave your parents and home. When you two cried, Grandpa Bi felt it.

It is moving. Grandpa Bi is moved and may pay for it. Anyway, he was reimbursed at public expense. Mr. Bi, you are all talented people.

Show that you will not let go and give up.

Tian Wa: Grandpa, you are really something, so cool.

Liu: Grandpa, I didn't expect you to be old. Why is it all huachangzi?

Zhao Benshan: What do you mean, full of flowers? Cooperate with me in the future and improvise.

Tian Heliu: Designated cooperation, designated cooperation.

(Bi Fujian takes the stage)

Bi Fujian: Lianhua Township Cultural Station, here it is.

Liu: Eh, (I grabbed Bi Fujian's arm in fright as soon as I went out, and I looked excited) Eh, Mom, are you human?

Ghosts, is it true? Am I dreaming? (patting the head)

Tian Wa: (He pulls Lao Bi's arm forward) Hey, brother, I finally caught him.

Bi Fujian: (looking flustered) Alas, alas, alas, what are you two doing? Robbery?

Zhao Benshan: Alas, alas, what are you two doing? Why are you so rude? Let go and invite Mr. Bi in.

Liu: I'm sorry, Miss Bi. I am so excited.

Tian Wa: Miss Bi, I miss you so much. I'm a ghost. No, I dreamed of you in my dream. You're stuck everywhere in my house.

Portrait of.

Bi Fujian: Hehe, really?

Tian Wa: There is an incense burner in front of the painting. I will burn incense and kowtow to you every day.

Bi Fujian: I feel like I'm in another world.

Zhao Benshan: No, this kid means that he worships you too much. I thought he wanted you to live forever. Her grandfather, my family.

Ya Dan misses you too. She looks at grandpa's photo and cries every day.

Bi Fujian: What's the matter? It's getting worse. How is Ya Dan now?

Zhao Benshan: Since I joined your Avenue of Stars last year, your CCTV hasn't given me any money, even though I didn't win the prize. Today, so is size.

He's a celebrity and he's developing well.

Bi Fujian: That's good, brother. Has the literary backbone you recommended to me come this time?

Zhao Benshan: Here they are, just the two of them.

Bi Fujian: Oh? You are talking about them. What a surprise.

Zhao Benshan: Yes, although the two children looked a little surprised, the performance was wonderful and talented.

Bi Fujian: Oh, let them do their best.

Zhao Benshan: Well, why don't we go to a restaurant in the village first? It's a long way.

Bi Fujian: No, no, I ate it when I was passing through the city. Let's hurry. I have to go somewhere else this afternoon

Zhao Benshan: Oh, I see. Then you two perform for Mr. Bi. Come on, introduce yourself first and sign up.

Which one of you goes first?

Tian Wa: Ladies first. No, I'm so excited. He is older than me. He will go first.

Liu: OK, Grandpa Bi, my name is Liu He Liu. The rogue is not Liu, but Liu. He is small, small, light and single.

Light. Love between men and women, as the saying goes, women are like clothes, and I have been streaking for almost 30 years. It's gone. should

Do you?

Tian Wa: My turn? Hello, Grandpa Bi. The vast sea of people, all sentient beings, separated by a bustling city, you and I are separated by Lotus in Tieling City.

Hu Axiang cultural station, this pimple. My name is Tian Wa, Tian is Tian Wa's field, and the baby is Tian Wa's baby. I'm 23 years old and I'm an ox.

Yes, it belongs to the bull. I have a small education, and I am a primary school undergraduate. I have no education. I will go to school for two days to catch a big week. I can't talk.

What a gorgeous language. There is an old saying in China: judge a person by his appearance, and things change. Thank you.

Bi Fujian: Hehe, it's funny and humorous. Then will they have other talents? .

Zhao Benshan: Come on, children, then you two split the forks.

Bi Fujian: Split? That's pk

Zhao Benshan: Oh, yes, kp.

Liu: (Performing singing, street dancing, supporting tables, handstands and somersaults? )

Tian Wa: (Imitating the teacher's bass, Pavarotti's tenor, his dolphin voice and Zhang Dongjian's ventriloquism.

Song, the storytelling? )

Bi Fujian: OK, brother, they are really rare talents.

Zhao Benshan: Wait a minute, they are going to deliver their acceptance speech. Get ready to start. (Playing Erhu Opera "Jianghu")

Liu Tian: (beats his chest and pretends to cry)

Bi Fujian: What's the matter? Why are you crying? Speak slowly if you have something to say

Liu: (still sobbing) Teacher Bi, you don't know that I was born in poverty and my parents brought me up.

Big, isn't it that I wanted to speculate in the stock market last year to make some money? I didn't expect to be fired by the stock market. Now I have eaten my last meal, and the next meal,

No, I have no next meal. I have to beg for food for my elderly parents in the afternoon. Teacher Bi, why don't you forget me? as soon as...

Let me die in the country.

(Pretending to touch tears)

Bi Fujian: Dude, what's wrong with this kid?

Zhao Benshan: Poor child. Do you think you CCTV have the heart to bury such talents? What do you think he lacks?

Bi Fujian: I think this young man is quite good, not bad at all.

Zhao Benshan; Just money. Do you think your CCTV can help him first?

Bi Fujian: Oh, come on, young man, don't be so sad. Come on, I'll give you 200 yuan and buy some rice and noodles to go home. It is over; be doomed

Join my Avenue of Stars. With your talent, you will have a bright future.

Liu: (Take the money, yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Bi. You are so handsome and touching.

Tian Wa: Grandpa Bi, what about me?

Zhao Benshan: You cry, too.

Tian Wa: (As soon as his voice fell, he pretended to cry) Grandpa Bi, I am also the son of bad karma. Do you know why I don't study? as soon as...

Lack of money, this life is killing me. It almost killed me.

Zhao Benshan: Stop, what you just said is very painful. I think this word should be used to describe pregnant women.

Tian Wa: Why?

Zhao Benshan; I don't know? Pregnant women are afraid of pain and don't want to give birth!

Tian Wa: Ha ha ha. I said, Grandpa, you are a liar.

Bi Fujian: Why are you laughing again?

Zhao Benshan: The child is a little mentally stimulated. Now he is crying and laughing.

Bi Fujian: Oh. What's wrong with this kid?

Zhao Benshan: Isn't it? This, this has to start from last year. Didn't the global financial crisis break out last year? It's over.

It affected his family's income. Confiscation means lack of money. People have no money to spend, can they not be crazy?

Tian Wa: Grandpa, don't talk nonsense. Didn't you make me cry?

Zhao Benshan: Who made you cry? You see, the child is very ill and still talking nonsense.

Tian Wa: Brother Guang, I'd better return the money to Teacher Bi. I really can't do it. We can send money, but never.

You can't lose your conscience

Liu: I'm sorry, Mr. Bi, but I suddenly feel a strong conscience from the depths of my soul.

Go to sleep. I regret it. I'd better give you your money back.

Zhao Benshan: (whispering) demo. Hehe, her grandpa, I didn't mean to. I set them up on purpose

So what? These two children are too realistic, too devoted and too impulsive. No, they are too vivid.

Bi Fujian: Oh? These two young people are really talented people. They are good at learning and singing. These two boys didn't ask on my show.

Title. Brother, you have a good eye!

Zhao Benshan: What are gray eyes?

Liu: Glaucoma.

Tian Wa: I also have a pair of cross-eyed grandfathers. In fact, my brothers always thank you. When the two of us hit the road,

Son, if you are promising, I won't forget you.

Liu: Yes, if we leave one day, we will come to see you.

Zhao Benshan: I said, why are you so irritating? Who left? Where are you going?

Tian Wa: No, he means that no matter where we go, we will be happy in the future and never forget you.

Zhao Benshan: Young man, do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the feeling of withdrawing money by swiping a card at the bank.

Liu: What about happiness?

Zhao Benshan: Unhappy means going to the bank to withdraw money, and the card is out of money. Don't say anything I am short of money, but I am not short of money.

Greedy for money. Then you two say, if one of you wins the prize in the future "Avenue of Stars", how much can you give me?

Tian Wa: Grandpa, this is half. The rest of us split equally.

Bi Fujian: Well, boys, don't forget to come to Beijing on time next month and take part in our "Avenue of Stars" competition. My brother

Ah, it's getting late. I have to go.

Zhao Benshan: Her grandpa, I'll invite you to a restaurant in the village to eat Australian abalone, shark's fin and four catties of lobster later.

Bi Fujian: You're welcome, brother. If you find talents like them again in the future, be sure to tell me.

Zhao Benshan: I'm telling you, just because this relative came all the way doesn't mean I feel bad.

Bi Fujian: Then make it simple, and have a pheasant stewed with mushrooms.

Tian Wa: Since we were invited, we sang, danced, cried and rowed. Now we are tired and hungry.

Liu: Yes, Grandpa, it won't do us any harm.

Zhao Benshan: It's just the money, not the two of you.

Tian Wa Liu Xiaoguang: Grandpa, you are too picky. Wait for us.