Behind the representation of "bad boy" are the depression and emotions you can't see

You must have seen or heard of such children.

Sorry, when it comes to "category one", it seems that I have unconsciously labeled them.

Today we will talk about "bad boys" first, and next time we will talk about "good boys". Because bad boys tend to be a little fiercer and can be recognized at a glance. At the age of puberty, people smoke, drink, go to arcades, dress up in strange clothes, and dye their hair.

You may walk around or be attracted to look at it a few more times, and then think about why it is like this. Many times, they have been labeled with bad labels such as "conduct disorder" and are on the verge of being denied and abandoned.

But in fact, there is sadness hidden behind many such children.

No matter how rebellious and tough you appear on the outside, you may feel aggrieved and depressed on the inside.

Rebellion is just their mask, and most of the time their mood is actually very depressed.

And the triggers behind these are often not that simple.

You need to understand it layer by layer like peeling an onion.

There was a girl like this. Her parents did not have a good relationship at home, they quarreled, and they often even talked about "divorce."

Everyone in this family, from grandma to father to mother, follows rules. As a soldier, her father has very high requirements for her behavior, behavior and academic performance. Wearing pajamas and walking the dog downstairs is said to be embarrassing, not going to school is said to be the end of the life, and talking back is said to be unfilial.

Due to pressure from her family, her mother gave birth to her sister without her consent, because it was not a boy that made her grandma unhappy. When she gave birth to her younger sister, she, who had always had excellent grades, happened to be transferred to a key high school. Her performance advantage was instantly lost and her pressure increased dramatically. She began to escape home, starting from day school, but at home she found that her sister was distracting the family's attention from her.

And every time she wanted to express her difficulties, she only received blame and criticism from her family. So she started making new friends online, dressing up beautifully and dyeing weird hair to attract others' attention, constantly asking people to borrow money outside, not coming home for a few days, and even having a boyfriend she didn't really like or even wanted. I feel like I'm in love, but I enjoy the feeling of being liked and cared about, and I don't dare to think about the future. All this made the family's blame even worse.

Even if she developed a serious tendency to self-harm, it was not discovered. As for the money she owes, her family blames her and pays the money for her, so that she does not need to be responsible for the consequences of her actions.

Speaking of self-harm. This is always the heart-wrenching part. The reason for repeatedly inflicting wounds on hidden places on her body was because she didn't feel anything when she was cut, so that she could be motivated to learn and feel an indescribable dependence.

Regarding her relationship with her father, she said that her mother often expressed her grievances in front of her. She told her mother that she could get a divorce if she was unhappy, and her mother said that it was not that easy.

She only has a good relationship with her mother at home. As a teacher, her mother not only expresses love mainly through money, but also has high academic requirements for her, which makes her grow up in a conflicting and anxious love. Her love for her mother is uncertain but difficult to let go.

She received no attention at school. When she showed extreme anxiety at home, no one responded, and the attention was all on her sister. Only when she makes a scene does all the attention return to her and make her feel noticed. Even the most "vicious" comments.

One time when she was not at home, her parents quarreled, and her mother took her sister away. She was very anxious when she came back and couldn't find her. Finally, she asked her father, who replied that her mother and sister were gone and would never be seen again. Will be back. This simple sentence made her feel abandoned and her mother betrayed her.

Because of her rebellious relationship with her father, she regards all rules as garbage, the rules of school, the rules of society, and the rules of family.

In this case, both parents and children suffer losses and are constantly consumed. It is parents who have been paying attention to the superficial aspects of their children's problems, but have ignored the underlying dangers. It is her lack of happy experience of life and weak nostalgia for life. The outward fighting and stubbornness hide the inner anxiety and sadness. The harm caused by stressful times such as interpersonal communication, study, and family changes is actually huge, but it is never paid attention to.

Family members have always dealt with each other's relationships by blaming, suppressing and swallowing their anger. She doesn't want to continue this kind of oppression and wants to resist, but it conflicts with the family culture and is not understood and suppressed.

Finding out the deep-seated inner conflicts and rebuilding family trust relationships are the keys to truly solving the problem.

The rebelliousness and incorrigibility of bad boys are actually a matter of family relationships. Bad boys are just "scapegoats".

Watch out for children who are cheerful and careless. They may be suffering from depression. This is the problem with "smiling depression".

Because if you resist, you will feel guilty, and if you don’t resist, you will be depressed and breathless.

Everyone does not grow up in a perfect family environment. There will be repressed parts inside. When we experience some strong emotions, it may be pain in the heart, body muscles, and bones. It may be a very sad feeling, or it may be something else.

At this time, according to meditation, when your mind wanders during meditation, don’t deliberately suppress it, but feel it, and then try to shift your attention to yourself. Ask yourself why I feel this way.

Concern your child’s health and emotions first rather than their grades. Let children learn how to express their emotions. Ask them why they feel this way and try to work it out together.

In addition, you can also express curiosity about some expressed words to understand the meaning behind them, such as "betrayal", because there may be hidden stories.

In life, you need to understand your emotions well. Sometimes you can record your emotions.

For example, one day, I wrote down my emotions:

Anxiety in the morning, despair, numbness and sadness after lunch, recovery and cheer in the evening,

What happened during this period.

Is anxiety caused by fear of not being recognized?

Despair and numbness because...

A little angry and disappointed because...

Sadness because...

It would be best if the issues behind the emotions could be addressed after this. Even if it cannot be solved, there is no need to worry, because some problems cannot be solved in the short term, or even cannot be solved. This is the time to let go of your attachments and forgive yourself. Let go of being hard on yourself. Sometimes you can only see other possibilities by letting nature take its course. Things always have their own laws of development, just like the growth of a tree. There is always light and darkness in life. Move toward the light more and feel the light, and you will always live a happier life. For the rest, please feel free to leave it to time.