Father drinks, son has a fever, and mother is in a bad mood.

As wives of alcoholics, you have been hurt and resentful for a long time. But I always expect my husband to look up like other men. In order to protect your dignity and your husband's reputation, you have told countless lies. You prayed, endured, escaped, and went crazy.

All your friends advised you to leave the drunkard, but you always had hope in your heart, because after all, you once had love, and your husband swore to God many times that he would never drink again when he was sober. Then, within days, weeks or months, they had another attack.

You don't want to entertain relatives and friends at home, and you don't want to go out for a party, because you are afraid that on such an occasion, your husband will drink one cup after another uncontrollably, ruining his interest; On the contrary, if he doesn't drink, he will be sober, depressed and listless.

You tried to maintain the children's love for their father. You tell this toddler that his father is ill. He hit children, kicked boards, smashed his beloved things, and sometimes he screamed and lost his mind. He even threatened to live with another woman.

At this point, you also tried to divorce and went back to your mother's house exhausted. Then, your husband's family and uninformed relatives and friends severely accused you of abandoning your family. But for the sake of children, usually you don't run away, but keep walking. But your relatives are drinking more and more frequently, and their physical and mental symptoms are worrying. Life is hopeless, and death seems not far away-you are heartbroken but there is nothing you can do.

How can a person who loves his wife and children be so reckless, numb and cruel? Even if you don't love your family, how can you treat yourself so blindly? Where are their judgment, common sense and will? Why don't they understand that drinking equals self-destruction?

For the wife of an alcoholic, how to help her husband quit drinking? We alcoholics who have turned over a new leaf after giving up drinking want to tell you:

First of all, whatever your alcoholic husband says, try not to condemn him. Because alcoholism is a disease, a worsening disease. The cause of this disease is due to the sensitivity of the body to alcohol and the psychological impulse to drink. No matter what kind of adverse consequences this psychological effect will bring, it cannot be overcome by one's own will alone. If possible, treat him as a pneumonia patient.

The problems you encounter usually fall into one of the following four categories:

1. Your husband just drank too much. He often drinks, or maybe he just drinks too much on some occasions. Excessive drinking is degrading his physical and mental condition, but he doesn't realize it. He always thinks that he can control drinking, and drinking will do him no harm. He thinks drinking is the need of his business, and he is even proud of it. If someone calls him an alcoholic, he will feel insulted. A considerable number of such people will become real alcoholics before long.

Your husband often loses control when drinking. His work and career may have been affected. He sometimes drinks in the morning and during the day, and always drinks to make himself excited to eliminate tension, depression and depression. After being seriously drunk, he will regret it and tell you that he wants to give up drinking, but he can't. We think these are the characteristics of real drinkers.

Your husband may be the same as the second place, but later he got worse and worse, and he was accompanied by wine almost all day. All his friends left him, his family was almost broken, and his position could not be kept. He admits that he can't drink like others, but he wants to give up drinking.

Your husband may make you completely desperate. He has been unable to work normally, soaking in wine every day and being sent to one hospital after another. He behaves rudely when he is drunk, or shows complete madness, just like a mental patient. Sometimes when he comes back from the hospital and drinks on his way home, the doctor shakes his head and sighs.

What should we do for these men trapped in the sea of wine?

The first principle of success is that you should never get angry. What is most needed to help my husband stop drinking is patience and good temper.

Don't nag him about drinking all the time, or he may get bored and use it as an excuse to eat and drink. He will tell you that you don't understand him, and he may find someone else to comfort him-not necessarily a man.

I'm sure he needs your company and help. Even if your husband continues to drink, you should not try to reform your husband. You should ignore him. Of course, this is just the skill of our action-you are biding your time.

If you can do this, your husband may turn to appreciate your reason and patience. This lays the foundation for you to talk about his drinking problem in a friendly way when he is sober. Try to get him to take the initiative to enter this topic. Never criticize him in this discussion, but put yourself in his shoes and let him see that you want to help him, not criticize him.

Once the discussion begins, you can suggest him to join a bar, chat with alcoholics who quit drinking, or read AA books, at least read the chapters on alcoholism; Tell him you just want him to take care of his health. At the same time, show him that you have confidence in his ability to quit drinking or moderate temperance. In this way, you may succeed in attracting his attention to the drinking problem.

If this method fails to attract your husband's attention, you'd better drop the topic first, but after you have a friendly conversation for a while, your husband usually takes the initiative to reopen the topic soon.

For the second husband, he probably really wants to give up drinking. Explain to him that the author of these materials is an alcoholic, and he may be interested enough to continue reading.

If he is lukewarm and thinks he can't drink, we suggest you go with him. Don't try so hard, he has sown the seeds in his heart-he knows that thousands of people like him have recovered. Sooner or later, you may find that he has been communicating with others in the bar, or reading AA information. Wait patiently until he falls repeatedly, and make sure that he must act, because the more you rush him, the more likely it is to delay his recovery.

If your husband belongs to the third category and you are sure that he wants to give up drinking, you can introduce him to give up drinking and show him AA information. Maybe he is not as eager as you, but he will almost certainly take action and may start to implement the abstinence program at once. Similarly, you can't put pressure on him. Let him make his own decisions. Quietly watching him drink again and again. Talk to him about his situation only when he brings up the topic. In some cases, let people outside the family urge him to act, so as not to cause resentment.

You will think that the fourth kind of person must be hopeless, but this is not the case. Everyone has lost confidence in them, and failure is a foregone conclusion. However, as long as we stick to our previous actions with confidence, such people will often get amazing and powerful rehabilitation. Because after falling to the bottom, people generally try to climb up out of the instinct of survival. They are more likely to quit drinking successfully.

About yourself, you may be worried about other people's comments, so you don't want to meet your friends, or even talk about this topic with your parents, or know how to explain it to your children.

In fact, you don't have to talk about your husband in detail with others, but you can quietly let your relatives and friends know the nature of his illness. However, you must be careful not to embarrass or hurt your husband.

Once you explain to these people that he is a patient, the gap between you and your friends will disappear with the increase of sympathy and understanding. You won't feel embarrassed anymore, and you won't feel that you need to apologize. It seems that your husband has a bad personality. He may have many shortcomings, but he is by no means a bad character. Your courage and calmness will bring miracles to your social life.

These principles also apply to children. Unless the child really needs the protection of the father, if you quarrel with the child while drinking, it is best not to take sides. Use your energy to improve the understanding atmosphere around you. In this way, every alcoholic's nervousness at home will be alleviated.

When your husband is drunk, you often feel obligated to tell his boss or leader and friends that he is ill. If they have the right to know where he is and what he is doing, although you want to protect him, you shouldn't lie to those people. When he is sober and in a good mood, ask him again what you should do if you are put in this situation again, so that he can see his situation clearly.

There is also a helpless fear-you may be afraid that your husband will lose his job; Maybe a few times. If it happens again, you might as well look at it from another angle. Maybe this is that every dark cloud has a glimmer of hope! Because great pressure may make your husband decide never to drink again.

The problem of alcoholism remains to be solved. If you and your husband find a way out, of course you will be very happy. However, no problem will be solved instantly.

You will encounter some obstacles, including anger, hurt feelings and resentment. Your husband can be irrational sometimes, so you should be ready to criticize him. A small matter in family life may also lead to a stormy quarrel. These family disputes are quite dangerous, especially for your husband-don't forget that resentment is fatal to drinkers. Of course, you don't want to obey your husband You just need to be careful not to argue with him in a resentful or accusing way. Mutual tolerance is a rule. If you both show a desire to make up for your shortcomings, you don't need to criticize each other.

Your husband knows that he owes you more than just staying awake. Once his drinking problem is solved, he wants to be a successful person. But you can't expect too much. His thoughts and behavior habits are accumulated over the years. Therefore, you may need new interests and important life goals as much as your husband. Like your husband, you should think about what you can contribute to your life, not how much you can get from it. In this way, your life will be more fulfilling.

Maybe you always made a good start, but just when everything was going well, he came home drunk again, which made you very discouraged. If you are sure that he really wants to overcome his addiction to alcohol, there is no need to panic. It would be great if he never recurs, but according to the experience of many of us, sometimes recurrence is not necessarily a bad thing-your husband will immediately realize that if he wants to cure the disease, he must redouble his mental activities and keep learning. You don't need to remind him of his mental shortcomings-he will know for himself.

Never arranged his life. He will be aware of any guiding intentions or things you have done for him to avoid temptation. The important thing is that he should feel absolutely free to come and go. If he is drunk, don't blame yourself. Then, you and your husband can immediately pay attention to the fundamental problem.

In short, we need to arouse men's strong desire to quit drinking and try to make them change their minds. Once they are on the road, we must give up the idea of continuing to be their crutches, because abstinence is their own business after all, and it is a lifelong thing.

Rory is a little wordy here, but what we are talking about is a summary of our own painful experience. We learned this hard at a great cost. Therefore, we sincerely hope that you can understand and avoid these unnecessary difficulties.

Persistence, hard work and attention to skills, I believe that most alcoholic husbands can succeed with the help of their wives.