A cheerful and introverted friend, Q friend, we have complementary personalities.

Complementary personalities are more conducive to the long-term love.

1. Similar and complementary personalities are conducive to the development of love.

Psychologically speaking, personality is a person's attitude towards reality and his habitual behavior. Personality is the most important aspect of personality psychological characteristics, which is manifested through people's tendentious attitude, will, activities, speech, appearance and so on.

There is no denying that if two strangers can realize their similarities, they will be easily attracted to each other. The more similar they are, the more attracted they will be to each other, resulting in intimacy. Social psychologist Cole and others have found that a person's best friend is very similar to himself in terms of education level, economic conditions and social value, which is the so-called match. This feeling of blending, absorbing and getting along will make people appreciate themselves more and play a positive role in their own strength. Similar people tend to form a group together, and people living in this group can gain a stronger sense of security and belonging.

In order to prove the validity of "similarity principle", American psychologist Newham once did a famous psychological experiment. He let 17 college students who didn't know each other live in a dormitory, and conducted a four-month follow-up survey on their emotional change process. The experimental results show that at the beginning of acquaintance, the distance of space determines the closeness of each other; However, at the end of the experiment, people with similar beliefs, values and personality qualities became inseparable friends at the end of the study.

Different from "similarity", Jung, a famous psychologist, believes that the "complementary law" also greatly affects interpersonal communication. He believes that everyone has two different personalities: "open" and "hidden" (shadow), that is, a very lively person actually hides the depressed side; A very quiet person may become restless. Therefore, when we meet a person with our "shadow personality", we will feel excited and happy inside, because the other person embodies the qualities we lack or suppress. This kind of psychology is called the law of complementarity, which means that there are differences between people in needs, personalities, interests, abilities, ideas and concepts. When the needs and satisfaction of both sides just complement each other, it will be more attractive to each other. In intimate relationships, the common collocations between lovers are: dominant and obedient people, enthusiastic and talkative people and melancholy and quiet people, grumpy people and stable and quiet people. Research shows that complementary factors enhance interpersonal attraction, make the relationship between the two sides more coordinated and meet each other's needs.

Second, the decline of love is not entirely due to personality problems.

To sum up, we find that both similar and complementary personalities are conducive to the development of love, so it is sheer nonsense to take "personality problems" as the reason for breaking up? Not exactly.

People with similar personalities will have aesthetic fatigue and passion retreat after a long time because of the sense of identity between the two sides at first. People with complementary personalities have been getting along for a long time, and the differences between the two sides are becoming more and more obvious. Once one party no longer meets the complementary needs of the other, it will expose the problems that existed originally but were not realized by both parties, and the quarrels and contradictions will increase day by day, which will hurt the other party even more.

Obviously, the relationship between personality problems and long-term love is not a necessary and sufficient condition, that is, you may fall in love with a person because of his personality, or you may hate him because of his personality in the future. So you see, love is not completely blind, but unreasonable enough.

Since it is not entirely because of personality, what else will make love fade away?

From the physiological point of view, love is a substance naturally secreted by the human body, which we call "love substances", such as phenylethylamine, dopamine, endorphins and so on. Studies have shown that the secretion of these love substances can make men and women fall in love. Dopamine, for example, can erupt during the period of love, transmitting information such as lust, infatuation, excitement and pleasure, which makes people feel happy and addicted, but it is not endless, and usually lasts for one and a half to three years. With the decrease and disappearance of dopamine, passion becomes calm.

Dopamine is calm, how can we maintain love?

Third, the matching of love needs of both sides can support a long-term relationship.

It is not important to choose a person with similar or complementary personality, because choosing a person is only the beginning of love and needs constant running-in and adjustment in the days to come. Physiology also tells us that love has no eternal passion, and everything is just a cloud. Finding each other's love needs is king, and matching can support long-term feelings.

Men and women are two completely different organisms, and their understanding and needs for love are also different. American psychologists believe that men and women have six basic love needs-men's needs include trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, recognition and encouragement; Women include care, understanding, respect, loyalty, consideration and comfort. This is not to say that men and women only need these six kinds. Women's basic love needs are equally important to men, but for women, her basic needs can bring greater happiness. In other words, every man and woman needs the above 12 forms of love.

For example, when a woman loves a man deeply, she may think of him everywhere and ask about his big and small issues. Women think this is caring, but for men, he feels that he is not trusted, has been controlled by women and lost his freedom, so he resists angrily. For example, on Valentine's Day, birthdays or anniversaries, men's careful selection of gifts for women will undoubtedly greatly meet women's demand for respect and recognition, and she will feel considerate and gentle from men; When women thank men for this action, men can also get happiness from it, thus strengthening this behavior pattern and making men willing to please women.

So, to get to the point, we find that it is not a big problem to find people with similar or complementary personalities in love. The key is that you decide what kind of relationship to start, what kind of love life you can accept in the future, and how the two sides will meet each other's love needs. People with similar personalities will have a relatively stable relationship and living conditions, and may see the development trend in the next five or ten years from today, without much change and surprise; However, some people may not accept this dull state. They are more willing to challenge contrast and need the stimulation of uncertainty, so as to ensure that their feelings can always be fresh. Even when they are white-haired, they can still argue for two days and three days, ready to pack up and run away from home at any time.

Similarly, there is no once-and-for-all love mode. Even if the two sides love each other, this love is not easy to stop. Love is a process in which both sides gradually enhance their understanding, narrow the distance and integrate into each other's life. After all, it is a miracle to meet someone who loves you in the ocean of Qian Qian, no sooner or later. To love him is to continue this magic with your own actions and life.