I don’t know how to fall in love (I don’t know how to fall in love anymore)

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4

2019.6

by: Ma Xiaocong

Text/Ma Xiaocong

01

Have you ever liked someone?

My friend said that when it comes to true love, it should be the person I met in school.

I don’t know why, as we grow older, it becomes more and more difficult for us to like someone, and the feeling of being like a deer in our hearts has not appeared for a long time. Yes, after graduation, I haven't met that person who is so excited.

When we were young, we may have all had a crush on our squad leader. He was handsome, tall, and majestic in front of his classmates, but he was sensible and obedient in front of the teacher. He studied extremely well and his brain was responsive. Every time He was at the top of the exam and he was synonymous with all good things.

We will be attracted to the other person because of his appearance and talent. We fantasize about meeting him by chance every day. We will often be so excited that the other person takes one more look at us and we can’t open our mouths from ear to ear for several days.

During those years of love, the two of them wished they could be together every day. It seemed that they had endless meetings and endless topics to talk about, and their eyes were full of you.

Because I love you, I give you the best with all I have. I don’t care who pays more or less. You don’t need to think deeply about anything you do. You don’t need to pretend or cover up, just do it coolly. herself.

But later, the love we met lost its color and became calm, calm and unpredictable. At that time, we suddenly realized that we had really grown up.

I no longer acted as boldly as I did when I was a child, but began to become timid, treating everyone around me cautiously, not daring to give, not daring to talk about feelings, afraid of letting down, and afraid of being hurt, so more and more people turned to Time is given to study and work.

Sometimes some of the people I meet around me feel suitable, but sometimes I feel as if no one is suitable.

We have changed, we have become less impulsive, we no longer regard feelings as everything, and we no longer shout about vigorous love. It seems that everyone around us has love in our hearts and wants to say it again. Don't dare to say it.

02

I remembered what Mimi told me over dinner a few days ago: I found that it is really difficult to fall in love after the age of twenty-five, and I feel more and more confused about what to do. Did it.

Mimi was introduced to someone on a blind date. The other person’s appearance, outlook and conditions met Mimi’s requirements, but she did not dare to express her satisfaction. She said that in a relationship, girls Once you take the initiative, nothing will end well. She hid her love and pretended not to care.

During several meetings, the other party felt that Mimi was not interested in him, and they lost contact within two weeks. Mimi complained to me:

Adults have become very anxious about relationships and don’t want to take the time to understand and get along. In the past, we all thought about finding the person we love to get married, but now we are looking for a partner. , it has become a lot more realistic. Find a person who can live a good life, get married and have children, and his conditions must be suitable and satisfactory in all aspects.

She clearly likes her, but she doesn’t dare to express it; she clearly is a good match, but she doesn’t dare to take the initiative to fight for it because she doesn’t know whether the other person likes her or not, and she is also very afraid that if she takes another step forward and pursues her, Is it like the last time, a heartless injury?

When Mimi was 20 years old, she took the initiative to pursue a boy. During the two years of dating, Mimi paid twice as much as the boy. She said that she didn’t care and there was no fairness in love. It is said that if you love someone, you just want to be good to him wholeheartedly.

However, the more humble the contribution, the less the other party cherishes it; the love between the two lasted for nearly 700 days, and the boy found someone he liked. This kind of love is very similar to Mimi's never looking back. Good for him.

From then on, she did not dare to like someone easily again. This relationship made her understand that for a girl, from the moment you express your love first, you lose.

Nowadays, she is becoming more and more conflicted about the choice of relationship. She takes the initiative to pursue it, fearing that the other party will let her down. When the other party speaks first, she finds that he has no patience.

The older we get, the more anxious we become. We can’t afford to get hurt and have no time to wait. As the years go by, we become less and less able to fall in love.

03

There was a moment when I,

would rather not have love than experience the feeling of being let down.

So if you keep learning and working every day, but wasting time on yourself will be much more reliable than an uncertain person.

It’s not that I don’t believe in love, but only in the process of growing up can I encounter a relationship that is more joyful than sad.

Everyone of us is very busy now. More and more people have their own goals and ideas. They are busy at work, busy at fitness, and busy doing something meaningful. They are so busy that There is no time to socialize, no time to go shopping, and even a phone call to family will be forgotten.

Occasionally, relatives and friends will urge you on relationship issues, and from time to time they will awkwardly say: I don’t have time to fall in love, let’s talk about it later.

I went to a coffee shop to write a manuscript, and there were two people sitting diagonally across from each other. They looked like a couple, but they also seemed like strangers. Each was playing with their mobile phones without saying a word. The distance between the two of them was so familiar that I could feel the strangeness from hundreds of meters away.

He was playing games and talking and laughing with the people on the phone screen;

She was showing off to her best friends how good the dress she just bought was in the video;

About an hour later, the two people stood up and still said nothing, and walked out hand in hand. It's not like falling in love, it's like finding someone to live with.

It turns out that at our age, life is so busy that even if there is such a person around us, we have no time to pay attention to it anymore. But how long can such a relationship last?

I heard from a friend that she and her boyfriend are in the same situation now: when they eat together, they both look down at their mobile phones; when they walk together, they just walk quietly and have nothing to say; when they talk on the phone , before talking for a few minutes, he hurriedly hung up the phone on the grounds that "I have something to do, I'll talk about it when I get back."

It’s not that they don’t love each other anymore, it’s that they don’t know what to do to keep the relationship fresh.

Similarly, it’s not that they don’t want to fall in love, but that they are afraid that one day they will be scarred and no longer believe in love.

04

In fact, everyone longs for a beautiful relationship in their hearts.

Because of love, we have laughed, cried, been moved, and even done some behaviors that we think are childish in retrospect. These experiences have made us strong in the secular world and learned to protect ourselves. .

In the face of feelings, we no longer act on impulse and have a lot of preoccupations. Although we shout about love being unreliable all day long, we are always waiting for a feeling of love in our hearts.

As we grow up, under the various hardships and tests of life, we seem to be less and less able to fall in love.

But I always feel that the feeling of being speechless is still because of not loving enough. Meeting a very right and suitable person will make you unconsciously express your love in various forms.

Every summer, all the flowers, plants and trees bloom with vitality, like love.

-Wonderful review-

I like to make things difficult for myself.

I can't stay up late anymore...

You have to be excellent and push yourself ruthlessly

Ma Xiaocong, a psychological counselor, loves photography and writing. A girl who lost 30 pounds in three months has a new book in preparation. Personal WeChat: mcc960121

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