1112- daily question (the importance of seeing things clearly)

Why is it important to see the essence of things clearly?

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Last night, he finally couldn't take it anymore. He had a serious talk with me and made three points:

It's been half a year since 1' s mother died. In the past six months, we often quarreled and made up, but we quarreled again every two months. As long as it involves his family, I always quarreled.

2 For his brother-in-law's disrespect to me at the scene, he didn't speak for me in time, so that I was so angry that I didn't consider my feelings, which really caused my injury. Later, in order to make up for it, he called his sister to explain that this matter was seriously criticized.

3 my attitude towards him made him doubt how much I trusted him? It seems that I don't trust him anymore

I listened carefully to his three points, which gave me the feeling that he still didn't know where he was wrong. I only knew my brother-in-law's fault, but I didn't say anything for me, but I didn't know what happened later. What was really wrong?

At that time, I felt cold in my heart. Such a big man had a low understanding of himself and me. We quarreled for half a year and failed to see the essence of the problems that happened. It was really sad.

Liu Run said that people who spend a second to see the essence of a problem have completely different results from those who spend a day to see the essence of a problem.

In fact, what Mr. Liu Run said is true. People who can see the essence of the problem in a second can solve the problem quickly, without sequelae and making the same mistake again.

but we spent half a year in noisy, unhappy, with huge internal friction, heartbroken liver and body, exhausted, both lose, not worth the loss.

the key point is that he didn't see the essence of the problem himself. What is his own responsibility in these problems? What role do you play? Where is the boundary between your own family and everyone? How to treat my relationship with my relatives and with me? How to treat between things and relationships, between family ties and the bottom line of principles? His thinking is a mess, a pool of rivers and lakes, confused and constantly cut.

where is the crux of our problem? Actually, it's all on him. Why?

He is the protagonist in all events and relationships. If he takes the main responsibility and sets boundaries, what he should say is unambiguous. If he refuses, he will refuse. On the one hand, he will give the other party the feeling that we are principled and cannot cross the line. On the other hand, to protect the rights and interests of our family, so as to handle things in this way, it will neither offend his brother-in-law nor embarrass me, and things will be handled satisfactorily and appropriately. For example,

① His brother-in-law told his brother that I was bad, and he called him as soon as he knew. What's wrong with me? Please ask him to explain clearly, to show that he attaches importance to me, so that his brother-in-law will not dare to do anything to me, and there will be no disrespect for me in the future, and my emotions will be calmed down. At least I know that my husband is always United with me.

(2) If his brother-in-law asks us for a house with the strength of alcohol, you, as the head of the family, immediately tell him whether the house is for your son's wedding, or whether it is temporarily rented to your son or sold to your son. Maybe if you ask him this cleverly, he will not mention it again, instead of asking me to answer it. After all, what I said is different from what you said, and he dare not say it badly.

(3) If his brother-in-law insulted me in public, and he stood up and stopped me at the first time, I would feel protected by my husband, my heart would be safe, and my trust in my husband would increase a lot. When his brother-in-law saw his brother-in-law speak for me in time, he wouldn't dare to disrespect me in the future. Unfortunately, no.

(4) Because I was unprotected, I had nowhere to vent my inner grievances. When I heard what his brother-in-law said, I wanted to give him a word to make myself feel better. I didn't expect to be attacked and reviled by my husband once again as the Li family owner, which made me embarrassed again, causing his eldest brother to look at me and say that you were not sure. My heart is really cold.

⑤ If he can reflect on whether he did something right afterwards, it won't happen again. He attacked me again and accused me of being rude to his nephew. Unfortunately, he didn't, but it got worse, so that I couldn't bear it, and my negative emotions broke out in an all-round way. I would rather get a divorce than compromise. What can I bear?

As a matter of fact, in the face of what happened above, he never straightened his position and mentality, and remained silent in the face of all problems.

When he didn't realize clearly that he was going to stand up and say something for me, helping me was helping himself. Our husband-wife relationship was like a grasshopper in the same boat, with both glory and loss. Instead, he ignored my injury and tried his best to suppress and attack me.

Second, instead of helping me to heal my mind, I intensified my request that I receive his brother-in-law's son and daughter-in-law, be polite and courteous, stand at the door like him, welcome his nephew and daughter-in-law, and greet them with smiles. I was furious with me for asking an inappropriate question and accused me of attacking me. My old wounds have not healed, and my new ones have been added, and my heart is extremely angry.

How can a man have a happy ending if he handles things like this? No wife, no matter how virtuous, will be angry and angry. No woman is willing to be treated unfairly, not respected and not understood. We women are not men's private property. We want to use and extract and insult, which shows that he is honest and kind on the surface. In fact, he is macho and needs me to follow his wishes. I take it for granted, and I can't just abuse and attack in public if I don't follow his wishes. This practice is exactly the same as that of slaves in ancient slave society, and he does the most work.

So he asked me about my trust in him. Do you think there is any trust in me? If a person can't feel love and respect, what can he talk about trust?

when a person can't see the essence of things quickly and find the root of the problem, it is bound to suffer more than those who see it clearly, so we have suffered from quarrels for half a year, and we have to make our own mistakes.

If you want to see the essence of things quickly, only by seeing more and spending more time with excellent people can you improve your cognitive level, get rid of the shackles of thinking and old ideas and see new scenery.