Accompany your children to grow up healthily and happily

There is a kind of official power in this world, which is lifelong. From the moment you take it, you will never be removed. It’s just that sometimes it brings you not only glory, but also pressure. , the pressure makes you a little breathless and you can't even figure out whether he is an official or a headband. Undoubtedly, this describes our parents.

Chinese parents are the hardest working group in the world, especially those of us who are mothers. We put all our thoughts on our children and like to talk about our children the most when chatting: never mind whether they are newborns. They are still married, outstanding, diligent, sensible, naughty, etc. The topic of children is always new.

A few days ago, I went to see a child who was sick and hospitalized. My mother told me: "Actually, all I want now is that my child is healthy. Nothing else matters." Then, the mother said: "But when the disease is cured, I no longer think so. It's time to hope that everything will be well for the child." Yes! There is no parent who does not put the health of their children first, which of course includes physical health and mental health.

Every parent hopes that their children will be healthy, happy and have excellent academic performance. When we describe our children as "Tigresses", when we interpret "Hedong Lion's Roar" in our children's writings, we Then he would say helplessly: "I also want to accompany my children to grow up happily! I also want someone to give me guidance when I am confused!" Our topic today is: Accompanying children to grow up healthily and happily. Let’s first experience “psychological education” through a few small cases.

1. The parent-child relationship is the key to determining education

1. Some time ago, a friend who I don’t often communicate with came to me to chat with his child. As soon as I walked in, my friend kept talking about how difficult it was to take care of the child alone. Although he was usually strict with the child, it was for the sake of the child's future. The child also looked helpless. I asked my friend: "Is your daughter good?" My friend first looked up at me confidently, but the words he spoke were completely inconsistent with his expression. A friend said: "My daughter is good, but not good enough." It can be seen that this friend is usually very stingy in expressing praise. The content of the conversation that followed made me feel depressed. This mother is very picky about her children. When encountering problems, she always asks her children to approve her ideas. It is so difficult to get the approval of this mother! In this kind of family relationship, the mother is like a judge. If she makes a mistake, she will not be allowed to do it again. When the child makes a mistake, the mother will keep nagging her until the child has a tantrum, and the mother will ask her how she can be so rude to her elders. As a result, the conflicts pile up, and the child wants to leave home and live outside several times, but the mother does not agree. Now that the college entrance examination is coming, the children already find it difficult to bear it.

After understanding the situation, I suggested that mother and daughter change positions for 3 days. Mother and daughter change positions and pretend to be each other's normal appearance. If the mother can successfully play the role of daughter and spend these three days without complaint, the child will have to listen to the mother from now on. When we chatted again three days later, as I expected, the mother understood her daughter’s feelings, and the daughter also understood her mother’s good intentions. Right and wrong are less important than the relationship established between mother and daughter.

2. Another friend of mine has a 15-year-old son. We were having dinner together that day, and my son was having a tantrum at the dinner table because he had too much homework recently! My son said: "Why does the teacher always give us so much homework to do! What a waste of time! So annoying!" If you were the mother of your child, how would you respond to your child? Some mothers will say seriously: "Son, other students can complete the homework assigned by the teacher, so why can't you?" Or, "Teacher, this is for your own good! Do you know how to do it? If you Why don’t you get a perfect score even if you know how to do it? You still think it’s too much homework, but other students don’t think it’s too much!” What will happen? Will the child put away his emotions and complete his homework obediently?

Let’s see what my friend did: My friend quickly put down the chopsticks in his hand, rubbed the child’s face, and said lovingly: “My dear son is so tired, my mother feels so sorry for him! Come, mom, peel a prawn for your eldest son!" The child's expression immediately became embarrassed. The mother peeled two large shrimps and put them in the child's bowl, and then said: "Do you want to reward you with a late night meal? I have been so tired recently, so I need to eat well! Son, tell me, what do you want to eat? Mom will give it to you. You do it!" My son has already begun to want to eat, and the question of how much homework has been forgotten.

This is the master of education. He knows to grasp the relationship with his children first, and when he looks back at the problem, the problem may have disappeared. When she got home, the mother made delicious supper for her son and stayed up late doing homework with her son. When my children see me, they always say happily: Auntie, do you know? My mother is a sweet-talking mother, but she doesn't spoil me at all, because my mother makes it not so difficult for me.

Parents, our children will always encounter various problems during the day outside. When children encounter something, the first person they want to talk to is their parents. At this time, if the parents are not "Parents" instead of "outsiders" is equivalent to closing the door of the child's heart that is open to you, and at the same time shutting the hurt heart inside. The scars that the mother could have healed have been put aside. Instead of being cared about, they constantly criticize the child and ask the child to do this or that, which actually increases the child's psychological burden and negative emotions. If the mother holds the child in her arms, hugs her for a while with distress, and expresses her belief that the child can do it on her own. Deal with this problem well, and in this way, the child will feel the mother's distress for him and become stronger.

This tells us: successful education must be based on good relationships. The parent-child relationship is the key to education. Children who have a good relationship with their parents will respond calmly whenever they encounter problems.

2. Accompanying is not just about accompanying

Many parents around us are role models of "accompanying their children": sending their children to school, doing homework with them, and talking to them before going to bed. The story... A lot of hard work has been put into it, but the child just doesn't appreciate it and doesn't even like the company of his parents. Why is this? In fact, only when we let go of all requirements, control, and evaluation, and simply see the child's current appearance and feelings, and are willing to share time with this real person, can this be true companionship. Have you done it?

I remember when my son was a child, a friend of mine told me that if you have a child, you should not think about your own life. Especially after the child goes to school, you have to stay with him until he goes to college. . What impressed me most at the time was that every time I went to her house, she would always see her sitting next to her son on a stool and staring at him whenever his children were doing their homework. His head was drooped and he was doing his homework on the table lazily. Looking very uncomfortable.

"Why are you lingering? Hurry up and write?" She yelled from time to time. When her son resisted a little, he immediately started nagging: "Look at this person..." It made me feel that the atmosphere was solemn. I thought, if I were a child, it would be annoying to spend time with my children like this.

My friend complained to me behind my back, saying how much he had paid and sacrificed to spend time with his children...

Later, my friend’s son stopped going to school before graduating from junior high school. My friend After crying over this, the child did not embark on the path of success she expected.

Last Sunday I took my little nephew to play in the amusement park on the second floor of a shopping mall. I saw a mother who had been looking down at her mobile phone for almost the whole afternoon, while her daughter was playing by herself. The mother and daughter had almost no communication. Compared with other children of the same age, that child seemed very quiet and unsocial. He was playing quietly in the corner, looking in the direction of his mother from time to time, for fear that his mother would leave...

The above scenes are not It is rare. Many parents think that as long as they are with their children, they are accompanying them, even if they are holding a mobile phone, talking to their children absentmindedly, or just looking at their children...

How to achieve high-quality companionship? In fact, truly high-quality companionship should be full devotion and should be parent-child time enjoyed by both parties. I have read an article that introduces two simple and easy methods of companionship

1. Please look at the first type of "Hiwar Tower" education

Hiwar Tower is a kind of Jewish family The chat mode between parents and children, their chat is not gossip, but conscious listening and expression at a fixed time every day. In Jewish families, weekends are a time for the whole family to gather together for meals and "Hiwar Towers" together. Parents do not tell their children to "eat well and don't talk." Instead, they discuss various issues while eating. Then we can choose the time to communicate with our children according to our own circumstances, whether it is on the way to and from school, or at dinner or before going to bed.

2. The second type is Taiwan’s “123” rule family education.

The so-called "123" rule is: once a day, for 20 minutes each time, parents and children do one of three things. The 3 things include: reading together, playing games together, and chatting together. Practice has proven that having high-quality parent-child interactive companionship according to the "123" rule every day is more meaningful than staying together aimlessly for a long time!

3. Daughters need bottom-line education, and sons need sunshine education!

Family education methods directly affect the future growth of children. In daily life, parents will habitually buy dolls for girls and toys, cars, and toy guns for boys. This unconscious behavior exactly reflects that boys and girls need different parenting styles. So how should we choose the education methods for boys and girls?

The writer Luo Song has told two stories: the first story is about a girl.

An adolescent girl came home early in the morning. A few days later, her father invited her out for a drink: "Drink as much as you can, get drunk, and daddy will take you home." That night, the girl passed out drunk on the bar . The next day, I woke up and saw a letter written by my father: In the letter, my father told his daughter how much she drank last night and made her drunk, and asked her to remember her own limits. He also said that he could not always be around to protect his daughter, so he let his daughter know his limits and told her that she must learn to protect herself.

The second story is about a boy.

A 14-year-old boy saw a book he liked very much at a book kiosk, but he didn’t have that much money with him, so he secretly hid the book in his arms. Unexpectedly, his boss discovered it and took it away. He was taken to the police station. Soon, the child's father arrived. The boy lowered his head, waiting for his father to yell. But his father did not scold him, but said to the book stand owner: "He must like this book very much, but he did it because he didn't bring enough money. Do you think this will work? I will pay three times the money to buy this book." Book..." After leaving the police station, the father stopped and said to the shame-faced child: "Everyone will make mistakes more or less in his life. Listen, forget it! Don't let it leave a shadow in your heart. Take good care of it. Study and live, and never make the same mistakes again.”

In the end, Luo Song said: The best protection for your daughter is bottom-line education, and the best protection for your son is sunshine education.

1. The bottom line education for girls is: physical bottom line, life bottom line, emotional bottom line, and life bottom line. The following mainly talks about: body bottom line and life bottom line

What is body bottom line education?

Parents who have girls at home must warn their daughters not to hurt or sell their bodies for anything.

So what is life bottom line education?

Tell your children that you will inevitably encounter evil people in your life. In case of encounter, if you are unable to fight the gangster, you should fight in a roundabout way. No matter how important the thing in your hand is, you should not have a direct conflict with him. The best option is to sacrifice your wealth to save your life. Nothing is more important than life. In life, it is inevitable to encounter sad things. But no matter how sad you are, you cannot choose to end your life. Suicide is the stupidest way to solve the problem.

2. The best protection for your son is sunshine education.

The first sunshine education: adventure education.

Now many parents always educate their sons like this: "You can't go there, it's too dangerous." "You can't stay here, it's dangerous." Educator Richard said it well: "Those who lack the spirit of adventure Children are often accustomed to sticking to rules, are weak in character, and are not good at innovation. ”

The second sunshine education: rules education.

On the basis of "adventure education", use rules to balance risks. No matter what you do, you must think about the worst result. If you can accept the worst result, you can try it. Give it a try. If you can't bear it, don't do it. (Talk about the case of my son)

The third sunshine education: frustration education.

Yang Baode, a doctoral student at Xi'an Jiaotong University, committed suicide because he could not bear the harassment from his tutor. Ou Jianxin, a programmer at ZTE Group, committed suicide because he could not bear to be fired by the company. They chose to commit suicide because they lacked frustration education since childhood. In recent years, shocking incidents of children committing suicide have occurred frequently.

In fact, what defeats us in life is our passive avoidance attitude when facing setbacks. Then we must teach our children to turn every difficulty and setback they encounter into a learning opportunity. Nowadays, many parents try their best to meet their children's requirements, prevent them from being wronged, and prevent their children from experiencing setbacks. This kind of education method puts the cart before the horse. Just like a child learns to walk by stumbling, growth also involves bumps and bumps. In order to avoid excessive harm, it is enough for parents to stand by silently and be ready to rush forward to stop the harm caused by major events.

The fourth sunshine education: independent education.

It is to cultivate children to live independently and think independently.

4. Happy Education

We firmly believe that parents are always the ones who love us the most. So, as parents, we are also the ones who love our children the most. If the education method is wrong, then A heavy love will deeply hurt a child's growth. If you love your child, please first understand the child's heart, so as to scientifically guide the child's healthy growth. So how do we guide our children to grow healthily? Finally, let’s talk about happiness education. Happiness education is to first use behavior to cultivate children's happiness:

1. Do not use adult thinking to understand children 2. Prevent children from being injured in cold violence

Today's parents Having realized that it is wrong to use "beating" to discipline their children, many parents have no choice but to resort to "cold" methods. The child lied and the mother was very angry but could not spank the child. What should I do? Just be cold and ignore him. In our words, we just ignore him and leave him alone.

There was a famous psychological experiment in Japan. The subjects of the experiment were three bowls of identical rice. Every person who passed by had to say to the first bowl of rice every day: "I love you so much!" The second bowl of rice said: "I hate you so much!" and the third bowl of rice turned a blind eye. Half a month later, the result of the experiment was that the first bowl of rice smelled faintly of wine, the second night the rice went rancid, and surprisingly, the third bowl of rice had a foul odor and was covered with black hairs. There are many psychological experiments like this, and those who are left out are the ones who suffer the most. As a parent, the education method must be appropriate. When the child is still young, he must do something and not do something.

Some parents may ask: Hitting, scolding, and neglecting will hurt children. There must be a way to discipline them, right? I suggest that parents establish an equal communication relationship with their children from an early age. Parents often listen to their children's inner thoughts and try to understand their children's behavior from their perspective, and they will find that the children are not what we imagined!

3. Teach children how to manage emotions

Emotion itself is a kind of feeling. Happiness, anger, sadness, thought, sadness, fear and surprise are the seven innate feelings of human beings. Raw emotional feelings.

First, let the children understand their own emotions. Parents should not judge their children's emotions. Parents often say: "Crying is a sign of weakness!" "It is wrong to lose your temper!" Such guidance will help This causes children to be suppressed in certain emotions and form a repressed character. As a parent, you can tell your children that it is okay to cry when they are sad. After crying, the sadness will be less. If the child cries loudly on any occasion, tell the child that it is okay to cry freely in front of parents, but that crying like this in public places will be watched. Guide your child's behavior in a gentle way and don't judge emotions negatively. Also let children understand that emotions are a manifestation of life energy, just like the "big cry" at birth. Let the emotions naturally exist and disappear naturally. When your child cries, don't rush to comfort her. Instead, wait for her to finish crying with a smile. After children experience being alone with their emotions, they will be able to face their various emotional feelings calmly and will not be troubled by emotions.

4. The influence of role models

Now let’s play a game with me: Please extend your thumb and middle finger at the same time, so that it can maintain an angle of 90 degrees as much as possible, and then Slowly, make it form a circle, and then please put it on your cheek, on your cheek, on your cheek, most people followed me and put it here, what does this mean, yes, actually there is Sometimes, it doesn't matter what you say, it's what you do that matters. We tell our children every day, you have to be obedient! You have to study hard! You have to do this and you have to do that. If you tell your children ten times, it is better to show them how to do it once.

If you talk too much, everyone will get annoyed.

Education is a practice. Good education should be for parents to constantly correct themselves through the mirror of their children, and use their new selves to set an example for their children. A child who is a happy child today will become a happy adult tomorrow. Children who can grow up happily have the healthiest psychology!

Some people say that raising the first child is a test product, raising a second child is a high-quality product, and raising a third child is the best. So for us parents who have only one child, as long as we continue to learn and continue to I believe that by changing the way we educate, our children will become the best.