Why do some people pretend to be happy? Are people who pretend to be happy happy happy?

I can't believe he betrayed me! I trusted him very much, so I told him many things. For a while, I thought we could go on smoothly-until one day I saw his underwear on her balcony.

Betrayal between lovers happens almost every day, but the people you meet are always surprised. It is always hard for us to believe that the people we trust most hurt ourselves the most. However, Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Biehler, professors of psychology at the University of Oregon who have been studying the traumas of betrayal for many years, may tell you that you think the other way-it is because you trust him that he is qualified to betray you.

Someone once mentioned a very important concept: when you choose to get involved in a relationship, you have to bear the risk of being hurt at the same time. In other words, people who can listen to you can also crush you.

After self-disclosure (that is, a person speaks his mind to others and shares his inner feelings and information with others), the other person is also willing to share his secrets, so the distance between the two people is gradually narrowing-in other words, part of the intimate relationship is to bear each other's secrets and bear each other's pain. Generally speaking, people with low sense of security have more secrets, but if they are willing to share these secrets with others, it shows that they trust this relationship-although trust may not always bring happiness.

I understand you, comfort betrayal.

When his booty friend sent me a message, I could hardly work all day. I don't know how she knows my mobile phone. I only know that my heart hurts. So I called him, and he said he was just playing with her, and then he said a lot about how much he really loved me. After some tossing, I actually chose to trust him! I'm mad at myself. I don't understand why I am so stupid. He has a mistress, and I have been kept in the dark. Isn't it obvious? Why should I trust him?

Jennifer and Pamela will tell you that it is not that you are stupid, but that you can't live without him. They found that many people can't face up to the betrayal of close lovers because those people are very important to them. An obvious truth can't be touched, not because you didn't see it, but because it takes a lot of courage to admit it-even if you admit it, you may lose more things.

According to the investment model of Ruth Boulte Caryl Rusbult, a professor of social and organizational psychology at the Free University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands, the more we invest in a relationship, the harder it is to leave it-even if you are not happy in it.

I can't see it because I want to maintain the status quo.

When you know that this relationship is very important to you, and any resistance and confrontation may terminate your relationship, you will choose to stay out of sight. Jennifer and Pamela call this phenomenon "betrayal blindness". They use invisibility instead of seeing and escape to solve it.

Sometimes, you may start to think about the price of choosing to leave: will my friends laugh at me? What about the baby? Will he get back at me? How can I start a person's life?

There are many phenomena in psychology to study blindness, the most famous of which is change blindness. A typical experiment is as follows: the researchers asked passers-by for directions, and a mover moved a gate between them in the middle, interrupting their conversation. The researchers took the opportunity to replace the person who asked for directions, but 50% people did not find that the person who asked for directions was replaced. In other words, these passers-by are most concerned about the map, but they ignore who is asking for directions.

Betraying blindness involves more motives than changing blindness. You ignore, forget and have no memory of his cheating because you know that if you admit it, you will take more negative risks: quarreling, breaking up or divorce. These consequences are really unbearable for you, so your brain helps you forget them together. In other words, this relationship is so important to you that you usually turn a blind eye to one thing: maintaining the status quo. He continued to ask how you were after work today, talking about children and upbringing, talking about what happened in the company and school, ignoring each other's precarious feelings. Without facing, there is no separation, which is the most typical betrayal and blindness.

Self-deception security

Some people obviously have exaggerated memories, but whenever we talk about their memories between marriage and divorce, can we not talk about it? Such words, I don't know, I forgot, everything is over, just like mushrooms after rain. People can't help wondering: does he really remember?

Faced with betrayal, we will turn a blind eye and choose to forget.

Perhaps, at the level of consciousness, this person really forgot. Jennifer and Pamela cited a lot of research in their book Betrayal: The most untouchable truth, and unanimously pointed out a stable phenomenon: people who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, betrayal and improper treatment will have more dissociation tendency when they grow up, and they will forget a lot of information related to negativity, trauma and emotion in many cognitive experiments-that's it.

Researchers speculate that these highly separated people may have lost their selective attention because of long-term isolation of those betrayed memories. They can't concentrate on one thing wholeheartedly, but they still maintain a good state of distraction-this makes them remember only the color of the sheets when they are caught in bed, but not what happened; When I was abused by my father, I only remembered the toys on the ground, not my father's expression.

When you really understand how miserable the past they faced and how their relatives and lovers betrayed each other, you will know that a person chooses a morbid lifestyle because they are unable to make other choices. Those injuries have exhausted their energy, and it is not easy to live well today. A senior psychological counselor once said.

Adaptation is a great ability. Because of this, some people turn a blind eye to oppression and betrayal, and turn a blind eye to abuse and aggression, but they are not happy. Jennifer and Pamela pointed out that only through the process of understanding, expressing and telling, through companionship and a stable sense of security, can we really face those past embarrassments. Maybe you will think this ending is bureaucratic, but coming out to face it is never a slogan or an action, but a process.

We always live in all kinds of repetitions, contradictions and cycles: we agreed to lose weight halfway, we agreed not to cry for him but grieved again and again, we agreed to go to bed early but lingered late at night. Even if we are aware of these shortcomings, it is still difficult to face and change-not to mention those who isolate betrayal from consciousness.

Happiness and happiness are so similar, but is happiness happiness happiness?

First, what makes us unhappy is mostly trivial things, just like we can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly.

Believe in love, even if it brings you sorrow. Sometimes love is believed not because it is seen, but because it is believed.

Third, when I hold you, you are a cup, and when I let go, you are glass slag. To those who don't know how to cherish.

Fourth, happiness and happiness are so similar, but is happiness happiness happiness?

5. Don't buy useless things, no matter how cheap; Don't depend on people you don't love, no matter how lonely they are.

6. You are thin, beautiful, rich, with a good brain, independent personality and self-care. You will not be defeated by this society, so please don't be defeated by self-denial.

Wandering between forgiveness and despair, the only feeling is hurt, hurt, hurt when I say to you: play. In fact, how I wish you would say: you are very important and I will accompany you.

Eight, if you have a kind heart, there is nothing to be upset about; If you are kind, there will be no hateful people; If the heart is simple, the world is empty. To learn to forgive others is to learn to be kind to yourself. Hatred can only keep our hearts in darkness forever; On the other hand, forgiveness can make our hearts free. Forgiving others can make life easier and happier. Forgiving others can make us more friends.

Nine, you can have low ability, but you can't have a bad personality.

Ten, you have paid, don't regret losing that feeling. No one just falls in love and does nothing else all his life. Maybe she left you when you turned around. Such a thing is inevitable and happens every day. Don't believe those love novels, because we live in reality, not in fairy tales, and no one will wait for anyone for a lifetime.

Everything that happens in life can't be owned, only experienced. Those who know this well will understand that there is no loss, just passing by; There is no failure, only experience. Look at life with a browsing heart. All the gains and losses, hidden and obvious, are landscapes and customs. Tashiram Duo Duo

If you feel wronged, prove that you have a bottom line. If you feel confused, it proves that you still have something to pursue. If you feel pain, prove that you still have strength. If you feel desperate, prove that you still have hope. In a sense, you will never be defeated, because you still have you.

Thirteen, from now on, your happiness has nothing to do with my sadness; From then on, your sadness has nothing to do with my happiness; From then on, my loneliness has nothing to do with your concern; From now on, your emptiness has nothing to do with my enrichment. When you leave my world, I can also get peace.

14. You know what it's like to start well but not like others. Talk about the pain of WeChat friends circle.

Fifteen, when I can't see you, I have a lot to say to you. When you are around, I feel quietly leaning on you, even if I don't talk.

Sixteen, life is like this. Think about it, and it will change slowly before you know it. Say it, and you will change slowly when you walk and do it. When the dust settles, times have changed. You understand your mistake and regret it. It was only after the incident that you realized your mistake and felt sorry. It turned out that at the last moment, all sighs turned into scars, and when love came to an end, all emotions turned into pain.

Seventeen, accustomed to being single, if you face sudden feelings, you will be caught off guard.

Eighteen, I think the saddest thing is not meeting, but meeting, getting, but losing in a hurry, and then tangled into a scar in my heart. It hurts every time it hurts you.

Sometimes you can't get what you want most, and sometimes the most unexpected thing happens. You meet thousands of people every day, and none of them really touch your heart. Then you meet someone, and your life will change forever.

20. Happiness is something we have every day. Just like air, water and salt, we cannot leave them in the future. Fortunately, many small things can bring us happiness. In this world, anyone can do nothing. Remember that leisure can bring happiness. Don't push yourself too hard.

Twenty-one, there are only two emotions in the world that can be called romance: one is sympathy, and the other is forgetting each other; What we have to do is to strive for friendship with the people we love most and forget the people we love for the second time.

I still like it and care, but I don't want to be with you anymore.

23. Simplicity is a kind of free and easy. Care about everything, annoying! Care about everything, bitter! In this world, heartbeat has gradually become a luxury, and it is not always affordable. Simple, you are good to me and I am better to you; You turn around, I'll turn around. As for things outside, trivial matters of life, I do my duty. We live hard just to be happy. Simple, you can enjoy endless happiness.

24. Don't ask what happiness is, it's just a feeling, sometimes because of satisfaction, sometimes because of concern, sometimes because of a smile. Stop looking, we are on the road to happiness.

Twenty-five, it takes only a moment to meet someone, and it is often a lifetime to fall in love with someone. It is not wrong to meet by chance, nor is it perfect to grow old together. In the doomed fate, we really have no choice. I often think, to be a clean and white woman, to be a compassionate and kind woman, to live in peace, not to ask for too much love, not to give birth to too much resentment. Regardless of glory or poverty, regardless of happiness or sadness, we must treat them equally.

Twenty-six, life is like a road, be patient. Peace of mind, so peace of mind. Happiness is relative; Frequent pain; Life is a countdown; The days have passed; Life is unclear; There will always be mildew; Life must be believed; Luck can be opened; Life needs enlightenment; Life needs love.

The cruelest thing about growing up is that girls are always more mature than boys of the same age. It is this maturity that makes the boy feel at a loss.

Twenty-eight, choose a gesture, let oneself live irreplaceable.

Twenty-nine, fate is you, fate is empty. Nothing in this world can last forever. Past lives are just your own practice. The so-called cherishing fate is not clinging to love and hate, but being kind to each other when we meet; Don't get hurt when saying goodbye. That's all.

Thirty, true love, not because the other person is cute, only love; It is because the other person is unlovable and willing to love that true love is true. Pay not because the other person is worth paying; Giving is giving just because the other person needs it. Forgiveness is not because the other person is qualified; It is precisely because the other party is not qualified that forgiveness is forgiveness.

Why does happiness leave tears?

Why does happiness leave tears?

1, what you think you've completely forgotten is actually hidden in your heart. ...

The greatest happiness in life is to find that the person you love just loves you.

3. Are we used to painful wounds? Are we unconscious? Are we used to breaking up? Have we gone far?

Life is like a dance, but the person who teaches you the first dance steps may not be able to accompany you to the end.

I am like a sad container, constantly accepting all kinds of injuries from you.

6, if you can, please be happy, if not, at least I should leave, at least let me leave.

7. It turns out that eternity is just a misunderstanding.

8. Love that you don't love will never go bad. So, we flirt, we are ambiguous, but we should never fall in love.

9. Wait. This may not be easy; Hurt. But it's simple.

10, hugging is the most alienated gesture, because you can never see the other person's expression.

1 1. If I can choose, I will still let you appear in my life. If you can choose, you still won't choose to come back to my world.

12, look at the sky, the rain is so salty, are there any tears in it?

13, do you know the happiness of the ferris wheel? Sitting at the top, looking up, I reached out and thought I had touched happiness, but there was no you on the other side of the Ferris wheel. When the Ferris wheel collapsed, happiness floated in the wind.

14, I like and am used to keeping a distance from changing things, so that I can know what is the law that will not be abandoned by time. For example, if loving someone is full of variables, I will take a step back and watch it quietly until I see sincere feelings.

The words 15 and forever never seem to appear.

16, it is said that Tianya is a stranger ~ what is Tianya? Turn around and turn your back on you. It's the end of the world now ...

17, you must come to be my partner on the wedding day, because we promised to walk into the marriage hall together. ...

18, remembering doesn't mean eternity, forgetting doesn't mean it didn't happen.

19, people always feel happy when they are close to happiness, but they are swayed by considerations of gain and loss when they are happy. ...

20. Love is like two people pulling a monkey's rubber band. The injured always give up. ...

2 1, sometimes, crying is no tears. ...

22. No matter how deep the love is, it must stand the dull fleeting time. ...

23. Some people say that parallel lines are the most terrible, but I think the most terrible thing is the intersection lines-although they have crossed, they will always be far away from each other at some point in the future, and they will go further and further. ...

24. The sky loves the earth, but it is too far away from it. Therefore, whenever the sky misses the earth, it will rain cats and dogs. ...

I turned the whole world upside down just to straighten your reflection. ...

26. How much pain can a relationship bring you? It brings you too much happiness. ...

When you know it's going to rain, you should take an umbrella. When you know it won't succeed, please don't start.

28, disappointment, sometimes it is also a kind of happiness, because there is expectation, so it will be disappointed. Because there is love, there will be expectations, so even disappointment is a kind of happiness, although this happiness is a bit painful.

29. Memory is a form of meeting, and forgetting is a form of freedom.

30. Why does happiness leave tears, irrigate my wilderness and bloom with roses? I'm not tired, I don't sleep, I don't rest, I don't sleep, I don't want to waste every second, here, there is your world.

3 1, I looked at the meteor on the horizon, so beautiful, beautiful only at that moment, but still gorgeous.

32. I am just a child who shines with the stars and is lonely with the night.

Whenever I look at the sky, I don't like talking anymore. Whenever I speak, I dare not look at what the shallowness and depth of the sky can represent. Just forget it early and forget it late.

34, meet, either hate late or hate early.

Pretend to be happy and sad, and confess with tears.

All happiness is not without troubles, and all adversity is not without hope.

Life is like a satirical comedy, there are always so many things that you can't stop.

The world is really crowded, leaving only loneliness and helplessness.

Just like my world, suddenly there is no sun, which is just in line with the despair at that time.

Sometimes you can look at it indifferently, sometimes you are too persistent.

Anything that makes you sad now, you will say it with a smile one day.

From then on, you should leave, you should stay, and everything is not forced.

Sometimes I feel like a psycho. Not only do you struggle with yourself, but you will also disturb others.

Strangers, talk about life together. Familiar people, chat together.

Keep a simple heart, be a simple person and enjoy the sunshine and warmth.

Our love has gradually found its initial stability in an erratic world.

All happiness is not without troubles, and all adversity is not without hope.

Going to work is like marriage in the old days. If you are unhappy, you must be together.

I hate myself very much. When I am in a bad mood, I will be willfully angry with the people I care about.

Cherish the present and grasp the present time. I won't have a second youth!

Sometimes, I know something by chance, only to find that what I care about is so ridiculous.

People should live on the earth, but some people should live in the eyes of others.

I can't forget it because I still love it. No matter how deep it is, there is always something.

There is always someone who will never be erased in your heart.

Suddenly, I found that many people who are indispensable in life have left.

If you love someone and don't respond, it's better to walk away proudly than to beg for love. ...

A person wants to be nice to you because he knows your kindness.

I only have a vague face and a road that I can't turn back.

All talk and no practice is sadness, and it can't explain the pain in my heart.

What matters in a relationship is not the length of time, but the depth of feelings together.

No matter whether the lights outside are how bright, the ones at home are the warmest.

Sometimes, liking someone is inexplicable. No one can say why.

I didn't learn to cry before, but now I often burst into tears.

Who remembers who said that he loved me forever, and the last sentence was that we would be hurt forever.

No matter how you set up your luxurious appearance, you can never hide your ugly heart.

When you look back, you will find me gone, because I left your world.

I will still believe in love, but I won't believe that love can last forever.

Someone taught you how to love, but he doesn't love you anymore.

When you see through everything, you know that losing is more practical than having.

I'm not fragile, what's more, it's nothing to hurt. Love is always like this anyway.

The world is really small, so we met. The world is so big, it's hard to see you again without you.

Feelings are sometimes harder than stones and sometimes thinner than paper.

I won the whole world, but why did I lose you?

The most painful thing is not hysteria and screaming, but being speechless.

There's no need to pretend to be pathetic and make everyone feel sorry for you, then you will only become more and more humble.

Don't trust memory too much. People inside may not miss you that much.

One day you will become the person you used to hate the most.

About the past, about you, come to an end. About the future, about me, so stay tuned.

Don't try to hurt my people, or I will let you return everything you have.

Can anyone see through my bluff and protect my vulnerability?

What about the world without you? I haven't lived alone yet.

I hate that people who are good to me are better to others, so you can only be good to me.

Someone taught you how to love, but he doesn't love you anymore.

We can never go back to the past, and our relationship is no longer the same.

Time can understand love, prove it, and overthrow it.

Pretend to be happy and sad, and confess with tears.

When you really believe that everything will be fine, everything will be really fine.

In this world, there are many people watching you, but few people accompanying you.

I never want to meet the person in my memory, because I have no memory after seeing it.

The grievances that can be said are not grievances. It's not lovers who can leave.

If you like, I will love you forever. If you don't, I will miss you forever.

Most things you've waited too long are not what you want.