The long and arduous journey of parenting experience

#educationListen to me#

My family has a "naughty boy" who is in the first grade. Looking back on the previous parenting and education journey, it was really difficult. I felt anxious at first and then blamed myself. After being exhausted, and then reflecting, summarizing, and exchanging experiences with mothers from all walks of life, I suddenly realized: Oh! It turns out that children are all the same. When they come into this world, they have a blank piece of paper. Whether it becomes a "work" or a "waste paper" depends on the person who writes it.

Is it "praise" or "pressure"? When to wear "high hat"?

Our family has advocated the concept of "good children are praised" from the very beginning, and we praise all kinds of things on the road to parenting. Yes, in order for a person to have self-confidence, you have to give him a sense of accomplishment. Where does that sense of accomplishment come from? Identify with him, affirm him, and put a high hat on him. This is not a bad thing, but it also requires timing. Just like if you like to eat a certain food, if you eat it every day, there will be a day when you get tired of it. The child's "high hat" cannot be taken out and worn anytime and anywhere, because then he will get used to it, have no sense of freshness, no sense of accomplishment, and will be less interested in anything. Because in his mind, it doesn't matter whether he does it or not, whether it's good or bad. This is exactly what I have experienced. I know that the consequences of this are too terrible. I have also been confused and anxious. Fortunately, I reflected on it in time. At different ages and at different times, I should or should suppress it. After racking my brains and constantly grinding on the road, I finally found a way to balance it.

What method? Yes, the "motivation method"

When I realized that encouragement and praise didn't work on him, I thought I had to find another way out. Starting from washing up before going to bed every day, before going to bed every night, there was a wave of "sharpening" operations, and I became a "life-blowing lady". Is it useful? It’s definitely useless! One day I was talking about this with a mother. She said that her child washes himself every day. They let him do what he can from the age of 3. You need to let your child do what he can as he grows and explores. There are opportunities for practice! If you want him to "get on with" you have to learn to "let go" and reflect on how you became the "arranged mother". That night, I went to wash myself when the time came, and when I was getting ready to go to bed, I said to him: "You are still busy! I'm going to sleep first, good night!" He was lowering his head to play with his toys, but he immediately raised his head and said: " What should I do?" I said, "It's up to you!" Then he immediately got up and went to wash up. Look! As soon as you don't circle around him, he will turn around on his own!

Then when I was doing my homework, the "sharpener" would get involved again. Before, I wore a high hat and shouted all kinds of things, to no avail. Then I started to "provoke the general method". I would say: "You will definitely not be able to finish today's homework within an hour!" He said, "What if you finish it?" I said, "Impossible!" He would be very unconvinced and say, "Just wait. Look! "In fact, one hour is enough for their current first-grade homework. With the mentality of wanting to defeat me, he quickly completed the homework that originally took two hours in 40 minutes, and he said proudly : "You still said I can't finish it, hum!" Let him win my doubt through his own efforts. He has an extremely sense of accomplishment, yes! There are no material or other additional conditions, just let him win, and what I want him to do will be completed. Being a mother who has lost to her child will feel unprecedented happiness.