Talk about classic humor-three legs still can't stand up.

I intend to turn into a tree to shelter you from the wind and rain, but you cut it into pieces to make a fire; I like making wings to take you to heaven, but you just made KFC spicy chicken wings with a torch.

I was really desperate. Kim Hee Seon left me, and Li Ka-shing didn't pay me back the money he lent me. I finally bought a building in America and was bombed by bin Laden! I have ten cents left, so I have to send you a message.

Xu Xian likes to open a drugstore because he runs a white snake drugstore. Yong Dong likes vegetable gardens because he enjoys human happiness with fairies. I like short messages because they can make you exercise! Look how fast your little front hoof is pressing!

A foreign friend went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi, and a beautiful waitress came to ask. This foreign friend always misses an opportunity to practice Chinese: Miss, how much does it cost to sleep?

Anhui has been famous for its wine since ancient times: a girl with her legs crossed and full of alcohol; Young men's legs are lifted, and gold seed wine; The old lady lifts her legs and Gu Jing salutes; As soon as the old man's legs are lifted, the holy spring will dry beer! Your legs are up, Chivalrous Spring Wine.

The father took his son to take a bath, and the ground was slippery. When his son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's genitals and didn't fall. Father scolded him, damn it, he came with me. He wanted to come with your mother, not kill you.

I was nervous the first time. He always let me relax gently, and then he stuck me in my body. There is blood, and the pain is speechless. Only then did I understand ... blood donation is like this!

How many times have your delicate body clung to me, and that gentle and considerate caress made me enjoy a moment of pleasure, but after enjoying it, you became thinner and thinner ... inferior soap.

On the bus, a man ran into anonymous, and the woman was furious and said, you can't stand on three legs! The man waved his hand and said, forget it. I won't argue with you. You're full of it anyway

What is pride? Cow! What is modesty? Pretend! What is thrift? Hey! What is Fengxian? Stupid! What is cleverness? Blow it! What beauty? You! Happy Beauty Festival!

Several little boys scraped together a dozen dollars to buy toys, but they were worried: What can a dozen dollars buy? One suggestion: go and buy sanitary napkins. People don't understand. Why? The boy said, I don't know, but TV said that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball and skate. You are happy and have no troubles. Girls began to eat hard, as if they were hungry for several days, while boys chewed French fries one by one, as if they had something on their mind.

Your quality is as strong as plum blossom; Your personality is as subtle as a glacier; You have a convincing connotation; You are so cool! That's why we all call you Mei Chuan Neco. 1 1. Friends are like pieces of puzzles, which are combined into beautiful pictures. If one piece is missing, it will never be complete. I just want to tell you that you are the last person I want to lose.

Husband wants to improve the quality of sexual life ... Husband: Honey, how about we change places today? Wife: OK, I'll sit on the sofa and watch TV, and you go to work in the kitchen!

W: I want to divorce my husband. Lawyer: Is there any reason? Woman: I suspect that he is the father of my child.

I saw you in the street the other day. You are with someone. I saw at a glance that he was not a good man. He's been spanking you behind your back. I was very angry and said to him, stop the donkey driver in front!

There is a pervert who often destroys people's faces with sulfuric acid. One day, he followed you for attempted murder. You suddenly feel something is wrong. When you turn your head, the pervert is shocked: "Shit, this is spilled!" "

If there are no flowers, spring will be lonely, if there is no passion, the four seasons will be mediocre, if there is no me, you will lose someone who cares about you the most! Without you, the rabbit will ask, "Who should I compete with?"

Tips for self-test of vital capacity: After farting, lower your head and inhale fiercely, and then observe whether people around you smell strange smell. If so, you must strengthen your exercise according to this method; If not, then prove that you are superman!

You can show people's shortcomings better than a mirror, more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi, and more resourceful than a grandson ... so everyone affectionately calls you: the grandson of Jingzhuang.

A foreign friend went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi, and a beautiful waitress came to ask. This foreign friend always misses an opportunity to practice Chinese: Miss, how much does it cost to sleep?

Anhui has been famous for its wine since ancient times: a girl with her legs crossed and full of alcohol; Young men's legs are lifted, and gold seed wine; The old lady lifts her legs and Gu Jing salutes; As soon as the old man's legs are lifted, the holy spring will dry beer! Your legs are up, Chivalrous Spring Wine.

The father took his son to take a bath, and the ground was slippery. When his son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's genitals and didn't fall. Father scolded him, damn it, he came with me. He wanted to come with your mother, not kill you.

How many times have your delicate body clung to me, and that gentle and considerate caress made me enjoy a moment of pleasure, but after enjoying it, you became thinner and thinner ... inferior soap.

On the bus, a man ran into anonymous, and the woman was furious and said, you can't stand on three legs! The man waved his hand and said, forget it. I won't argue with you. You're full of it anyway

The husband came home and found his wife and doctor lying in bed. Doctor: Don't get me wrong, I'm taking her temperature. Husband: If what you put into my wife's body has no scale, you are dead.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, nor that I let you go alone. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell down, I ran up and stepped on my foot. ...

Talk about the mood of personality: the heart is not hard and the station is unstable.

Boys are strong to show themselves, while girls are strong to protect themselves.

When the primary school exam was issued, a lesbian next to me said, I have a teacher. Teacher: Whose is this? My deskmate called it mine.

Nice to see a young man. I'm going to Thailand first, then to Korea, and finally to marry him.

Let the storm come more violently, and let those MM who wear miniskirts dare not go out.

I can bear hardships. I have achieved the first four words, which proves that I have achieved 80% hardship?

I'm not Liu Yiyang, but I want her Bitang Qian Jia to be happy.

Heartless and unstable.

Know you well? Just play a video if it's okay. Think of it as your TV, and it will pop up when you press it.

This is either my brother's or my sister's. I tell you, my sister is a miracle.

I don't want to run three, but I don't have enough money to run two!

Muddle away with money at school and work.

When you come, I will pretend that you have never left; You go, I will pretend that you have never lived in the future.

I don't want to be an episode in your life, I just want to be a perfect ending in your life.

In the first half of 22 years, I was rejected three times and twice, and now I lead 3:2.

You are calm because you are not afraid of death, and I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.

If I win 5 million, I think I'd better donate it to my account.

Bai Zhi, please go, I can't bear to part with Han Hong! ! !

According to the pig's aesthetic, you are basically a handsome boy.

What is happiness? You eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones!

It turns out that Lian Xiao, who is sensible, is very tired.

Don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.

I spent my whole life looking back on my youth and doubting my life.

A little affection, a big injury, a strong, all gone.

Life is: life, life.

If you think you are awesome, you must be stupid.

The most attractive person is Master Kong, who is courted by thousands of people every day.

Who didn't love a few animals when I was a child?

You need to go back to the furnace and rebuild.

How can they call you a pig? This is outrageous! You can't judge a book by its cover! How can you say you look like a pig? That's an insult to pigs.

I am small-minded, but I don't lack it. I have a good temper, but not without it!

Time is subtle, and we only know it later.

Do you go to school like me just for a girl you like?

Men in bars are looking for excitement, while women are mostly looking for excitement.

According to my brother, it's true. Take this medicine and be sure to go to the toilet. More benefits. I'll talk about this later. Let's go to the bathroom first.

Whether the coat is clean or not, others pay attention to the collar, and the wife pays attention to the pocket.

Just because you cry doesn't mean you are really compassionate; Just because I smile doesn't mean everything is fine.

Society is simple, but people are complicated.

Don't play tricks on me, or I'll play along.

I remember all the people who cared about me. I have nothing, but my conscience is definitely there.

Your appearance is very refreshing.

I am a bird. I want to fly, but I can't fly high. Huh? I have no long hair.

It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.

When you can't read any more, take out the mirror and meditate: after all this, you still can't learn well.

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

Why don't you study bulletproof vests with your face?

I am not as perfect and strong as you think. Money and beauty are enough to conquer me!

After meeting me, you will suddenly find that handsome can be so single-minded.

If you don't have a hard heart, you should learn 16 things.

1, learn to be rude, get out of here and stay.

2. learn to be lonely, no one will protect you as a treasure, and the world is always lonely.

3, learn to be strong, in fact, a person can live a beautiful life, laugh at yourself and cry at yourself.

4, learn to be patient, shut up when you should shut up, and be silent when you should be silent.

5, learn to cherish, there are not many intimate friends, and then you really only have yourself left.

6. Learn to turn a blind eye, choose to ignore disgusting things, choose to block disgusting things, and no one will make me unhappy again.

7, learn to be content, the so-called contentment is always happy.

8, learn to be independent, can no longer blindly trouble others, do your own thing, as the saying goes, it is better to ask for help than to ask for help.

9, learn to grow, can no longer be so capricious, so naive, so naive.

10, learn to be serious, and be serious about people and things.

1 1, learn to be cautious, don't know people you shouldn't know, and don't intervene in things you shouldn't.

12, learn to forget, can't live in the past, the memory is gone, and continue to live in the present.

13, learn to give up, some people will never belong to themselves, so let go happily, don't drag your feet, this will not only bring trouble to others, but also exhaust yourself.

14, learn to be cold-blooded, only for those who are good to me.

15, learn to be happier than before, even if you are sad, smile.

16, learn to be cruel, and kill what should be killed.

Yu Dan's words:

A table full of delicious food, you must have good teeth; If you have money, you have to spend money;

Enjoy the scenery all the way, you have to go; Pick a golden mountain, you must be able to take it;

The man who digs in the furrow is a good man, and the man who counts money in the hospital bed is a fool.

All the way, you have to have a home, a leader, and a mother;

People should listen to grievances and worries, and praise excellence.

Cool and beautiful, if you want someone to love you, you have to be pulled when you fall and slip;

It is better to make friends with enemies than to plant thorns; Wealth is not as good as happiness and longevity is not as good as happiness.

Feeling:

1, same bottle of beverage, convenience store 2 yuan, five-star hotel 60 yuan,

Many times, a person's value depends on his position.

2. The real bad guys are not terrible, but the fake good people are terrible.

3. One side effect of success is to think that the past practices are equally applicable to the future.

Humor means that when a person wants to cry, he still has the interest to laugh.

People are tired because they can't put down their shelves, tear their faces and solve their complex.

The biggest advantage of telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.

7. Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

8. The real leader is not who can lead many gentlemen, but who can control many people.

If you don't speak hard, you can't stand still. Honest people should do it at their own discretion.

Dogs lick dogs when they see them, and people and people are acting.

Snipers shot from behind, disguised in front.

Is it the desolation of society? Or indifference?

People who speak well are often cold-hearted

People who don't have good words in their mouths are kind-hearted

People are good at being human, and there are always calculations behind them to teach you.

Being a man in front of others is stupid and upright.

A true friend is one who says you are not good to your face.

Those who speak ill of you behind your back are those who see blood.

It's not terrible to offend people in front of you,

Unconsciously offending talents is the most deadly.

So you can't just look ahead,

Don't look behind, don't know the whole picture!

-The truth.