I am a greedy, lazy, slanderous, and very afraid of trouble person.

When I wrote this title, I shocked myself. Am I really that unbearable?

After carefully comparing my life trajectory over the past few decades, I feel that this is a more pertinent and appropriate evaluation.

The popular concept in society today is that choice is greater than effort, and environmental impact is more important than anything else.

I have always dismissed these specious theories. Because I don't agree. This actually stems from my inferiority complex and self-protection. Because I have almost no choice, and the place I live in is not a good environment. Not to mention the quality of life, everyone is still working hard to survive.

Years of life experience have made me realize more and more deeply that many well-known principles are actually correct to a certain extent. It’s just that there are too many of them, and in a place like China where great truths are everywhere, they become worthless.

Let me talk about my greed first.

I want to learn a lot of skills, master a lot of skills, and have a lot of knowledge. I was like a glutton, dreaming of swallowing the whole sky.

I have stored a large number of e-books on my computer hard drive. There are astronomy and geography, ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign. All-encompassing and vast. However, not many people actually read it carefully. I always think about watching it later, always think about having time, always think about finding an opportunity. Today, some e-books have been quietly staying in my computer hard drive for almost ten years, and some have even been transferred from the hard drive to CDs, and from CDs to mobile hard drives. But they still lay there quietly. Staying alone, lonely, bored, and plaintive. And I always don’t read or study because I don’t have time, I don’t have the opportunity, or I have endless excuses.

The China University MOOC Network launched a scholarship program in October 2016. It seems that if you obtain certificates for more than ten courses, you can get a scholarship, up to 8,000 yuan. I was very excited when I got this news. Add dozens of courses that interest you to your account. I even dreamed of completing all the courses and being so proud when I got the scholarship.

However, reality slapped her in the face. I only learned a little bit about two or three courses occasionally. Other courses have their end date before they even start studying. I didn't dare to open the emails I received in my mailbox every day thanking me for signing up to study, because my face was burning with shame.

The same goes for reading. Whenever I see or hear a good book or someone recommends it, I will buy it immediately and add it to my collection. However, it is just a collection. It is still a long way from actually reading the book, writing reading notes, or even internalizing the knowledge in it into one's own knowledge structure and spiritual temperament. It was originally promised that we would wait until the Year of the Monkey and the Horse, but last year it was the Year of the Monkey and the Horse, and what I promised was not fulfilled.

I also signed up for many training classes and training camps. There are 21 days, 90 days, and 6 months. There are also many subscription products, some paid and some free. Others include Khan Academy, NetEase Open Class, Sina Open Class, and TED Talks. They all had a lot of interesting content, but they didn’t delve into it.

There is so much learning content with no priority or focus. There is always three minutes of enthusiasm at the beginning, but if you persist for a period of time and fail to see results, you will self-doubt and deny yourself. I always think that I am afraid that I will miss something, but I will not be able to catch anything. Just like this, worrying about gains and losses, stop and go, countless aborted plans, countless beginnings without endings. Countless promising beginnings and anticlimactic endings, always exhausted and wasted youth.

I also dream of mastering multiple languages ??and being able to travel around the world freely. By mastering more skills, you can freely cross borders at any time without being trapped in a small place or narrow industry. Travel more places and see more of the endless possibilities of life. I also want to have more free time to do more things that interest me.

I am like an insatiable glutton, which is annoying.

Laziness seems to be natural for me. My zodiac sign is snake, and it is a winter snake. Because snakes hibernate during this season, my fear of moving may have something to do with it. It is said that each person's personality is related to his zodiac sign, and the characteristics of the zodiac sign are also the characteristics of a person. My laziness probably stems from this hibernating lazy snake.

I am always unable to have abundant energy, endless vigor, and endless passion like some people. I envy those people who jump around like monkeys all day long and still have endless energy at night. Or someone who is exhausted but can be resurrected with full health after just a few minutes of rest. I will never stand if I can sit, and I won’t sit if I can lie down. I always feel that my energy is a bit low and I cannot complete the planned work quickly and effectively.

I really want to work hard to be an energetic person with endless energy and inexhaustible strength. I also know that if you want to achieve this, you need to maintain a stable mood, maintain an objective and upbeat spirit, ensure adequate sleep, maintain reasonable and effective exercise, and maintain a scientific and good work and rest schedule. It seems easy to do this, but it is actually easier said than done. No matter how little change you make, you have to fight against the inherent behavioral stereotypes you have formed over decades.

Comfortable room, soft sofa. Surfing the Internet with nothing to do, scrolling through my phone over and over again. Long and superficial TV, chatty reality shows. These mindless temptations always easily steal a lot of time from my life. There are also friends gathering for dinner, singing and barbecue, which always inadvertently adds a few hairs to your head and shortens your life by a few years. Damn your energy, waste your passion, and waste your time in accomplishing nothing.

I am not a standard foodie. But I still appreciate and love good food. When a delicious food with good color, fragrance and shape is placed in front of me, I will feel that the so-called happy life is nothing more than this. I like searching for delicious food, tasting delicious food, and making delicious food.

A good cooking skill is an ability that can turn decay into magic. When you can turn a lot of miscellaneous ingredients into exquisite delicacies and present them in front of you, the sense of accomplishment that arises spontaneously will make you forget about fatigue, backache and smoke. When everyone happily enjoys the food and praises each other, you will instantly feel that you are a hero who can bring happiness to others.

As the saying goes, to catch a person, you must first catch his stomach. This is killing both men and women. For me, this is a one-shot weakness.

I like online shopping for food, online shopping for ingredients, and online shopping for all beautiful things. Thanks to the great Internet and the great Internet era, we can buy anything we want. It also allows us to turn concepts from books in our childhood into real objects before our eyes. You can make food you have never heard of or seen before and turn it into your ideal look step by step according to the online food making tutorials. You can also buy legendary delicacies produced thousands of miles away. In the Internet age, foodies are lucky.

Speaking of my slowness, it is actually the history of blood and tears of a severe procrastinator. He always has to explode in an instant and complete it efficiently at the last moment. He is always insensitive to time, thinking that there is still a lot of endless time to squander. I always fail to grasp the key points and dilly-dally on the minutiae. Always regretting and beating your chest after a deadline. It is always in the face of white hair, wrinkles and warning medical examination sheets that I will let out waves of feeble sighs.

Because I was afraid of trouble, I got more trouble. Because I don't like trouble, I can never get out of trouble. Small problems turned into big problems, and local mistakes turned into systemic losses. I didn’t learn English because I found it too troublesome, and I’m still at an elementary school level. I didn’t take reading notes because I was afraid of trouble. Many of the books I read now don’t leave any traces. When I pick them up again, I still feel very unfamiliar.

The more people are afraid of trouble, the more they will be unable to escape endless troubles. Only if you are not afraid of trouble and face difficulties head on, you will have fewer troubles.

Lots of things, chattering endlessly. I'm not making fun of myself, nor am I making fun of myself.

This can be considered my second autopsy article.

Keep this as a record and have the courage to make a new start. I hope there will be a little progress during the next comparison.