Jokes, the more the better?

1. "Uncle, how to get to the United States?" "Who knows...ask the village chief!"

2. It doesn't waste electricity if you speak louder!

3. Don’t leave until the show is over, go have a meal - whoever goes will pay.

4. I am a rich man. Backstage today, I drove here and they all came on foot. The old gentlemen from Tianjin started leaving on Tuesday. But my car has been having some problems lately, and it's a bit slow in speed. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. After checking, I found out that the pedals had fallen off...

5. There are a thousand traditional crosstalks left by the old man. There are many segments. After our actors’ continuous efforts over the years, there are still more than 400 segments left.

6. Listening to more cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child in our neighborhood who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, including English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic... Anyway, he can't be the same when he sits with the Eight-Power Allied Forces and yells at him! Tell him to go listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand!" I would have beaten him to death if the law didn't matter! He speaks seven or eight foreign languages ??but cannot understand cross talk!

7. The house we live in is full of holes. If it rains, it will kill you: it rains moderately in the house when it rains outside, and rains heavily in the house when it rains heavily outside. Sometimes the rain is so heavy that the whole family Went to the street to take shelter from the rain.

8. If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

9. Whether everyone is willing to listen, willing to listen, or willing to listen, I will never force it.

10. This guy robbed the bank and drove up the North Third Ring Road. It’s half past five in the afternoon! When pol.ice arrived, there was a huge traffic jam on the road.

11. Your shameless look is very much like my charm back then.

12. Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week.

13. Guo Degang: Brother Emperor, I hope that the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, the country will be peaceful and the people will be safe, and there will be no war, okay?

God thought for a while, this is difficult, let’s tell the truth, I am not that capable, really, I won’t tell you anything else, can you do something else? Let's discuss something else.

I brought a photo of someone else with me. Brother Di, look at this. This is my senior brother. He is quite cold-looking and cannot find a partner. You can make him beautiful. Just a little bit.

God: (Thinking about it) Let’s talk about world peace (tear up the photo)

Guo Degang: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? You may disagree or disagree, why did you tear it up? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14. The family is rich and drives a Cadillac with an opening of 13. As soon as you hear the sound, you can tell that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, "chu tu tu tu tu", oh, Sanbengzi.

As soon as you start driving, half of Beijing will be filled with black smoke, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please stop your magic."

15. From now on, I will Eating lobster is no longer just a cake.

16. Hand grenades are expensive. If they cost one dollar for six, I will throw you a hundred dollars first.

17. This young man looks like an actor when he covers his face. Of...

18. Okay! This plane is just like Daihatsu, and it also has a swing glass! ... Dafa and Xiali don't give me any reimbursement... There is no Dafa in Tianjin, so they all went to the United States... I flew to the United States for half a year and refueled with more than 40,000 yuan in gas. .

19. Guo: What should I do? I'm too rich. I don’t know how I spent it.

Why? ! Yu Qian, how about I support you?

Yu: Guarantee me? !

Guo: Ah... no... no matter how rich we are, we still have to choose our looks!

20. The birthday boy: Jade Emperor!~Something happened.

The Jade Emperor: What’s wrong, the birthday girl?

The birthday girl: Do you have a hammer and nails? Lend me a favor. My sika deer chewed up the railing.

Jade Emperor: Birthday boy, what did I tell you? It doesn’t matter if you ride the deer, you have to feed it!~

21. Guo Degang: I got a good job as soon as I arrived, building a chimney of more than 70 meters!

Yu Qian: It’s really good!

Guo Degang: We get up early and finish the work late at night, and then they come to check and accept it, but they don’t give us any wages!

Yu Qian: The quality is not good?

Guo Degang: I started to take down the drawings, but they asked me to build a well!

22. Guo: Hey~~~! There was once an opportunity to make money in front of me, but I didn't take it seriously. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I hope to tell the village chief: I am willing to go. If I had to add a limit in front of that salary, I hope it would be: 400 yuan.

23. It was getting cold and I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I unzipped the buttons and put them in my pocket.

24. There were about twenty people standing at the door of the White House, both men and women, with their bags ready—reporters! I have to be careful what I say, so as not to let them take advantage of me and embarrass the Chinese people. Going downstairs, this group of people came over: "Master, do you want to sell?" "The seller!" What do you think the White House Cultural Affairs Bureau does for food?

25. "The story I told you today is not far from now. If you have elderly people at home, you can go back and ask - it was during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period..."

Flight 26.9014, The flight from Daxizhimen to Daxinghuangcun costs 5 yuan. Please board the plane. You said how interesting this is. The flight attendant stood there and shouted, "Come on, get on, get on, there's a big seat, there's a big seat." Guarantee you a big seat!

27. When so-and-so was born, his father fell ill. After returning home, his mother had the most difficult time. Here is the husband, here is the child, both have to be taken care of. Feed this child with milk, feed that child with medicine, feed him with milk, and give him medicine. Give me medicine, give me milk. His father is very strong, and the child took the wrong medicine.

28. Withered vines and old trees, dim crows, small bridges and flowing water. The horse is thin in the west wind on the ancient road, the sun sets in the west, and the man with a broken heart... is in the hospital... but he still doesn't go to the hospital even if his intestines are broken! ...I am the number one master in tampering with Tang poetry and Song lyrics.

29. A law-abiding person is depressed in the morning, a strong beam sings every night, he rides a mule to benefit himself at the expense of others, he is upright and fair and suffers from hunger. Repairing bridges and repairing roads is blind, and there are many murders and arson. I went to the West and asked my Buddha, and the Buddha said: I can't do anything either!

30. "There is a bright moonlight in front of my bed. I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon. (Pop! Knock on the wood) My name is Guo Degang. There are many people here. I am very happy. Thank you all. Come. Don’t leave until the show ends. Whoever goes to pay will pay for it. If you laugh, you’ll pay for it.”

Talk about cross talk. Why? It's so easy! The director arranged for someone to lead the applause, "Today", "We", "To everyone", "Wow" ——, 'sound', wow--, (praising: every word is a drum!) 'It's not good', wow--, it's not good to say it, but I applaud!

32 ."I am a rich man. Backstage today, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen from Tianjin left on Tuesday. But my car has been having some problems lately, and it's a bit slow in speed. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. After checking, I found out that the pedal had fallen off..."

33. "Then who can eat, I see everyone all day long. Like pancakes, you can roll pancakes, roll steamed buns and eat them with rice. They are solid and can hold up well.

Sometimes I come backstage and carry two kilograms of cakes to cut and prepare for the drinking party..."

34. "Oh, you have a problem with your mouth."

35. The gangster knows martial arts and can block the crowd. No one can stop a scientist who knows martial arts!

36. It’s going to cost him his life!

37. How can I describe his appearance to you? Have you ever seen sweet potatoes? They were freshly roasted. They were too hot to hold in your hands. I accidentally lost my grip and dropped them on the ground. Over there, a kid ran up wearing spiked shoes and stepped on the sweet potatoes. . . . His face looks like this piece of sweet potato.

38. I want to go against the three vulgarities - but I like it.

40. On this day, Bibia and I came to the train station. All the tickets were sold out. Bibia went to a police officer and asked: "Do you know where the ticket seller is?" Pol.ice was delighted when he heard this: "I'm still looking for it!" "

41. I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have done research on jumping off a building. The 2nd floor is different from the 20th floor. The 2nd floor is "pop" and "ah", and the 20th floor is "ah~~~ ~""Pa"

42. Upon hearing the news of your father's death, the neighbors burst into tears: "Such a good man died too late! ”

43. At around 12 o’clock in the middle of the night, the two gentlemen took to the street naked, and Li Jing was the only one wearing glasses - if she also wore a mask, it would be considered three o’clock.

44 .The two nurses who came down are so beautiful: they are 1.7 meters tall, with sideburns and a wide hand to protect their heart hair.

45. Yu Qian’s father - Mr. Wang.

46. Li Jing has a cousin who can tiptoe under Xia Li in high heels. She is so shabby. Her photo is posted on the door to ward off evil spirits and on the bed to prevent pregnancy.

47. Have you seen any B-society person with a tattoo of Crayon Shin-chan?

48. Don’t I know you? You get drunk when you are exposed to alcohol, and you become obsessed with the world. When you encounter money, you forget to write. One good thing about you is that your eyes turn digital when you see the ladies.

49. Everyone knows that Liu Guan and Zhang Taoyuan are sworn brothers. The three brothers kowtowed to the ground to kiss each other. The brothers were the same, and then the three brothers went to Xitian to obtain Buddhist scriptures. There is this story in "A Dream of Red Mansions"

50. The cross talk is all made up, and this paragraph is true.

51. We all drove back to Beijing. Teacher Yu had a higher status than us. He saw us driving and looked down on us, so he rode his bicycle back.

52. The old man has been sweating these days and smelled it. This armpit smells like cumin.

53. My situation is different from yours - I have a father

54. Guo Degang: It’s your father’s name. Feng Dengshilang Yu Taigong (taboo) enters the pot

Yu Qian: My father calls the fish into the pot, what is his name?

Guo Degang: No matter what it is called, Yu... Yu Shaoqian, write it.

55. After you finish reciting the sutra, beat the monk. 56. Guo Degang: Invite the layman from Jushilin to compose a mantra for your father.

Yu Qian: Yes.

Guo Degang: Are ordinary people here? People from Jushilin are here, people from Gongdelin are also here, people from Qishulin are also here, and people from Quanjude are also here.

57. Guo Degang: It makes me feel bad to see your father like this. I grew up with the old man and watched him grow up now. How can I feel when I am so sick?

Yu Qian: That’s right.

Guo Degang: Alas... (pointing) Old man, you...you have this day too.

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58. Guo Degang: There was once a rubble case. The body was dismembered and cut into eight pieces. The police detective asked Yu Qian: "What do you think is going on?" Yu Qian thought for a while and said. I think this is suicide. "

Yu Qian: Ah, suicide?

Guo Degang: The police detective liked Yu Qian too much. He pointed at the corpse and said, "It would be great if he were you."

"

59. There are three big characters "Tongguan" written on the tower.