Is it unfilial to cook and wash clothes for the elderly for a long time?

There is no objection to serving the elderly, but "long-term service" requires children's careful choice, because such filial piety is too depressed, and your physical exhaustion is far less than your psychological "collapse".

First, the long-term accumulation of negative emotions: exhausted, hopeless

Psychological anxiety, tension, anger, depression, sadness, pain and other emotions are collectively referred to as negative emotions.

The so-called negative, that is, negative emotional experience that is not conducive to our physical and mental health, is often encountered by children who have served the elderly for a long time.

Here's an example:

A friend, her mother-in-law died, and her father-in-law was alone in her hometown, which made people very uneasy. Although my father-in-law is only 7 1 year-old, he is in good health, and he has been cooking all his life and can take care of himself, but after all, there are no children around him.

In the past, when my mother-in-law was alive, although she spent half of her time in the hospital and recuperated at the children's home in the city after discharge, she spent at least half of her time at home, which was at least like home. But the two brothers can't agree on supporting their father-in-law. At first my friend suggested renting a house for my father-in-law. After work, cook for my father-in-law, pack things after dinner with my father-in-law, and go home if you want to sit or not. This is convenient for taking care of my father-in-law, and each has his own life without disturbing each other. Can involve high rent and living expenses, no one answered. Therefore, she had to return the rented house that had lost the deposit. Mr. Friend and his friend discussed: Anyway, nobody cares, renting a house is also their own money, and the two children will go to college immediately. It's time to spend money, so we might as well take them back and live together.

After receiving it, my father-in-law, who used to cook very well, stopped cooking, and even his friends were not ready, he stopped eating. Friends can only always pack jiaozi or wonton into the refrigerator to make breakfast and lunch for my father-in-law, make double copies every night when cooking, and bother my father-in-law to steam it or eat it hot at noon the next day.

If her father-in-law is away, she won't have to go home every day. When my father-in-law is away, a bowl of noodles can be solved when I am too busy and tired. If she really doesn't want to eat, she can not do it ... but ... the hateful thing is that after receiving it, let alone other sons helping to share it. Even the medical expenses and living expenses of the elderly have not been fulfilled. It is conceivable that since then, not only has there been great economic benefits.

If it were you, how would your personal mood be?

You must be anxious. In this way, you will feel exhausted and don't know when it will end.

The above examples are not uncommon in China. Some children will take the initiative to undertake related work, both for filial piety and peace of mind, and more out of helplessness, with few choices. Some children, like friends, are even the most basic responsibilities and obligations.

……

In short, based on the actual needs and the big environment, serving the elderly for a long time has become a helpless choice for many people. In this process, repeating the same thing for a long time will produce a lot of negative emotions. Such negative emotions will accumulate over time until you lose control of your emotions and feel physically and mentally exhausted as never before.

Second, don't drag down your body and mind: don't be foolish and filial, take care of yourself.

The "filial piety" advocated by Confucianism: "The monarch tells the minister to die, the minister does not die, and the minister is unfaithful; The father told the son to die, the son did not die, and the son was unfilial. "

In today's view, such Confucianism can be called "foolish filial piety", and you can even simply understand it as "self-mutilation and filial piety!"

Just like our previous example, my son and daughter-in-law are physically and mentally exhausted when they take care of the elderly. This seems touching, but in fact it is filial piety at the expense of physical and mental health, which is not much different from "the father calls the son to die, the son does not die, and the son is unfilial"

"Filial piety, let nature take its course", only words and deeds in line with parents' wishes, always make the elderly happy everywhere, is the real filial piety. Serving the elderly for a long time is not conducive to physical and mental health, and it is easy to lose your temper in the process of taking care of the elderly. In that case, it is really "a long time before the hospital bed."

Third, avoid serving the elderly for a long time: share the pressure and release the body and mind.

There is a limit to a person's patience. When your negative emotions accumulate to a certain extent, your emotions will get out of control. In groups that have served the elderly for a long time, such emotions are out of control, such as throwing things, questioning loudly, getting angry, and even showing indifference and indifference to the elderly.

Based on these, it is really not recommended that children serve the elderly for a long time, but should choose a more rational strategy to neutralize the elderly.

1. Try to serve the elderly by turns.

If you have brothers and sisters, then you need to discuss rotation together and leave each other some breathing space and time; If you only have yourself, you can also ask your relatives for help; If there is really no one, just find a professional nurse to cover for you for two days.

Special instructions:

When brothers and sisters discuss rotation, don't make conflicts. If you have money and contribute a lot, you can discuss it.

2. Take the initiative to reduce psychological pressure

The main purpose of the rotation strategy mentioned above is to get you out of the service environment for the elderly and give yourself a buffer. During this time, you need to work hard to relieve the depression in your heart, do something you like, or even have a good meal and a good sleep.

3. Choose a variety of adjustment methods

If you really can't think of a way to release physical and mental stress, you might as well take the simplest method, that is, aerobic exercise that meets your own conditions, such as jogging, cycling and walking. Use these to divert your attention and gradually get rid of the quagmire of negative emotions.

In short, it is not recommended that the key to serving the elderly for a long time is "not for a long time". You need to get rid of the environment where you have to serve the elderly every once in a while, so as to adjust yourself and reduce the negative emotions and pressures caused by serving the elderly.