Folk smoking jokes

Folk jokes about smoking

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in plot, often unexpected, giving people the wonderful feeling that the God of Laughter has suddenly arrived, and achieved the art of laughter. Effect. Most of them reveal the perverse phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different levels of interest. Below I have compiled some folk smoking jokes for you; you are welcome to read them.

Folk Smoking Jokes 1

1. "Tell me why you smoke?"

"To wait for a woman to persuade me to quit smoking."

2. If the teacher catches you smoking, you will be beaten to death without admitting it. The teacher asked me: "Then why do you smell of cigarettes?" I thought for a while and replied: "Body scent."

3. A buddy in my dormitory is addicted to cigarettes. I ran out of eggs tonight and tried to buy cigarettes, which made me very depressed. I walked back to the dormitory for a few steps and decided to roll my own cigarette. After a while, I saw him puffing away smoke. I was shocked and asked what I was smoking. He took a deep breath and said: What I smoke is not cigarettes, but life. When I saw it, it was amazing! Half the package of ginseng slices on the table was gone.

4. A: "The doctor suggested that I use chocolate to quit smoking." B: "How effective is it?" A: "No, I tried it, but the chocolate doesn't light up at all."

5. Police: "Smoking is prohibited here. Please pay a fine of 50 yuan."

Rich second generation: "Simple, here is 100 yuan, take it and find it."

Police: "But I don't have any change for you."

Rich second generation: "You smoke one too, so you don't have to look for it!"

6. A certain student learned to smoke. One day, he walked out of school after school and just took out a cigarette from his pocket, only to find that his head teacher was already standing in front of him. The teacher's eyes were round and he was trembling with fear.

The teacher shouted: "How dare you smoke!" The student quickly threw the cigarette to the ground.

The teacher yelled again: "How dare you waste it!" After listening, the student quickly picked it up from the ground and handed it to the teacher.

The teacher didn't answer and shouted: "How dare you bribe me!" The student hurriedly stuffed it into his pocket.

The teacher shouted even more angrily: "How dare you do it again?"

The student was at a loss and cried "Wow".

7. I read an article in the newspaper a few days ago. It was about a remote mountain village. The villagers in the village were very long-lived and well-known. An expert who specialized in life sciences went there. During the inspection, I saw an old man basking in the sun at the entrance of the village, and asked: Are you a senior? The old man said he was 93 years old, and the experts praised him repeatedly. When the experts saw the cigarette pouch in the old man's hand, they said that smoking would shorten your life! The old man replied: Are you saying that the bacon has been put out for a long time, or the fresh meat has been put out for a long time? Experts are speechless.

8. In the office, Mr. Huang smoked a cigarette. After a while, the smoke filled the air. Mr. Ju said: "Please don't smoke in public."

Mr. Huang said : "Since cigarettes are sold, I dare to smoke."

Mr. Ju said: "Smoking is like taking a dump. You have to go to a smoking room in a specific place."

9. Everyone in the staff dormitory has given up smoking, but Lao Wang still smokes non-stop. Everyone decided to let Lao Wang quit smoking.

One night, several colleagues complained and listed the various dangers of smoking with blood and tears, and they all broke down when talking about the emotional points.

After a while, the pale Lao Wang took out his cigarette case tremblingly and said in horror: "Oh my God, I'm scared to death. Let's smoke a cigarette to calm down!"

10. A smoker opens his cigarette case and asks the person sitting on his right to smoke. The person on his right says: "Thank you, I don't smoke."

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He asked the person sitting on the left to smoke again, and the person on the left also said: "I don't smoke, thank you!

His wife reminded: "Why don't you ask the person sitting opposite to smoke?" ”

“Because he can smoke! "Folk Smoking Jokes 2

1. My friend said he would drive me home. After getting in the car, I lit a cigarette out of habit. My friend stubbed out my cigarette and said: " Don't smoke in the car, it will smell like smoke. "I slapped him down. The battery car smelled like your sister's cigarettes.

2. I live on the second floor. The first floor is a dry cleaning shop owned by an uncle. I smoke on the balcony at night. I threw the cigarette butt down casually, and suddenly the uncle came out of the store and said to me, "Young man, was it you who threw the cigarette butt down?" "I said a little embarrassedly, "I threw it, and I will never do it again." Before I could finish speaking, the uncle grabbed the words and said, "Come on!" "Young man, give me a cigarette"

3. I was chatting with my future father-in-law at my girlfriend's house. My father-in-law just lit up a cigarette. At this time, my future mother-in-law came back from outside and opened the door. My father-in-law took advantage of the situation and opened the door. The cigarette was stuffed into my mouth, and then he said to me: "Young man, smoke less in the future. Smoking is not good for your health." "

4. When I came home from get off work, my wife looked at me fiercely,

Wife: "You still know how to come back!" "

As my wife said, she pursed her lips. I suddenly found a cigarette butt on the ground. I must have been caught secretly smoking. I knelt down on the ground and swore: "Honey, I promise never to smoke again. If you smoke secretly, whoever smokes again will be a bastard! ”

At this moment, the father-in-law walked out of the toilet with a cigarette in his mouth

5. A friend does not smoke or drink, and calls himself a good man. No matter how we coerce or induce him, Until one day, another friend said to him: Look at the people who go to the graves and pour out cigarettes and drinks. If you neither smoke nor drink, will your son give you a drink when he comes to visit you in the future? Put a lollipop in and pour a cup of hahaha? After listening, my friend silently asked for a cigarette to light up.

6. There are a lot of cigarettes in the office, and the office director who hates smoking said with emotion. : “Those who smoke are good people. I paid more taxes than others, died earlier than others, and saved my pension to give to others. That’s why the country vigorously sells cigarettes. "

We were all silent.

7. My wife is not allowed to smoke when she is pregnant. She stamped her feet anxiously on the stairs. When Lao Li went out, he happened to see me and laughed: "Why is the girl so strict? "Are you allowed to smoke?"? "Yeah, I can't hold it in anymore." "Come to my house quickly." "What's wrong, aren't you afraid that your sister-in-law will cut you?" "She said that you can only smoke with her if you have guests at home."

8. I was caught smoking while hiding in the bathroom. My mother angrily picked up her belt and beat her while cursing: “Where did you get the cigarette? Let you pump it for me, let you pump it for me. "

Dad also angrily picked up the feather duster and beat him while cursing: "Where did you get the cigarette? I want you not to smoke for me, I want you not to smoke for me. "

9. My husband yelled in the bathroom early in the morning, and my son said: "Bring me my air purification equipment. "

Son: "Okay," said Dian Dian, bringing cigarettes to him.

10. When I was in junior high school, we all went to the bathroom to smoke. We were all caught by the head teacher. .

The only poor kid was caught before he even clicked.

To prove that he didn’t smoke, he put his mouth on the class teacher’s nose. .

The usually polite boss said you ate feces in the toilet? 3 Folk Smoking Jokes

1. A man was waiting for someone in the hotel lobby, and a waiter came over and said something to him. Said: "Sir, you can't smoke here.

The man took a few steps to the left and asked, "What about here?" ”

“Sir, you can’t smoke here either.

The man took a few steps to the left: "Where is this place?" "

The waiter rolled his eyes angrily: "You've almost finished smoking, why are you still asking! ”

2. Someone was taking the driver’s license test. Every time he went there, he would bring a “red plum” to the coach. This person couldn’t find his cell phone at the training ground, so he borrowed the coach’s cell phone to make a call. I went to my mobile phone and as soon as I dialed, I found that the note on the mobile phone was "Red Plum"

3. I live in a rural area and it was hot at night. My father was smoking in the yard and saw his son's legs were bitten by mosquitoes. He picked up several bags and said: "Look, smoking is still good, no mosquitoes bite me."

The son next to him said: "Mosquitoes all know that smoking is harmful to health, but you don't know yet." ”

4. A certain patient had nodules in his lungs. The doctor told him to reduce smoking and smoke at most one cigarette after each meal.

After two months of reexamination, the patient was as fat as a balloon. Same.

The doctor asked: "Is it because of quitting smoking and not getting enough rest? ”

The patient said: “No, you said to smoke one after each meal, but now I eat 10 meals a day.”

5. The gas station attendant saw a man walking around the gas station. He didn’t know what he was doing, so he went over and asked: "Excuse me, sir, do you need any help?"

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The man replied: "It's okay, I'm quitting smoking!" ;