Who can give me a super funny joke! Thanks!

One day a drunk man took a taxi home after drinking, stopped a 110 patrol car, and shouted: Even if you earn one yuan per kilometer, there is no need to write in such big words! ! !

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived.

Someone It is said that a woman is like a book, so what kind of book is a fat woman like? [Bound volume]

Grandmother and granddaughter are in the consulting room. Undress, the doctor said to the pretty girl. No, doctor, said the old lady: I ??am a patient. Yeah? Then stick out your tongue.

A lunatic was lying on the bed singing, singing, turning over and continuing to sing. The doctor asked him: Just sing, why are you turning over? The lunatic said: Fool, after singing side A, of course I will sing side B!

Xiao Ming always sleeps during class, and the teacher criticizes him: Can you please stop sleeping! ? Xiao Ming replied: No, because I am a very poor student.

People get married because of lack of judgment; people get divorced because of lack of endurance; people remarry because of lack of memory.

There was a boy in the class who was known as a sissy. Once in an art class, the teacher asked him to make a clay figurine. He shouted: I want to be a man! My deskmate answered from the side: Alas, you finally figured it out.

The sun is pregnant and plays a song. Hee hee...(the moon is causing trouble)!

A cool poem about falling in love in college: Loneliness, loneliness, if you don’t fall in love in loneliness, you will become abnormal in loneliness.

A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: My dear, don’t be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! After hearing this, the man jumped down. The policeman said: You really shouldn’t threaten him like this!

In the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her: Don’t you know I’m pregnant? The man said nervously: The child is not mine!

A fat lady often boasted about her good figure and insisted on complimenting her. Lao Zhai said: "It's too plump. How could you apply Feng Yun Dan to your waist?"

( ! ) Ordinary butt (__!__) Fat butt (!) Tight butt (_._) Flat butt (_*_) Inflamed butt

A couple gave birth to eight children, namely osmanthus, camellia, plum blossom, chrysanthemum, yellow flower, grass flower, wild flower, and the last one was called No Money Flower.

Those who go home after get off work are poor people, those who go home at 9 o'clock are drunkards, those who go home at 11 o'clock are perverts, those who go home between 2 and 3 o'clock are gamblers, and those who do not go home are wild people. Ghost!

Your phone balance is insufficient, please follow the prompts to recharge: burn a hundred yuan note to ashes, open the back cover of the phone, pour the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation.

I want to say three words to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, I am afraid that we will even become friends, but I can't control my feelings, so I finally confess to you: Have you eaten?

I haven’t heard from you for a long time, and my heart is very confused. I always miss you. I go to the pond you love to go to, the hut where you eat, and the lawn where you sleep. I still don’t see you. My heart is broken! What’s wrong with such a big pig? Just lost it

I saw you on the street just now. Why do you keep shaking your hair when you walk? And slap yourself on the shoulder with your hand? If you have a lot of dandruff, it won’t be like this, right? Beware of being arrested as someone taking ecstasy pills!

Be careful! There is someone behind you! Don't panic! Listen to me, first slowly raise your left hand and sweep your shoulder, then slowly raise your right hand and do the same action.

Okay, dust off the dandruff...

You are the cigarette and I am the tobacco leaf, you are the flower and I am the nectar, you are the hair and I am the dandruff. In short, we are the best partners and will never be separated!

Twist your hair three times and see what happens to your phone screen? Don't notice any difference? Take a closer look! right! The screen is covered in your dandruff!

I will never forget the way you looked that day, with the flying snowflakes falling from your head, reflecting your charming face... Hey! Do you have too much dandruff?

In this charming season, I always miss you beside me. I want to raise a white dove and let it fly above you every day, even if it is just a simple action: pull a dove on your head. Pile of shit.

I called you just now, and the prompt tone said "The user is going to the toilet, please call again later." After waiting for a while, I called you again, and the prompt tone said "The user fell into the bathroom." You are in the cesspit, please dial again later."

You can reflect people's shortcomings better than the mirror, you are more knowledgeable and talented than Zhuangzi, and you are more knowledgeable than Sun Tzu, so people affectionately call you the grandson of Mirror Village.

You stand on the leaves and fight a famous protagonist----------Pig Li Ye!

There is a pervert who often uses sulfuric acid to disfigure other people's faces. One day he is following you and trying to commit murder. You suddenly realize that something is wrong. When you turn around to look, the pervert is shocked: "Damn, this has been spilled!"

I see the vicissitudes of life between your eyebrows, I see confidence in your eyes, I see the years on your forehead, I see leeks between your lips and teeth, go and brush your teeth!

Wheat falls in love with millet, millet falls in love with peach, peach falls in love with plum, but plum falls in love with wheat. Guess whether Maizi is a boy or a girl! Hee hee, what you can’t guess is that it’s neither a boy nor a girl!

April Fool's Day text message

I said: You are a pig, you said: I am a pig. From then on, I called you a pig. One day you finally couldn't help it, Shouting: I am not a pig.

I haven’t received your text message for a long time. I wonder how you are now? I passed by your place a few days ago and went in to take a look. I saw you were asleep and couldn't bear to wake you up. Hey, out of a litter of piglets, you are the only one who is good!

A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way. The mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very moved: My dear, why are you so nice to me? The cat chuckled and said: You will know when you get a little fatter

Meeting you is the beginning of my heartbeat. Falling in love with you is my happy choice. Having you is my most precious wealth. Stepping onto the red carpet is my eternal motivation. The person I love the most is you. Unfortunately, I sent the message to the wrong person.

January 1st is the Little Singles’ Day, January 11th and November 1st are the Middle Singles’ Day, and November 11th is the Big Singles’ Day. The male bachelor is called "Guangguang", the female bachelor is called "Mingming", and the one who is a couple is called "Shuangshuang".

Singles’ Day is here, the birds are in love, the ants are living together, the flies are pregnant, the mosquitoes have miscarriages, the butterflies are divorced, the caterpillars have remarried, and the frogs have given birth. What are you waiting for? ”

Small sample! Drinking Langjiu, walking like a dog, singing folk songs and walking on the water; combing your lovelorn hair, taking passionate steps; having a pair of ragged eyes, and looking for the rain and dew of love everywhere. You are so cool!

I almost forgot what day it was. If I didn’t think of you, I wouldn’t have noticed it. Day by day, today is your good day. Don’t forget it. It's your holiday, I wish you a happy Singles' Day!

I almost forgot what day it is. If I didn't think of you, I wouldn't have noticed it. Day by day, today is a good day for you. You must not forget that today is your holiday, I wish you a happy Singles' Day!

A friend who can drink one or two ounces and two ounces is so generous; a comrade who can drink two ounces and half a catty is such a comrade Party training; if you can drink half a catty and drink a pound, such buddies are the most considerate; if you can drink a pound and drink a bucket, you will be promoted to vice president later.

Urgent reminder: Look to your left, and look again. To your right. Beware of a newly released psychopath, whose characteristic is: holding a cell phone and looking around.

Chickens are used to lay eggs, cows are used to work when there is work, cats are used to make meals from house to house, sheep are used to grill skewers in the future, dogs are used to be used by others, and you are waiting to get out of the pen. of.

It’s been really cold these two days. You must take good care of yourself and don’t freeze. As the saying goes: a person’s legs are frozen and a pig’s mouth is frozen. I have already put on my woolen pants. Come on, hurry up and buy a mask. --- Protector of the Western Regions

Do you know? I miss you, I really miss you, I miss you day and night, I think about you so much, I miss you so much I can't sleep at night, thinking about it makes me heartbroken. Thinking about it makes me unable to leave my soul. When will you pay me back the money you owe me?

I was born to be useful, but I can’t understand it! One day the emperor asked him in a dream that he would understand after getting up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning after eating the cake (read the third word of each sentence and there will be a surprise)

A college student was captured by the enemy, who tied him to a wire on the pole, and then asked him: Say, where are you from? If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am from TV University!

The types of pigs are: domestic pigs raised at home, wild pigs born in the mountains, stupid pigs who read messages, stupid pigs who laugh, stupid pigs who get angry, and dead pigs who don’t reply to messages.

Life: debut at 0 years old, basic orientation at 30 years old, return home at 60 years old, play mahjong at 70 years old, bask in the sun at 80 years old, lie on the bed at 90 years old, hang on the wall at 100 years old.

Life is a long road, no matter who takes a few steps, his wife must be taken care of, and his lover must also have a good time. There is a cook at home, look for a good-looking one outside, and there is someone I miss in my heart. Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven.

I see the vicissitudes of life between your eyebrows, I see confidence in your eyes, I see years in your forehead, I see leeks in your lips and teeth, go and brush your teeth!

Send you a flower to show that I miss you, send you two flowers to show that I miss you very much, send you flowers all over the mountains and fields-----Run away, the bumblebees are coming too. .

I am a lonely old tree on the roadside. I have stood here for thousands of years waiting for your arrival. Until one day you appeared, and I cheered and fell for you---it’s a small sample, it can’t be smashed. Bian, you think my life has been in vain

Thank you for getting to know you in this life, I miss you so much. I am sure that you are the love I pursue in this life. My life is bleak without you. How much I need you, come back to me: RMB!

I am so hungry that I cannot resist your temptation. When I was in close contact with you, you gave me bursts of indescribable pleasure. I felt like the earth was spinning. I wanted to have sex with you but was afraid of making my belly bigger... Dear Beer

Tea , the drink should be strong; the road should be straight; the pig's trotters should be delicious; ah, this one with the mouse is not bad. Ha ha.

I will be very happy when I am with you, you are my pistachio. Every time I get close to you, I feel a flutter in my heart, and tonight is no exception. When I finally see you after a long wait, I want to say loudly: I love you computer!