Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - Who has a classic martial arts line to go outside?
Who has a classic martial arts line to go outside?
2. Go home to your mother!
Just to the top of the mountain, the wrong way and the right way are only a few steps away.
Being a man with his tail between his legs is called chivalry.
5. Don't steam steamed bread for breath.
6. Laobai: Where's your knife?
Punishment catching head: no knife in hand, but a knife in heart.
Lao Bai: Wrong, the highest state is that there is no knife in the hand and no knife in the heart.
(Then they opened their arms-rock, paper, scissors! )
Punishment at the head, lost. Protest: Didn't you say that you don't have a knife in your hand and a knife in your heart?
Laobai: Yes, I am scissors, not a knife!
7. Beauty is not discounted-my sister is called beauty and my sister is called discount.
8. Ah, my fiery biceps ~ ~!
9. The proprietress is puzzled by Li Dazui's hunger strike. ING: I usually eat when I'm not hungry, but now I'm not hungry if I don't eat for two days?
10. Scholar: Xiao Guo, how have you been recently? Say if you have difficulties, and say if you don't have difficulties ~! ~!
1 1. Guo: I can't sing.
Laobai: Nothing. Brother Cui is not here. You can lip-synch ~ ~ ~
12. Tong Xiangyu: If someone makes you feel grateful, you will be willing to give your life to him. If a person moves you, you will be willing to give it to him.
Give it to him yourself.
13. Widow Zhang decided to invite everyone to her house to eat tofu.
14. You look at the clouds for a while and me for a while. When you look at the clouds, you are far away from them.
You are close to me when you look at me.
15. Tigers don't show off their strength. Do you think I'm HOLLO KITTY?
16. Take good care of my seven uncles.
17. You adults don't remember villains, but the prime minister can punt in his stomach, and the moon sets in first frost, and both husband and wife go home.
18. I have served you, respected you, and worshipped you in my heart.
19. Do you think I love money that much?
You are!
I am ashamed
It's good to know shame.
Shame and joy.
20. Standing in heaven and watching hell, life is like a sitcom. Standing in hell and looking at heaven, who are you busy for and who are you working for?
2 1. catching a thief is sometimes as simple as that.
22. I like you ~
23. Superstition means being fascinated before believing, confusing you and making you believe.
Listen, people inside, hand over stinky tofu eggs and release the hostages.
25. Have you ever been to the underground spring in the world? I heard about it once. The view next to Diquan is clear. In that Taoist temple, there is a Taoist priest. They like to pull Hula next to the first spring, and that song is called "Spring Reflects the Moon".
I eat more salt than you do.
That's your mouth.
I have crossed more bridges than you have.
This is what I don't want to move.
27. Beckham: I am the head of the team!
Shopkeeper: It's not good to palm the window!
Beckham: Yes. . . You're the one with the sore.
28. If life is just an accidental encounter, then death is the inevitable killer.
29. What is the fragrance of flowers? Because of me. Why is the grass green, and it's because of me? Why does fart stink? It's because of white ~ ~ ~
30. Part I: Combating domestic violence
Part II: Calling for social love.
Horizontal criticism: Don't talk to strangers.
3 1. Go your own way and let them take a taxi. . .
What a scholar! Well, that smart, capable and cheap scholar ~ ~!
Hunger is wrong. Hunger is wrong from the beginning ~ you shouldn't get married if you are hungry. You can't die if you don't marry a hungry husband. If you were hungry, you wouldn't fall into this sad place. ..............
34. After the Year of the Monkey, it will be the Year of the Rooster. Bottom line: After the Year of the Rooster, it is the Year of the Dog. Cross: A year is a year.
35. unparalleled: generally speaking, hong kong sister is the third ~ you really like your dress.
Furong: It's ugly. It's ugly. Sister Ya's ninth place depends on a dexterous hand.
Furong: Your beauty from the inside out promotes blood circulation, nourishes beauty and makes people feel pity.
Unparalleled: Your beauty is transferred from your bones to your skin, and this moment should last forever.
Furong: Give you back your beauty.
Wu Shuang: I will give you back your beauty. Your whole family is beautiful.
Furong: You have a good temperament.
Wu Shuang: You have a good figure.
Furong: You have good skin.
Wu Shuang: Your hair is fine.
Furong: You are all right. The only drawback is that you are too conspicuous and easy to cause traffic accidents.
Wu Shuang: Your shortcoming is that you are too perfect to regret.
Furong: Regret or something.
Wu Shuang: I was born wrong. I don't covet such good DNA.
36. The shopkeeper stole Beckham's letter and Guo saw it.
Guo: What if it's an urgent letter?
Shopkeeper: Can you insert a chicken feather in the letter in an emergency? This is obviously a trivial matter.
37. Shopkeeper: What is your goal?
Guo: Be a generation of Woman!
Shopkeeper: This goal is too far away. Tell me something closer.
Guo: Pay rise!
Shopkeeper: This one is farther than that one just now ~
Thief: Are you such a thief? Stealing and cleaning other people's houses
Stealing Saint (White): Can it be done without cleaning? I have to follow the footprints.
Thief: You have something. You will return them to others in a few days.
Theft of Saint: Can I not send it back? You are not in a hurry to lose things!
39. Lv Xiucai: Who has the highest flying skills throughout the ages? -Ji Wubing: Cao Cao (speaking of the devil)
Lv Xiucai: Who has the strongest position? -Ji: Liu Bei's son (if he can't afford it, he is called a thousand pounds)
Lv Xiucai: Whose hidden weapons is the best? -Ji: Zhuge Liang (Zhuge Liang tears Ma Su, others pick Ye Fei flowers, he flies with tears)
Lv Xiucai: Who has the strongest internal strength? -Ji: Zhuge Liang (Kong Ming plays the piano and retreats, invincible ultrasound)
Lv Xiucai: Who is so boring? -Ji is not sick: Zhang Fei (Zhang Fei eats scales and is determined to win. Normal people who eat that? )
40. Don't treat people as improper cadres.
4 1. Ask whether this mountain is the highest in the world. A loving baby is like a treasure, and it grows old with sentimentality. I love you so much that I can't forget it. I can't forget your tears, your goodness, your intoxicating lingering, and the faint smell of tobacco between my fingers.
42. Stealing a clock in Lightning Speed is like breaking bamboo ~ ~
43. advertising:
Mouth: Hey, I burnt the pot again. How can I do this job?
Shopkeeper: Are you still cooking in an iron pan? It's high time to change the hall door without sticking to the pot. The latest copper technology in Sichuan has the advantages of large heating area, uniform heat transfer and rapid temperature rise. You can make delicious dishes with a little oil, which is convenient for cleaning and not easy to stick to the pot. Now you can buy it for the hall door. A set of exclusive secret hidden weapons, first come, first served. All major inns and weapons stores have sales welcome.
Mouth: Cook in a non-stick pan. Hello, me too.
44. quarrel with your daughter-in-law, but don't start work easily; Even if you want to start work, don't fight to the death; If killed, don't delay treatment; If you are executed alive, don't forget to inform us to attend the funeral.
Yu Xiang: Let's get out of here first. We can't go back to Shaanxi anyway. We can go to South go to dali. ...
Xiao Guo: Alas, Dali is so good and the scenery is super ~ ~ ~ beautiful!
Yu Xiang: Take a breath in Dali, and then we will go to Myanmar. ...
Mouth: Myanmar is good, bananas are delicious!
Yu Xiang: If there are still suitors in Myanmar, let's go to Thailand again. ...
Guo: Alas ~ ~ The temples in Thailand are amazing ~ ~! Hmm. How interesting
Yu Xiang: If Thailand still can't stay, let's go to Japan by boat. ...
Everyone (resolutely, turning around, disgusted): No! !
Yu Xiang: What about Koryo? ...
Everyone (turning around and agreeing): All right.
Yu Xiang: journey to the south to Siberia, change to sleigh, go straight to the Arctic Circle, then go all the way south from Alaska, cross the equator, travel long distances, go straight to the frozen soil of the Antarctic circle, and then ...
Everyone: Still going? !
Yu Xiang: The last step, after reaching the Antarctic Circle, take enough dry food and water, take a rocket, fly into space, land on the surface of Mars and start a new life!
Everyone was intoxicated. . .
Scholar: What if there are trackers on Mars?
One leng, everyone began to beat up the scholar.
46. Zi said: Knowledge is power.
Which child?
Bacon!
47. What's your last name? Call it? Where are you from? Where are you going? How many people are there in the family? How many acres of land per capita? How many cows are there in the field? Tell me about it. . .
48. Tong Xiangyu's mantra: Oh, my God!
The catch phrase of criminals: dear mother!
Guo Furong's mantra: Avalanches.
My pet phrase: Zi once said.
Bai Zhantang's pet phrase: sunflower acupuncturist
Zhu's mantra: Let me do it!
Mo Xiaobei's pet phrase: Sister-in-law ~ ~ ~ ~ (very sour kind)
Yan Xiaoliu's mantra: help me take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece!
49. Eat other people's food and let yourself speak.
50. Why are you holding chamber pot?
Can't I take a shower? 5 1. I wish you a long life, childless.
52. The shopkeeper pushed the responsibility of protecting Laobai to the scholar, followed by Ji Wuming. . .
Scholar: Wait a minute, Confucius. Force can't solve any problems.
Everyone; What son?
Scholar: Lu Zi.
Ji: I'll die as you want me to. Next time, you don't have to shout first. Take your life-
Scholar: Wait-you can kill me, but you have to explain first, whose hand did I die?
Ji: nonsense, I.
Scholar: Who am I ...? ..
Ji: How do I know who you are?
The scholar said with a smile, here comes the problem. ...
Ji was at a loss: What do you mean? ....
Scholar: This must start with the relationship between man and the universe. You've always had problems. . .
Ji: What do you mean?
Scholars; Me, who is it?
Ji: Well, I already know.
Scholar: No, you didn't. Do you know who you are? Ji wuming? No, it's just a name, a code name. You can call Wu Jiming, and I can call Ji Wuming, either of them can. Who are you after you take off your code name?
Ji: I don't know and I don't need to know.
Scholar: OK, OK, then answer me another question-who am I?
Ji: This question has already been asked.
Scholar: No, I just asked for the ID, and now I'm asking myself.
Ji: What's the difference?
Scholar: For example, I have a conversation with my code name, and your code name is also me. What does this mean? Does this mean that you are me and I am you? ....
Ji: Is this question meaningless?
Scholar: Then ask some meaningful questions. Where did I come from and where did I die? Why should I appear in this world? What does my appearance mean to the world? Did the world choose me or did I choose the world?
Ji; adequately ....
Scholar: Do I have a necessary connection with the universe? Does the universe have an end? Is there a time limit? Where does the past time disappear and where does the future time stop? Is the question I'm asking now still the question you just mentioned?
Ji: I killed you-
The scholar shouted, Who killed me? Who did I kill?
Ji: Did I kill me?
Scholar: Correct answer! Do it!
..... In this way, Ji Wuming, a great master, passed away. ...
final result
Scholar: He won't wake up, will he?
Old white; I don't think so
Guo: What is this statement?
Scholar (ostentation and extravagance): Knowledge is posture!
53. If God gives me another chance, I will definitely say three words to you: ..... less salt! ! !
54. verbally capture a small red lipstick action
55. Drop a drop on your face.
Sweet in my heart
woman
Just be good to yourself.
56. This is Guo Furong.
I don't know martial arts.
I come from Jianghu.
I'm different.
57. Guo Furong Inter-Star Catcher: What a bully (dad) in Qixia Town!
Li Dazui: Who is that mother?
58. Child shopkeeper: A woman's happiness is to marry a man and serve him all her life.
Guo Furong: Why didn't he wait on me all his life?
Child shopkeeper: Do you know why you can't get married?
59. Teacher: Is this Li Kui jy?
Mo Xiaobei: No, this is Zhang Fei.
Teacher: Oh, how about this?
Mo Xiaobei: Yue Fei.
Teacher: How about this?
Mo Xiaobei: Faye Wong.
Everybody: What does Faye Wong do?
One more actor: sing!
60. Laobai: Read the whole Norwegian forest.
Scholar: Come on, what age is this? There is no such petty book to read.
Laobai: No, you can't write?
6 1. Scholar: Why not let me write Spring Festival couplets?
Wife of shop-owner: Your handwriting is too thin to celebrate. Save it for Qingming.
62. One word: China.
Two words: sharp
Three words: mother
Four words: alas?
63. Big mouth: Is it particularly scary to put money under your feet?
Money shopkeeper: You'll know when you get married. That's why men have corns
64. Mouth: Boss, you know nothing. Just her face, fast changing, high acting, the person I have ever seen in my life.
Only Xia Qing and Yuman can compete with them. ...
Jim: That's because she doesn't play well, and Xia Qing Yu Man plays beyond her level. ...
65. Good performance. There are no good actors now.
66. Bai: OK. Have you ever learned to embroider penguins?
Guo: That's Yuanyang! !
I was wrong. I was really wrong. If I hadn't married my husband, I wouldn't have married.
Never die. ...
68. Qian Furen is too miserable ~ but she is too strong to survive ~
Xiao Qiang is not as strong as her ~ ~
69. Life is alive, eat, drink and be merry!
70. Laobai: Welcome to Qixia Town's costume variety show with the highest ratings. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Laobai: Welcome to the costume variety show with the highest ratings in China. I wash, I wash, I wash.
Laobai: Welcome to the costume variety show with the highest ratings in the world.
Laobai: Welcome to the costume variety show with the highest ratings in the universe. I pull, I pull, I pull, I pull.
7 1. Lv Xiucai: The breeze and the bright moon tickle my heart, dig my heart! (asking the proprietress) What other words are there?
Boss: Steal my heart!
Lv Xiucai: Yes! The breeze and the bright moon stole my heart!
72. Stealing Saint (White): Oops! Oh, my God! What kind of trick is this ~ ~ this ~ this makes! This is! ! ?
Xiao Guo: Don't ~ ~ Don't ~ Is this the legendary one ... knife ... two sections! ! !
73. Someone keeps a pig at home, which is annoying!
I abandoned it. It failed several times, but it knew the way home.
Abandoning pigs by car for several days, calling at night,
Her husband said: Will the pig come back?
Wife: Go home!
Her husband was furious: put it on the phone, I'm lost!
Distinguished guests and people:
Good evening everyone. Welcome to Tongfu Inn.
Take part in the first chicken king competition
The vast sky gave birth to our history and civilization.
Time flies, let's be diligent and kind.
Under this clear sky, we chant and sing,
In this vast land, we fly freely!
75. Conspiracy is the enemy of love!
76. Bai Zhantang: Who is the acting school, swearing? (Then turns around, intoxicated) I am an idol. .
77. Laobai: You really can't help yourself, Dou ~ ~ ~
Mouth: Who is Dou?
Laobai (bold): Water Margin, one hundred and nine generals.
Mouth: What are you talking about? There are 108 in Water Margin. I still believe in the Three Kingdoms.
Laobai (relieved): You are really right this time. You are the son of Liu Bei in the Three Kingdoms.
Mouth: You are lying to me again. He is not Liu Bei's son. Otherwise, Liu Bei's surname is Liu, and his surname is ~ ~ ~
(big mouth, old white pain, leaning his head on the table, one mouthful blood gushed out-)
78. Furong: You are a widow.
Shopkeeper: You are a melon seed.
79. The money shopkeeper was beaten black and blue by Qian Furen because he kept three pence. They asked him what happened to his eyes.
Money shopkeeper: I hit the door ~ ~
Everyone: Can you hit the door like this?
Money shopkeeper: I hit the door first, then bounced against the wall, and the wall bounced too hard and hit the door again. ...
80. Scholar: If I can forget Xiao Guo, I can lose everything.
Mouth: The point is that you don't seem to have any property.
8 1. Tong Xiangyu is going to marry Lao Bai! ! Beckham doesn't want to go.
Sister-in-law: Your brother is dead.
Beckham: You just can't marry someone else. You were born in Hengshan school!
Sister-in-law: Then I can't live!
Beckham: You are a dead man of Hengshan Sect!
Sister-in-law: What's the use of asking for a corpse? !
Beckham: Then you are also the body of Hengshan School!
82. Xianhui, you can't do anything at home!
83. The world is so beautiful, but I am so grumpy, okay ~ ~
84. Shopkeeper: Naihe Bridge is far away.
Laobai: You open the window, jump with your head down, and you get to Naihe Bridge.
85. Liu: I'm the catcher and you're the runner. . .
Laobai: Run?
Xiaoliu:? A simple errand! !
86. Furong: Do you know how my mother tied my father at home?
Laobai: With a leash?
87. Furong and Xiucai got angry and smashed plates to vent their anger.
The shopkeeper roared: this is my property, not your program!
88. Beckham said to the shopkeeper, you coward wife!
Everybody: Coward wife?
Beckham: Men are called cowards and women are called cowards.
89. Mrs Zhang: How can you have your cake and eat it?
Scholar: This is impossible.
Mrs. Zhang: Keep a bear that can catch fish.
90. Beckham will go to Huashan to discuss swords.
Mouth: I have nothing for you either. Take this begging jar. If there is nothing to eat along the way, go out to eat. Don't starve yourself anyway.
Guo: This is a dog stick for you. If you want to beg, you'd better have a guy who grabs food from wild dogs.
Shopkeeper: This penny is exclusively sponsored by me, so you must save some money.
How to get to Huashan? (Look at Laobai)
Laobai: That's enough.
Scholar: (wiping tears) Take this rope. If you meet a mountain thief on the way, you can hang yourself from a tree.
Shopkeeper: If you are kidnapped by a mountain thief, you must cry and let the mountain thief write a blackmail letter to your sister-in-law. Anything under twelve taels is acceptable. I asked Laobai to redeem you. If it's more than twelve taels, I'll take your body myself.
Beckham: I'm only worth twelve taels of silver?
Shopkeeper: Then. . . Twenty taels? I can't take it out anymore.
Laobai: Take this bag of black coal ash with you. When you meet a mountain thief, you wipe your face with black coal ash and pretend to be a little black blind man. (Touching Beckham's face) What a nice condition. This little face is chubby.
9 1. Yue Zhangmen: Yue Songtao met Mo Zhangmen.
Mo Xiaobei: When have you seen me?
92. Xiaomi: In case Mr. Yue's head relented for a moment, he gave Beckham a chance. . .
Mouth: but she will collapse ~ ~ ~
93. Xiaoji told Xiaobai that the two of them joined hands to protect the capital for one year, make profits for two years, and go public for financing for three years, which means stealing from the market. Knowing it in broad daylight, everyone can do whatever they want, and no one dares to control it. Then he was intoxicated and asked Xiao Bai what state it should be.
Xiaobai replied: heaven and earth.
Xiao Bai: What is going public?
Xiaoji: Downtown.
94. Bai Zhantang said: If we share weal and woe, let's call it Tongfu Inn.
Li Dazui asked: Then why not call it the same difficulty?
Silence. .
95. Is this your mother's fencing?
No swearing!
This is your mother's fencing?
Don't curse ~
Didn't you say your mother taught you fencing?
96. My proudest right hand can eat with a knife.
97. Furong: Suppose I can shoot you to death with three hands. Every time I clap your hand, you will scream "Woman, please forgive me". How much do you want to say before you die?
Scholar: I refuse to answer this question.
Furong: That's a waiver.
Scholar: Scream three times, four words at a time, one word *** 12.
Furong: Wrong! It is nine words!
Scholar: Why?
Furong: The first palm goes down, "Women forgive", four words; The second palm goes down, "women forgive", eight words.
The third palm goes down and you die immediately. You only said one word "ah", 8+ 1=9. hahahaha ...
98. Chicken King Championship
Competition rules: exhibition hall: the weight of chicken should not be less than 8 kg.
Boss: That's a goose.
Exhibition Hall: The tail should be long, not shorter than a few inches (I forgot a few inches).
Boss: That's a pheasant.
Exhibition Hall: How long can claws be?
Boss: That's an eagle.
99. Turn off your phone if you don't want to work!
100. Big mouth asks: Is it important for brothers or women?
The scholar replied: brothers are like brothers and women are like clothes!
Dazzled: Good brothers!
The scholar said unhurriedly: Brothers are like centipedes' hands and feet, and women are like winter clothes!
10 1. Court adjourned! I'm a little thirsty to go to the bathroom!
102. Why don't you come back when you have a baby and a wife?
You should die of old age when you have a baby. Why don't you come back?
103. Laobai: Welcome to this issue of "As wonderful as I don't know the Jianghu".
You are not as happy as I am, and you are not as satisfied as I am.
Are you satisfied? Speak up, I can't hear you.
People: Not satisfied!
Laobai: OK, then stay in a cool place!
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