Laugh my ass, what a classic joke.

1, love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

2, the network is like a prison, originally stole a wallet to come in, go out and know everything.

3. Don't look back, my brother only loves your back.

4, rather than mixing, it is better to simmer, not as good as two, not as good as soaring.

5. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

6, efforts will not lead to death! But I won't prove it with myself.

7. Love is mean, and it is mean again and again. When you stop being a bitch, women will come.

8. Love is like ice cream. Avoid it anyway, it will eventually melt.

9. Love makes people forget time, and time also makes people forget love.

10, when you fall in love with someone, you will always be a little scared and afraid of getting him; Afraid of losing him.

1 1. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

12, everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.

13, work is so interesting! Especially watching others work.

14, the furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, not that you don't know I love you when I stand in front of you.

15. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

16, loneliness is not innate, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

18, the child in the back seat will have an accident, and the child will be born in the back seat.

19, I lost my appetite when I saw you. What about sexual desire?

One should love animals, they are so tasty.

2 1, do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

22, you have not been loved, you will cherish the people who love you in the future.

23. Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have a constant desire to climb up in comparison.

24. Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

25, hang out, you will get bored sooner or later.

26. Smart women deal with men and stupid women deal with women.

27, they all say that my sister is beautiful, but in fact they are all made up.

28. My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs and is not sad.

29. Those pasts are deep, but not enough to stop the future.

30. Some people make masks that look much better than real people.

3 1, it's strange that you breathe in so much courage and spit out a sigh.

32. Freedom is not given by others, but pursued by oneself.

28 Super Classic Funny Quotations _ Laughing Shit Man

1. In class, the teacher said: There is no word failure in my life dictionary!

Just after that, a dictionary came out from the bottom. Xiao Xin said, teacher, I have to lend it to you!

Opposite the girls' dormitory is the boys' dormitory.

This night just entered the night, and everything was silent. Suddenly, I heard a boy's cry from the boy's dormitory building: xxx, I love you!

In an instant, all the women in the opposite building blew up, and everyone envied whose boyfriend was so romantic.

Just then, I heard another buddy shout: Who just called my name! !

The world suddenly became quiet.

A doctor killed someone else's baby, and the baby's parents were very angry.

Say to the doctor: you should give my son a good funeral, but just return it, or I will sue the authorities.

The doctor promised to take it back for good treatment, so he put the body in the medicine box.

On the way home, I was invited to see a doctor by another family. When I opened the medicine, I was accidentally seen dead.

The patient asked the reason in surprise, and the doctor said that someone died again, which brought me back to life.

I accidentally yelled at my wife today, which made her cry.

It's no use trying to convince me all morning. There's nothing I can do.

My daughter hasn't eaten yet, and she is a little impatient. She says to her mother, OK, mom, can you stop crying?

You didn't choose the person yourself, who is to blame! Suddenly, my wife and I were in a mess. . .

Yes, I have a colleague who is like that when she is serious.

One day I went out for dinner, went to the store and saw a lot of people. When I saw a man sitting on the table, he went over and said:

You, I'm sorry. The man looked at him and left silently.

Later, another colleague said, why don't we go to that fan and then we'll watch him go there.

Tell the man in front to get out of the way

The man was anxious and said, Brother, where shall I sit? I'm here for dinner, too

Later I asked, that day was awesome, and he said, I thought that man was a waiter.

6. I am a freshman in medical college, and my anatomy class is very tense.

In particular, I heard my classmates boast that their parents are top surgeons or have relevant experience.

After two hours of practical operation, the teacher praised my good operation ability and asked me if I had a family history.

I am embarrassed to answer: yes, my grandfather killed pigs.

7. My neighbor's sister's underwear was blown to our balcony that day! I found Houda 'ao! !

Copy it at once and lean on her balcony to help do it again.

Well, then you all guessed right! !

My neighbor's sister just came out and saw me leaning hard with her freshly washed underwear in her hand.

I don't want to live. She thinks I stole her underwear. . .

When I was in college, there was a welcome party, and our class sang a song: "We are all a family".

Before taking the stage, the seniors encouraged everyone to say, students, don't be nervous, be as calm as the seniors, so,

A dozen people walked on the stage with neat steps. After the senior brother came to power, he first announced:

Let's present a chorus for everyone! The name of this song is "We are all human beings".

9. I have a very tall and handsome buddy. When traveling, I can't stand birds and flush the toilet. ...

Yes, everyone guessed. He went into the ladies' room, and the uncle at the door was very powerful. He pretended not to see it and let him in.

When we expected our buddies to be called hooligans and make a fool of themselves, a scene of fate appeared.

I only saw a beautiful woman come out and shouted to her friend, Wow, a handsome guy just went in.

I stole a look and didn't disturb him, for fear of scaring him to pee. ...

10. In high school, boys played compasses, and whoever they pointed to, they made a search idea and did what they were asked to do.

If you don't listen, beat him together. A boy was shot and then the bell rang.

Everyone asked him to say I love you to the math teacher.

The math teacher is an old lady who can tell the square difference formula with tears.

At this time, the teacher came in with a triangle and said there was a class. Everyone stood up to say hello to the teacher.

The goods didn't move, and when they were sitting, the teacher ordered him: Everyone stood up and said hello, why didn't you move?

The goods directly open their mouths: Miss Guo, I love you! The whole class is crazy,

At this time, the math teacher's eyes were wet: I understand, classmate, I love you too!

1 1, at noon, the canteen was cooked and thousands of troops rushed to the canteen.

One day, the two brothers finally rushed to the striker and suddenly stumbled on the stairs of the canteen.

The lunch box also fell to one side, and B immediately turned to look at A with concern.

A looked up and said, leave me alone! Run! ! Remember to burn some paper for me after supper.

12, during the afternoon recess, a petite beauty in the class was cleaning the blackboard.

Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe.

The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection! I walked up without saying a word,

Tell her kindly: I'll help you. She was very moved and said, thank you.

Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.

13, Xiao Wang squeezed the bus that day, and a stout woman next to him shook her body and stepped on him.

The woman turned around and asked, did she hurt you? Xiao Wang saw that she was so guilty and shook her head shyly.

Say: not too painful. The words sound just fell and the woman immediately said excitedly:

Haha, so my weight loss has finally worked!

I stepped on many people's feet these days, and you are the only one who said it didn't hurt too much.

14 My mother called yesterday, and the first thing I asked was is the end of the world true?

So what if I say it's true, she said, then come back quickly and kill the pig first.

15, the high-speed train takes the last section and connects with the most expensive sightseeing bus. When standing, everyone will line up in front of the car door, waiting for the door to open.

Sightseeing bus's door opened and a chubby uncle came out, surrounded by two young people in suits and ties.

Protect him with one hand and explore with the other, shouting: get out of the way, get out of the way. . .

The girl standing at the end smoothed her bangs. Simply put, what should I do, a funeral or a funeral? Line up.

16, at noon today, my roommate went to the small restaurant next to the school to fry a braised potato chip and pack it. The boss packed two boxes for her.

Usually a box of vegetables and a box of rice. When I took it back to the dormitory, I found it was a potato chip and a broken eggplant. . .

I wonder how another student looked when he went back to open two boxes of packaged rice. .

17, male classmate, one day in class, the pen ran out of water, so I asked a girl not far away to borrow it.

Just listen to that girl shouting stupid?

The man suddenly felt wronged. Shit, you scolded me for this little thing.

His anger was mixed with grievances and he shouted, Damn it, I just borrowed a pen. Why did you scold me?

The girl said weakly, I, I didn't scold you. I asked you what pen to use.

18, class starts on Monday, and the teacher calls the roll. Zhang San? Here you are.

Li si? Here you are. Wang Wu?

Obviously, all three voices come from the same person.

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the classroom froze to freezing point and the teacher was livid.

Quickly rushed to the windowsill: Uncle Wang, can you direct the reversing later?

19, I had dinner with my friends the day before yesterday. I got drunk and slipped out of the restaurant to throw up. There is a car next to me.

Unexpectedly, a policeman came. Move away! This is a no-parking area!

I waved my hand because I was ill and didn't want to talk. What happened? Drink? I took out my walkie-talkie and called a tow truck.

It's disgusting to watch the car being dragged further and further! It's not my car, how can I drive it ~!

20. There is no class in the first class in the morning. Roommate sent a message to remind her boyfriend to wake her up at 9: 30.

I was awakened by the bell and answered the phone. I heard a strange male voice say, get up, get up.

A deep voice. Scared my roommate to sit up. Hung up the phone and saw it was Tong Yuan.

I sent the wrong message last night. I sent my boyfriend's information to Tong Yuan. Damn, Tong Yuan is great.

2 1. I am a male. Yesterday, my mother and I went out to buy clothes. When trying on clothes, I found that the fitting room couldn't be locked.

Just let my mom watch it. But as soon as I took off my pants, the door opened and a beautiful girl appeared.

Then I was shocked in an instant, wearing only a pair of underwear. . .

Later, my mother told me that the girl was beautiful and didn't stop me. I went, it's really my own mother!

22. I have a friend who has been single, is 1.9 meters tall and works in a public institution.

A few days ago, the blind date, both sides felt good, ready for further development, so the girl asked the matchmaker if the man was making up (career preparation).

The matchmaker spoke without thinking, ran to a friend's house and said that the aunt asked if it was made up.

When my friend's mother heard this, she got angry: Oh, what the hell do you ask! Do you have a whip?

My son is 1.9 meters tall. How big a whip does she want?

23. Passing by the door of a shopping mall, I heard a dialogue between a MM and a key.

Can you give me a key?

Key: Sure.

Then make me one. After a few seconds of silence.

The man with the key looked at MM and asked, Where is the key?

I have the key. Why should I ask you for it?

I dreamed of the end of the world yesterday. Aliens invaded the earth. We hid behind a tanker.

Still being discovered. Honey, cover for me. Got shot several times. Bloody. There were blood drops on the body.

It's extremely cold, I thought silently. Oh, my hero. I will treat you well in the future. Wake up.

I found the reason why it was cold was that the goods swept the quilt away. Theo. Instantly disillusioned.

25, in class, the teacher asked questions, no one responded below, the teacher said:

Can you give me some feedback? I sang solo on it. What are you doing down there?

A classmate blurted out and went to the theatre.

26. My mother is in charge and my father is poorer than me. I called the handsome guy today.

The handsome guy said happily to me: Son, I saved 100 yuan, and I will punch you in when I am free. I burst into tears in an instant.

27. I quit my job and went home to change my local number. It's been two months. This number is really deceptive.

Strangers called me to chop people up.

Tell the boss that I made a fortune and forgot my brother. Let me send the young lady there.

Ask me to send powder. I said I used this size before, big brother. How rich your life experience is!

28. When I got home, I saw my father standing on the balcony and lighting a cigarette, frowning and looking at the dark clouds outside the window.

Me: Dad, what's the matter?

Dad: It's going to rain. (takes a sip of cigarette)

Me:

Dad: Your mother can't go out for a walk when it rains, and then she will definitely lose all my happy beans.

Laughing and urinating in space. Tell me about it.

1, the earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever.

2. Rich people hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to hold a money field.

3, playing dumb, doing well is called playing dumb; Well done, it is called deep.

4. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

5, since love, why not say it, some things have been lost, and now they can never come back!

6, look at the flowers in front of the court, don't be surprised by honor or disgrace, look up at the clouds, and have no intention to stay.

7. The wood said to the fire, "Hold me"! The fire embraced the wood, and the wood smiled and turned to ashes! The fire cried! Tears extinguished himself. Wood is destined to burn when it loves fire.

8. Have you ever peeked into other people's privacy? -I robbed.

9. I was caught out before I had time to make love to others.

10. Among all the gifts, women think flowers are the most valuable, because men must overcome the shyness of walking in the street with flowers in their hands when sending flowers to women.

1 1. If you meet a robber in the middle of the night and he says he won't let you go unless you sing, what will you sing? -Nice Chinese songs.

12, the grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

13, with cigarettes. Travel around the world

14, I thought the bird couldn't fly over the sea because it didn't have the courage to fly over the sea. Ten years later, I discovered that it was not birds that could not fly, but the other side of the sea, and there was no waiting.

15, you left, with all my love, just a farewell. I looked at your back with tears in my eyes and wanted to hug you for the last time and say "I love you" to you again.

16, knowledge is a kind of food that makes people more hungry.

17, I can feel your heartache. You have helplessness that you can't say … but you are indifferent. The more so, the more uncomfortable I feel.

18, what is romance? Send her 99 roses when you know she doesn't like you. What is waste? Just know that she likes you and send her 99 roses.

19, if I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my compulsion?

There are many ways to destroy friendship, and the most thorough way is to borrow money.

2 1, love is sometimes like the feeling of drunkenness, with a clear head but out of control.

22. Happiness is a comparative level. You have to have something at the bottom to feel it.

23. How can one say one thing and do another? -I will bring a set at the critical moment.

24. Your predecessor got married. Would you like to attend her wedding? I just want to attend your funeral.

25. Even if you want to cry again, smile and say: You are a grandfather.

26. Someone has a crush on you. Will you be tempted to know? I think I'll change my mind.

27. Love is precious when it is divided, and many people don't know how to cherish it. I didn't find it until I lost it. In fact, the most familiar is the most precious.

28. If betrayal is a kind of courage, it takes more courage to accept betrayal.

I really love you. I closed my eyes and thought I could forget, but the tears I shed didn't deceive myself.

30. When your enemy goes to the toilet, he can't get out without paper. What do you do? Give him a roll of transparent plastic.

3 1, the arrival of the god of luck, often just because you take one more look, think more and take one more step.

I never talk about people. I always talk about myths.

The secret of staying young is to have a restless heart.

Funny, tell classic sentences and laugh directly.

1, Buddha said, color is empty, and empty is color. Tonight, I want to be free.

My wallet is like an onion. I burst into tears every time I opened it.

3, drink Sanlu milk powder, the waist is not sour, the legs are not painful, and even the heart does not jump!

4. Don't think that you have been abandoned by this world, which has no time to talk to you at all.

It is difficult to go to school at noon on weeding day. A little book, just one afternoon.

6. Grandpa said: I watched the news broadcast for decades, but I didn't see the finale.

7. The early bird catches the worm. I don't get up to eat at noon.

8. Commitment is like a woman saying that she wants to lose weight, but it is hard to say that everything is false.

9. Sleeping is the artistic realm I have been pursuing. Please don't stop me from pursuing art.

10, Psychological activities of pregnant girls: My mother will kill me! Fetal psychological activity: My mother will kill me!

1 1. Next time a boy laughs at your thick legs. Just answer him: your legs are thin, and all three legs are thin.

12, in fact, people's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty; One is natural inspiration.

13, I have to admire my female friend for wearing shorts in such a cold day.

14, some boys always think that girls are violent, but they actually owe them.

15, smart I will never quarrel with you, because. I will never argue with you.

16, love is sometimes like playing basketball. Sometimes attacking, sometimes defending, sometimes pretending.

17, making money is an ability, spending money is a skill, my ability is limited, but my technology is very high.

18, when I miss you, you will appear like a ghost. If only that were the case.

19, don't blink when your tears are almost unbearable. You will see the whole process of the whole world from clear to fuzzy.

20. Going far away by train doesn't care about the destination, only about you and the scenery along the way.

2 1, lies, after packaging, have a better name: oath.

22. Behind every girl's favorite lyrics, there is an unknown story.

23, don't fall in love with a person because of a temporary feeling, because it may be an illusion.

24. The remaining 2 1 g soul is the last way for me to love you.

Please give me some sunshine, air, water and a little love at your fingertips.

I can wait for you for a long time. I'm not afraid. I'm afraid I can't wait for you in the end.

27. Give up what you can't get. Doesn't it hurt to think of it every day?

28. All problems are ultimately a matter of time. All troubles are actually asking for trouble.

29. Sometimes, we have to shut up, put down our pride and admit that we are wrong. This is not to admit defeat, but to grow up.

30. Just because I didn't speak doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes, I just want to be quiet.

3 1, I am the kind of person who is not afraid of death and pain, but afraid of losing you.

32. The fool said I was waiting for you. The fool came back and the fool left.

33. It is said that women are clothes and brothers are brothers. Whoever touches my hands and feet, I will touch his clothes.

34. I'm blind only because I took one more look at you in the crowd.

Sanlu and Mengniu tell us a truth: animals are unreliable.

36. I'm not a genius because I haven't worn Finch's diaper.

I haven't seen cowhide blown as fresh and refined as you for a long time.

38. When others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is unhappy with a bite.

39. The school doesn't want us to fall in love, but only wants us to wear matching clothes.

40. I just wanted to turn gracefully, but I didn't expect to hit the wall!

4 1, I woke up easily this morning in spring, yawned at home, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't wake up during the day.

42.try to ignore me. Maybe one day I will ignore you, and you will regret it.

43. I love you for so long not because of your words. Oh, I know.

44. Every reserved and calm present has a silly and naive past.

45. If life is just like the first time, don't be sentimental. Say goodbye, maybe I will never see you again …

As long as you want, as long as I have. I like this sentence best. I will give you anything you want, even if I don't have it.

47. Sometimes I feel like a psycho, which not only entangles me, but also bothers others.

48. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

49. The best thing I have ever done is to observe the four seasons and meet you.

I want to tell the world loudly: I fell in love with you in those years and I was blind.