How to commit suicide for intractable diseases? Living is too painful. My mouth hurts everywhere and I can't eat anything. When I touch my whole body, I will drop choking particles, and my skin and me

How to commit suicide for intractable diseases? Living is too painful. My mouth hurts everywhere and I can't eat anything. When I touch my whole body, I will drop choking particles, and my skin and meat will turn red. Written in the front: After reading the experience of a Zhihu netizen whose name has been hidden, I was deeply impressed. I can't help posting it here, which may make more people in need see that refusing suicide is not because "life is worse than death", but because: "Pain is the pay of every precious thing." Anything precious needs to pay a price. )

Once committed suicide, I was lucky enough to be found and rescued by my family in time. I am anonymous because I still can't face the cowardly self who actually chose to commit suicide.

Life was always excellent and smooth until my boyfriend died in a car accident. I was seriously injured and my left arm was disabled for life. Every day after that became a torment. Needless to say, parents are worried that a left-handed person has to adapt to the days without his left hand. Things that seemed simple and taken for granted in the past suddenly became difficult to go to the sky. Small things such as eating, dressing and washing your face should be practiced again. These superficial difficulties may be overcome, but the wounds in my heart are getting deeper and deeper.

I remember when I just came home from the hospital, one day my mother was cooking and I stood by and chatted with her. She habitually said to me, "Pass me a plate." I'm also used to holding it with my left hand, and the plate crashed to the ground. I paused, suddenly angry and resentful. I reached for it, kept taking it, and kept falling to the ground ... I picked up a plate like crazy, looked at the debris all over the floor, and listened to my mother apologize to me that she was wrong. She forgot that she was wrong ... then I went to see a psychiatrist, with a strong surface and a mind like a seed in my heart.

It has been nearly 10 years since I started playing tennis in the third grade of primary school. My family originally just wanted me to mix with a second-class athlete to get extra points for the college entrance examination and exercise. I fell in love with this sport unexpectedly and enthusiastically. I spent more time practicing than studying, and won numerous prizes in various competitions. 18 years old became a national first-class athlete as a non-professional player. This is my pride, and later it became my wound.

I have been used to living for 20 years, and I have to completely tear down and rebuild, and this process is completely a matter for one person. All the attention of my parents around me is focused on me. In order not to let them suffer, I can only pretend to be calm and live actively. I went to see a psychiatrist, and after a few words, I kept crying. Without a good sleep, I closed my eyes and felt that he was standing by the bed. I know it's not a miss in the novel, but a fear. Dare not turn off the light to sleep, always feel that he is there. ......

In half a year, 1.7 meters lost more than 70 kilograms, and my parents tried their best. I don't think anyone can save me, and I don't know myself at all I was angry because of the trivial matter of sesame and mung beans, and I was angry, and I also said that I was concerned about the bad words of my friends. Later, I was depressed and kept asking myself how this happened. This cycle is endless suffering for me every day, tormenting my parents. At that time, I thought that dying might really be a relief, so that everyone was relieved.

After making up my mind, I suddenly felt very relaxed. Get up and run at 6 o'clock every day as before, and then go to the stadium for training; Go shopping with my parents and pick out my favorite clothes and shoes; Go to the movies with friends in gay friends, sing K and eat hot pot; The last person went to pay homage to his boyfriend, but he regretted not seeing his brother who was a soldier in the field for the last time. Everyone thought I survived and slowly recovered. For breakfast that day, there was cereal crisp and rat poison in the milk. I don't think it should be too bitter or too bad to drink.

The moment I drank it, I began to regret it. I struggled to stand up and my insides cramped. I regret it very much The car accident was so painful that I survived! Get used to it with one hand. No play, no play. Others will live well without playing! Where are mom and dad? ! My mind was buzzing, something rushed up, and then I lost consciousness. I was saved because my brother asked for leave from the army and came back to see me, just after I drank for a few minutes, I got home. I planned everything, thinking that he would come back by train and attend my funeral with his parents. I was relieved, but I didn't expect him to fly back.

When you want to commit suicide, no matter what you do, you will regret it the moment you take action. At that moment, you begin to understand that everything can be solved, but it is too late. Why am I so sure you will regret it? It's not just based on my experience. Later, when I went abroad to study, I came across a team, mostly people with PTSD like me, who formed a team and volunteered to help others. A few of them, like me, have committed suicide, and everyone's unanimous reaction is regret. When they are volunteers, they are also grateful to get in touch with people who have been rescued after committing suicide. Although this is not a scientific statistical data, my personal experience has verified its correctness again and again. So on the forum, as long as I see someone trying to commit suicide, I will always discourage them, even if they can see a sentence in 100. That's all I can do. If I can give others a chance to start over, I will feel that my road is much wider.

I don't know if there is such a support group in China, but I think it's a good way to help out.

Tell me how I joined this group. There is a gym near where I live. I used to run every day. At that time, there were always coaches teaching judo. I read it several times and found it very interesting. The coach is humorous and infectious, and the interactive atmosphere is particularly good. Every time I watch them practice, I have the urge to join, but thinking about my arm can only dispel this idea, which is too reluctant.

Later, I called my mother and told her about it. She said it was best to consult the coach, but there was nothing to lose if she couldn't. I went to the coach to explain my situation. He said: "If you don't take part in the Olympic Games, one hand and one foot will be enough. I'll watch you and make sure you don't get hurt. " I gradually got to know the coach and found that he is a very attractive person, cheerful, humorous, considerate and knowledgeable. In short, I always feel relaxed with him. Once after practice, my mobile phone died, so I went to his office to borrow it. I knocked at the door and went in, as if I felt something was wrong. I saw him sitting in a chair, but his leg and one leg were put aside. Suddenly I realized that he actually had a prosthetic leg, and he was disabled. I'm a little shocked. He smiled mischievously and said, "I didn't expect it. Did I scare you? " I just stood there.

I talked with him for a long time that day. He served in Iraq and was injured in a mission like this. Many comrades-in-arms sacrificed him to survive, and those days were particularly difficult. They drugged themselves with alcohol and were depressed for a long time. Later, through the introduction of a psychiatrist, I joined a support group. I realize that many people will encounter such ups and downs, but we can't always immerse ourselves in that kind of pain and hypnotize ourselves. As long as you are willing to change a little, you will always come out.

That's how I was introduced to the support group by the coach. Everyone ate and talked like friends, as if they were talking about their own pain. I listened quietly and felt that my pain didn't seem so difficult to overcome. I think all regrets and remorse should stay at this moment, not for others but for myself. We must live well, work harder and overcome those pains. In the days to come, I always remember a sentence I heard in the group: pain is the pay of every precious thing. Anything precious needs to pay a price.