I am urgently looking for a two-person sketch, within 5 minutes. urgent. . . .

A: Dude, are the claws here?

B: Waiting for the bus.

A: Waiting for the bus? Why are you making such a constipated expression?

B: I would like to have a paralyzed face and face this wretched world blankly. Are you unhappy?

A: Cool! If you have anything unhappy about it, tell us to make us happy!

B: Oh, forget it, my girlfriend is mysophobic and doesn’t want anything dropped on the road. Yesterday I went shopping with him, and with a click, I fell to the ground...

A: I sympathize with you very much, but you still don't suffer the same fate as me. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went shopping. We met a wretched man on the street. He kept staring at us. When I saw the dirty look in his eyes, I suddenly became angry and shouted at him: "Look at your sister!" An incredible scene appeared, and my girlfriend's eyes lit up: "Brother! Why are you here to go shopping too?"

B: What next?

A: Then there will be no more.

B: It hurts! In order to ease my complicated mood, let’s talk.

A: Okay, just tell me, so as not to hurt yourself internally.

B: Well, just use an idiom to describe my handsome appearance.

A: You look so "beautiful and delicious" - I'm full just by looking at you!

B: Why is your mouth so poisonous? Did you drink too much pesticide? But I think you are very beautiful in your outfit today. It would be even more perfect if you cover your face!

A: Are you comparing your looks to me? If you have the ability, please talk to me about learning! I have CET-8 in English, CET-1 in French, and CET-2 in German! What level are you at?

B: Me? snort! "Naruto" has 469 episodes, "One Piece" has 535 episodes, and "Conan" has 650 episodes!

A: When you were born, were you thrown three times but only caught twice?

B: Brother, when God closes a door for me, he will always leave many unlocking phone numbers on the wall for me!

A: Diaosi man, can I ask you a few questions?

B: Your questions are like Red Wolf’s frying pan - there are endless ones! you say.

A: Use one sentence to prove that you have been to the toilet of No. 3 Middle School.

B: Form a team to grab a pit, it’s hard to find a pit!

A: Use one sentence to prove that you have been to the cafeteria of No. 3 Middle School.

B: What would happen to No. 3 Middle School if there were no potatoes?

A: Use one sentence to prove that you have experienced the March holiday.

B: Have you started? No! It's over!

A: Listening to you speak, a sense of intellectual superiority arises spontaneously!

B: You say that to me, are you okay with that?

A: That’s not a lie!

B: When Monk Jianzhen traveled to Japan three times, he almost died at sea once. At that time, he said something very outrageous. What was this sentence?

A: I am a man who wants to be the Pirate King, how can I die here so easily!

B: Who is greater, Lord Tathagata Buddha or the Jade Emperor?

A: Whoever said there are no make-up classes during the winter and summer vacations is wrong!

B: What emotion does the sentence "Pedestrians outside the wall, beauties inside the wall smile" in Su Shi's "Butterflies in Love with Flowers" express?

A: Brother, I have never been in love. I really have no experience in emotional matters!

B: Man, you are very eloquent. I think we can make a movie together.

A: The name of this movie is - "In Those Years, We Were the Only Gay Boys".

B: But when I said this, I thought of something that I am particularly proud of.

A: Let’s talk about it.

B: Two days ago, a female student union cadre, in full view of everyone, pulled the corner of my clothes and said three words to me affectionately!

A: What?

B: Where is the school badge?

A: Humph! Two days ago, the class beauty of our class pulled me to a remote corner and said three words to me very shyly!

B: Impossible, right? What word?

A: Borrow some money!

B: I’ll go!

A: Forget it! After talking for so long, tell me something frustrating that you did when you were in junior high school.

B: Since you asked the question sincerely, I will tell you with great mercy.

A: Tell me.

B: When I was in junior high school, there was a 100-day swearing-in ceremony. Our class teacher asked me to hold the class sign and stand on the playground to guide the parents to their seats. But when I saw the surging crowd, I got excited and shouted to the crowd: "Square Railway Station, Square Railway Station, leave when you get there, leave when you get there!"

A: "Nizui , Nizui, Nizui, leave when you get there, leave when you get there!”

B: I’m so frustrated, alas, don’t mention it. By the way, you are doing well, why are you repeating your studies?

A: It’s a long story! It was a hot day before the college entrance examination, so I liked to buy Uni-President iced black tea, and I actually got it! I was lucky enough to be selected as a lucky user, and then I was awarded a certificate of honor with four big characters written on it...

B: Keep up the good work?

A: Another year!

B: It’s weird. Let me give you an elegiac couplet.

First couplet: For college entrance examination students, die for the college entrance examination, and fight for the college entrance examination all your life!

A: Second line: Suffer the loss in the college entrance examination, fail in the college entrance examination, and eventually die in the college entrance examination!

B: Hengbiao: Immortal!

When it comes to the college entrance examination, I think of our school. Didn't a bunch of people change their school bells recently?

A: Yes, the teacher said it was to reflect humanity.

B: I think these ringtones are not humane enough. It should be changed to this: Teachers, get out of class is over, thank you for your hard work! (Music)

A: It’s quite humane.

B: The ringtone for class is: Classmates, class is here, and you are going to suffer again! (Music)

A: Well, this is indeed quite humane, but I don’t think this is the most painful thing. Isn’t it forbidden to talk about friends in school? Then why give out school uniforms? The kids came back from military training. When they left school, they saw that the streets were full of couples costumes! There is an imbalance in my heart!

Also, I have been wondering, why does the teacher invite parents to school? A person who cannot educate minors well still wants to educate adults?

B: He also told my parents that the only thing I did this semester was to make up for my accommodation fee.

A: My boss said that I don’t fold the quilt when I get up. Doesn’t he know that I am nostalgic? I just like sleeping in the same bed as yesterday! I hope he will not elevate my personal preferences to issues of personality cultivation.

B: He said that my appearance is not neat, but I think that combing my hair too neatly gives me the feeling of spending my old age peacefully. It is better to be messy and more energetic!

A: I just don’t understand. Even gases are inert, so why can’t people be lazy?

B: I'm thinking about giving you another name.

A: What?

B: Bajie!

A: OK! It’s really good! It’s a perfect match for my Buddhist name!

B: What is your dharma name?

A: No (enlightenment) ability! If you accomplish nothing, you will be nicknamed "incompetent"!

B: Well, Bajie, run two steps and show the master!

A: What are you doing?

B: I have been in the temple for a long time, and I have never eaten pork or seen pigs running.

A: Look! He's a muscular man!

B: Well, there are three types of human muscles. Which three types are they?

A: ...fat meat, lean meat, pork belly!

B: I think you are just a well, both vertically and horizontally are two!

A: Call me second? I think you are like a four! Dividing by two is still two, subtracting two is still two, it is really two plus two, two times two!

B: I can’t satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

A: Yes! I never misjudge people, because those I misjudge are not people!

Hey, by the way, my singing voice has improved recently. Do you want to appreciate it?

B: Sing, I will plug my ears.

A: "The cold wind is blowing and falling leaves, No. 3 Middle School is a wonderful flower. My dear classmates, don't miss home, don't think about vacation..." (Tune of "Green Flowers in the Army")

B: Oh~ buddy! You can sing out of tune, but you can't be out of tune frequently in life! ! ! Work hard and encourage you to take the college entrance examination next year! Hey, the car is here, I won’t tell you anymore~ Let’s go!

A: Oh~ I’m really anxious. That's right, if you miss the bus, you can take it again, but if you miss the time, it will no longer matter. Cherish the time and hope everyone can enjoy this wonderful night...