Begging for a funny joke

1 An old man went to buy tomatoes and picked three. The stall owner weighed it, one and a half kilos, three dollars and seventy cents. Grandpa said, "just make a soup, you don't need so much." After that, I took off the biggest tomato. The peddler quickly took another look at the scale. "221 jins, three pieces. Just when I couldn't see the past and wanted to remind my uncle to pay attention to the scale of the stall owner, he calmly took out 70 cents, picked up the big tomato he had just taken, and turned away.

On the cliff, a little mouse waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her looked down at it and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours!

Journey to the west: it is difficult to become a Buddha because of poor birth. A dream of red mansions: it is difficult to get married if you come from a bad family. Outlaws of the Marsh: It's difficult to be an official because of a bad background. Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Born in a bad family, it is difficult to start a business!

I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. Now all my children are healthy!

A woman's right index finger was cut off while riding in a car, and she wanted to sue and claim 654.38+0 million from the car company. The lawyer said to her, "I'm afraid a finger can't claim that much." The woman growled, "My fingers are used to command my husband."

A farmer's daughter is too ugly to marry! The farmer had to let her go to the cornfield as a scarecrow to scare crows. As a result, she got there and really scared away the crows! A few days later, the crow sent back the corn he had stolen before!

Now all the songs are contradictory. For example, honey, fly slowly and be careful of the thorny roses in front. You are fucking blind! My family lives on the Songhua River (either on the left side of the river or on the right side of the river, that's the turtle who lives on his mother). I'll send you away, thousands of miles away (why don't you fucking learn from the scriptures! )

There is a plmm in my department. I will take her to do an experiment and make an appointment to do it after work. . . I forgot to surf the internet in the afternoon, and suddenly I received a short message from mm when I got off work: Do you want to do it or not? My face was blank and my heart was pounding. . . Q: What should I do? Mm said loudly: let's do it, hurry up. . . I'm in a hurry! After a while, everyone was quiet, and then they laughed wildly.

When the cow was running, she saw a cow grazing by the roadside and said to the cow eagerly, "Run, the expert is coming." Niu: "What are you afraid of when experts come? Aren't experts human? " Bull: "Experts are bragging now." The cow was startled when she heard this, so Huan Zi ran to the bull and asked, "Expert bragged B, you are a bull. What are you afraid of? " The bull said, "You really don't know. Today's experts can not only praise B, but also pull eggs. " ..

One day, the pig said to the bear, "Guess how many sweets are in my pocket?" The bear said, "That's right. Can you give it to me?" The pig must nod: "well, I guess I'll give it to you two!" " "The bear swallowed and said," I guess there are five pieces. "

Cold:

Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why? Because: it's really like Dabai.

A polar bear stood alone on the ice in a daze, and when he was really bored, he began to pull out his hair. A ..........................................

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana in front suddenly feels so hot. He said, it's too hot, I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

There is a hide-and-seek club, and the head hasn't been found yet.

Draw a V on two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.

7 Stretch four fingers, what is it? Fourth, bend four fingers. What is this? Wonderful ~!

Once upon a time, there was a loaf of bread walking in the street. He felt hungry, so he ate himself. Once upon a time, a cotton candy went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."

Ancient times:

Emperor 1: Sister Rong, why do you embarrass Swallow and Ziwei! What's your motive, you humble slave? Sister Rong knelt on the ground and said with tears in her eyes, Your Majesty, you only remember Sister Xia Rong who was boating by Daming Lake. Do you remember?

Lu Su in the straw boat: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? " Zhuge Liang: "Trust me." Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..." Zhuge Liang: "No need." Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?" Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?" Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..." Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I won't ... "

Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..." Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a piece of Meilin nearby, which may be there in a while. Soldier: Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! " Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! " Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink! " Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

The story of diusim: "..." Dong Zhuo: "..." Lyu3 bu4: "I just want to hear your truth. Which one do you love more? ? "the story of diusim: dong Zhuo: Lu bu: answer me! Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide … both of them like …" Lyu3 bu4: "Scum! ! "-According to textual research, the first BL murder case in China history occurred in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. ...

One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The hostess asked Zorro, "What should I do when my husband comes back?" Zorro said, "It's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below. " The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back. Zorro said: I see. After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. It's late, but soon. Zorro flew out of bed and jumped out of the window in the blink of an eye. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door. I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

If you have a family and a wife, you will be favored by your master. When your partner asked her privately, he replied, "Your appearance is really different." Asked why, he replied, "Egg bags are all soft."

Seeing the door keeper standing at night, the night watchman asked piteously, "When you grow up, how can you be a door keeper and wait on him in the morning and evening?" The keeper said, "Out of helplessness." Said, "But is there anything to eat?" Answer: "if he wants to eat, he doesn't want me to come to the door."

8 have conceited chess, and lose three games in a row. The next day, people asked him, "How many chess games were played yesterday?" Answer: "Three innings." Ask again: "What's the ending?" He said, "I didn't win the first game, he didn't lose the second game, and we tried to draw the third game, but he refused."

The official ordered the Taoist priest to pray for rain for a long time, blaming his unclean body and blasphemy, which led to this incident. It's the best way to catch the trail, ban the prison and make it elusive. A few days later, the jailer asked, "How can it rain when the old Taoist priest asks for rain and the young Taoist priest asks for sunshine?" When the official asked why, the jailer said, "He said in prison,' I hope it won't rain all my life, so that we don't have to suffer every night. " "

Text message:

1 I don't want much, a glass of water, a piece of bread, a sentence I love you; If you are extravagant, I hope: you pour your own water and cut your own bread, and you tell me that I love you. ...

In the past, Apple and Pear were good friends, but later Apple was moving away, so they met for ten years and returned to this place. Ten years later, the apple returned to this place, but after a long time, the pear did not appear. The apple waited and waited, and turned into plasma. . .

3 "I was not a virgin on my wedding day and refused to get married. Is this still a man? Love for more than 1 year. Because I work in two places, I gather less and leave more. But we got along very well and decided to get married in January this year. But when I found out I was not a virgin, I refused to marry me. Excuse me, are there really so many men with virgin plots now? Is it still so important? " Violent reply: who pollutes, who governs, who handles, who is responsible. . .

If a good cook wants to cook a delicious pot of jiaozi, he can certainly cook it. The problem is that when the purser told him that jiaozi needs to embody the spirit of the kitchen, the manager told him that jiaozi needs to embody the style of the hotel, the street director told him that jiaozi needs to embody the characteristics of the street, the district head told him that jiaozi needs to embody the planning of the district, and the mayor told him that jiaozi needs to embody the development of the city, the tragedy happened.

5, 1, the red chamber: mostly women; Water Margin: Most of them are men; Westward Journey: Most of them are not people; Three Kingdoms: Most of them are people. 2. The Red Mansion: Shantou has a thick skin; Water Margin: The imperial court is cheeky; Three kingdoms: the military adviser is thick-skinned; Westward Journey: Immortals are thick-skinned. 3. Westward Journey: Monkey saves me; The Red Chamber: Sister saves me; Water Margin: Uncle saves me; Three Kingdoms: The military adviser saved me.

The girl was planted by her uncle, her uncle by her royal sister, her royal sister by Zheng Tai and Zheng Tai by the Queen. The queen's mood doesn't necessarily depend on where she planted it. In short, every woman in Transformers has an innocent girlish side. . .