Little brother, little sister, talk about it.

Coordinate | Yantai, Shandong

0 1 home of two treasures, with frequent contradictions.

As a mother with two children, besides being busy with housework, adjusting the relationship between the two children has become an important task in my life.

When I was pregnant with Bauer, I still didn't get out of the pain of childbirth. I am very entangled in my heart. Should I keep this child?

When the wise and sensible eldest daughter learned of the existence of this little life, she was very much looking forward to having a younger brother or sister.

She often caressed my stomach, and that tenderness moved me, so I finally decided to guard the arrival of this little life with her.

Once, I took her to my neighbor's house with a big belly. The neighbor jokingly said to her, "If my mother gives birth to a younger brother, she will protect you when she grows up."

Hearing this, the always weak daughter yearned for her brother's life. She will carefully protect her toys and leave them to her future brother.

When my daughter was 6 years old, my brother was born! At that time, my daughter had just entered the first grade and came home from school every day. The first thing she did was to rush to my bedroom after washing her hands and hug her soft little brother and kiss him. I envy her loving eyes.

With the growth of my younger brother, the worship of my sister has reached its peak.

Because my sister can play with toys that he can't play with and get things that he can't play with; He does everything and listens to what his sister says. Sometimes he ignores what adults say, but he will definitely do what her sister says.

At that time, I felt very happy and envied the loving relationship between the two brothers and sisters.

However, the good times did not last long. After the younger brother was 2 years old, his self-awareness was obviously enhanced. He can do more and more things by himself. At first, he didn't listen to his sister, and sometimes he got into a "big disaster".

When my sister complained to my father and me about my brother's crime, my father and I acted as "referees" for the two children.

My younger brother is young and cries and protests every time he quarrels. When our referee came, we had accused my sister before we heard what had happened.

"You are so big, you can't let him some? Why did you fight with him? "

"He doesn't understand, and neither do you?"

My brother usually stops crying when he hugs, but my sister will be very angry and start crying when she is wronged. When this happens again, she will not only shed tears, but also look at us with angry eyes and go back to the house without saying a word.

Although my sister will continue to play with her younger brother, we can clearly feel that she is not as tolerant to her younger brother as before, and there are some signs of hostility, and sometimes she even reaches out and licks her younger brother.

At this time, we can't understand her behavior, and we will severely criticize our sister every time.

02 order guidance, appease one by one.

Fortunately, I became attached to the wings of happiness and learned family order.

After studying, I know that the correct order of family is: me, my husband, my daughter and my son, who comes to this family first.

I deeply blame myself for the hole I dug before, and I am glad that I found a way to deal with it in the bud of this state.

However, although this can calm the contradiction between brother and sister and prevent my sister from having a psychological shadow, we can't let go of our responsibility as a "referee".

How can we get rid of the identity of the referee? I've been thinking about this problem.

These two days, because of the fierce "war" between my brother and sister again, I want to solve this problem more and more urgently.

On the weekend night, the family finished washing and played games on the bed in the bedroom. My brothers and sisters also had a good time. I saw that the atmosphere was harmonious, so I picked up my mobile phone and started writing. My father also sat by the bed, watching the news with his mobile phone.

After a while, suddenly there came the voice of two children quarreling.

I quickly looked up and saw my brother chasing his daughter with his mouth wide open. Daughter has retreated to bed, no way back. The younger brother is still adamant, so the daughter puts her hand on her brother's head and buries it in the quilt.

Seeing my brother's hands and feet shaking, I quickly stepped forward and pulled him over. As you can imagine, my brother was crying.

If I had seen this before, I would have stood up and accused my daughter loudly: "How could you hide your brother's head under the quilt? It is easy to suffocate! "

But this time I didn't blame her again, although I was a little angry at the time.

I took a deep breath and went to bed to pick up my brother. When my father saw me holding my brother, he quickly asked, "What's the matter?"

My daughter's little nose wrinkled and began to complain: "He is always chasing me to bite. I pushed him away, he bit my finger, and I stuffed his head into the quilt. "

I patted her on the shoulder and said, "Mom saw it just now! And you have retreated to the bed, and your brother will bite you. This is self-defense! "

She nodded like garlic, took my words and said, "Yes, I was defending myself. I am afraid that he will bite my finger! " Then she looked up at the clock hanging on the wall and said, "It's already half past nine. I'm going home to sleep. Bye. "

Bauer stopped crying after my sister left. I comforted his mood: "My sister just put you in the quilt. Are you afraid? " Come on, mom, give you a hug again. Do you feel better now? "

The son nodded aggrieved and stammered, "Sister hit me!" " "

I patted him on the back and comforted him: "My sister hit you, but you can't beat her. That's why you bit her, right? "

My son took my other hand and whispered, "Yes."

I continued to guide him: "well, it was really wrong for my sister to hit you, but you chased my sister and almost made her fall out of bed." Are you doing something wrong? "

The son said angrily, "No."

Looking at my son's condition, I didn't take this storm to heart. I then asked, "What should you say to my sister?"

The son lowered his head and his voice was as small as a mosquito: "I'm sorry, sister."

I shouted at the door: "Dabao, did you hear my brother say sorry to you?"

The daughter responded in the bathroom: "I didn't hear it!"

At this time, the son summoned up his courage and said more loudly: "Sister, I'm sorry!" " "

My daughter heard it this time. After I comforted Bauer, I went to her bedroom, hugged her and asked, "Baby, are you still angry?"

She told me calmly, "I'm not angry."

I quickly praised her: "You are great, and you have adjusted yourself so quickly, which is very generous!" "

The daughter smiled, touched her head and said shyly, "I'm not angry with my brother, because he is so young and doesn't know anything!" " "

Seeing that my daughter has adjusted her mood, I think it's time to teach her a lesson, so I patiently said to her, "You can forgive my brother so soon, which shows that you are a generous person."

"But mom wants to tell you something. It is dangerous to bury your brother's head in the quilt. It is likely to suffocate. I believe you don't want your brother to be in danger. "

My sister nodded and explained, "I really didn't know what to do just now."

I quickly said, "mom knows, mom saw, and mom trusts you!" " "

After this pleasant conversation, my daughter said that she would not take drastic action in the future, but I was lost in thought. My child is still young, and sometimes I don't know my weight. In anger, there may be a stress reaction, leaving hidden dangers.

03 Discovery ability, original traceability

Then another thing happened: my brother wiped a box of inkpad on the table, and my daughter helped clean it up together. When my brother saw his sister wiping, he wanted to wipe it. He accidentally put the wet towel he had just pulled out on the ground and wanted to change it.

The daughter felt that her brother was wasting, so she held down the wet wipes and wouldn't let her brother take them. The younger brother not only refused to listen, but also tried to dig his daughter with his hands. The elder sister was annoyed and shouted and beat her brother many times.

My brother came crying and complaining.

Before the referee was in place, I heard my daughter shouting in the room: "He is always wasting, I just don't want him to waste, and he also took my hand and grabbed it from me!" "

I can hear from her daughter's tone that she is angry at the moment. She thinks that her brother has done something wrong, "the wicked complain first."

"34 1 affirmative method" is really a magic weapon. I comforted my daughter and son by positive methods first, but I felt particularly tired after solving the problem, and everything I had planned to do was delayed because of their dispute.

This kind of thing basically happens many times every day, which strengthens my idea of getting rid of the "referee" of this family.

This morning, my brother and sister were playing in the living room, and I was cooking in the kitchen. My daughter suddenly came to tell on my brother and let me rule.

I was cooking, so I had to stop first and ask my daughter patiently, "Do you have any good solutions to this problem?"

The daughter shook her head and said with a bitter face, "No, he won't listen to anything I say! Mom, go and have a look! "

I pointed to the dishes on the stage and said, "Mom is cooking. I can't leave now." But I believe you can come up with a good idea because you have a smart brain. "

"If you think of it, mom will reward you with 10 family currency. You try! "

Money at home is our reward mechanism for our daughter, which can be used to exchange time for playing computer or snacks. My daughter listened to my conditions and readily agreed.

After a while, my daughter ran happily and said excitedly, "Mom, I just found a solution!" " My brother dumped a car full of toys on the ground, so I imitated the sounds of those small toys and guided my brother to take them back to the car! "

I quickly praised my daughter: "How can you be so powerful! I knew you could do it. You're better than mom! You can accumulate 10 family coins every time you solve the contradiction between you and your brother in a harmonious way! Do you think this is good? "

Being praised and receiving money from home, she was even more excited and promised again and again: "Good! I'm sure I can do it, just like my family is running out of money. "

My brother ran over at the moment, and my sister picked him up and kissed him twice: "Come, my sister will take you to play!" " "

Although I will still hear that the dispute between brother and sister will never end, my sister has begun to try to convince her brother with wisdom. At this time, I just need to praise my sister greatly and pay the corresponding family money.

Everything that bothered me was simply solved, but why didn't I think of it before?

Once upon a time, I always wanted to use my own strength to solve my children's problems, but I ignored my daughter's own ability to solve problems.

When I gave her enough affirmation and a certain degree of reward, so that she had a sense of accomplishment in solving things perfectly, this ability was fully exerted.

After the conflict, sometimes I really can't do it alone to appease two angry children. Although we have many magic weapons to solve contradictions, the more effective solution is to fully mobilize the enthusiasm of our daughters, minimize the occurrence of contradictions and control the problems from the source.

At the same time, my daughter also learned to handle things in a more appropriate way and improved her ability to deal with emergencies.

Do you try your best to mediate small disputes between children? Have you ever thought that children can solve these disputes by themselves? As parents, we might as well guide and inspire our children to solve their own problems from another angle, which will not only give them a chance to think, but also improve their resilience.

* Note: The specialized courses of Family Studies, Happy Life and Family Education are a series of courses to improve themselves, have a happy family and educate their children.

Do you think children have the ability to solve conflicts by themselves?

Talk to Happy Jun.

Editor/Hu Danlei, Doudou

Typesetting/Hu Danlei

Picture /Pixabay