Tell funny jokes, and don't send old jokes that are not funny.

1. I went to deposit money at noon While waiting in line, a beautiful woman asked me at the back: "Save money?" "Yes!" "I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me without waiting in line. " I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.

2. Get on the bus in the afternoon, take out the bus card and bump into the slot.

One day, I found that my mobile phone was missing. I searched my bag and every corner of the house, but it didn't work. I sat on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a short message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone.

My neighbor forgot his key, turned it over from my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and opened his door. What's even more amazing is that I met on the balcony from beginning to end and didn't feel anything wrong. Well, our heads must have passed through the same door.

I remember the first time I confessed to a girl, I was so nervous that I said, "Well, that, XX, I'll be your girlfriend."

6. A few days ago at work, a young colleague asked for a bottle of big Sprite, poured it around for everyone, and the bottle was empty when it was his turn. So my colleague shook the Sprite bottle and said to the waiter, "Is this still available?" The waiter ran over, took the bottle and examined it carefully. He said sincerely, "No more."

7. Have dinner with two enthusiastic female colleagues in the company (plump type), who have arranged for me to be introduced.

I want to say: you two matchmakers are really enthusiastic.

As a result, I opened my mouth: you two fat women. .....

8. Boys play Warcraft. The counselor rounds the room, furious, grabs the mouse, drags the desktop shortcut of Warcraft into the recycle bin, empties it, and says, let you play again!

9. Today, my dad called my mom's cell phone, and my mom was busy, so I answered it.

Me: Hello.

Dad: Well, where is your dad?

Me: Huh?

Dad: What is your father doing?

Me: Hmm. . . make a telephone call

Dad: Oh, please ask him to call me back when he is finished.

10. Once everyone was playing mahjong, and the power went out, so they lit candles and continued to play. Later, someone was too hot and shouted "Hey ~ turn on the electric fan". Everyone quickly advised, "No, no, the candle will be blown out.

1 1. I like this pair of gloves. The boss wanted 35 yuan, and I said I'd take 30 yuan. The boss insisted on 35 yuan and refused to give in after several rounds of talks. I thought about it and gave one to 50 yuan. He quickly gave me 35 yuan. . . .

12. A topic requires connecting the following four sentences with related words:

1, sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi studied acupuncture.

The correct answer should be: "Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard and learned not only many foreign languages, but also acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed despite her tenacious study of acupuncture and many foreign languages.

I found a more fierce child writing: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed!

13. When cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" "

14. My name is Zhu, and I am in the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

15. A leader led everyone to drink, raised his glass and shouted, "Let's die together!"

All (...)

16. I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.

17. Rice noodle store

Boss, have some onions instead of rice noodles.

Boss (...)

Someone (looking for a seat to add back): No onions!

Boss (tears streaming down her face): Do you want rice noodles or onions?

18. Once I went to the market to buy food for dinner, a Korean friend bought lettuce from 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

19. I once chatted while eating in the canteen, and suddenly found myself dropping a grain of rice outside, secretly feeling sorry for the farmer's uncle's waste of food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that this meal didn't seem to be mine. ...

20. Xiao Qiang made a speech at the rally, and the following people were all ears.

Xiao Qiang said, "I hate two kinds of people the most! One is racist, one is black and the third is illiterate! "

The people below were sweating like a pig. . .

2 1. After swimming yesterday, open the trunk, throw the key in, and then close the trunk. ...

22. Go to a good friend's house to chat. When her father came back, he began to call her "Aunt". Embarrassed, her mother appeared again, opened her mouth and called her "uncle" ... and then she doubted her IQ infinitely.

23. Once I went to buy Regan Noodles, there was a couple in front of me. The boss asked them if they wanted coriander. The man said no and the woman said why not.

I was thinking, "Coriander, why do men want coriander and women don't want coriander ..."

I was lost in thought, and the boss asked me, what to eat? I answered loudly without hesitation: "Coriander! ! ! "

24. When I was in high school, I got up early. My mother made me a schoolbag and took it to school early. Usually steamed bread. My mother cooked porridge when there was no class on Sunday. I don't know what happened to me. I picked up the porridge and threw it in my schoolbag. ...

25. One day, when talking about the large number of people buying roast duck, her old man said without thinking, "At the end of work, there were a lot of people buying roast duck, and I saw the roast duck queuing in front of that window."

26. Call the Finance Department to find a Zhou Chunmei.

I picked up the phone, very excited: I am Zhou Chunmei. . . =_=|||

Zhou Chunmei: You are Zhou Chunmei, so who am I? . .

27. Once I had breakfast at school, a classmate swiped my card in front of me, but the machine didn't respond. I said gloomily that the machine was broken. I said, let me try. The machine really didn't respond after swiping the card! He changed another one, still the same, very angry! I just wanted to put the card in my bag and found a bank card in my hand. I laugh wildly! He pointed at me and laughed even harder, so I took my ID card!