Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - A brief collection of the most popular quick funny jokes (2)

A brief collection of the most popular quick funny jokes (2)

Short and simple Kuaishou funny jokes

1. Teacher: Please convert the sentence "The horse ran away" into a question. Little Ivan: Can the horse run? Teacher: Correct! Very good! Now convert it into an imperative sentence. Little Ivan: Drive!

2. Once I went to play ball and met the math teacher. I count the points when he plays. After a while, I deliberately calculated the points wrong, and the teacher yelled: "Did you learn math from a pig?" We were stunned for a moment, and then laughed for a long time.

3. There is a pair of twins in the class. They are almost identical in appearance, except that the elder brother is 1cm shorter than the younger brother. The second-rate brother often runs up to his older brother and says in an exaggerated way like a nymphomaniac: Oh my god, you are so handsome. These facial features and face shape are like works of art. Would it be perfect if he were 1 centimeter taller?

4. The smartest person in our class is either me or him. Comment: It’s a pity it’s not you.

5. At the morning meeting, the principal announced that students are strictly prohibited from parking bicycles in the teacher parking area in the south of the campus. Classmate A asked classmate B: Where is south? Classmate C in the front replied: Up north and down south, of course it is the basement. All sentient beings were speechless.

6. One day, the teacher taught me how to read ---- handsome in class. I was puzzled. At this moment, my deskmate handed me a mirror. When I looked at it, I suddenly realized what I was doing.

7. Teacher: Was it windy where you live last night? Student: Report to the teacher! It wasn’t windy! Teacher: Please! Then write the words correctly! Don’t let me see your Homework, I thought there had just been a typhoon!

8. "Hey, classmate, do you know the similarities between defense and defecation?" "Of course I do. What are the similarities between defense and defecation? 1 .The number of words is the same and the pronunciation is the same; 2. Both require paper; 3. The most painful thing is when you can’t answer (big); 4. If it takes too long, it is usually very uncomfortable, and you usually want to solve it as soon as possible. 5. It’s over. It was great after that."

9. Recently, a roommate became obsessed with "Three Kingdoms". One day, he told us that in "Three Kingdoms" Liu Bei's name is Xuande, Zhang Fei's name is Yide, and Cao Cao's name is Mengde, all with the word "德". You ask, what should I say? At this time, another friend of mine said, you can just say "wicked".

10. When I was eating in the cafeteria today, my classmate ate a hair. I immediately gloated to him and told him my story about the chef in the cafeteria and the dish. It made my stomach feel a little bit. Overwhelming associations. He was so disgusted that he put down his chopsticks and looked at me with hatred on his face. I proudly added another chopstick to the dish, and a strangely curly hair came into view.

11. When I was in high school math class, the teacher asked me what would happen if a coin was thrown into the air. I said there were countless ways. The coin might be picked up by a crow or caught by an eagle. If you leave, you may be picked up by a sparrow. I have never been asked a question in math class since then?

12. The poster got up early today to get an infusion! Passing by the entrance of a middle school, he saw an old man lying on the ground, no one dared to help him. Just as he was about to walk over, a figure appeared next to the host, wearing a school uniform. He rushed over with his face covered with one hand. You read that right, he really helped the old lady sit down on the roadside with one hand covered and the other. Before the old man could say thank you, he rushed into the school again without looking back? Well done to my classmates!

13. Do a salivary amylase experiment in middle school biology class. We were very confused about the origin of the bottle of saliva on the laboratory table. After discovering this, the teacher explained: This is artificial saliva. To enhance our persuasion, let me add another sentence: The price on the market is 0.75 cents per milliliter! Just when we were about to use it with confidence, we heard a boy in the back row scream: Oh my god! How much do I use every day to clean my notebook? Dollars!

14. I am a __ disciple every day, and I feel a little obsessed. The school had to do morning exercises in the morning, and he felt that teachers had to get up early to do exercises, otherwise it would be unfair. So he ran directly to the principal to negotiate. The principal was stunned for a moment and said, "Where did you come from?" Tiantian lovingly said, "I was sent by God to save you." Principal: "?※%()￥?※% "

15. "I am a high school geography teacher. Yesterday I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it was? Student: Trackers on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know a very famous song? Me: Student: The Love of Trackers on the Volga River.

16. In high school, during evening self-study, a guy farted slightly, and the four people around him kept laughing. The new female teacher got very angry and shouted to stop, With little success, he asked the four of them to write an examination each in anger. After a while, they still felt uneasy and asked the one who farted to write one too. The child stood up and said aggrievedly: "How can you fart?" Do you still have to write an examination?"

17. Xiao Ming wrote an essay for the teacher to comment on! When the teacher saw it, he immediately burst into laughter! Xiao Ming looked forward to it: "How?" The teacher sighed: "The country has generations of people. Talent is coming out, your composition is on the same level as Shakespeare!" Xiao Ming was overjoyed: "The teacher has given me the award!" The teacher said: "No, I am absolutely seeking truth from facts! You, like Shakespeare, don't understand Chinese!

18. There is a list of my new words at the back of the primary school Chinese textbook. One day, I suddenly found that it is interesting to read it backwards, so I said to my deskmate: In the past, the books were read from right to left. Try it. So my deskmate read aloud: I am born with a cousin. We laughed at him until he graduated from elementary school.

19. Teacher: "Today we all studied the article "The Diligent Wang Mian". After going home, each of us wrote a review. The next day, the students handed in their essays one after another. The teacher After checking it, I suddenly found that Xiao Mian's composition only had one sentence: "The Diligent Wang Mian". I felt a severe headache after reading it. ”

20. The exam is about to come, and the professor who is invigilating the exam is famous for being a tough guy. If you meet him, you will basically lose the possibility of cheating. Amidst our constant complaints, the dean calmly typed out the cheat sheet, Then he asked, "Aren't you afraid of being caught?" The head of the house replied quietly: "Actually, cheat sheets are the same as banknotes. It doesn't matter whether they are useful or not. If you have them in your pocket, you will feel safe." /p>

A short condensation of Kuaishou’s funny jokes

1. There was a classmate who was sleeping during class. The teacher immediately went over to wake him up and asked: Why don’t you listen to the class? He replied: Because of me I don’t understand! Teacher: Why don’t you understand? He replied: Because I didn’t listen! Teacher: Why didn’t you listen?

2. After class, a male classmate invited a female classmate to the flower bed to confess his love. , the girl asked: Do you have a house? The boy said: Yes, it belongs to my dad! The girl asked again: Do you have a deposit? The boy said: Yes! Seven digits, it belongs to my dad! The girl shyly said: Otherwise , let’s treat each other as mother and son in private?

3. A classmate was making trouble below, and our teacher said: Stand on the blackboard!! It’s very difficult.

4. "This is a true story that happened in a certain senior's dormitory: Fa Ge had a new girlfriend, and he would brag to everyone about how beautiful his girlfriend was. One day, Fa Ge was sitting alone at his desk looking at his girlfriend's photos and was filled with admiration. He said: She really looks like him. Fairy descended to earth? His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow a photo to see the fairy descending to earth, preparing to be surprised. But after reading it, there was only one question: When you, a fairy, descended to earth, did you land face first?"

< p> 5. When I was in high school, I couldn’t eat enough, but the school ruthlessly deducted our food. The porridge we cooked every morning was quite thin, which could be used as a mirror, so some classmates said A wonderful metaphor that I will never forget: Father and mother are not as good as the porridge at school.

6. I still remember the class on June 10th of my second year in high school. My deskmate was sleeping when the head teacher suddenly came in. , the first sentence he said was: "You are now in your senior year of high school!" My deskmate was so frightened that he sat up, looked at me with wide-eyed eyes and said, "How long have I been asleep?"

7. On campus, a couple walked in and out hand in hand, and everyone commented: Beauty and the Beast. In the middle of the night, a man and a woman came out embracing each other. Person A commented: No! No! That’s right. Beasts and Beasts.

8. I found that I have more and more fans. My child’s teacher asked me to sign, the bank staff asked me to sign when withdrawing money, and the courier asked me to sign, but yesterday I didn’t. Wearing a helmet, a traffic police officer chased me for two kilometers and asked for my autograph!

9. Growing up, my attention was not on the national flag when raising the flag, but to see if the national flag looked right when the national anthem was played. Stop at the top of the pole?

10. Teacher: "Students, do you have a lot of homework today!" "A lot" "Then leave some more." "Teacher: "Students, don't you have a lot of homework today!" "Not much" "Okay, then I will reward you a little more."

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11. One day, when I was in class, the teacher asked me: What if one day I was stabbed by a gangster with a knife? I said: It depends on the situation. The teacher said: What if I was not stabbed? What should I do? I said: Then I will give him a bottle of Pulse, and he will not be in the state at the critical moment. The teacher then said: What should I do if I get stabbed? I then said: Then I will give him a box of Xuanmai, it will not work at all. Unable to stop, the teacher's face turned dark.

12. One day, I saw a colorful tropical fish on the cover of Reader magazine and said to my roommate: Look, what a colorful fish. However, theoretically, it should be poisonous. My roommate asked why. I said: Many bright things are like this, such as spiders, mushrooms, and snakes? Then my roommate interrupted me: such as beautiful women. !!

13. When I was in my senior year, I was having a landlord fight in the dormitory. Suddenly, the dean came to check my dormitory and was discovered. He was taken to the office and interrogated severely. “Give me a reason, and I will consider not giving it. You get a demerit. "Director, it's our fault. We didn't focus on studying. We want to use this magic to predict the fortune of this year's college entrance examination?"

14. When my son came back from school, he muttered that the teacher was so stingy. . I asked why, and my son said: "Teachers from outside came to our class to attend classes, and our teacher prepared a lot of cute little gifts. He said that when he asked a question, he would give it to whoever responded positively. My classmates and I were all vying to raise our hands!" I said, "It's not bad to get small gifts for answering questions!" My son added, "But as soon as the teacher who was attending the class left, our teacher announced that he would hand in all the small gifts. I’m still using it after listening to the class!”

15. I lost the bet today and helped my female classmate buy sanitary napkins. Just as I was about to enter the classroom, the teacher saw me. Asked me what it was? I said wittily. : Is it bread? The teacher said to me: Eat it before you come in.

16. A composition written by a classmate of mine in the second grade of elementary school: “This weekend I went to my grandma’s house in the countryside, Manshandu. They are ripe potatoes, hanging on the branches and swaying in the wind. ”

17. There was a very cool Lao Shi in middle school, a very sinister kind. During class, Lao Shi said, “Do you know why you smell shit when you go to the toilet?” "We: "I don't know~" Lao Shi: "Because the shit molecules volatilized and turned into tiny lumps of shit, you sucked them in when you breathed, which is equivalent to eating shit. ”

18. Teacher: Wang Xiaoming, please tell me the name of a mathematician in our country. Student: Su Buqing. Teacher: I know that there are countless mathematicians in our country. There are many. Student: Teacher, I It means Su Buqing. Teacher (angry): I asked you to name a mathematician! Student (one word at a time): Su! Bu! Qing! The whole class is sweating profusely!

19 . The day before yesterday, I secretly changed my number and name on my classmate’s cell phone to “Dad”, and sent him a text message during class: “Son, come back quickly. Our family has 10 million, and we still go to school!” The classmate looked at it. After that, he ran out and the class teacher asked him why he was there. He said without looking back: "It has nothing to do with you!" and then nothing happened.

20. Xiaofen, Xiaofen. Lan fell in love with a boy named Xiao Ming at the same time. After the two women negotiated, Xiao Fen won. But me." Xiaofen: "I'm nothing else, I'm just a chemistry major..."