Ok, tell me what I said today.

1. I used to be a schoolmaster, but I was curious about the world of slag. I went in to have a look and got lost.

Don't treat me like a rival in love. Don't worry, I don't like your other half.

The typhoon is coming, please close the doors and windows, in case I am blown to your house, I won't go.

It's raining in the city where you live. I really want to ask you if you have an umbrella, but I held back because I was afraid you didn't. I laughed out loud.

5. Playing mobile phone late at night is not only sentimental, but also hit in the face by mobile phone.

6. I am a person who is good at reflecting on myself. For example, after I slapped you on the backhand, I would wonder if I hit you lightly.

7. Do you know how good I am in bed? I can lie down and sleep for a day without eating or drinking. A classic funny dialogue about mood phrases.

8. I remember when I was a child, my brother and I planned to steal money to buy some food. Once my parents found out, let's make a new offer. When I pointed to fifty dollars and said, "Look, brother, let's buy something to eat." This product actually said, "No, brother, we can't do this!

9. When I turned rolling into gung, I knew I couldn't win the quarrel again.

10. At best, my class is colorful and rapidly changing, at worst, it is a mental hospital with mental disorder.

1 1. One day, Mrs. White Snake farted, and Xu Xian suddenly realized: Madam, are you a rattlesnake?

What is a master? Is to be able to judge the opponent's intention in an instant, and then kill the opponent invisibly. For example, I: Mom, I think my mom: No money!

13. I'm so beautiful. First of all, I want to thank my parents. If they hadn't given me a pair of skillful hands, I would have made myself so beautiful.

14. Life is not just the present, but also the invitation sent by your predecessor.

15. Kidnapper: I have your head teacher. Student: I won't give you money. Kidnapper: If I don't pay him, I will let him go at once. Student: I'll get the money right away.

16. Just now I was eating pie on the balcony upstairs and heard a man and a woman talking downstairs. The boy said, can you fall in love with me? The girl said coldly, you want to talk to me, unless pie falls from the sky. As soon as I heard this, I threw the pie at the girl's head Come on, brother, that's all I can do for you!

17. Holding a hot mobile phone that is being charged and putting my life and death at risk is a rare heroic moment in my life.

18. Women don't have to quarrel, as long as you are more beautiful than her.

19. You are only twenty years old. It is normal not to meet someone you like. The later you find out, you will probably never see him again.

20. I like to eat with learned people. As long as I ask a question that they are good at, the food will be mine for the next two hours.

2 1. After you get married, if the groom is not me, I will move next door to your house and treat your children better than my own until your husband doubts life.

22. I want to kiss you. I agree to start kissing, but I don't agree to start strong kissing.

23. I am fat. One day by bus, there were many people and it was crowded. An old man was pushed away by the crowd, and I was ready to get up and give up my seat. As a result, the uncle was shocked and said, don't move, standing up will take up more space!

When I came home from school, I saw my mother cooking hard for me in the kitchen, which was my favorite food. I can't help feeling sour when I think that my family is usually poor. I was just about to speak when my mother looked back at me and said in surprise, today is not the weekend. Why did you come back?

More QQ classics are funny.

Classic Funny Talk: Mathematics is actually very simple, but the remaining 90 points are very difficult.

Qq is funny about mood phrases.

1, go your own way and part with Ai Bing! 2. I can accompany you to eternity.

3, don't hope, don't expect, there will be no disappointment.

4. The soil is used for digging, and the pit is used for burying you.

5, my heart is broken, holding it out like dumpling stuffing.

6, women are used to spoil, men are used to smoke.

7. Brother, can you lower the resolution on your face a little?

8, wealth can't be lewd, poverty can't be moved, and power can't be bent.

9. I love you and you love me. Love also needs to be appropriate.

10, I will try to save money and buy an ATM.

1 1, Xiao San is nothing, he is only one person at best.

12, there is no fate between you and me. Look at my face value.

13, adults are overdue children, and the elderly are invalid adults.

14, Nima, every girl you chase has one more sister.

15, if you ignore me, I will become a dog.

16. If I study with half my love for you, I will definitely become a schoolmaster.

17, the happiest sentence at school is: the head teacher is not here today.

18, mess with me again, and I'll pull your intestines out and tie a bow!

19, I always look for lost beauty with your loving smile.

20. My mother said: The prodigal son won't change his gold, and whoever gives me gold won't change it, I will change it.

2 1, it is also tap water, but it just feels that the kitchen is cleaner than the toilet.

I admit that I was a child's paper before I went to kindergarten.

23. Learning God is brushing questions, learning tyrants are brushing homework, and learning scum is brushing dynamics.

24. Some people say that men who are not good to women will make sanitary napkins in their next life.

Love your neighbor, but don't let her husband know.

26, a winter vacation is only 20 days! These days, it takes 33 days to be lovelorn.

27, care too much about a person, emotions are often controlled, and the rest is only heartache.

28. Let the wheel of your history roll forward, but Vince, the traffic on the Third Ring Road, will not move!

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

Don't cry, I'll be scared. Because your sad face looks so ferocious.

3 1, I remember the sentence I said the most when I was a child. I won't play with you.

I hate it when you say you miss me, but you have done nothing.

In the face of the enemy's torture, I have only three words: I will say!

Yesterday, I took part in the pigeon racing in the city. As a result, I went alone.

35. I have finished half of my goal of becoming a local tyrant. At present, I am very rustic.

Don't always call me an animal. Get to know me better and you will know that I am worse than an animal.

37. Mom said that chopsticks are too high to marry, and I'm not going to marry abroad.

38. Altman had a problem in class one day, and the teacher raised his hand and died.

39. When a wise man is at his wit's end, the method that a fool comes up with must be the most useful!

40. The furthest distance in the world is not life and death, but that you use Unicom and I use mobile.

4 1, your mother must have been anxious, absent-minded and hasty when she gave birth to you.

42. Those who believe in fate follow it, and those who don't believe in fate are dragged by it.

43, deskmate, you are so happy, you have one, so so good, deskmate.

44. Don't complain behind my back. Come out and kill me if you're not happy.

45. The next time a man scolds you for having thick legs, you should answer him back, but your legs are thin and all three legs are thin.

46. When you feel particularly charming, you must take photos to wake yourself up.

47. Emotional wounds are difficult to heal. Even if the wounds heal, they will leave dazzling scars.

48. If you save enough 4.5 yuan and I save enough 4.5 yuan, we can get married in the Civil Affairs Bureau.

49. Some people say that they will kill the teacher with homework, as if you can switch to the action industry.

50. I want to be a fish. You can stew, boil, steam and lie in your gentle stomach.

5 1. All the questions in the world can be answered with nothing to do with you and me.

If the sun doesn't come out, I won't go to school. If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

53. You don't have to leave your name to do good deeds, but you must leave your real name when you go to Weibo, so it's not a good thing to go to Weibo.

54. Now it is discovered that it is not Kotaro who never leaves the wolf, but that the wolf has a villa.

55. With regard to distance, the biggest fear is that you don't know whether that person is thinking of you or has forgotten you.

56. If there is no internal force, only external force, aliens will see the earth as a skinned egg.

57. Maybe in a few years, someone will say: I watched your children grow up in a circle of friends.

58. The bed was wet when I was a child, wet when I was a child, wet when I got married, and wet when I was old.

59. My girlfriend and I are separated. In fact, our sex life is quite harmonious. I am impotent and she is indifferent.

60. When I said I wanted to be a boy, my classmates came up and hit me. I said I want to cut my hair short, and my best friend came up and hit me!

6 1, Journey to the West told us that monsters with backgrounds were all taken away, and those without backgrounds were all killed by a stick.

62, I study Tyrannosaurus rex feed, eunuch fertility, how much start-up capital is needed to engage in real estate on Mars and other professional academic issues.

In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

64. The young lady has come to propose. Tell me about your mate selection conditions. If I want to have a car, a house and money, I'd better not have a lower body in brackets. .

65. There are only two kinds of mathematical proof questions, one is lying in the trough, which is also used to prove, and the other is lying in the trough, which can also prove.

66. My wife was arrested for using counterfeit money. It's all my fault. In order to show my retouching skills, I watermarked all my money at home.

67. When will there be a bright moon? Ask about the blue sky wine and say, fuck you, I'm so busy that I don't have time to chat with you. Watch the weather forecast by myself!

68. Don't tell me it's cold. Take care of yourself and put on more clothes. Either take care of me or buy me clothes with money.

Teacher: Xiaoming, tell me three reasons why the earth is an ellipsoid. Xiao Ming: My mother said yes, my father said yes, and you said yes.

70. Early in the morning, Bao Gong held a magic mirror: magic mirror, magic mirror, who is the blackest person in the world? Mirror A: Who's talking?

Between 7 1 and waking up, your figure appeared, snuggling in your arms, and I can't tell you the feeling. I wonder if I can feel your temperature again!

72, grapes, bananas, red apples, I wish you miss the results! Radish, cucumber and Chinese cabbage, may you be loved every day! Coke tea boiled water, I hope you sleep well every night!

73. I want to be a man and work hard to earn money; Wages are only rising slowly, and house prices are rising fast for no reason; It's hard to pay the down payment, but I can't help being single!

74. Once I came home, my uncle beat me up and said that you were absent from class. I waited for you in primary school for an hour, but I didn't see you. I cried and said to him: I am in the first grade!

75. Once my best friend drank too much, so I took her home. As soon as she entered my house, she took the hamster I just bought, threw it out the window and said, Go! Pikachu ~

76. A game is really tiring. Practice before going to work every day, and it tastes good in the morning. At noon, I must get drunk. I often hurt my liver and stomach when I practice, and I always say that I am innocent when I sleep and practice my dreams.

In the gambling game of love, even if I don't win, I don't want to give up. I put all my heart on you because I love you! Love is dead.

78. I had a quarrel with my daughter-in-law. I wanted to buy her a necklace as a surprise and begged her to forgive me, but I didn't know what size my daughter-in-law wore, so I got up in the middle of the night and measured it with a rope. I didn't expect her to wake up

79. When I went to the toilet, I threw my finished cigarette into the pit and inserted it in Baba accurately. Looking at the curling smoke, I suddenly had an impulse. I sang a happy birthday to you casually.

80. Little girls want to find a white horse in their dreams. When they opened their eyes, they found that the whole world was a gray donkey. After being heartbroken, they can only choose a strong one from the donkeys. Such a donkey is named: economically applicable male.

8 1, when was the peak of your life? I cleared my throat: it goes back to twelve years ago. You must be a man with a story! No, that time I went to the kindergarten class and got a good baby certificate.

82. I asked a married friend, what is marriage? My friend said: When I come home from work late before I get married, I will feel warm when I see the lights on downstairs. When I come home late after marriage, I will feel weak when I see the light still on.

83. For foodies, the five saddest words in the world are not to break up, not to work overtime on weekends, not to deduct wages this month, but to avoid spicy cold. Just look at it a few times and you will burst into tears.

84. I went to take a shower with my friends. When I saw him naked, I felt something was wrong. He has a nipple missing from his chest. I asked him what was wrong. At this time, he lit a cigarette leisurely, took a deep breath and said sadly, I didn't understand those years. I thought it was a zit, so I took it out.

Qq is funny, funny, and 2020.

1, school, you can get my people but not my heart.

2. Be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!

Do you think I am afraid of gossip? What I'm afraid of is that you listen to those right and wrong.

A dull life is not what I want, it will make me feel like a dead man.

Traveling with my husband and meeting my ex-boyfriend, I exchanged a few pleasantries. On the way back, my husband asked me, "Who was that talking to you just now?" Me: "I am an advanced worker in the following units!

6. Sister, I'm not sentimental. My sister just likes beautiful things.

7. For me, 8 13 is not Valentine's Day, but the day of school.

8. You are tired if you have a heart. If you have no heart, it doesn't matter.

9. I planted a girlfriend in spring and harvested a bunch of men in autumn.

10, slash my heart and say you love me, lover. You have a good sense of humor.

1 1, once I went to the subway with my boyfriend and played a trust game on the way. I closed my eyes and he led me away. I got on the subway smoothly, and finally he helped me sit down. Then he said, "Don't drive, this seat was given by someone else."

12, north nose, oil injection.

13, my husband caught a cold and coughed badly these days. My wife found medicine for him. The husband said, "Can I take medicine to relieve my cough?" My wife said it would work! "My husband came home at night, and his wife asked him how the effect was. Honey, it really works. Cough, pull the trouser pocket, cough, pull the trouser pocket, I cough with fear. ...

14, my friend sent a message saying that she was hit by a car, and I expressed concern. She answered. She was scared. It's okay. I mean, did she miss it? As a result, this damn intelligent input method was typed as "Aren't you dead?" And it's out, I can't even pull it …

15, I heard today that my neighbor's sister had an affair after only one year of marriage and eloped abroad with a rich second generation. This makes me, an unmarried person, have a little fear of marriage. What should I do if I don't meet the rich second generation after marriage?

16, bears can save America @

17, "In order to lose weight, I reluctantly spent 3,000 yuan on a fitness card. Although I didn't go once, I didn't have money to eat. I really lost 10 A Jin month. " -It really works!

18, I heard a woman say loudly in the hospital: "Doctor, I want to take off the ring you pressed for me yesterday. The doctor asked why. She said, "Stab people. The doctor asked how to tie it? She said, stab her husband. Then I saw her husband looking for cracks in the ground.

19,-No matter how awesome, you can pick it up with your mouth when it falls from the sky.

20, diaosi will eventually counterattack, and the fungus will not return to powder.

2 1, the death squad is: no food during the day, no sleep at night, military training to death.

22. Wife: Honey, I want to eat an apple and wash one for me. Honey, I'm not going. Honey, you don't listen to me. Honey, I'm not a voice-activated wife. I patted her and her husband left obediently. Honey, that's a touch screen.

23. Notice of commencement: Your school was rebuilt in a different place and was forced to postpone its commencement. Because your school collapsed innocently, the school has a special holiday for one year.

24. I watch TV with my sister. My mother came over with two apples. My sister grabbed them and said, "It's all mine." Mother said angrily, "One for each person." Then Lz happily grabbed one from her sister and said with a smile, "It's still mom." My mother snatched it from me again, took a bite, and said with a straight face, "It's not you.

25. It doesn't matter if you destroy me, because others will destroy you in the next second.

26. Just after dinner in the evening, a rich second generation kept talking and boasting about how great he felt. I looked at him silently, thinking that I was a descendant of the dragon and a socialist successor, and said nothing. What are you dragging? Hum!

27. Loneliness in excitement, excitement in loneliness. The feeling of missing you is to drink a cup of coffee with wine ... will you miss me?

28. What we like in our mouths is our habits! It turns out that eating chocolate is addictive!

29, waiting for the bus after school, the bus came, I want to use the bus card to wave, indicating that I want to sit, I took out a menstrual towel, (menstrual towel and bus card are put in the school uniform, the school uniform pocket is very large) I will never forget everyone's eyes …

30, the bathroom is newly opened, and the discount is big! The customer asked, "What's the price?" The boss said, "Men's bathroom 10, women's bathroom 100." Customer: "Why is the gap between men and women so big!" Boss: "That's right. Excuse me, which bathroom do you want to go into? "

3 1, can I have sex with my chest hair and waist?

You'd better leave me! Go as far as possible. Please stop pestering me. I really can't stand you. You will only hurt me. The more you love me, the more painful I am ... dead mosquito.

33. A man's hand was cut by a kitchen knife, and his girlfriend was preparing to bandage it. The man said contemptuously, you help me suck it and disinfect it. His girlfriend asked him why, and he said it proved that you love me. His girlfriend said, "Does feeding you blood mean loving you?" ? He nodded, and then his girlfriend slowly took off her pants and said, "I'll give you another chance to prove that you love me!" " My period is coming!

34. Don't say that personality is incompatible, don't say constellation, don't tell lies in your eyes, the key is face and background, right? I'm right, right?

Interviewer: "Your resume says that you are quick in mental arithmetic, so let me ask you, 13 times 19?" I blurted out, "45!" Interviewer: "This is far from it." Me: "But soon?"

No matter what dog I am admitted to, I believe I have a bright future.

37. During the Spring Festival, you will blow money, rain money, hail gold and silver, make diamonds and ice, grow Yushu, hang pearl cream and bear agate fruit. Be careful! Send you three chocolates in the new year: the first dove-I hope you get all the happiness in the world; Di Chin's second chapter-I wish you a golden age imperial life; Cadbury's third thing-I wish you all the best in the new year!

38. It's not our fault that we don't want to do our homework, but it's people who are to blame for setting summer vacation and winter vacation in the hottest season and the coldest season.

39. Forgive me for saying something funny. Although my tears have been flowing, it's just because you said that you are also very important.

40. Come to school early every day. It seems that we love studying, but a few people know that we are here to copy our homework.

4 1, the pens I bought last summer that are particularly easy to write are finally used up. After a day of class, I feel my body is hollowed out. Lack of sensory ability, real timidity.

42. On the park bench, the girl sitting next to me eats ice cream so cute that I can't help imitating it. Every time she licks the ice cream, I make it. Seeing my sister's angry and disgusting eyes at me, I smiled and explained, "Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not a pervert!" " My sister is even more angry: "but you licked my ice cream!" " "

43. They are a group of little stars. There is love in their place. If the memory is as strong as steel, should I laugh or cry?

44. I warn you that you have three seconds to go out at once. Well, three seconds have passed, and you haven't rolled. Then you will want to leave me for the rest of your life!

45. He said I was funny. Who knows my heart hurts?

46. The life of Khan.

47. I have a small chest and save cloth for the country.

48. My advantage: I have the courage to admit my mistakes; My weakness: I will never change.

49. Don't think a boy is too naive, because he likes you. If he doesn't like you, he is more mature than your father!

50. Santa Claus came to China and fell down. No one dared to help him. He froze to death.

Funny classic talking about mood phrases funny talking about mood phrases

1. Children without umbrellas must run hard.

2. How classic it is now and how thrilling it used to be.

3, the road is unyielding, move on.

I have many feelings in my life.

If you wear the mask for too long, it will grow on your face, and then you want to take it off unless it hurts your bones and muscles.

6. I'm not a fortune teller on the overpass, and I can't say so many things you like to hear.

7. Being a man is like Zhen Chen hitting a Japanese man and playing with a Japanese woman.

8, the first thing to get up in the morning, open your eyes, the first thing to sleep at night, close your eyes.

9. Why is there no arranged marriage in the evil new society?

10, if I hadn't hit you, I would have turned against you.

1 1, I didn't have a pot, I would have stewed you!

12, the reason for insomnia is too full, too hungry or too much missing you.

13. Every time I face delicious food, I always tell myself that if I eat too much, I will die. But it turns out that I'm really not afraid of death.

14, people who care don't understand, and people who know don't care.

Monks are fashionable because they all wear harem pants.

16, the three most tangled sentences in class: Why do you study? Look at the blackboard! Why are you looking at the blackboard? Look at me! Why are you looking at me? Read a book!

17. I like people who treat me well when I am fat, and I will definitely repay you when I am thin.

18, dogs are always dogs, and people are sometimes not people.

19, I heard that your face is quite thin recently, and it's almost gone?

20. After all the vicissitudes of life, why do we always feel lonely but prefer to be strangers?

2 1, look at you, you look like a joke!

22. Doesn't mean that men and women are equal now, so why can't I go to the ladies' room?

23. The final review of Xueba before the exam is called checking for leaks, the medium one is called Jingwei Reclamation, and almost it is called Goddess Mending the Sky. I call it creation.

24, a bitch is a bitch, the economic crisis is not expensive!

25. Thank you for your hypocrisy and sincerity, and for making the lies come true.

26. Isn't it said that good medicine tastes bitter? Why hasn't it worked?

27. There are only two kinds of people who can play with me. One is someone who can tolerate my mental derangement, and the other is someone as crazy as me.

28. Can you blame my round face? Can you blame me for the delicious food?

29. The strength of a man is the RMB in your pocket.

30. For Bai, you have achieved three things _ stupid, rich and smelly.

3 1, forgive me for often pretending to be indifferent when I clearly care.

The couple have been married for more than 20 years and have never quarreled. The reporter interviewed her husband: How did you do it? Husband: On the day of daughter-in-law's wedding, the dog yelled at her. She said calmly, this.

33. Xiangyang: Some people say that insomnia is because you are busy in other people's dreams.

34. Cherish what you can have and give up what you can't get. Why not?

35. I saw a question when the exam collapsed, vaguely remembering what the teacher said, but clearly remembering that I didn't listen.

36. The supermarket is too cheat people. Original price 10.00 yuan, special price 9.99 yuan. Give me 1 point if you can.

37. I once owned you, and it hurts to think about it.

38, bitter people, eat dead rice. Working in the underworld.

39. There are only two-hearted women and no spoony men.

40. I shine in this beautiful moment with the attitude of God. Don't disturb mortals.

4 1, life is a chess game. I am willing to be a chess piece. Although I am slow, who has seen me take a step back?

42. Do you know that the biggest advantage of human evolution from walking on four legs to walking on two legs is that two pairs of shoes are saved?

43. insincere people don't say sorry to me. You are the best apology!

44. No matter how many times you make a girl laugh, it is more important than a man who makes her cry once. This has kept me awake for a long time.

45. If your heart is not like the sea, how can you have a career like the sea?

46. Sleepless nights drift by (╰ _ ╯) #

No one held my hand, so I put it in my pocket.

48. People like you can make you live for two episodes in the drama I directed at most.

Come on, do you want to die or not?

50. When you see through it, pretend you don't.

5 1, I made so many mistakes that I don't know where I made them now.

52. The clothes you see at first sight are often beyond your means. People who are touched at first sight often don't like you.

53. If you are in a bad mood, go to the supermarket, shake the coke, pound the rice jar, break off Dove and pinch Master Kong.

54. The air purifier is the most pretentious household appliance I have ever seen, especially when we pretend to have a class in the classroom.

55. Don't always think that tanning can cover up the fact that you are an idiot.

56. Those sheep grow into you on sleepless nights.

You should know that the future of Telunsu will not be too bright, so we don't have to be so pure.

58. It's a wonderful life with food, drinks and computers.

59. You are kind, especially when you are sorry for others.

60. I hate to hear the words "I'm sorry", which means that I have been taken advantage of, cheated and even let down.

6 1, you are awesome. Why don't you hang your photo in Tiananmen Square?

62. I just had a telephone interview and chatted about the anecdote of my school days. Ask me about my grades and what I did as a monitor. I'm really not sure. I turned my head and whispered to my wife, are you the monitor at school? The wife nodded. I turned to my phone and said, well, I did it.

63. We are all tired. I didn't cry. You didn't go backwards.

64. Sanitary napkins are so expensive, can we afford them during menstruation?

65. Now the dream can't be realized, because it's nothing in front of reality.

66. Will the person you love in the sleepless night confess to you?

67. Don't listen to things outside the window, just watch soap operas.

68. The only difference between a friend and an assassin is that the assassin stabbed you in the back and you turned around and said painfully, Ah, who are you? A friend stabbed you in the back. You turned around and said in surprise, Ah, it's you!

69. Let me tell you a story. Don't lose sleep all night.

70. The first love is infinitely good, but it hangs early.

7 1, it's sad not to know, and it's even sadder not to know.

Some men are as smart and changeable as the weather. Some women are as stupid as the weather forecast. She can't see the change of the weather.

73. Other people's money and wealth are external things.

74. Let nature take its course. Even if I like you very much, I can't keep bothering you. I hope you can think about me once in a while

75, high-tech era, high-tech talents. I don't kneel to rub the washboard, I go home and kneel to wash the machine.

76. If Shuai Neng is a meal, my face can support you for two lifetimes.

77. The best? The first thing is to sleep with you, or sleep with you for short.

78. Don't promise me easily. I'm afraid you can't do it.

79. It is said that women are as fickle as the weather, and men are like people who broadcast the weather-unreliable.

80. When you feel lonely and helpless, think that there are hundreds of trillions of cells living only for you.

8 1, buying a computer without broadband is like a monk who eats only when wine and meat are ready.

We women are the only flowers in the world, so where do we get so much cow dung?

83. Some questions have no answer, and some things have no result, which is the best result.

84. God didn't give me much responsibility. Why bother me, strain my bones and muscles and starve my body and skin!

85. Hold your hand and walk with your eyes closed. I won't get lost.

86. Parents: Please don't call your children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, this is very bad for you.

87. True trust is when you say: I fart, she will never cover her nose.

I like your personality, but I don't like your gender.

89. Just like every drop of wine can't bring back the original grapes, I can't bring back my youth.

90. Make contributions to society without harming others!