Guo Degang’s classic funny jokes

1: As I was walking, a question mark appeared in front of me, and Liu Bei jumped up and down. Hey, a mushroom came out. After eating the mushroom, Liu Bei grew taller. Still walking forward, there was another question mark. When he touched it, a flower came out. After eating the flower, Liu Bei raised his hand and said, "Du." Dududududu "Can shoot bullets! Here comes the thorny bastard...

2: What is your name? ah! What name? Don't say it! If you say it, it's just a curse!

You know how much I eat, and I don’t like roast duck, so after eating four of them, I couldn’t eat any more. I said, “I really can’t eat it. I’ll eat it later when I get home.” It’s time to eat.

3: Oh my god, it’s so ***!

4: Listening to more cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child in our neighborhood who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, including English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic... Anyway, he can't be the same when sitting with the Eight-Power Allied Forces and yelling at each other! Tell him to go listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand!" I would have beaten him to death if the law didn't matter! He can't understand cross talk in seven or eight foreign languages!

5: The house we live in is full of holes. If it rains, it will kill you: it rains moderately in the house when it rains outside, and rains heavily in the house when it rains heavily outside. Sometimes the rain is so heavy that the whole family Go to the upper courtyard to take shelter from the rain.

6: We decided to be like winged birds in heaven and broccoli on earth.

7: Everyone is willing to listen, willing to listen, or willing to listen. I will never force it.

8: This guy robbed the bank and drove up the North Third Ring Road. It’s half past five in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the road was blocked.

9: Your *** looks very much like my charm back then.

10: Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I've been an artist for over a week.

11: Guo Degang: Brother Emperor, I hope that the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, the country will be peaceful and the people will be safe, and there will be no war, okay?

God thought for a while, this is difficult, let’s tell the truth, I am not that great, really, brother, I am not refuting your face, and I won’t tell you anything else, you Can I change it to the same one? Let's discuss something else. I brought a photo of Yu Qian with me. Brother Di, look at this. This is my senior brother. His name is Yu Qian (Li Jing). He is quite cold-looking and cannot find a partner. You can make him beautiful. Just a little bit.

God: (Thinking about it) Let’s talk about world peace (tear up the photo)

Guo Degang: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? You disagree or disagree, why did you tear it up? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

12: The family is rich and drives a Cadillac with 13 doors. As soon as you hear the sound, you can tell that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, with a "chugging, chugging" sound. Oh, Sanbengzi.

As soon as you start driving, half of Beijing will be filled with black smoke, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please take away your magical powers."

13: From now on, I will Eating lobster is no longer just a cake.

14: If the grenades were six for one dollar, I would have thrown you a hundred dollars first. If the law had not been ignored, I would have beaten you to death!

15: This young man looks so good, he covers his face like an actor...

16: Okay! This plane is just like Daihatsu, and it also has a swing glass! ... Dafa and Xiali don't give me any reimbursement... There is no Dafa in Tianjin, so they all went to the United States... I flew to the United States for half a year and refueled with more than 40,000 yuan in gas. .

17: Guo: What should I do? I'm too rich. I don’t know how I spent it.

Why? ! Yu Qian, how about I support you?

Yu: Guarantee me? !

Guo: Ah... no... no matter how rich we are, we still have to choose our looks!

18: The longevity star: Jade Emperor!~Something happened.

Jade Emperor: What’s wrong, birthday boy?

The longevity star: Do you have a hammer and nails? ? Lend me your envoy. My sika deer chewed up the railing.

Jade Emperor: Birthday star, what can I say to you? It doesn’t matter if you ride the deer, you have to feed it!~

19: Guo Degang: I got a good job right away, building a chimney of more than 70 meters!

Yu Qian: It’s really good!

Guo Degang: After we finish the work early in the morning and then late at night, others come to check and accept it, but they don’t give us any wages!

Yu Qian: The quality is not good?

Guo Degang: I took down the drawings and asked them to dig a well!

20: Guo: Hey~~~! There was once an opportunity to make money in front of me, but I didn't take it seriously. The opportunity has passed, and I regret it beyond words. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God gives me another chance, I hope to tell the village chief: I am willing to go. If I had to add a limit in front of that salary, I hope it would be: 400 yuan.

21: It’s getting cold, so I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I took off the buttons and put them in my pocket. You can sew them yourself

22: Paris...There is a zoo in Paris, did you know...across from the zoo...oh...across from the zoo there is a clothes seller...you can't say you buy clothes...you have to say you want the goods. ..

23: The life of a foodie is like a train. To sum up, it means shopping – eating, shopping – eating, shopping – eating.

24: Women in the new era can go to the hall, scale the wall, fight the mistress, and beat the gangster, but they can't get out of the kitchen.

25: If you don’t want to answer my call, just say so. Don’t always ask others to help you say sorry to me...

26: Heartless , can live to be a hundred years old, have a clear conscience, and not feel tired in life.

27: You don’t need too many good friends, just two are enough. One is willing to lend you money, and when he asks you for a debt, the other is willing to beat him to death——

28: It’s not that I don’t want to be a lady, it’s life that has forced me to become a shrew...

29: I always feel that if the bed is too neatly made, it will be a little bit... It means to spend your old age peacefully. Well, it's still a little messy and more energetic...

30: It doesn't matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get water.

31: The geography teacher asked: Which are the four oceans? I answer: Pleasant Goat, Beautiful Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat.

32: I said to the mirror: Mirror, mirror, am I the most beautiful in the world? The mirror is broken.

33: People who like me are good people. Anyone who doesn't like me is a bad person. Anyone who hates me is not human.

34: I am very attractive, so you have to be patient and watch.

35: Driving is not difficult, I’m afraid there are new people!

36: I chase and chase you with Cupid’s bow and arrow, while you fly and fly with your bulletproof vest on!

37: Before I met you, my world was black and white. After meeting you, wow, it was all black.

38: I feel like you are like two pigs, because one pig cannot describe your stupidity.

39: When I loved you, you hit me and scolded me, but I endured it. If I don’t love you anymore, try touching me again.

40: Today, a customer went to the bank to withdraw a deposit. I fainted when I sat down and said one sentence, "Hello, it's my day of death."

41: Don't fart, hold it in. Bad heart. No need to squeeze hard, exercise.

42: Behind every failed woman, there is always a troublesome man.

43: "Uncle, how to get to the United States?" "Ask the village chief"

44: It doesn't cost any electricity if you speak louder

45: Wait Don’t leave until the show is over, go have a meal. Whoever goes, pays.

46: I am a rich man. Backstage today, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen from Tianjin started leaving on Tuesday. But my car has been having some problems lately, and it's a bit slow in speed. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. After checking, I found out that the pedals had fallen off...

47: There are a thousand traditional crosstalks left by the old man. Many chapters, after the continuous efforts of our actors over the years, have basically been lost now...

48: I ran out of tickets at the train station. Thanks to my girlfriend, I found a pol.ice and asked : "Do you know where the ticket seller is?" Pol.ice said cheerfully: "I'll look for it too!"

49: You have a good physique, and you can tell at a glance that you will live until you die.

50: If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

51: If the law didn’t care, I would have killed him long ago!

52: This guy robbed a bank and drove up the North Third Ring Road. It’s half past five in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the road was blocked.

53: Your *** looks very much like my charm back then.

54: Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for more than a week

55: Guo Degang: Brother Di, I hope that the world will be peaceful, that the people will live and work in peace and contentment, that the country will be peaceful and the people will be safe, and that there will be no war. Is that okay, eh?

God thought for a moment, this is difficult, let’s tell the truth, I’m not that capable, it’s really true, I won’t tell you anything else, can you do something else? Let's discuss something else.

I brought a photo of someone else with me. Brother Di, look at this. This is my senior brother. He is quite cold-looking and cannot find a partner. You can make him beautiful. Just a little bit.

God: (Thinking about it) Let’s talk about world peace (tear up the photo)

Guo Degang: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? You may disagree or disagree, why did you tear it up? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

56: My family is rich and I drive a Cadillac with a 13-door opening. As soon as you hear the sound, you can tell that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, "chu tu tu tu tu", oh, Sanbengzi.

As soon as you start driving, black smoke will appear in half of Beijing, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please stop your magic."

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